Dating for the disfigured man

[sambwoy]

I've seen a couple of show clips about perceptions of beauty and those at the other end of the scale who struggle i.e burns victims, neurofibromatosis patients etc.

Firstly I don't get the dating/attraction angle. This is always the case. Why don't the shows portray them as people with ordinary regular lives? To bring up dating is really insignificant compared to more pressing things. They might have even wired themselves to dampen down opportunities they may never get (i.e basically getting in with hot and wild girls) and the girls (the 'beauties') are meanwhile complaining about eyelash extensions and split ends?

The shows at a writing level have all good intentions, but when it comes to airing the way its manipulated and massaged makes it look like condescending Victorian freak show at its most damaging.

Some others have seen these shows and regarded it as the dregs of TV.

I can't really relate to those comments, as being a 90s and 2000s guy I don't think TV was ever good from my perspective- it just remains being riddled with all the terrible cliches that only alternative comedians still mock.
Any thoughts?

With my personal take on it, I don't know what has brought on feelings of feeling inadequate as a man, and I went through this through most of my late teens.
Was it because of years of verbal abuse at school by girls? The media? My aspergers?

Whenever people say 'unless your Quasimodo your looks aren't so much issue', what are the 'Quasimodos' supposed to do therefore? Sit around and feel sorry for themselves?

This is eating away at me. Please help.

 

[n52]

For every quasimodo there's an esmerelda out there. Get to it.

 

[ImprovingJuan]

do you know who franck ribery is? the french soccer player who plays in bayern munchen?

is face is all ****ed up (scars,etc) however i find his wife cute. how did he pull if off?

 

[El Payaso]

do you know who franck ribery is? the french soccer player who plays in bayern munchen?

is face is all ****ed up (scars,etc) however i find his wife cute. how did he pull if off?

Well, for starters, he earns almost 200,000 euros a week. There's that. Oh, and he's popular. There's that too.

 

[ImprovingJuan]

Well, for starters, he earns almost 200,000 euros a week. There's that. Oh, and he's popular. There's that too.

maybe he wooed her due to his personality as well, maybe he is fun to be with, thats something women like

 

[El Payaso]

maybe he wooed her due to his personality as well, maybe he is fun to be with, thats something women like

He has social proof and status. If he was an everyday man, he would have to fight tooth and nail for a woman to notice his personality.

With his social status, women fight tooth and nail to notice his personality. He worked hard with his talents to get where he is and he's reaping his hard work now. That's why it's important to work on yourself first and every other thing will follow. Cars, women, houses, money etc.

Looks aren't everything as some would have you believe.

 

[sambwoy]

That's good news about that guy. All the same it is sad how nowadays we have to risk ridicule by our peers in order to find any kind of desire to fulfill, and in a society of double standards others in his position would have to endure such demotivating comments from strange women. The debate still goes on about who looks matter to more, but women seem to care about them more.

If I were to post pics of my eventual 'real woman' girlfriend on Facebook other users would most probably call her 'average' or 'ugly'. And why? Because she isn't all dolled up like a Real Housewives or Kardashians extra.

 

[sambwoy]

What's strange is that even though (at least not in my circles) most of us aren't models, I still had to struggle with social divide because of my shortcomings. I used to be a sucky whiny b**h, and I regret that now. But only because then, socially, I witnessed behaviour from girls play out in life that you couldn't put words to, and I couldn't articulate my feelings, and this was before I found SoSuave. Forum after forum, and blog after blog, guys just get talked down from girls on this subject (and some guys) rather than helped, like they were all experienced experts.

 

[Huffman]

For every quasimodo there's an esmerelda out there. Get to it.

That's disney logic. You better have some real arguments to cheer him up

 

[sambwoy]

That's disney logic. You better have some real arguments to cheer him up

At any rate, Quasimodo doesn't get the girl. :crazy: And the 'beast' turned into a 'hottie' in the end. In a Disney universe, 'hot' is the default to the morals it reputes to reinforce. There's no middle ground in those films- you are either eye-poppingly hot (chiseled or wasp-waisted slim and button-nosed depending on gender) or 'horrendously ugly'.

As much as I was swayed by a bit of Disney as a kid, and think some of is quite lovely, I can see the issues with the brand and its effect on society.

 

[Huffman]

I'm still hyped for a new Star Wars movie though

 

[sambwoy]

I'm still hyped for a new Star Wars movie though

I hope this one will be at least a respectable entry.

I have a real problem with the Disney films that conveyed the message that 'different is good' like Dumbo or Hunchback Of Notre Dame (and even that was extensively reworked to Disney standards far from the original story).

Compare that with reality. Seriously, have you ever had a 'hot' girl make light-hearted spins on your big nose or your wheelchair, attracted or not, in the same way a guy friend would? (mothers don't count!) Hardly ever happens. They just run their mouths with unjust, resentful talk, and society doesn't incarcerate them for this behaviour.