Dating in my late 30s

[Dynamited]

Hey guys

I've been a reader of sosuave since the early 2000s and it was the first site that made me realise what it takes to attract women. But more importantly, the kind of man i should strive to be.

Thought I would take a few minutes to share my dating experiences in 2015 and hopefully someone might find it useful

I'm 39 yrs old and life has been getting better for me. Ever since the end of my LTR 18 months ago, I've been on a dating rampage to make up for lost time.

I've dated about 60 women (22-35yrs) thus far. Mostly online and a few from cold approaches. I find online works better for me due to my working hours and I'm not a fan of the night scene. I can't say every girl i dated was all peaches and cream. Some looked worse than their pics, a couple of SIF and a handful of weirdos. The majority were cool to hang out with.

I found that online dating can be a huge time sink if i wasn't screening my matches. When i first started, I would waste time texting back and forth with girls who just wanted attention. These days if they don't make an effort to keep the convo going, I NEXT. If they stop replying, NEXT. If their main vocab consists only of LoL or Haha. NEXT. No matter how attractive. A lot of girls online will flake and waste your time, cut your losses quick. The level of self entitlement many of them have is through the roof.

My dates are kept cheap. One drink, coffee or a shared dessert. Initially I ordered bar bites but no longer. Had few girls who insisted on ordering food when we met. I made them pay for what they ate. Needless to say, there was no 2nd date I always pay for the first date since it's cheap. I would expect the girl to be appreciative or send me a thank you text later. Met some that didn't even utter a word of thanks. NEXT. If they don't even offer to chip in for the 2nd date. NEXT.

I had a couple of first dates which I thought had mutual chemistry. But the girls started playing games when I asked for a 2nd date. That sucked but never date girls with low interest. NEXT. It's more painful than listening to Justin Bieber.

On dates, I screen the girls too. Ask them how they keep a relationship exciting, their bad habits, if they cook, etc. I know action speaks louder than words but it gives me a good idea. Had a girl who once told me that it's the guy's job to keep the sparks alive. In my mind i was thinking "what do you bring to the table then" NEXT. One thing very crucial to me is to have a girl with a giving personality. If she is, chances are she's feminine, submissive, caring.

At this point, I'm no longer that active in dating. I have very low tolerance for flaky and wishy washy behavior. She's either in or out. Feel rather burnt out and jaded to be honest. I reckon it's a good time to take a break from women. I do miss the intimacy of having a girlfriend at times instead of just spinning plate after plate. But i won't be in anything exclusive till i find one that is worth my time and investment.

 

[Desdinova]

Excellent post!

Feel rather burnt out and jaded to be honest.

Yup, I know that feeling. Too many self-centered, annoying, spoiled, orbit-ridden, flaky bytches. I have so many better things to do than waste my time pursuing trash. I currently have a GF who is showing me high interest, although I could do well without her too. It's mostly just to have constant sex and some companionship. My life was full before I decided to take on a GF. Luckily, her life is pretty full too so I only see her about twice a week, and it's usually just for a few hours.

 

[sodbuster]

American women have watched too much tv, read too many stupid articles by feminists, and have too many guys who put up with sh!t willing to date them...... it's a polluted pond

 

[Stagger Lee]

American women have watched too much tv, read too many stupid articles by feminists, and have too many guys who put up with sh!t willing to date them...... it's a polluted pond

You said it all right there my friend.

 

[Tenacity]

Dynamited,

I'm an avid user of OLD, it's a very efficient tool lol. Here's some rules of thumb for you to carry with you:

- For the first meet, DO NOT do a paid date. Meet somewhere that's free, like the mall, a coffee shop, a bookstore, your apartment/house, her apartment/house, a parking lot, etc. It's just to screen out her interest in you and to lead to some sort of sexual contact like a kiss or something similar.

- After that goes well and she's interested, you guys are kissing/flirting, etc., then you can do a paid date but try to keep it basic and CHEAP. Such as one movie and that's it, or a dinner somewhere that's inexpensive.

- Too many chicks on OLD are just there for attention only. A lot of them will give their number to ANY guy that sends them a note that they feel are somewhat attractive. So you getting a chick's number initially means nothing as you might be the 90th guy she gave it to.

- Chicks on OLD are very fickle, they will LIKE you on Monday, ignore you Tuesday, like you again on Wednesday, ignore you again on Thursday.

- See women from OLD as entertainment UNTIL you have been dating/fvcking for at least 3 months consistently. If you do not make it to 3 months, DO NOT take her as serious. Just try to move forward to get to the sexual stuff as soon as possible and as CHEAP as possible, if she isn't moving forward then filter her out.

- Understand, IF AT ANYTIME any chick asks you for help to pay a bill, help with an emergency, or money period, NEXT HER.

- Understand IF AT ANYTIME any chick asks you to do work for her such as to help her move, or to fix this, or fix that, NEXT HER.

- I must repeat, OLD chicks are extremely fickle. If you haven't been dating/fvcking for at leat 3 months, do not take them seriously. Keep all dates as cheap as possible, try to get the pvssy as fast as possible, DO NOT help her with financial problems AT ALL, DO NOT help her fix shyt at all.

- In conclusion, OLD chicks are excellent sources of new plates to spin for a temporary period of time. If you want a more "serious" relationship that would have a probability of going a longer term, I would seek to meet chicks from your social circle rather than OLD.

 

[beforeimgone]

Op,

It seems as though you have been doing everything to perfection.

Quality females are unlikely to be in the night scene. They're also less likely to be online unless they're extremely busy or the type to meet men in person. It appears as though you may have been looking in the wrong places.

Try the supermarket, try walmart, try libraries, try volunteering events, try parks. Catching my drift?

-Jaimee

 

[logicallefty]

OP welcome to the forum. I see zero issues of how you are handling your business. Outstanding IMO. Glad you signed up for an account and can help share good insight with all of us.

 

[Dynamited]

Thanks all for the kind words and tips.

It's mind boggling to see many female profiles that are so hostile. Calling the men 'idiots' or 'stupid' or only message me if you can impress me.

I believe in being a gentleman when i date but it's getting harder to maintain that composure these days.

Had a girl from Tinder flake on me today. This has to be the lamest reason of the century. She said she messed up the dates, forgot today is the eve of X'mas eve and had to run some errands.

I refused to reply for fear of lowering my IQ.

Looking back, i've never had a flake make up for the cancellation even when she suggested a reschedule. NEXT

Nothing much left to do but soldier on.

 

[synergy1]

It seems our situations are roughly comparable - dating in our 30s, and the fun that ensues.

My observations mirror yours in regards to how women conduct themselves on dates and after dates. On dates, most bring nothing to the table. It seems as if they want to be impressed. After dates, even if there was chemistry, they do not reply or are scant with replies. When a subsequent date is set up, they seem to have no qualms about disrespecting your time and simply cancelling. Part of the problem is the choice on dating sites ( which I mostly use these days as well) - with more choice, there comes less attention and effort put into people you are talking too. This is the standard.

I have periods where I am jaded like you. After all, its a waste of time to hang out with these people who seem to have an entitled attitude. If you are following my other thread on Wealth and Success, than its obvious that time is a valuable commodity these days. Most dates are a waste of that time.

You seem to have the right idea - avoid those with low interest and who are "luke warm". Its a numbers game for most of us, so keep at it. Keep tuning your screening system, as I have, in order to know who might be a potential good date. This has helped cut back on the luke warm women, but still is a work in progress.

A lot of good stuff on this thread. Will be taking some notes!

 

[Cejay]

Hey Dynamited,

I'm about your age and have otherwise had a very similar experience to yours, and handle things similarly, too. I haven't encountered much flaking on match. I found Tinder to be a lot more flaky.

A few months ago I became exclusive with a woman that I thought was worthy and dropped my plates. Unfortunately, I've lost interest, not just in her but in dating and relationships altogether. Finding and dating women takes a lot of time. Once you do, they seem to want (or need?) a ton of attention. This one wasn't like that but any relationship seems to take quite a bit of time and effort and I'm just not seeing it as being worth it.

I seem to be more interested in self improvement, my hobbies and career, relationships just haven't been as rewarding "as advertised."

I guess my point is, I'm jaded too.

CJ.

 

[Young OG]

OLD sucks. I've been using it for a month now. I'm doing better then I did before when I was blue pill and didn't work out. I've had 2 dates and 1 lay in a month. It's really frustrating sending out so many messages, then having the women view your profile and not respond. If they do respond they either go ghost after a couple messages, won't give out there number, or give out the number and then flake on the date. It's such a huge waste of time. I'm starting to feel burnt out from it. Just like some others have said, the women are self entitled, time wasters, attention *****s, and wierdos. They think they deserve a Brad Pitt when they have nothing to bring to the table. I'm getting close to being done with OLD.

 

[Tenacity]

Here's the thing, OLD is just one "marketing" medium guys, it's shouldn't be all that you are using to sell your "product".

- Use OLD
- Use Facebook, Twitter and Instragram
- Use your Social Network
- Go meet women at social gatherings
- Meet women at different business associations
- Meet women at different college associations
- Meet women in the grocery store
- Even go out to the bar and clubs to pick up women

You want to have multiple marketing mediums where you pull in your prospects, not just one. OLD is just one source that I use.

 

[Stagger Lee]

OLD sucks. I've been using it for a month now. I'm doing better then I did before when I was blue pill and didn't work out. I've had 2 dates and 1 lay in a month. It's really frustrating sending out so many messages, then having the women view your profile and not respond. If they do respond they either go ghost after a couple messages, won't give out there number, or give out the number and then flake on the date. It's such a huge waste of time. I'm starting to feel burnt out from it. Just like some others have said, the women are self entitled, time wasters, attention *****s, and wierdos. They think they deserve a Brad Pitt when they have nothing to bring to the table. I'm getting close to being done with OLD.

As I posted in my 'when you start to look aged' thread, I'm getting shot down at the in person meeting from OLD about 90% of the time, many of them I'd rate no better than old hags. So I understand your frustration.

I've been noticing that I still get IOI's from women when I'm at the supermarket, and better looking than the ones that are shooting me down at first sight I meet in person from OLD. Plus I know they're more local than the OLD girls who are spread out all over the city. I had at least 2 or 3 women do that in the short time I was at the market just a bit ago. I focused on bar pick up and OLD for so many years I pretty much neglected approaches else where and am hesitant and rusty in those scenarios. I'm just not sure if these IOIs are from women who have bfs/ltr and are just throwing them because they want attention and to be hit on because know they have an out. That happens. I need to open women in these situations and find out.

 

[Dynamited]

As I posted in my 'when you start to look aged' thread, I'm getting shot down at the in person meeting from OLD about 90% of the time, many of them I'd rate no better than old hags. So I understand your frustration.

I've been noticing that I still get IOI's from women when I'm at the supermarket, and better looking than the ones that are shooting me down at first sight I meet in person from OLD. Plus I know they're more local than the OLD girls who are spread out all over the city. I had at least 2 or 3 women do that in the short time I was at the market just a bit ago. I focused on bar pick up and OLD for so many years I pretty much neglected approaches else where and am hesitant and rusty in those scenarios. I'm just not sure if these IOIs are from women who have bfs/ltr and are just throwing them because they want attention and to be hit on because know they have an out. That happens. I need to open women in these situations and find out.

I don't really see looking aged as an issue here. I'm not sure how old you are but at 39, I have a shaved head due to hairloss and greying in my facial hair. I still get intimate with many young girls from OLD. Never had to lie about my age and chances are if she's there on the first date there's something she likes about you.

One thing I would strongly advocate to all guys is to keep fit regardless of age. It keeps you looking vibrant and energetic.

The next piece of the puzzle would be natural chemistry between you and the girl. There are girls I've met and within 3 minutes i know there's no 2nd date. Same goes for her as well. No one is universally attractive, wish i was though

Be it OLD or offline, it's very much a numbers game. What's causing a lot of jadedness with the guys here is how daunting the numbers seem to get these days.

I feel your frustration too mate. Girls are always complaining about us guys just wanting to get into their pants. Their flaky behaviour and princessy attittudes ain't helping the cause either.

 

[beforeimgone]

As I posted in my 'when you start to look aged' thread, I'm getting shot down at the in person meeting from OLD about 90% of the time, many of them I'd rate no better than old hags. So I understand your frustration.

I've been noticing that I still get IOI's from women when I'm at the supermarket, and better looking than the ones that are shooting me down at first sight I meet in person from OLD. Plus I know they're more local than the OLD girls who are spread out all over the city. I had at least 2 or 3 women do that in the short time I was at the market just a bit ago. I focused on bar pick up and OLD for so many years I pretty much neglected approaches else where and am hesitant and rusty in those scenarios. I'm just not sure if these IOIs are from women who have bfs/ltr and are just throwing them because they want attention and to be hit on because know they have an out. That happens. I need to open women in these situations and find out.

I believe looks don't matter once you open your mouth. If your mindset is strong everything will fall into its proper place.

Also, online women are online for a reason. It's seldomly a good reason.

Cast a wide a net as possible because you never know what you might catch. Approach every female you see. Inevitably you will get the creep vibe thrown at you, but it happens.

Approach as many women as possible and it'll be impossible to not find a couple of quality women that are in love with you.

However, you as a man have work to on give them something to live by improving yourself. the better you are the more women will reciprocate your interest

 

[Stagger Lee]

I don't really see looking aged as an issue here. I'm not sure how old you are but at 39, I have a shaved head due to hairloss and greying in my facial hair. I still get intimate with many young girls from OLD. Never had to lie about my age and chances are if she's there on the first date there's something she likes about you.

In the OLD sites I've seen the women very rarely set their age range more than 7 years older so they and you don't even show up on searches and one of the sites hard blocks more than 12 year age difference.

One thing I would strongly advocate to all guys is to keep fit regardless of age. It keeps you looking vibrant and energetic.

Yes as it is about appearance most of all. I have always been fairly fit, but there is only so much you can do about aging.

The next piece of the puzzle would be natural chemistry between you and the girl. There are girls I've met and within 3 minutes i know there's no 2nd date. Same goes for her as well. No one is universally attractive, wish i was though

I think this "chemistry' is mostly appearance. Of course no one is going to attract everyone, everytime but the problem is when you aren't attractive enough for most any women or any of the ones you want.

Be it OLD or offline, it's very much a numbers game. What's causing a lot of jadedness with the guys here is how daunting the numbers seem to get these days.

I feel your frustration too mate. Girls are always complaining about us guys just wanting to get into their pants. Their flaky behaviour and princessy attittudes ain't helping the cause either.

Yes it is all a number's game. But when you're not considered attractive enough very often, then it becomes a huge numbers game to get even lower tier women. Not worth it really.

 

[channingtatum]

Great post @OP. Also in a similar position. The vast majority of men (and women) settle for whatever is easiest, not what is best.