Dating emotionally unstable women?

[Rez]

Hello everyone, this is my very first post. I found this place by doing a quick Google search and the quality of advice I've read has been great. Thanks for having such an open place for guys to get together and discuss our dating do's & don'ts. Here's my situation:

For a year now, I've been dating this amazing girl. We met through mutual friends and have been really enjoying our time together. But there's something that just doesn't feel right about her.

The sex is great, but my concern lies in the emotional realm. Every now and then I'll either do something or say something that causes her to take my actions really personal and it's like she turns into a 10 year-old pre-pubescent teen. And what makes it worse is that she's 11 years older than me.

For example, let's say we just came home after a great night out enjoying a delicious dinner. When we walk into her place, I'll say something like "Wow, your roommate really needs to pick up after herself." And she'll turn into Dr. Jekyll / Mr. Hyde by responding with "Ugh! I can't believe you just said that. Why are you even bringing her up after we had such a great time together?"

See what I mean?

It's like she all of a sudden flips a switch and I have to spend the rest of the night explaining how I'm not fantasizing about her roommate. I just wish she could be more relaxed and laid back about minuscule stuff like this. Here's my question:

"Have you guys ever dealt with a woman like this and if so, were you ever able to get things resolved or did you just dump her and label her as a psycho?"

I look forward to your response.

Thanks.

 

[horaholic]

Are you kidding me? Thats about the most minor girl problem I've ever read on this forum.

She is scared and just needs reassurance that you really like HER, and HER only. Maybe one of her past BF's banged her best friend or something, and has a few issues about it.

 

[Cinamon]

I reckon she is probably feeling a bit insecure in the relationship, and you being so much younger probably dont help.

Is it just her room mate she accuses you of fantasizing about or other girls too. Cause if its other girls too, she is insecure and vulnerable and you could either help her regain confidence, or alternatively use that to manipulate and get what you want. Personally i would go with trying to raise her self esteem and worth.

 

[boomerick]

Google search BPD. She may not be but at least you'll know what to look out for. I had one who did the EXACT same jelousy play. Check it out.

 

[mrRuckus]

It's like she all of a sudden flips a switch and I have to spend the rest of the night explaining how I'm not fantasizing about her roommate.

Even bothering to argue about it gives it credence.

Why do you even have to deny it? There's nothing wrong with her believing that. Where do men get the idea that being attracted to other women is some crime that will make them lose their girl?

And anyway if you don't want to admit it, then just say you don't and let it drop. Don't let her drag it on. It takes 2 people to argue.

I don't know how many arguments with girls i end by just going to do my own thing and don't bother to say much. They go off and stew for a while and then THEY reapproach and maybe bring it back up but this time they've come down off of their emotional high and can be somewhat rational again.

Where does she get off calling you a liar anyway? "Listen woman, i said this and that is what i meant and there's no arguing it. Believe it or not; i can't make you do anything, but i'm not going to be called a liar. i'm going to go get a snack."

 

[Desdinova]

Some women are incredibly posessive. They will c0ckblock when you're talking to another female you know, tell you to quit looking at that other girl, talk down ANY woman that you know, etc etc. After a while it just gets old and irritating.

It's like she all of a sudden flips a switch and I have to spend the rest of the night explaining how I'm not fantasizing about her roommate.

You shouldn't spend a 5hitload of time explaining yourself. You made an observation and she's reading too much into it. TELL her that she's over-analyzing your comment. Don't put up with her 5hit. Let her know that she's being out of line over nothing. Then, drop the subject. If she brings it up again, tell her "we've dropped that topic, let's move on."

There's no reason to beat the fvck out of a dead horse.

 

[Iceberg]

"Have you guys ever dealt with a woman like this and if so, were you ever able to get things resolved or did you just dump her and label her as a psycho?"

I look forward to your response.

Thanks.

Dumped her and labeled her a psycho. I'll be 30 in, like, 2 years. Don't have any time to straighten women out and turn them into proper-acting adults.

I've been in your shoes, and I'm sure you'll agree: Dealing with crazy girls like that makes you turn a little crazy yourself, right? Like you gotta second guess every word that comes out of your mouth because you're afraid it might trigger an unnecessary fight.

 

[mmangiaruca]

get rid of her iceberg is right if you havent started feeling like you have to watch everything you say you soon will and you can only last so long before you blow up i was in a relationship just like yours i tried to make it work but she will probably never see your side of things and in the long run she will probably always find some way to say she was right and you were wrong bail out now before you start thinking that you are wrong all the time

 

[Buddha_Mind]

"Have you guys ever dealt with a woman like this and if so, were you ever able to get things resolved or did you just dump her and label her as a psycho?"


I think most men just tolerate the psycho far too long -- years on end -- thus the problem.

 

[Rez]

Even bothering to argue about it gives it credence.

You shouldn't spend a 5hitload of time explaining yourself. You made an observation and she's reading too much into it. TELL her that she's over-analyzing your comment. Don't put up with her 5hit. Let her know that she's being out of line over nothing. Then, drop the subject. If she brings it up again, tell her "we've dropped that topic, let's move on."

You guys really came through on this one. Thanks for your great advice and I'll definitely be applying these details to my current relationship.

I realized that I've been playing into her way of thinking by even bothering to spend so much time explaining why I didn't do something she accused me of. Besides, if I'm innocent (which I am) then why the hell should I dedicate hours of argument explaining why I'm not guilty?

I've been in your shoes, and I'm sure you'll agree: Dealing with crazy girls like that makes you turn a little crazy yourself, right? Like you gotta second guess every word that comes out of your mouth because you're afraid it might trigger an unnecessary fight.

Yes! It's like walking on eggshells! Damn that's such an uncomfortable feeling. You put it very well bro.

Dumped her and labeled her a psycho. I'll be 30 in, like, 2 years. Don't have any time to straighten women out and turn them into proper-acting adults.

This is also a great point. I didn't sign up to be a guidance counselor and even though I believe in teaching each other to grow, there comes a time where you realize that this individual is so stuck in their ways that any further attempt at progress would only lead to diminished returns.

Thanks guys.

 

[1randomguy]

This is exactly what I've been experiancing with my gf! She switches from hot to cold so quick it makes my head spin. Did you give her the boot? Or have you worked thru things? Any advice you can give would be greatly appreciated. I love my gf more than anything..but I'm at my wits end with this now.

 

[Johnnyventana]

As someone already told you google BPD + sosuave.net -- and read all about your GF. BTW, this is nothing. It's only going to get worse.

 

[The_411]

Considering the bible for people ho have suffered from/with people with BPD is called ... "Stop walking on Eggshells" it sounds like you've got a BPD on your hands.

 

[PectoralisMajor]

Typical traits of women unfortunately. Most are MENTAL, its just they are VERY good at hiding it, for the first 6 months anyway, then they let it out the bag slowly one by one. It only gets worse.