Dating and The Rat Race

[djzulu]

Due to my line of business I am in contact with many rich / wealthy (and I mean seriously wealthy) individuals. I have been in my career path for a while, and I make quite a bit of money every year, but I still haven’t made my big break, even though I am pretty sure that if I continue working really hard, it will eventually happen.

On the flip side I have many friends who have no $ to their name and hardly work. They either live off of their girlfriends / not knowing what to do with their lives or just struggle going from one job to the next hardly keeping up with the bills. This is not because they are unfortunate, but since they prefer to work less and do their thing – be it nothing or something that hardly pays.

The funny thing is that most of my wealthy business contacts have miserable lives; married with children, on the verge of divorce, stuck in the office all day, stressed out etc. My bum friends get to f#ck around, and relax most of the time and even though they keep complaining about their financial situation they live calmer more relaxing lives than my rich acquaintances.

There are some exceptions here and there, but from my ongoing observations it seems that a well-paying career comes with a stressful life and that the further you are into the rat-race the harder it is to get out. I have also noticed a direct correlation between my success with women and work; the more I work, the more stressed I am and the less social I am and vice versa. And when I am more social my game is better and I have better relationships.

I have planned to leave my career time and time again because I felt as if I am stuck in the rat race, however I keep getting sucked back into it, something always happens to keep me going – better pay, better opportunity, a great deal etc. I am not married, and am not planning to get married, but it seems to me that I am going to be sucked into the same kind of lives that my rich friends have – working all day, never being able to quit.

Just to make things clear - I like many aspects of my job, and I have worked very hard to get to this point in my career. But I am afraid that I will look back and regret not 'living the moment' and following the paths of some of my bum friends.

Have others on this board observed the same phenomenon?

 

[Jitterbug]

I have also noticed a direct correlation between my success with women and work; the more I work, the more stressed I am and the less social I am and vice versa. And when I am more social my game is better and I have better relationships.

......

Have others on this board observed the same phenomenon?

Here's some latest science for you:

http://rspb.royalsocietypublishing.org/content/early/2010/09/09/rspb.2010.1678.abstract

Women preferred cues to low cortisol in general and in the fertile phase of the cycle, and there was an interaction between T and cortisol in general and in the non-fertile phase. Results were consistent with the SL-ICHH but not the original immunocompetence handicap model: females expressed preferences for cues to cortisol but not for cues to T, except in interaction with the stress hormone.

Practical applications of this knowledge are:

- Don't game girls early in the morning. That's when your cortisol level is at its highest (plus your T-level also at its highest - i.e you'll look like a stressed horndog - not sexy).

- Don't drink coffee, and don't ask her to coffee on the first date. Caffeine causes your cortisol level to rise and makes you stressed (it also exhausts your adrenal glands, causing adrenal fatigue). It kills the mood. Hot chocolate is a much better replacement.

 

[djzulu]

Jitterbug - that makes sense - I rarely drink coffee and I definitely don't date girls early in the morning.

I think that there is enough stress from everyday work and I think that it's hard to find a balance. Most people that I know either work hard or play hard - maybe it's better to just live the moment and take a break from the rat-race.

 

[synergy1]

hey, if you dont mind, what do you do for a living? Sounds like investment banking or something similar.

Its interesting you mention about getting less attention from women when you are overworked and overstressed. In undergrad, I was very much overstressed and really didn't get much play as I was doing homework and projects. Actually, I never had time to go out and party until my middle years! The worst was when I had to work on programming; after an 8 hour session, i found my social skills to be deplorable. My mind was so out of it, I could barely even speak formalities to people.

So yes, doing copious amounts of work certainly affects ones social abilities, and ability to get women.

 

[djzulu]

hey, if you dont mind, what do you do for a living? Sounds like investment banking or something similar.

Yep, very similar and involves a ton of coding too :-(

The $ is good and I keep thinking about early retirement... on the other hand I feel that I am not living the moment and that time is lost.

 

[window]

Modern society and western man is a disease...a melanoma on the face of the planet. Think about it, what society would expect you to work at least 8-12 hours a day, 5 days a week from the ages of 20 to 65, the prime of your life (if you dont think it is wrong catch a train in the morning and have a look at the peoples faces, do they look healthy to you lol ?). I quit that charade long time ago. Use your vision to find a way out and do what nourishes you and your soul.

 

[Andy_Dufresne]

On the flip side I have many friends who have no $ to their name and hardly work. They either live off of their girlfriends / not knowing what to do with their lives or just struggle going from one job to the next hardly keeping up with the bills. This is not because they are unfortunate, but since they prefer to work less and do their thing – be it nothing or something that hardly pays.

I have a saying - women gravitate to money like flies to fly paper. A true DJ brings it every day and is passionate about his work and confident that the money will follow.

The above isn't attractive behavior and it certainly will not work in the long term.

I've been around some hyper rich myself; I've always ignored their "misery" - they tend to manufacture problems where there aren't any (at least from a middle class point of view). I'd recommend taking a step back and looking at the big picture. It sounds like you do not like your job. NO career is bliss every day - careers as in life have their ups and downs. Go to work with a smile, man. You need to love your job; the money will come later.

 

[sodbuster]

SO, what exactly do your bum friends do that you'd like so much? Watch Oprah in the afternoon? Mooching off their girlfriends? Having a woman have control of the money and the puzzy doesn't sound like a life to me[I don't like kissing azz that much]

IF you meet a woman you'd like to talk to when you are fried,just say so"I'd really like to talk to you,but I'm brain dead from work right now,SO there won't be any clever lines" then just talk to her. It will probably intrigue her enough to ask about your job,etc. Just be rested when you meet her again

You can have money or time-not both. Except money will buy you time[a maid,better healthcare etc.]

 

[Werman]

With the "coding" comment, it sounds like you and I are in similar fields... and yeah, it's pretty damn lucrative. I'm on pace for early retirement too, and have pretty much all the fancy little toys I want to play with for right now.

How I deal with it is simple. I work 8 hours per day. That's it. I take 2 hours for lunch 4 days a week to hit the gym. I maintain a very strict diet, no matter where I'm at... in meetings, travelling, you name it. I make sure I'm eating health throughout the workday.

When I get off work, I do things for myself. Last weekend, I was in a powerlifting meet. This weekend, I'm going camping.

The key is simply to take care of yourself. Your professional life is but one aspect of who you are. Take care of the whole person.

 

[Werman]

...

 

[djzulu]

SO, what exactly do your bum friends do that you'd like so much? Watch Oprah in the afternoon? Mooching off their girlfriends? Having a woman have control of the money and the puzzy doesn't sound like a life to me[I don't like kissing azz that much]]

Maybe the word 'bum' was not a good choice.

Overall, they just do what they like, or try to make a living at what they like doing which is very hard since most are into the arts.

I am talking more about a frame of mind; people that work harder are stressed out and not as relaxed which hurts their game in contrast to those who are relaxed but work much less.

I guess finding a balance between your passions and your career is the issue, unless your career is your passion...

 

[englishman]

dlzulu, this is something Ive pondered upon myself. Ive always worked but have a lot of musician friends and also my father is a musician. Non of them work much and seem to do OK.
In the end you need money from somewhere, either a rich women, a job, an inheritance or investments.
My own style is not to mooch off women, so I've made my own construction business and bought a 10 bedroom guest house and run that. This way Im happy, I dont have to rely on others to much and that for me is freedom.
A lot of the really rich are also really unhappy, always worried about money and then having a crap time.

Did you ever read the book 4 hour work week by Tim Ferris? a good read

http://www.fourhourworkweek.com/

 

[englishman]

Im all for that, I spent a lot of time tired from my work in construction. I like working, just not too much work.
Life really does go by quickly, if you break it down into decades...20's are spent getting to know what your about, 30's getting on with things, 40's thats where I am now... bit of a mid life crisis....after this 50's and then your in your 60's After that!!! in your 70's

Fvck it, Im going out to have a beer! chase some young skirt around.

 

[Colossus]

Everybody wants to find a way to make a lot of money AND have a lot of free time. For 95% of people this just isnt a reality. I can speak from experience though that having a lot of free time and a very modest income is not as cool as it sounds. All the time in the world and no means to do anything exciting.

The cliche but true answer is you just need to find a balance. It's totally career-dependent though. Not every field or job will accommodate this.

It has been shown however that the majority of people's happiness comes from interpersonal relationships. Money is definitely a happiness facilitator, but not a bringer.

 

[Zunder]

You don't need a lot of money to live a good life. But you do need to not be in debt.
Debt is the curse...

 

[englishman]

I agree with you Zunder... Debt is a b1tch to be avoided at all cost! The bad kind anyway like credit cards.

 

[JCB]

Modern society and western man is a disease...a melanoma on the face of the planet. Think about it, what society would expect you to work at least 8-12 hours a day, 5 days a week from the ages of 20 to 65, the prime of your life (if you dont think it is wrong catch a train in the morning and have a look at the peoples faces, do they look healthy to you lol ?). I quit that charade long time ago. Use your vision to find a way out and do what nourishes you and your soul.

Excellent post. The tube in the morning in London is grim.

 

[djzulu]

Did you ever read the book 4 hour work week by Tim Ferris? a good read

http://www.fourhourworkweek.com/

Haven't read it yet - but I have heard about it from many friends. I will read it this week.

However, I still believe that it is possible to make a living from something that you genuinely like doing, maybe the 4 hour work week is a way to transition from a full time job to doing what you love.

In my case, my job was a conscious choice since I wanted to retire early, I never took into account how much I would enjoy it 5-10 years down the road and that is why it's getting hard to sustain the path.

I am sticking to the path since I want to be persistent - going through the motions, but the passion (most of the time) is no longer there.

 

[yuppaz]

Interesting discussion. In I.T. management and have noticed that when I'm working a thousand projects and all stressed my game sucks and so does my mood generally, but I do feel stronger as a man, because I'm taking care of bidness. When I'm on vaca (even at home) my game is through the roof. Have also noticed that guys that seem to just not give a f*ck about livlihood, and just do some crap job to make ends meet and can leave it at the door seem to be able to do well with girls (at least at first). And the rebellious kind with tats all over and crazy piercings etc. have that bad boy look and women go for that, but no freaking way can you pull that in a corp environment. It's like - what's it gonna be, young hotties or a good life?

 

[IrReSiStIbLe]

Great post. Always remember the wise words of Mark Twain-

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.