Dating a social butterfly

[viking22]

I've been dating this Turkish girl recently. Relatively new to London. She is a successful professional, consummate networker, and seems to collect friends. She has a bad habit about bragging how popular she is and how busy she is. We met a few weeks ago. First few dates went great. Time flew by we talked, we laughed, we kissed loads and were practically glued to each other staying up way past our usual bedtime together. And she's been texting me every day and talking about future activites together.

She was going back to Turkey for a few weeks so I suggested we meet up before she went. She said she had a lot of packing to do as well as finishing off some tasks at work and lots of her other friends wanted to see her before we met but might be able to squeeze me in on Saturday before a friends party she was invited to if she managed to get her beauty treatments done in time. I said no pressure and we can always just catch up when you are back.

Saturday came and around midday she said she'd have a few hours free in the afternoon for a drink before a friend's party and wanted to see me before she travelled. But when we met she seemed very different from previous dates. Very distracted, not touchy-feely like the other times, and generally a bit on edge. I asked her if she was OK as she seemed a bit distant and she said she just felt a bit all over the place as there were too many people in her life and she was trying to juggle all these social commitments and was easily distracted. During the party she was sending me occasional updates on her night as well as asking what I was up to etc which I guess meant even during her party she was thinking about me.

But I am not quite sure how to handle this going forward. Every time I ask her out she claims to be busy and struggles to commit to anything definite. Closer to the time she always does seem to be able to make the time and usually a lot more than she says she would have e.g. "I might have time for a quick dinner" turned into us staying in the restaurant until we were the last customers to leave. I've been quite flexible but it feels a bit weak and overly available to keep accepting maybe dates even if they have always materialized into actual dates. And if she is as busy as she claims it is would it perhaps work better to back of a little and see if she starts asking when she will see me again.

 

[AureliusMaximus]

She's meet found and other dude and upgrade while she was travelling which is why she is now acting so odd now around you.
Remember she is never yours, it was just your time.
Next and find a new girl...

 

[EternalBachelor]

Also seeing a few red flags.

From what I gather she seems to have quite a lot of male friends in her life who run errands for her e.g. picking up stuff for her, ferrying her places, and she was even boasting about how they delivered alcohol to her late at night (in her country they don't have off licences or late night delivery). She also seems to go to fancy places with them e.g. Soho House and drink a lot together and they all seem to be important people with great social connections or own their own businesses etc and invite her to society weddings etc.

For her friendship seems quite a fluid concept. She calls me "dear", "darling" this type of thing quite a lot. Terms of endearment are more commonly used in her culture and we were discussing the english versions and she said she uses "dear" and "darling" interchangeably for her friends and then said "We are friends, right?". I joked "Do you kiss all your friends?". And she said no but there are people she stayed friends with after kissing because the friendship was better. So I suspect she has been physically involved at some point with a lot of these male friends of hers and also that just because we've kissed a lot doesn't mean I couldn't be also heading for friendszone and being used to do favours for her. She is already dropping hints that she'll be carrying home a lot of luggage and could really use a hand.

We've been texting most days while she has been on holiday in Turkey and she has been sending photos of herself e.g. stuck in traffic, trying on jewellery, at her favourite bars overlooking the bosphorus, and generally updating me with her activities while continuing to self-promote e.g. oh my friend owns this bar, oh at the wedding i went to this weekend a few ex government ministers and celebrities were there, helped my friend shop for this super expensive ring etc. But only rarely bothers asking what I've been up to only asking the occasional polite question. So really it just seems she wants someone she can show off to and listen to her stories.

 

[bat soup]

Also seeing a few red flags.

From what I gather she seems to have quite a lot of male friends in her life who run errands for her e.g. picking up stuff for her, ferrying her places, and she was even boasting about how they delivered alcohol to her late at night (in her country they don't have off licences or late night delivery). She also seems to go to fancy places with them e.g. Soho House and drink a lot together and they all seem to be important people with great social connections or own their own businesses etc and invite her to society weddings etc.

For her friendship seems quite a fluid concept. She calls me "dear", "darling" this type of thing quite a lot. Terms of endearment are more commonly used in her culture and we were discussing the english versions and she said she uses "dear" and "darling" interchangeably for her friends and then said "We are friends, right?". I joked "Do you kiss all your friends?". And she said no but there are people she stayed friends with after kissing because the friendship was better. So I suspect she has been physically involved at some point with a lot of these male friends of hers and also that just because we've kissed a lot doesn't mean I couldn't be also heading for friendszone and being used to do favours for her. She is already dropping hints that she'll be carrying home a lot of luggage and could really use a hand.

We've been texting most days while she has been on holiday in Turkey and she has been sending photos of herself e.g. stuck in traffic, trying on jewellery, at her favourite bars overlooking the bosphorus, and generally updating me with her activities while continuing to self-promote e.g. oh my friend owns this bar, oh at the wedding i went to this weekend a few ex government ministers and celebrities were there, helped my friend shop for this super expensive ring etc. But only rarely bothers asking what I've been up to only asking the occasional polite question. So really it just seems she wants someone she can show off to and listen to her stories.

She sounds typically Turkish. I've met lots of girls here in Istanbul that are exactly like her.

 

[Bingo-Player]

Also seeing a few red flags.

From what I gather she seems to have quite a lot of male friends in her life who run errands for her e.g. picking up stuff for her, ferrying her places, and she was even boasting about how they delivered alcohol to her late at night (in her country they don't have off licences or late night delivery). She also seems to go to fancy places with them e.g. Soho House and drink a lot together and they all seem to be important people with great social connections or own their own businesses etc and invite her to society weddings etc.

For her friendship seems quite a fluid concept. She calls me "dear", "darling" this type of thing quite a lot. Terms of endearment are more commonly used in her culture and we were discussing the english versions and she said she uses "dear" and "darling" interchangeably for her friends and then said "We are friends, right?". I joked "Do you kiss all your friends?". And she said no but there are people she stayed friends with after kissing because the friendship was better. So I suspect she has been physically involved at some point with a lot of these male friends of hers and also that just because we've kissed a lot doesn't mean I couldn't be also heading for friendszone and being used to do favours for her. She is already dropping hints that she'll be carrying home a lot of luggage and could really use a hand.

This is common for middle eastern and asian women

These types of women whom have migrated to western countries play the game a lot better than their female western counterparts partly because feminism is still forbidden in their home lands

These types of women understand that just being a woman is enough to manipulate a man into doing what they want and western men are so used to having to deal with battle axe female attitudes they are much more susceptible to natural female charms

 

[derby1]

Princess in other Castle

 

[bat soup]

I've been dating this Turkish girl recently. Relatively new to London. She is a successful professional, consummate networker, and seems to collect friends. She has a bad habit about bragging how popular she is and how busy she is. We met a few weeks ago. First few dates went great. Time flew by we talked, we laughed, we kissed loads and were practically glued to each other staying up way past our usual bedtime together. And she's been texting me every day and talking about future activites together.

She was going back to Turkey for a few weeks so I suggested we meet up before she went. She said she had a lot of packing to do as well as finishing off some tasks at work and lots of her other friends wanted to see her before we met but might be able to squeeze me in on Saturday before a friends party she was invited to if she managed to get her beauty treatments done in time. I said no pressure and we can always just catch up when you are back.

Saturday came and around midday she said she'd have a few hours free in the afternoon for a drink before a friend's party and wanted to see me before she travelled. But when we met she seemed very different from previous dates. Very distracted, not touchy-feely like the other times, and generally a bit on edge. I asked her if she was OK as she seemed a bit distant and she said she just felt a bit all over the place as there were too many people in her life and she was trying to juggle all these social commitments and was easily distracted. During the party she was sending me occasional updates on her night as well as asking what I was up to etc which I guess meant even during her party she was thinking about me.

But I am not quite sure how to handle this going forward. Every time I ask her out she claims to be busy and struggles to commit to anything definite. Closer to the time she always does seem to be able to make the time and usually a lot more than she says she would have e.g. "I might have time for a quick dinner" turned into us staying in the restaurant until we were the last customers to leave. I've been quite flexible but it feels a bit weak and overly available to keep accepting maybe dates even if they have always materialized into actual dates. And if she is as busy as she claims it is would it perhaps work better to back of a little and see if she starts asking when she will see me again.

What you should do is pull back and stop responding to her so much. Make her a low priority and don't waste so much time chit chatting. If she wants to meet, then meet and escalate. Otherwise, don't let her waste your time.

 

[Modern Man Advice]

I've been dating this Turkish girl recently. Relatively new to London. She is a successful professional, consummate networker, and seems to collect friends. She has a bad habit about bragging how popular she is and how busy she is. We met a few weeks ago. First few dates went great. Time flew by we talked, we laughed, we kissed loads and were practically glued to each other staying up way past our usual bedtime together. And she's been texting me every day and talking about future activites together.

She was going back to Turkey for a few weeks so I suggested we meet up before she went. She said she had a lot of packing to do as well as finishing off some tasks at work and lots of her other friends wanted to see her before we met but might be able to squeeze me in on Saturday before a friends party she was invited to if she managed to get her beauty treatments done in time. I said no pressure and we can always just catch up when you are back.

Saturday came and around midday she said she'd have a few hours free in the afternoon for a drink before a friend's party and wanted to see me before she travelled. But when we met she seemed very different from previous dates. Very distracted, not touchy-feely like the other times, and generally a bit on edge. I asked her if she was OK as she seemed a bit distant and she said she just felt a bit all over the place as there were too many people in her life and she was trying to juggle all these social commitments and was easily distracted. During the party she was sending me occasional updates on her night as well as asking what I was up to etc which I guess meant even during her party she was thinking about me.

But I am not quite sure how to handle this going forward. Every time I ask her out she claims to be busy and struggles to commit to anything definite. Closer to the time she always does seem to be able to make the time and usually a lot more than she says she would have e.g. "I might have time for a quick dinner" turned into us staying in the restaurant until we were the last customers to leave. I've been quite flexible but it feels a bit weak and overly available to keep accepting maybe dates even if they have always materialized into actual dates. And if she is as busy as she claims it is would it perhaps work better to back of a little and see if she starts asking when she will see me again.

Always be wary of a woman that is really into you so fast and so intensely. Also, be wary of women with a lot of friends, especially male friends aka orbiters.

You are giving her too much attention, and so other 20 guys. You will become, if you haven't already, one of the crowd.

You will stand out by making her a low priority and giving her your crumbs. If she chases, make the effort. If she doesn't, move on (which you should already by spinning plates anyway so this doesn't faze you to begin with).

Remember you are the prize, as of right now, she acts and you act like she is the prize to chase.

Modern Man Advice

 

[bat soup]

I think saying that you're dating this girl is a bit of a stretch. You're talking to her by text message whilst she hangs out with other "friends". She sounds like a vapid attention whoare that doesn't know what day of the week it is.

Hopefully she lets you bang but it doesn't look like it's going that way. More likely, she'll just string you on for a while and then put you in the friend zone so that she can use you for attention whilst she parties with other guys. It's never a good sign when things start going backwards - i.e. if you kissed before, next time you should do that again and go a bit further. It's called escalation for precisely that reason. If things are not progressing that means she's stopped cooperating.

Generally, when a woman says the word "busy" it means that you're not a priority for her. She's not busy doing anything important - just hanging out with random people that are just as dull and self-absorbed as her, because that's what she likes to do. Whilst she's there taking endless photos of herself, any time she feels like she's not getting enough attention she sends a message to one of her orbiters to get another shot of attention like a crack addict getting a fix.

Bang her if you can, but don't make women like this a priority in your life no matter how good they look. You didn't say how old she was, but if she's young she might be a virgin looking for a marriage partner that her parents would approve of. That's why there will be limits on how far she lets you go and which holes you can use.

 

[Kotaix]

I've been dating this Turkish girl recently. Relatively new to London. She is a successful professional, consummate networker, and seems to collect friends. She has a bad habit about bragging how popular she is and how busy she is. We met a few weeks ago. First few dates went great. Time flew by we talked, we laughed, we kissed loads and were practically glued to each other staying up way past our usual bedtime together. And she's been texting me every day and talking about future activites together.

She was going back to Turkey for a few weeks so I suggested we meet up before she went. She said she had a lot of packing to do as well as finishing off some tasks at work and lots of her other friends wanted to see her before we met but might be able to squeeze me in on Saturday before a friends party she was invited to if she managed to get her beauty treatments done in time. I said no pressure and we can always just catch up when you are back.

Saturday came and around midday she said she'd have a few hours free in the afternoon for a drink before a friend's party and wanted to see me before she travelled. But when we met she seemed very different from previous dates. Very distracted, not touchy-feely like the other times, and generally a bit on edge. I asked her if she was OK as she seemed a bit distant and she said she just felt a bit all over the place as there were too many people in her life and she was trying to juggle all these social commitments and was easily distracted. During the party she was sending me occasional updates on her night as well as asking what I was up to etc which I guess meant even during her party she was thinking about me.

But I am not quite sure how to handle this going forward. Every time I ask her out she claims to be busy and struggles to commit to anything definite. Closer to the time she always does seem to be able to make the time and usually a lot more than she says she would have e.g. "I might have time for a quick dinner" turned into us staying in the restaurant until we were the last customers to leave. I've been quite flexible but it feels a bit weak and overly available to keep accepting maybe dates even if they have always materialized into actual dates. And if she is as busy as she claims it is would it perhaps work better to back of a little and see if she starts asking when she will see me again.

Yeah... Red flag...

It sounds to me like she's a compulsive liar.

 

[Bokanovsky]

But I am not quite sure how to handle this going forward. Every time I ask her out she claims to be busy and struggles to commit to anything definite. Closer to the time she always does seem to be able to make the time and usually a lot more than she says she would have e.g. "I might have time for a quick dinner" turned into us staying in the restaurant until we were the last customers to leave. I've been quite flexible but it feels a bit weak and overly available to keep accepting maybe dates even if they have always materialized into actual dates. And if she is as busy as she claims it is would it perhaps work better to back of a little and see if she starts asking when she will see me again.

Handling this situation going forward would be very easy. So easy, in fact, that I can describe the solution with one word. Next.

 

[viking22]

She has studied in the UK for a year or two in her mid 20s (she is 32 now) where she had a Germany boyfriend from her course. But I think most of her boyfriends have been Turkish including a 3 year marriage which ended in divorce a year ago and I don't think she is fully-Westernized. We were discussing the differences in the cultures in terms of dating etc and she was saying I need training if I want a Turkish girlfriend. I thought she was joking but then went to list three or four men that had married Turkish women she knew in London she thought could be suitable. But from what I try to understand she expects pampering and is high maintenance.

We've been texting recently because she's on holiday in Turkey. The fourth date which broke the pattern and didn't go so well was squeezed in just before her trip and was something she suggested as she said she wanted to see me before she left. She seemed a bit irritable from the very start of the date so maybe I just caught her when she was stressed about her travel and feeling rushed. The previous date she was hanging off my arm and hugging me and smothering me with kisses.

We are texting because she is on holiday so obviously cannot meet. I never really know what to do in that situation-when they go on holiday so early on in the dating process. She was texting me from the airport with photos of her luggage and photos of some baby that was crawling over her feet at the airport. And since then it has felt like an instagram feed as she sends me photos most days from her trip e.g. her stuck in traffic, her shopping for jewellery, her after her beauty treatments. It is all very strange and confusing. I've let her initiate most of the texts and on days I don't text her she's always dropped me a text mid afternoon with some kind of conversation starter (often a photo).

But yeah I think a lot of it is attention seeking and ideally want to find a way to wean her off the constant texting.

Obviously not going to pick her up from the airport if she asks. But when she is back will probably leave it a week or so before asking her out again and seeing if she suggests something beforehand and then escalate.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Also seeing a few red flags.

From what I gather she seems to have quite a lot of male friends in her life who run errands for her e.g. picking up stuff for her, ferrying her places, and she was even boasting about how they delivered alcohol to her late at night (in her country they don't have off licences or late night delivery). She also seems to go to fancy places with them e.g. Soho House and drink a lot together and they all seem to be important people with great social connections or own their own businesses etc and invite her to society weddings etc.

For her friendship seems quite a fluid concept. She calls me "dear", "darling" this type of thing quite a lot. Terms of endearment are more commonly used in her culture and we were discussing the english versions and she said she uses "dear" and "darling" interchangeably for her friends and then said "We are friends, right?". I joked "Do you kiss all your friends?". And she said no but there are people she stayed friends with after kissing because the friendship was better. So I suspect she has been physically involved at some point with a lot of these male friends of hers and also that just because we've kissed a lot doesn't mean I couldn't be also heading for friendszone and being used to do favours for her. She is already dropping hints that she'll be carrying home a lot of luggage and could really use a hand.

We've been texting most days while she has been on holiday in Turkey and she has been sending photos of herself e.g. stuck in traffic, trying on jewellery, at her favourite bars overlooking the bosphorus, and generally updating me with her activities while continuing to self-promote e.g. oh my friend owns this bar, oh at the wedding i went to this weekend a few ex government ministers and celebrities were there, helped my friend shop for this super expensive ring etc. But only rarely bothers asking what I've been up to only asking the occasional polite question. So really it just seems she wants someone she can show off to and listen to her stories.

So many of them doing this. If you are in dater land I suggest you do the same. She can't be a high priority living llike that.

 

[EternalBachelor]

She's back in less than a week and was talking about how she wants to explore more of London with me and maybe we should make a must-go list. Pulled up a list of a ****tail festival running in October giving you cheap entry to some ****tail bars and suggested we could try a few. And said when she is feeling homesick she can take me somewhere to have mezze and raki with her.

I get the feeling she doesn't know many people in London and is terrified of being bored and lonely when she is back. She has referred to me as a friend she is attracted to. So it is probably quite safe for her as she can enjoy my company and some physical contact without getting emotionally involved or feeling slutty and then when she has established her social life in London she can find someone better and discard me. I'm an established middle class professional but with her taste for luxury and status imagine she'd be better suited in the long term by a rich investment banker or something. And when that time comes I'll get properly friendzoned and see a lot less of her.

 

[2Rocky]

She's back in less than a week and was talking about how she wants to explore more of London with me and maybe we should make a must-go list. Pulled up a list of a ****tail festival running in October giving you cheap entry to some ****tail bars and suggested we could try a few. And said when she is feeling homesick she can take me somewhere to have mezze and raki with her.

I get the feeling she doesn't know many people in London and is terrified of being bored and lonely when she is back. She has referred to me as a friend she is attracted to. So it is probably quite safe for her as she can enjoy my company and some physical contact without getting emotionally involved or feeling slutty and then when she has established her social life in London she can find someone better and discard me. I'm an established middle class professional but with her taste for luxury and status imagine she'd be better suited in the long term by a rich investment banker or something. And when that time comes I'll get properly friendzoned and see a lot less of her.

Is this the same OP but different avatar/handle?
I'd make texts more flirty and less friendly. Some sexual innuendo. Get her revved up to see you when she gets back. Dinner at your place. Make her bring a bottle back from where she was and you two share it at your place.

You can play up the "Rebellious good girl angle" but you are gonna have to give her some tingles or else she will friendzone you. I know one woman similar to the one you describe who the man swept off her feet when he picked her up at the airport. Laid a passionate kiss on her then took her to a hotel and laid pipe...

Either way your next meeting better have some sexual overtones and logistics or you are gonna be demoted to "lunch buddy".

 

[ubercat]

Had a few similar girls. Keep pushing gently to sex. Every time she c0ck blocks you go silent or minimal attention. See other girls. You know way to much about this chick. Definate oneitis forming. You ve found you like Turkish girls great I like mocha gelato. Find little turkey in your city go get another one. Respectfully and carefully. They have a lot of brothers and Turks love stabbing. You also need to be curt dismissive and frankly moody around WOG chicks. Watch some scenes from the Godfather. It's what they were raised with and they don't understand anything else in a man.

 

[Zimbabwe]

She has a bad habit about bragging how popular she is and how busy she

But when we met she seemed very different from previous dates

During the party she was sending me occasional updates on her night as well as asking what I was up to etc which I guess meant

Every time I ask her out she claims to be busy and struggles to commit to anything definite

Personally I'm seeing a lot of red flags, she also seems to be very good at stringing guys along and I don't doubt that you are her only victim.

You're obviously more attached then she is, this is only going to end in disaster OP but I at least hope you learn from this.

 

[Zimbabwe]

Had a few similar girls. Keep pushing gently to sex. Every time she c0ck blocks you go silent or minimal attention. See other girls. You know way to much about this chick. Definate oneitis forming. You ve found you like Turkish girls great I like mocha gelato. Find little turkey in your city go get another one. Respectfully and carefully. They have a lot of brothers and Turks love stabbing. You also need to be curt dismissive and frankly moody around WOG chicks. Watch some scenes from the Godfather. It's what they were raised with and they don't understand anything else in a man.

WOG chicks are used to Wog guys who are always emotional and jealous, they are masters at manipulation. Anglo guys like OP are very easy targets for them since they aren't used to women like this.

You're right that OP needs to learn how push pull with this chick to get her emotions fired up. Wog girls can be very easy if you have the experience.

I had a wog chick who always sent pics of her freshly painted nails as if I cared, I never once acknowledged it and it drove her mad. She always made threats to leave or find another guy and it would annoy her when I just didn't react.

 

[Hamurabimbi]

I’m a SB. My GF, 2 iterations ago, was a SB. It was fine. Though, I can see if I wasn’t a SB, the relationship would have been more challenging.

 

[EternalBachelor]

Sorry for confusion. Different handles. Same guy/situation. Will stick with this one to avoid further confusion.

Yeah I've received the nail photos too as well as photos of her after her various beauty treatments and jewellery she is trying on. I'm basically receiving an instagram feed of her daily activities which is quite strange. For example woke up today to find a text from her saying she'd just left for her road trip with a friend accompanied by a photo of her car with a few coffees in the drinks holders.

But yeah does feel like she is stringing me on and that may be why she is suggesting all these future activities together to make me think there is potential and likely to stick around for as long as wants.

I have tried flirting a bit and she is very good at flirting back a bit before quickly defusing the conversation and then changing the subject or saying she has to go off and do something. Ditto with any mild sexual innuendo etc. I've dated a few Russian girls in the past and they are masters at doing exactly the same thing.

She is a lawyer so conversation/words are her strong point. So agree with you guys better to get her out and escalate and if she doesn't reciprocate withdraw so she realizes I'm not interested in platonic friendship. Will let you know how goes.