Dating for Dummies: BDJ's 50 First Dates

B

BeDJ

Guest
Content:

I - Introduction
II - Getting Numbers
III - Setting up the Date
IV - The First Date
V - The Kiss
VI - Next Steps


In the perfect world, you will be guaranteed 100% success if your actions are flawless. It is your ego telling you that you live in that perfect world, the harsh reality is that you aren't. You are not in control of your destiny...

I - Introduction


My 5 year LTR ended a couple of years ago, but I didn't move on until nearly a year afterward. In my mind, I thought someone who loved me for half a decade, would love me again. She did not, I had to move on.

Over her?
I went to visit her and told her this is the last time I will ever see her. We both sat there and cried out hearts out :cry:

I still maintained contact with her, hour long conversations for the next month. I kept thinking she still wanted us to be together from what she was saying. I bought into it for a month before...

The Awakening
This was the hardest thing I have done up to this point in my life. I looked at all my weaknesses and insecurities. Until then, I thought we were perfect for each other and that "it just wasn't the right timing"

WRONG

I lead myself to believe the breakup was mutual, bad timing. LMFAO, protecting my ego, I deluded myself. She was dating a guy 2 weeks after our breakup, but I told myself they were just friends!
Oh how I was caught in my own fantasy world. That's when I realized I was putting my EX on a pedestal.


Slowly (and painfully), I looked back, putting my pride aside and saw everything that I had covered in the land of ponies and unicorns. I was unplugged. I saw the truth for what it was, I saw her for who she was. I played into her frame and made prioritized her over these other women because we had "wonderful memories together" Well, I fvcked myself emotionally by doing that, as she is riding the c0ck carrousel. :kick:

By looking back, throwing my ego aside, I was able to make connections and not have a facade of our memories. She left me because she found someone better, why else would she step out of her comfort zone that was our relationship?

The cold hard truth.

I was back into the dating world. Desperate. Clueless. Naive.

II - Getting Numbers

A year after my LTR ended, I told myself - 'It's time to move on.' Given my time out of the game, I was a puppy being introduced to the dating world. I did 20 cold approaches the first week. No numbers. 20 More. Not numbers. The amount of rejection I received made me second guess if I should try to reach out to my ex one more time. I did not. The third week, I finally got a number. I received my first legit number after doing 50 approaches. Pitiful when I look back, but it had to be done. What I learned:

Numbers don't mean sh!t.

You have to think as a business owner, developing your own business. You will not have prospects unless you go out and make cold calls, campaigns, marketing, putting your face to a name, etc. If you are ever in telemarketing, you will receive 100 No's until you get that Yes. Regardless of how amazing your script is, every prospect is different. I no longer attempted lines, and hope for the number. I improved my genuine approach. I asked questions that pertained to the women I approached. I answered questions that connected to the women I approached. Tweaking my annunciation, body language, eye contact, posture and overall confidence, I improved my odds of a number close from 1/50 to 1/4.

Setting the Date:


Like I said, numbers don't mean sh!t. If a chick does not respond to your initial text, it's done. Over. Even if she makes out with you before giving you her number, it does not mean SH!T. Your first text to her should be an introduction with an open ended statement. My default is ending the text with - 'was your day as crazy as mine?' You can make up some bullsh!t from there, but you need to get her attention. The length of her response is a strong indicator of her interest, there are exceptions, of course. Regardless, the call/text to ask her to hang out should happen after 1-2 exchanges.

(Continuing this thread shortly)
 

corrector

Master Don Juan
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Good stuff. So you are saying you improved your odds of number closes from 1/20 to 1/4 by improving yourself. This really shows that when a woman rejects you that they are rejecting your approach or how you are coming across if you increased from 5% to 25%.

But there are so many issues, such as compatability, and also how do you bring yourself to work up the nerve to number close after so many rejections?
 
B

BeDJ

Guest
Cont. Setting up the Date

One woman. One chance. One Lifetime. If she flakes or says she can't make it. Toss the number. In my early stages, I would hit them up again, even a third date. It did not help me.

You want to bang chicks? You want to spin plates? You want to call a chick up at your whim? You MUST develop an abundance mentality to succeed in this world. That means prematurely NEXTING a prospect. Don't get caught up in the world of What Could Have Been. That's fairy tale, that's Beta fantasy. You spark that interest during your initial approach for her to go out with you, or you did not - NEXT.

Ever had a girl go silent?
Ever sat by your phone and wait for her call/text?
Ever wondered why she flaked on you?

Why is there that uneasy feeling in your stomach? Because you cared too much. The thought of losing her scares you! And that is why you will lose the girl.

No, I'm not going to tell you to think you are the prize, find hobbies, spin plates, make her chase you, etc. These are the byproducts of becoming indifferent.

No matter how good you are at something, there are 10 other people that are better. Do your best, accept the rest. Stop demanding joy, attention and friends. Allow people to disregard you, it's fine. You have probably done it to others.

Who you are should never depend on externalities like your image or possessions. Every externality can fade (looks, fame, power, money, etc.) Become ZEN!

Indifference means you are in control of your emotions and your own true happiness. You will make decision based on your happiness and rules. You are conducting the greatest show on earth - YOUR LIFE

She didn't give you her number - Oh Well
She flaked out on a date - Whatever
She hasn't responded - Ok
She won't put out - So?


I PROMISE YOU that you will start spending time with highly interested women.
I ASSURE YOU that you will attract women you want.
I GUARANTEE YOU that you will be happy.

IV: The First Date

3 Things.

Comfort
Isolation
Seduction

You must make her feel comfortable before you do anything else. You MUST make her feel a connection, whether agreeing with her or sharing the same interest. If you are in a city with MANY hiking trails, go GOOGLE that sh!t. That will most likely one of the tops that you will encounter. The more things you guys have in common, the more they will feel 'connected' to you. Connection = Comfort.

Once you have built the fundamentals of attractions, it's time to ISOLATE. Face it, you aren't going to have a high success rate for a makeout in a coffee shop. Take her elsewhere. More venue changes = different dates in these chick minds. The more places she agrees to go with you, the better. Always try to get her in your car for isolation. If she feels the need to take her own, it tells you that she is not comfortable with you yet. Backtrack and reassure the comfort stage before isolation.

Seduction means that YOU have her isolated and she has comfort in you. This is where the fun and exciting sh!t happens. You LEAD the conversation from preliminary tingling to straight up SNL, depending on how she responds. ASK about vairous parts of her body and she will do the same. Ask her about tattoos or piercings. Focus on physical attributes so you get her mind thinking about your body. If she slips and says something raunchy, CALL HER OUT on it. That will reinforce her that she wants you, instead of the other way around. Women want to be s|uts, as long as you are able to bring it out of them.

V - The Kiss

This is my ABSOLUTE favorite topic.

Is it yours?
Do you feel awkward deciding when to go for it?
What if she rejects you?
 
B

BeDJ

Guest
Cont. V - The Kiss

The only surefire advice I will give for the first kiss is to have acceptable breath. This means that if you are a smoker, do not smoke on the day of the date. Some will say if a women who have high enough interest will not care, I'd rather have things not going against me. Dating is tough enough. (On a side note, I recommend Vapure e-cigarrettes. I have not needed a cigarette in over 2 months. Furthermore, I have kept my teeth much whiter than before.)

I urge you to go in for the kiss DURING the first date. This allows you to escalate further during the date. Building physical intimacy will progress the dating process tremendously. A kiss at the end of the date is now cliche and does not lead to further escalation. If you are going to kiss the girl, do so to further escalate the intimacy of the date. You will be surprised with what you can get away with. A girl can REJECT your kiss any time, it would be very much in your favor to attempt it during.

Remember, the Kiss is NOT the end goal. It's the first step.

VI - Next Steps:


After the first date is the MOST critical part of the dating process. How you act and react will determine your success. My rule of thumb is to have the girl contact you first. Most likely, they are talking with their GF's and Googling things like most of you guys. If she wants to progress the relationship with you, give in and send you a text. If she does not want to progress the relationship with you, she will not say anything. Either way, the ball is in her court. By you sending out the first text, it does NOTHING if she doesn't want to see you again. Furthermore, if she did want to see you again, she gains the upper hand because she knows that you are more into her than she is into you. If she IS playing games, she is reassured that it works and will continue to use them. Think along the lines of Chicken in Game Theory. There will be times when both of you stick to your guns and it fizzles out. However, the person that texts first loses control of the relationship. If you do not dominate the relationship, she controls the progress toward intimacy - Sex. More often than not, texting first is a losing situation for you.

So,

- She sent you a text
- She gave you a call
- She left you a voicemail
- She hasn't contacted you back

You killed it on the first date by demonstrating value and mystery. She wants to know more about you, she is on an emotional high right now. You know the best move would to not reply, answer or contact her first. She sends you an incredible text that give you a day long grin. Your best option would obviously ignore it and keep her thinking about you.

Suddenly, you get the ITCH. You know the moment you scratch it, there is no stopping until you have a scathing rash. If you were to simply ignore it, the itch would have been gone in a few days without any damage being done.

The Remedy

Keep your mind off the itch. It's really hard to care about the itch when the itch is the last thing on your mind. Diversify your portfolio and know you can obtain new opportunities! When you put all your resources into one investment, you will be constantly worry about it. It truly is either your greatest success or dreadful demise. By having other investments, you minimize risking your money, efforts and most importantly time.

In my experience, it's 50/50 I will see a girl after the first date given a kiss close. I'm not counting first date hand/blow jobs or lays. Over the past year, I have developed the mentality of premature nexting. Or as Rollo Tomassi puts it, indifferent to throwing out the baby wit the bath water. The relationship does not progress further if the woman is not putting similar effort into it. This means that:

- I will next a chick if she flakes/rejects my first date proposal without rescheduling. Same goes for the second date.
- I will next a chick if she doesn't contact me after the first date.
- I will next a chick if she does not put out by the 4th date.

This is my simplest standard for a prospect, although a few exceptions apply.

A man's dating value is only as high as his ability to generate prospects.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

corrector said:
how do you bring yourself to work up the nerve to number close after so many rejections?
#YOLO
 

Turuwal

Senior Don Juan
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Holy crap, it's like reading my own story! The thing that finally kicked it for me with my own ex was seeing her hanging out with a guy who used to be my friend before he creeped onto her. Women will never admit to seeing other people and will do a bunch of stuff to try to make you an orbiter. No chance babe!

It's amazing how the abundance mentality starts taking hold once you start seriously putting in the hard yards out in the field.
 
B

BeDJ

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An addendum to IV - Next Steps.

As a man, you took the effort to take a woman out. The VERY LEAST she can do after the first date is to 'Thank you.' If she does not, rest assured she has very little interest, a serial dater, or ungrateful. You lose either way. Nothing from her after the first date should be an AUTOMATIC NEXT.
 
B

BeDJ

Guest
HOLY MOLY! It's been almost a year and I have changed a lot of my dating approaches. Reading through it and trying to find flaws, I was unable. The only thing I can add is ALWAYS be positive!

Bump and I really hope this lands in the DJ Bible some day. ;)
 
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