dating seems to be too much of a hassle

[djgirl]

So ive recently been getting back into the dating game, after a bad break up. As some of you know yeah i bat for both teams, so ive had my fair share of bad experiences with both sexes. Ive found that since ive reached my 20s that dating has become more and more complicated and in some instances not worth it.

I feel like ive spent so much time & energy in life worrying about finding a boyfriend/girlfriend that its only caused me a loss of happiness, energy, money, and time. Both sexes arent perfect in my opinion...
Ive found with women as many of you have found that unless you pass their crappy sh** tests that they will kick you to the curb and even if you dont meet their high standard expectations (And yes it happens to us bi girls aswell, not just men). Its pathetic.

Recently i went out on a date with a man much older then me, me being 24 and him 33. Date went really well, pretty much lasted all day, he took me out for dinner and then went back to his apartment and we cuddled and kissed and one thing lead to another and we had sex....Usually i would never sleep with anyone male or female on first dates but i had a high attraction to him and i was horny too and it happened. its been a few days since the date and i havent heard much from him which i find odd considering he seemed so keen on me, date went well, wanted to keep seeing me, complimented me heaps....i know he has a high pressured job but it feels like he got what he wanted and has kicked me to the curb aswell? i dont know. Im suppose to be seeing him this weekend but he hasnt told me what day and time yet. im lucky if i get a couple of texts from him during the day....

I dont know it just seems like this whole dating game is more effort than what its worth, the expectations, the games, the demands etc i dont know if its really all worth it in the end.

 

[Night-hawk]

I don't even bother looking for anyone, cause I'm busy gaming all of em. I know my type and leave it at that.

I wouldn't fret over it. You had a good time. If you are more than a hookup he will make time for you. If not, don't take it personally, he most likely was sincere about everything with you, but he might just have other things going on.

 

[Zarky]

I'm not sure I'm able to advise a mid-20s bisexual woman on her dating options, other than to say best of luck.

 

[sstype]

Like I harp on in most of my posts, if you're not super attractive, wealthy, or high status....you're going to deal with a lot of games and b.s. from people.

That's just the way it is...everyone desires a winner. It's best to focus on improving your value proposition rather than trying to sift through a bunch of dates where you're dealing with, at best, lukewarm interest. Instead of wasting time on dates, focus on getting in the best shape possible, wear clothes that flatter your figure, get your money game tight, win over influential power brokers in your social circle, have hobbies, learn how to socialize and flirt.

People, both men and women, are ego-driven creatures. If you want to have lots of dating options, bring more to the table. These days "good enough" is no longer good enough. You have to bring your A-Game. That means putting yourself first and making everyone else compete for your time. Do these things and you won't worry about sh*t tests from women and wondering whether he'll call back or not. Life is too short to deal with b.s.. Invest in yourself first before giving away your valuable time to someone else.


Best of luck.

 

[Jariel]

Usually i would never sleep with anyone male or female on first dates but i had a high attraction to him and i was horny too and it happened. its been a few days since the date and i havent heard much from him which i find odd considering he seemed so keen on me, date went well, wanted to keep seeing me, complimented me heaps....i know he has a high pressured job but it feels like he got what he wanted and has kicked me to the curb aswell?

Yep, you gave it up too soon. A lot of guys here will hate me for saying this, but a woman who makes a guy chase and wait for sex, while still managing to keep his interest in other ways, is a woman who will be on his mind and a woman he will start to see more as relationship material than a quick fvck.

Think of Christmas as a kid, the anticipation leading upto the big day, the excitement of feeling your wrapped gifts and wondering what they are. Christmas comes, and even if you have the most amazing day and get everything you want, when boxing day arrives you're done. Your presents end up in a corner somewhere, you're bloated from all the eating and drinking and there's no longer anything to look forward to.

It's the same when it comes to sex. The build up, the sexual tension, the flirting, wondering what the other person is thinking, wondering what it will be like when you finally get down to it...that's so important when creating a long lasting appeal. Some of the girls I've been most infatuated with were always so close, yet just out of my reach. And some of my long term girlfriends didn't put out for a month after we started dating.

A lot of guys here will say if a girl doesn't put out by the 3rd date, we should move on. But those guys are just wanting to get laid and move on.

My advice is to learn to enjoy the build up and anticipation, the conversation, the days/nights out and the whole dating experience. Some guys/girls will get impatient and leave, while others will want more and will stick around. Meanwhile, you can get a good impression of the sort of person they are and if they're really someone you want to be with.

 

[djgirl]

Yep, you gave it up too soon. A lot of guys here will hate me for saying this, but a woman who makes a guy chase and wait for sex, while still managing to keep his interest in other ways, is a woman who will be on his mind and a woman he will start to see more as relationship material than a quick fvck.

Think of Christmas as a kid, the anticipation leading upto the big day, the excitement of feeling your wrapped gifts and wondering what they are. Christmas comes, and even if you have the most amazing day and get everything you want, when boxing day arrives you're done. Your presents end up in a corner somewhere, you're bloated from all the eating and drinking and there's no longer anything to look forward to.

It's the same when it comes to sex. The build up, the sexual tension, the flirting, wondering what the other person is thinking, wondering what it will be like when you finally get down to it...that's so important when creating a long lasting appeal. Some of the girls I've been most infatuated with were always so close, yet just out of my reach. And some of my long term girlfriends didn't put out for a month after we started dating.

A lot of guys here will say if a girl doesn't put out by the 3rd date, we should move on. But those guys are just wanting to get laid and move on.

My advice is to learn to enjoy the build up and anticipation, the conversation, the days/nights out and the whole dating experience. Some guys/girls will get impatient and leave, while others will want more and will stick around. Meanwhile, you can get a good impression of the sort of person they are and if they're really someone you want to be with.

hmm so is there anyway to salvage this?? we went from texting non stop before the date to now im lucky if i hear from him twice a day...to which he says he'll call but doesnt always and plans dates but then doesnt follow through with them....should i just move on? its just weird i said to him today that if he didnt want to see me anymore to just say so and he just said his been really busy and will try and make more time for me....but again i have barely heard from him... ugh

 

[SoSuave666]

its just weird i said to him today that if he didnt want to see me anymore to just say so and he just said his been really busy and will try and make more time for me....but again i have barely heard from him... ugh

I think instead of trying to get him to talk to you through an overt ultimatum maybe you should have just waited for him to talk to you. I've never understood the thought process that people who are dating, especially very early, NEED to talk to each other every day. Give it a couple days and see what happens.

 

[bigneil]

... a woman who makes a guy chase and wait for sex, while still managing to keep his interest in other ways, is a woman who will be on his mind ...Think of Christmas as a kid... learn to enjoy the build up and anticipation, the conversation, the days/nights out and the whole dating experience. Some guys/girls will get impatient and leave, while others will want more and will stick around.

This is very true and understated on the forum by things like "two strike rule". Relationships ebb and flow. Enjoy the challenge, the butterflies, and the chase. If you don't care enough to fall and maybe get hurt, you won't have any real feelings for them.

"A good target will offer resistance" (Art of Seduction).

""At some point during the seduction the woman will say no, but a successful seducer does not get upset... a successful seducer is patient and lets the relationship unfold at her pace" (Louis/Copeland).

To the OP, just write to him next week, and if he's giving you too much space, find someone to fill it. He won't find your being alone waiting attractive. In "Rules of Power" one person was quoted as saying nothing turns him on like knowing his woman was unfaithful, and I agree. That's what makes makeup sex so intense.

 

[djgirl]

thanks for the advice guys, and yes ive learnt my lesson there...

well i sent him a msg tonight asking him what his up to and he hasnt replied yet....but i guess im not going to text anymore i'll just wait for him to write to me for a change. I guess what i didnt understand is that if he was so into me like he claims to be wouldnt he have already set up another date with me? its been 4 days since our first date.

 

[bigneil]

DJ girl you are starting to sound desperate, and he must sense it.

If someone doesn't want to see you again, obviously it wasn't at great or memorable for them as it was you. Yet people want to blame the other person for somehow lying to them.

 

[nismo-4]

Like I harp on in most of my posts, if you're not super attractive, wealthy, or high status....you're going to deal with a lot of games and b.s. from people.

That's just the way it is...everyone desires a winner. It's best to focus on improving your value proposition rather than trying to sift through a bunch of dates where you're dealing with, at best, lukewarm interest. Instead of wasting time on dates, focus on getting in the best shape possible, wear clothes that flatter your figure, get your money game tight, win over influential power brokers in your social circle, have hobbies, learn how to socialize and flirt.

People, both men and women, are ego-driven creatures. If you want to have lots of dating options, bring more to the table. These days "good enough" is no longer good enough. You have to bring your A-Game. That means putting yourself first and making everyone else compete for your time. Do these things and you won't worry about sh*t tests from women and wondering whether he'll call back or not. Life is too short to deal with b.s.. Invest in yourself first before giving away your valuable time to someone else.


Best of luck.

That very first sentence says it all!!!

I've seen a lot of guys recently put their dating and love lives on hold to make more money. Hell, women aren't attracted to broke guys.

Women play games and bullsh*t with guys they don't find physically or financially attractive.

 

[DonGorgon]

yes for men dating is 99% bull****... but in a male over populated world its one of the prices you have to pay to to get access to her vagina.. basically you are doing an interview for the job of pounding her and she has 100000 other applicants also..hahha so she is very picky and has seen and heard it all so rejects 95% of dudes who try..

 

[perseverance]

You're right dating is hassle.

You have to decide whether it is worth the hassle or not? I have decided that it isn't and I'd rather be doing something more constructive with my time, so I seldom bother with it.

P.S. Any woman who puts out on the first date renders herself 'undateable', I classify her as being an easy lay whom has been a conquest of many a man before me. I'd probably also arrange a chlamydia test at my Doctors soon afterwards, just to be on the safe side.

 

[yuppaz]

Your bummed that he doesn't text you more than 2x per day? Shoots the girls I see are lucky if they get a few texts a week when just starting. You sound like your very needy and trying to fill a hold in yourself with another person. Not a healthy thing at all. You should go out w/ friends and meet other people.