dating the rest of my life

[greg60]

Seeing as how marriage does not benefit a man in any form then wouldn't it be better to just date the rest of my life? I think that living with a woman kills challenge.

Ideally I just want to continue seeing my girlfriend 2-3 times a week for the rest of my life but she is probably not going to go with that. Most women would leave eventually if you don't marry them.

What do you think? In theory if women could go along with it then a man can work challenge and have no financial ties to her by not getting married but just seeing her 2-3 times a week until the end of time?

 

[Falcon25]

Marriage is a good and healthy thing for a man. Just gotta find the right woman and make sure you keep strong frame where if she acts up, you put her in check. Don't look at your friends and their divorces. Those are men who have picked *****s, or don't know how to control women.

 

[Boilermaker]

^

I think marriage is, let's say, a "convenient" thing to do for a man in our times. I agree that a dominant man's marriage is unlikely to be as fragile as that of the average chump, but marriage is a form of concession nonetheless. That's why the idea must be approached with utmost care and a slightly pessimistic attitude especially by a young man.

For the maturing alpha male, marriage is the acceptance of weariness. It seems like ultimately even the very best blink, as their once ironclad confidence gets softer and softer, they give in to the tallest tale of modern society: A man has to marry a woman in his lifetime, otherwise he'll die a lonesome and pathetic death. Although these men carry their hard-gained knowledge into their marriage and usually end up better than the rest, they secretly know that they have lost a precious marble from their very core.

 

[Falcon25]

Completely disagree with boiler, and here's why;

If you found a good woman that loves you, that is good to you, you haven't given up anything. You have gained something. Your life, as you get older, will have more meaning when you have someone who compliments your strenghts and character. The problem with this site, is that men here think of marriage as a negative. Because, they see their dad's and friends and everyone else divorce. Marriage is a positive. It's a beautiful thing to raise a family. It just has to be done with the right state of mind, and the right woman. I think it is ridiculous and completely immature to think that a man who is married and has kids and is loved by his woman has 'lost something". He has gained something. He is a patriarch, a father, a man, a lover. He knows when to check his woman, how to raise his kids. This site should be preaching about being a good man, a strong man, and a great father, a great husband. Not just to get laid. Any fool can get laid. As long as he's got good timing.

 

[runner83]

I agree with Falcon and would rep him if I could.

I think most guys would like to be in a good marriage.

Sure pays to do your homework first though...otherwise it can sting you big time!

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Greg,
I have been married twice,If I reflect back on it,nearly all the sorrow and disapointment in my life came from failing to assert myself in what I knew was a doomed endeavour...Most of lifes Happier times were in the interludes before,between and after Marriages...I suppose I am Old,but having looked after myself can honestly say,I am leading a more fulfilling,interesting and sometimes adventurous life than the average Joe,certainly enjoy more Svex....As to Falcons comments,at 34 I was singing from your hymn book,three years later,it was a very different tune...People change Old Chap...As to "checking a Woman"try that in this Country and see where it gets you...Ones Wife only has to say without proof,that you have raised your voice to her,and you will find yourself thrown out of your own home,with maybe a few escorted hours to grab a few belongings.

 

[squirrels]

If you find the "right woman", marriage will feel just as good as, if not better than, dating.

 

[The Bad Ass Canadian]

Falcon nailed, it.

When we're younger and we haven't quite figured ourselves out, then there is a great chance that if we marry at this stage, we will lose a part of ourselves. We haven't hardened our core values so we are still pliable and easily twisted/tilted.

As you mature (many of us, myself included, are late bloomers and only figure this stuff out in our 30s) you have a concrete sense of self, of purpose and no one can "change you".

This is when you are ready to find the right woman and get married. At this stage of a man's life, he has developed the skills to recognize a quality woman without having to guess/hope/pray she's the right one. He can easily spot red flags like spelling mistakes on a page and continues on his merry way, til the right one who compliments him, fully, comes along.

 

[Burroughs]

for all the conversation on alpha-ness and keeping a strong frame the most important element in a marriage is beyond our control.

the law.

Family law is truly heinous against men: read the cases your hair will go white.

As in all things we should hope for the best and prepare for the worst. No amount of alphaness will help you when your women decides in the PRIVACY of her mind decides I'M DONE WITH THIS MAN. And to paraphrase Robert Evans who lost his wife to Steve Mcqueen, you won't see it coming.

In marriage the best can be nice; comforting, life-affirming...but the worst, can rip your heart out. If you are convinced your woman won't employ the full measure of her cunning, wiles, and the law against you in a divorce scenerio...then get married.

If you think your woman is special and doesn't HAVE cunning or the capability of revenge inside of her..then .

 

[zekko]

This is a subject where you can be too brainwashed by the pickup community. Marriage is mainly about having children and starting a family. I'm not interested in either (maybe if life was longer I would be). But I wouldn't call someone a chump because he wanted to start a family.

The main thing is to know the risks and what you're getting into. It's a very risky thing to do in this current culture.

On the other hand, the thought of limiting myself to random hookups for the rest of my life doesn't appeal to me either.

If you are convinced your woman won't employ the full measure of her cunning, wiles, and the law against you in a divorce scenerio...then get married.

I agree you can never fully trust a woman, no matter who she is. But it pays to choose well. I thought I made a good decision in picking a wife when I got married. Things didn't work out and when we got divorced, her lawyer wanted to ream me (financially). But it turned out she had enough character to call him off and she accepted the fair settlement I offered her. I've read a few other posts on here from guys whose wives didn't seek an unfair divorce settlement. If you choose well enough, you might get divorced, but maybe you won't get taken to the cleaners.

 

[KarmaSutra]

Marriage, as commonly accepted in Western culture, is delinquency. It's the ultimate comfort zone.

I've been married.

I've been divorced.

For you guys who have only ever been single, you have no idea what the institution of matrimony has in store for you.

Unlike the Roissy slaves around here, I'm not opposed to marriage as an idea. I'm opposed to it as a settlement of your masculine values and the pursuit of your own maturation process.

I've been dating phenomenal women. Truly phenomenal women who've, from our beginning, knew full well I am not a one-woman-man. And they've accepted it. As one so eloquently put it when she made the decision to break her relationship with me off, then came back to me after a month:

"It's better to have some of you, than none of you."

Inevitably, they all want a man who's worth a damn all to themselves.

I'm content with that. I'll love and miss them all, but in the end I love myself more.

 

[Burroughs]

Absolutely Zekko,

By no means was I suggesting a blanket statement 'women are bad'.

I've had amazing girlfriends in my life who have nursed me when I was sick, and encouraged me to follow my dreams. But I believe in 2011 prudence is the best course for men...women can change sometimes at the drop of a dime. So choose wisely and control the frame...

 

[Burroughs]

Absolutely Zekko,

By no means was I suggesting a blanket statement 'women are bad'.

I've had amazing girlfriends in my life who have nursed me when I was sick, and encouraged me to follow my dreams. But I believe in 2011 prudence is the best course for men...women can change sometimes at the drop of a dime. So choose wisely and control the frame...

 

[Burroughs]

double post

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Squirrels,
"If you find the "right woman", marriage will feel just as good as, if not better than, dating."Enjoy it while it lasts.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Karma,
Sadly we have not always laughed at the same jokes.However you do think outside the square...Please tell an old Man of the basis for your statement..."It's better to have some of you, than none of you."....I still enjoy many effulgent afternoons spinning plates...always seems to go Pear Shaped and fall off the rails as they become more and more demanding...tell me how you handle what must be a common problem to you also.

 

[KarmaSutra]

Women don't dictate my self worth or my decisions.

If they want to walk, the door's behind them. The stipulation is, if they leave it's damned near impossible to walk through it again. This is the greatest weapon against chicks flaking; having options.

That's what I mean fruity Brother.

 

[Rubirosa]

Completely disagree with boiler, and here's why;

If you found a good woman that loves you, that is good to you, you haven't given up anything. You have gained something. Your life, as you get older, will have more meaning when you have someone who compliments your strenghts and character. The problem with this site, is that men here think of marriage as a negative. Because, they see their dad's and friends and everyone else divorce. Marriage is a positive. It's a beautiful thing to raise a family. It just has to be done with the right state of mind, and the right woman. I think it is ridiculous and completely immature to think that a man who is married and has kids and is loved by his woman has 'lost something". He has gained something. He is a patriarch, a father, a man, a lover. He knows when to check his woman, how to raise his kids. This site should be preaching about being a good man, a strong man, and a great father, a great husband. Not just to get laid. Any fool can get laid. As long as he's got good timing.

There's good points here, but I think you're ignoring the BIG difference between being married, and being married with children. In terms of raising children, there is no substitute for the parents to be married. We all know it's better for the kids. But recent history has shown that marriage for the sake of legally unifying a man and a woman has been a tidal wave of disaster for the modern American male. Children grow up and move on.......Hell, I'm sure every divorced guy felt they had the right woman in the beginning.

 

[Zarky]

Seeing as how marriage does not benefit a man in any form then wouldn't it be better to just date the rest of my life?

Yes, it would. Even when you're 85 years old in a nursing home you should be multi-dating the grandmas around you.

Ideally I just want to continue seeing my girlfriend 2-3 times a week for the rest of my life but she is probably not going to go with that. Most women would leave eventually if you don't marry them.

Correct, eventually all women will leave you, just as life will someday leave you.

What do you think? In theory if women could go along with it then a man can work challenge and have no financial ties to her by not getting married but just seeing her 2-3 times a week until the end of time?

Ain't gonna happen. If you want to be a player till the day you die you're going to have to come to grips that every woman you ever meet will someday leave you, or you her.

The BIG question is: why are you so scared of women leaving you? I personally think it's a deep-seated fear of death itself.

 

[Wilko]

I get what Zarky is saying...

In the final analysis all relationships, romantic or otherwise, are temporary, there's no getting around that. Whether they last one night or fifty years, they're not permanent. You can argue that marriage is partially an attempt to create an artificial (lifelong) permanance between a man and a woman that wouldn't naturally exist, an attempt to cheat natural processes of growth and decay.

Is that what you're getting at when you talk about the desire for permanence stemming from a fear of death Zarky?

So if you accept the idea that relationships are temporary I think the more interesting question becomes, what's the natural lifetime for a relationship? I wouldn't be at all suprised if the natural upper limit was hardwired at around seven years.

I think it's probably very natural to have women come and go from your life, and look I'm no romantic primitivist but I think living your life in a way that's compatible with the conditions we became adapted to is going to make you a lot happier, In that context I see marriage as a modern aberration.