Dating a girl, Sort of went cold,text game issue?

[Moof]

Hey all, so basically ive been dating this girl who is an easy 8 or 9. Initially she had her friend let my friend know that she was intersted in me. Eventually i asked her out. We since gone on 4 dates. Each have been great, the later two ending in a nice make out session. She also paid for the last two dates. However, recently things have cooled off a bit. Might be due to some text game issues.

So it started with us talking about hanging out last week. I got the convo going by texting.

Me: I am at a resturant called _(same last name as hers)_, made me think of you obviously lol.
Her: Hahahah i love it, what do they serve
Me: blah blah blah
(30 mins later)
Me: So i havent run it by ur secretary yet, but you should hang out with me later this week. (we both work in office environments, its our little joke)
Her: Haha i think i could handel that.

2 days later
Me: so ____, when are we going on this adventure we were talking about earlier?
NO RESPONSE- I feel like this text was really weak and might have put a bad taste in her mouth.... seems like a ***** text.

4 days later -- drunkenly decided to ping her late at night
Me: I just called the cab company saying that i was the situation, those *****es never came! ( we both watch jersey shore together )
NO RESPONSE- She works as a waitress at a club and works till 3am on weekends, so i assume she just got it late and didnt respond.

Now im stuck. Im afriad to admit that my "adventure" text might have sounded really gay and she might have lost interest..... However, i wanna give her the benefit of the dought cause she is really busy with her internshipl, work, and school. Im thinking about doing a semi freeze out/holding off for six days before making contact again. When the time comes im thinking of shooting her either "Are we fighting ? and most importantly am i winning?" or " If we dont hang out soon, i might have to cheat on you". I want to get the leverage back because she used to text me for the dates, mayb the switch in rolls derailed things. I want to see if she texts me first in the mean time. Now i have options, im thinking about asking another girl our this weekend or the next, to take my mind off things and to be sort of a back up plan, cause i really like this girl.

So basically i would like advice on what happened, what should i do next, and is this salvage-able?

 

[Guildenstern]

While the text that worries you was far from ideal, it seems as if she was pretty interested in you before. It strikes me as a bit odd that she would break off completely just because of that. It could be a "hard to get" chase/compliance game/hoop thing on her part, or she could just be busy.

My primary follow-up would be, "How flaky is she normally about responding to you?" I know, and have dated, several girls for whom it would not be the least bit out of character to go 4 days without responding. Basically, they see the text while on the treadmill or at work or something, say, "I'll handle that later," and then forget. You said that she's HB9ish, so she is probably subconsciously accustomed to the fact that people usually try again so it's not urgent to remember. If you have seen any of this from her, there's far less reason to be worried.

Also, is texting the most reliable way with this girl? I understand how attractive it is just for being the most minimal-effort medium, so you avoid looking overeager. But for many girls I know, Facebook, Gchat, etc. are far more reliable methods of low-pressure communication. It depends on her habits, if she's a glued-to-the-phone, texts-during-dinner type or whatever.

My advice would be to wait about a week, then contact her again (by whichever medium you feel is best). Say something indicating that you have had a busy week and are sorry that you didn't follow up with her (of course it's her fault, not yours, but this makes it look like you just now realized that you haven't spoken to her in a while, that you have a lot going on besides her, etc.). Then say, "What about dinner Thursday," or whatever, something concrete that demands a specific response, rather than something that purports to open a line of reciprocal communication, like your "so are we going to do something this week?" which asks whether, what, where, and when all at once.

 

[saab1981]

I'd be tempted to probably make another contact, maybe 7-8 days after you last heard from her, with a more specific date for hooking up? leaving that gap shows that you're not desperate, but still keen, if you think she's worth pursuing. if she responds positively, that's cool. If she doesn't respond at all, then 'nexting' that lady would be best....You did all you could bro. I'm in a similar situation, so good luck whatever happens.

 

[Tiguere]

4 dates with a club waitress and no sex. failure to escalate may be the reason she went cold on you. i mean these club waitresses have an abundance of guys/orbiters/satellites .

 

[Moof]

All good advice, especially Guilden and saab. i dont think its a failure to escalate because the last date was our most heated make out session, and we didnt really have an opprotunity too because she had a test in the morning and i work at 7am on the weekdays so the night was called early mutually. Even tho she is a club waitress, she is classy and in no way skanky. My past girlfriends ive had to wait a lot longer before breakin them in. I will kill it next time tho

But anyways im going to wait till next Friday and then see if i can get somethin going. Im going to play it off as a game / legit. If its a no go, i will just move on to the next chick in the pipeline.

Cheers

 

[Moof]

While the text that worries you was far from ideal, it seems as if she was pretty interested in you before. It strikes me as a bit odd that she would break off completely just because of that. It could be a "hard to get" chase/compliance game/hoop thing on her part, or she could just be busy.

My primary follow-up would be, "How flaky is she normally about responding to you?" I know, and have dated, several girls for whom it would not be the least bit out of character to go 4 days without responding. Basically, they see the text while on the treadmill or at work or something, say, "I'll handle that later," and then forget. You said that she's HB9ish, so she is probably subconsciously accustomed to the fact that people usually try again so it's not urgent to remember. If you have seen any of this from her, there's far less reason to be worried.

Also, is texting the most reliable way with this girl? I understand how attractive it is just for being the most minimal-effort medium, so you avoid looking overeager. But for many girls I know, Facebook, Gchat, etc. are far more reliable methods of low-pressure communication. It depends on her habits, if she's a glued-to-the-phone, texts-during-dinner type or whatever.

My advice would be to wait about a week, then contact her again (by whichever medium you feel is best). Say something indicating that you have had a busy week and are sorry that you didn't follow up with her (of course it's her fault, not yours, but this makes it look like you just now realized that you haven't spoken to her in a while, that you have a lot going on besides her, etc.). Then say, "What about dinner Thursday," or whatever, something concrete that demands a specific response, rather than something that purports to open a line of reciprocal communication, like your "so are we going to do something this week?" which asks whether, what, where, and when all at once.

I usually take an two hours or so to respond, she usually takes the same if not more. Kind of surprised on the no responses both times but w/e. Thats why i am a little worried.

 

[Tesl]

...Try calling?

 

[DJ SO STEVE]

Look.... this is what you should be doing...

Spin plates (Date other women)
Go out and have fun

DO NOT call her or text her again because that will show you are desperate if she doesn't think you are already. You contacted her twice with no response already, don't make the situation worse.

Don't wait for her either, like I said... Spin plates and if she so happens to message you back with an excuse as to why she couldn't get back to you or totally ignores this. Just make plans to meet up and make sure you bang her then forget about her. The ball is in her park right now so there is nothing you can do.

One thing you have to understand is if a girl is interested in you she will make an effort to at least reply back to you. For example, everyone has to east breakfast/lunch/dinner. Even if she's super busy she can suggest eating together but she did not. So don't wait, get your game on and don't get frustrated!

 

[Moof]

Well i actually got a text from her today during lunch "Hey! Sorry i have been so crazy busy this past week and next week" Good to hear i was being semi-paranoid. I forgot that she actually is a very forgetful person when it comes to remembering anything haha.

The only thing left is how to redeem my alpha text game and what to do with this text. So would you guys do option A) Ignore it and wait until she asks me out again or B) Follow-up with something witty and invite her to tag along for a drink sometime this week or this weekend. If so how should i word this ****.

Also i don't want to piss her off or anything because she is potential girlfriend material. and DJ, i cant really hit it and quit it because she is in my outer social circle.

Any advice on what the next step would be appreciated. Thanks for all of the input so far.

 

[J Roc]

texting is for girls. pick up the phone and call

 

[f283000]

I like what Tiguere and J Roc said. Tiguere made a really good point here which is that you been on 4 dates with a club waitress and haven't had sex yet.

Women are sexual creatures. If you already made out with her a couple times and you still haven't invited her over to your place "to see a movie" (cough cough) then you only have yourself to blame if she starts losing interest for your lack of action, or if she loses interest and you never get to bang her. Strike while the iron is hot.

No guy should go past the first few dates with a woman who he has already made out with and not try to get her to a "private setting," whether it be to watch a movie in your place, to cook together or whatever.

This is specially true for hotter women or women with a perceived higher value like a club waitress who probably has no shortage of guys chasing after her WHO ARE MANLIER, MORE ALPHA, HAVE MORE GAME THAN YOU and WILL NOT HESITATE TO BE AGGRESSIVE WITH HER. So you have to step your game up. With women who have lots of guys chasing them if you are not aggressive enough they will get bored of you and go for some other guy that's chasing them that's more alpha and aggressive than you.

Not only that but all you do is text her like if your one of her girlfriends. Show some confidence in yourself and start calling women from now on specially ones that you are dating. Implant your voice in their head, get them thinking about you.

 

[Moof]

Valid points, i will kill it next time with her. And i agree and plan on calling her tonight, phone is really under used nowadays

 

[Lucifero]

Valid points, i will kill it next time with her. And i agree and plan on calling her tonight, phone is really under used nowadays

:crackup:

Why not forget about this one and move on to the next one?

 

[Atom Smasher]

Texting is indeed for girls. It's a medium of avoidance and perceived low-risk.

You said she is a potential girlfriend. Read my signature. Her IL is barely there.

Timing and momentum are everything, and you let too much momentum slip away. I guess you're kind of stuck in "text land" with her at this point, but I would transition to phone when you can.

Important: Don't ASK her to see you!! TELL her you're doing xyz and you'd love to have her come along. Women love (and need) a man to lead her and establish a dominant frame. She needs to be told how it is. As it stands now, she has way too much power over you and you really should go out there and start spinning plates immediately, because the odds are astronomically low that this is going to pan out with this girl. You have a chance, but it is small. I'm not trying to be negative here, just realistic.

Guys, remember, texting is a MINEFIELD of potential problems. One false sentence, and it's over.

 

[Moof]

Well i sent her a message saying that i was busy too with work and almost lost an arm this weekend(which is true). She texted back immediately wanting detials. I told her that it was to epic of a story to tell her through text and too consider it as a cliff hanger when i tell her the whole story over the phone tonight. She responded instantly again saying cant wait! So it seems that im in decent shape. Im gonna tell her that thursday i will be at the bar near her neighborhood and that she can tag along. Should work. I kno that last week was awkward from a texting stand point but im sure i havent lost her yet. i also found out that she told some of my mutual friends 2 weeks ago that we were dating so thats a plus too.

 

[Falcon25]

Read this very carefully.


She's got another man (men).

What most people fail to realize on these boards is that when a woman goes COLD IN THE BEGINNING is because she has someone else.
You are just one of many she is dating.

 

[Tesl]

Valid points, i will kill it next time with her. And i agree and plan on calling her tonight, phone is really under used nowadays

Well i sent her a message saying that ....

erm....

You screwed up. And:

I told her that it was to epic of a story to tell her through text and too consider it as a cliff hanger when i tell her the whole story over the phone tonight.

No no no no. You tell the epic story in person, you use the phone to set it up. What you did here was agree to tell the epic story over the phone, and used a text message to set it up.

You completely and utterly failed.

(That's not to say it won't work out for you, but you clearly aren't listening to people)

 

[Moof]

Good point, that would have been a lot more smooth. Anyways it went like this i called her, she didnt answer. got a text saying "Hey! im at the library can i call you back in 30 mins or so?". I didnt respond. Two hours later she calls, im alseep at this point, so didnt pick up. I call the next day, she doesnt answer, but i found out she was at work.

Thennnn

The next day i call again, she picks up. We have a great 20 minute convo about my injury. During the whole phone call she is laughing at pretty much every joke/witty remark i make. She told me that she has been swamp with her pre-med stuff. She started explaining some of the bio homework she was doing and i drop some negs saying " wow ur such a nerd". Towards the end of the convo i say the pizza guy is here and i ahve to go, and that me and my friends are going downtown to the bars (where she works) this weekend and i might pop in. She says great! i will text you if im working that night. Then end of convo.

I think it went really well, she said that she has two tests monday and that after she should be more free.

So basically, her texting me after my call, then returning my call, her laughing at everything i say, her indicating she would be more open next week= Im in good shape.

I will either text or call her on monday potentially saying something like " Hey ___ if we don't hang out soon , im going to consider cheating on you" or something like " Thursday night after work im going to need a drink, you can tag along."

Even though it has been a while since our last date, i think it was pretty legit due to midterms and her major as pre-med. Im still gonna go out and "spin plates" until its locked down. Next date im gonna F-close and potentially get a GF out of it. Ive got a great text ive been saving to send her after our next date saying "You really impressed me tonight, and i dont impress easy" which i think shows high value.

 

[Korrupt]

Little late for a response, but you should have called her after not receiving a response to the "adventure" text instead of texting again.

 

[Jeffst1980]

The rule with unanswered texts: Don't send another text. Most of the time, she'll respond in a couple of days. If she doesn't, it's pointless to try again. If she's "forgotten" about it, it's because her IL is low.

This girl's interest isn't high enough to be your GF. You need to start getting her to chase YOU for that to happen. One way to do this: don't text or call her after your next date. She's expecting you to do so, and this will throw her for a loop.

You are being entirely too predictable right now, and that lets her know that she's already won. You want her to believe that she has competition, and that you're not sold on her. If you were truly spinning plates, she would be able to tell from the erratic pattern of communications from you. Texting consistently like this is boring her because it presents a lack of challenge.