Dating nowadays

[manfromitaly]

I make this reflection, to keep as a personal reminder.

Feelings make you lose, acting emotionally with a girl takes you out of the game, nowadays in the majority of cases it is not worth investing in just one girl, they have always had an advantage.

They are always looking for the best option and if you start acting emotionally, they will start to lose respect towards you.

They will always have the choice of which guys to date regardless of their good looks. In my opinion this makes them colder, less involved, in the world of dating the least involved always wins.

Unfortunately, girls shouldn't be taken seriously, most are like that. Sometimes I'm surprised by how easy it is to get them into bed and even more so by how they have no problem dumping you if they lose interest.

If you want to continue to be successful with women, you have to play, live it lightly and not get involved romantically because you risk feeling bad and it's not worth it.

Fortunately, not all are like this.

But there are fewer and fewer girls with whom it's worth trying to create something serious, it's clear for everyone to see how long relationships last nowadays.

What I said is nothing new.

But even today, despite having some experience and success, sometimes I lose, I can't do anything about it, sometimes emotions take over.

And when it happens I already know I lost.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

The less you care about them, the more they care about you.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

You seem to not understand your role in a relationship as a man.

A woman has emotions that go all over the place from day to day and sometimes hour to hour. She needs a man who is like a North Star where she can look to them and grab onto to them when things are going crazy in her mind to help her thru it.

If you are running all over the same way she is emotionally, you can't be that stabilizing force she needs, you actually become a destabilizing force for her, which is not what she needs.

It's basic human interactions, it really isn't that hard. It's not about not having feelings or emotions, it's about properly channeling them effectively.

Basically you shouldn't allow your emotions to control you like a female, you should control your emotions like a man.

 

[manfromitaly]

Great concept.

Unfortunately, if I become attached to a girl, I become needy, I take her seriously and demand certain behaviors.

And in most cases they lose interest. I think the explanation is that I would like to find a person to be with every day, but most of those I find don't want a relationship, so we travel on two different tracks.

I am temperamentally very cuddly.

And acting like this with a girl interested in sex scares her.

I should try to calibrate my behaviors based on who I have in front of me

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Great concept.

Unfortunately, if I become attached to a girl, I become needy, I take her seriously and demand certain behaviors.

And in most cases they lose interest. I think the explanation is that I would like to find a person to be with every day, but most of those I find don't want a relationship, so we travel on two different tracks.

I am temperamentally very cuddly.

And acting like this with a girl interested in sex scares her.

I should try to calibrate my behaviors based on who I have in front of me

Then you need to work on that. You can learn not to behave like that, you just have to be willing to put in the work into yourself for that to happen.

 

[Bokanovsky]

You seem to not understand your role in a relationship as a man.

A woman has emotions that go all over the place from day to day and sometimes hour to hour. She needs a man who is like a North Star where she can look to them and grab onto to them when things are going crazy in her mind to help her thru it.

If you are running all over the same way she is emotionally, you can't be that stabilizing force she needs, you actually become a destabilizing force for her, which is not what she needs.

What she "needs" and what she chooses are often two different things. I know men who are volatile, emotionally unstable, and even downright unhinged and they always have women around. Women love nothing more than to hop aboard the crazy train. That's why they stay with toxic, abusive, manipulative men. The idea that being stoic will get you pvssy is largely a myth. Women find such men boring.

 

[sangheilios]

What she "needs" and what she chooses are often two different things. I know men who are volatile, emotionally unstable, and even downright unhinged and they always have women around. Women love nothing more than to hop aboard the crazy train. That's why they stay with toxic, abusive, manipulative men. The idea that being stoic will get you pvssy is largely a myth. Women find such men boring.

Exactly, this crap is the reason why you see so many losers with women but yet there are many otherwise solid men that struggle in the dating market.

@Solomon and @SW15 may also find this interesting.

There was a guy I knew of around my age from a couple years back, so around 30 or so, that had multiple DUIs and a criminal record, it was to the point where he literally was not allowed to drive/have a license. This guy was a smoker, incredibly skinny and also wore dentures. Anyway, at the time I knew him he was dating a woman that would literally drive him everywhere. She even ended up getting pregnant with this loser lol. The best part was he had at least one other child with another woman. Granted, these aren't the highest quality women he was landing but it completely goes against these ideas you see floating around on here.

This was something I used to have a difficult time understanding and accepting, but the reality is being a solid and great guy just does not excite these women. I believe we are going to start seeing some really bad trends in the dating/mating market in the coming years, where some decent men feel no incentive to "behave" themselves and start emulating this behavior, as they see that's what works to get women. This is very concerning but there isn't much any of us can do about it. The scary part is these losers are the only ones reproducing it seems like, outside of very conservative parts of the country you can notice this trend across many different demographics.

 

[Bokanovsky]

This was something I used to have a difficult time understanding and accepting, but the reality is being a solid and great guy just does not excite these women. I believe we are going to start seeing some really bad trends in the dating/mating market in the coming years, where some decent men feel no incentive to "behave" themselves and start emulating this behavior, as they see that's what works to get women. This is very concerning but there isn't much any of us can do about it. The scary part is these losers are the only ones reproducing it seems like, outside of very conservative parts of the country you can notice this trend across many different demographics.

That's the reason why there are so many AFC's these days. Many men are still being raised with the belief that the key to success with women is to be a stable, reliable guy with a decent job. And then they grow up, find out from experience that it doesn't work (at least not in contemporary western society) but can't understand why.

 

[sangheilios]

That's the reason why there are so many AFC's these days. Many men are still being raised with the belief that the key to success with women is to be a stable, reliable guy with a decent job. And then they grow up, find out from experience that it doesn't work (at least not in contemporary western society) but can't understand why.

There's been a trend/movement towards the destabilization of the family unit for a while now. One of the results of this is women that have very poor mate selection tendencies towards losers, bad boys, players, etc. You'll find a trend that women from more messed up backgrounds or perhaps households with an absent father lean towards these types of men. In contrast, women from more well-adjusted backgrounds tend to go for more stable men. What we are discussing here is the result of there being so many messed up children from bad families. The current trend where these people are the only ones reproducing will lead to this further spiraling out of control.

Very bad signs of what is to come.

With all of this said. There's no reason for men to aspire to behave like this, they should try to be as amazing as possible in my opinion. The women that go for these men are trash and should ultimately be completely disregarded as potential mating choices. The problem with this though is that there are increasingly more and more women like this, so finding a good woman could be very difficult. It's just going to be a very difficult market for young men, but understanding what we are discussing is the difference between endless frustration and just accepting reality for what it is.

 

[SW15]

women from more well-adjusted backgrounds tend to go for more stable men.

I don't agree with this comment. I've seen instances women with well-adjusted backgrounds end up with big time douchebags.

This was something I used to have a difficult time understanding and accepting, but the reality is being a solid and great guy just does not excite these women. I believe we are going to start seeing some really bad trends in the dating/mating market in the coming years, where some decent men feel no incentive to "behave" themselves and start emulating this behavior, as they see that's what works to get women. This is very concerning but there isn't much any of us can do about it.

That's the reason why there are so many AFC's these days. Many men are still being raised with the belief that the key to success with women is to be a stable, reliable guy with a decent job. And then they grow up, find out from experience that it doesn't work (at least not in contemporary western society) but can't understand why.

I can relate to what's being discussed. My mom raised me primarily as my dad worked a lot. I was in high school by the time they divorced and most of the way to adulthood. My mom raised me as a typical beta male nice guy AFC. In going through high school and the early part of college, I was noticed that females were disrespectful towards me as a decent, stable male with a good future. It was getting so bad that I had to start reading on the internet of the early 2000s to try to seek some answers. I learned that my mom raised me in the wrong way to be appealing to modern women. I might have been able to be appealing to pre-1970s women by the way I was raised. I had to kill the nice guy from within and start to re-build myself in the manner in which women would respond to me.

The change was difficult and swallowing the red pill was a real challenge.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

What she "needs" and what she chooses are often two different things. I know men who are volatile, emotionally unstable, and even downright unhinged and they always have women around. Women love nothing more than to hop aboard the crazy train. That's why they stay with toxic, abusive, manipulative men. The idea that being stoic will get you pvssy is largely a myth. Women find such men boring.

If you want to attract a BPD Psycho then sure...keep acting like that.

If you want to find a healthy relationship then you likely won't.

Water always finds its level.

 

[manfromitaly]

For this reason I say that women are not worth taking seriously, the majority are attracted to the opposite of the person I am, I have lived and been raised by my grandparents since I was 8 years old.

Imagine the principles I grew up with and compare them to what girls are like today.

The opposite.

I'm too normal to be in a relationship with these kinds of women.

I'm forced to be a player, meet and have sex with as many girls as possible, hoping not to start having feelings, because as mentioned, it's not worth it.

It's a sick world, where sometimes, the worse you are, the better

 

[corrector]

Hoping not to start to have feelings? That sounds like you are treating it like a job and you are pandering to what they want rather than who you feel you ought to be.

 

[manfromitaly]

Imagine having feelings for a girl who goes out with you today, tomorrow with someone else, who is present today, tomorrow she might not be. Which is written with you but at the same time with other guys.

Maybe I've just met the wrong girls lately and it's wrong to generalize. But as I said they have too much choice, their market is abundant.

Of course you can't suppress feelings, they happen and you have to accept them. But they don't lead anywhere.

I'd rather be the person who takes multiple girls to bed for fun rather than the one who focuses on just one and doesn't always reciprocate.

At least I am not influenced in the other areas of my life and I can stay calm, without brooding or feeling bad

 

[BackInTheGame78]

For this reason I say that women are not worth taking seriously, the majority are attracted to the opposite of the person I am, I have lived and been raised by my grandparents since I was 8 years old.

Imagine the principles I grew up with and compare them to what girls are like today.

The opposite.

I'm too normal to be in a relationship with these kinds of women.

I'm forced to be a player, meet and have sex with as many girls as possible, hoping not to start having feelings, because as mentioned, it's not worth it.

It's a sick world, where sometimes, the worse you are, the better

Sounds like you want to take the easy way out and blame the women instead of taking responsibility for your own shortcomings as a man and work on fixing it.

Again, a feminine attitude...it's never your fault, always something or someone else's. Play the victim at all times.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

I'm forced to be a player, meet and have sex with as many girls as possible, hoping not to start having feelings, because as mentioned, it's not worth it.

"She twisted my arm, Your Honour."

Really? You're forced to be a player? That's absolutely hilarious and cringe at the same time.

 

[manfromitaly]

Sounds like you want to take the easy way out and blame the women instead of taking responsibility for your own shortcomings as a man and work on fixing it.

Again, a feminine attitude...it's never your fault, always something or someone else's. Play the victim at all times.

What's my fault if I have feelings for girls who don't reciprocate? I don't blame anyone, I say it would be better not to feel anything

 

[manfromitaly]

"She twisted my arm, Your Honour."

Really? You're forced to be a player? That's absolutely hilarious and cringe at the same time.

In the sense of not taking girls seriously

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

In the sense of not taking girls seriously

Come on, you're not 'forced' to 'not take girls seriously'.
Maybe you should aim a little higher and try to date women?

 

[manfromitaly]

They definitely weren't the right kind of girls for me. But I remain of the opinion that the more beautiful or clever a girl is, the more she is looking for the best. All I have to do is continue to improve my skills. I found many girls willing to have a relationship with me but I didn't like them, they weren't particularly beautiful. I also have my standards, as I have received rejections I have also given them.