Dating a Girl Going Through Divorce

[bigneil]

Ok, ready for this?

Nearly the whole time we dated, my girlfriend has been married.

Until three weeks ago. Right at the exact peak of our romance, right when we planned a cross country trip she was "so, so, SO excited about", right when the sex was so mind blowing I thought maybe we experienced the moment of conception or something, right when she met my parents, right when she introduced her dad, right when her photos rated 99, she asked "Neil, can I count on you no matter what?" and I said yes.

Then she vanished for 10 days. I held my ground. Then she texted and said she had filed for divorce and was moving out, to live with high school friends. I gave her space. I haven't seen her since. A record 41 days. Mainly because she keeps putting terms and conditions on our dates (maybe all the lawyers are getting to her).

This guy was basically a non-factor the whole time. He turned out to be bisexual, spent all day flexing, had lost interest in her, had never made her come, and I didn't find out about him until after we had mind-blowing sex (she had her first orgasm and claimed to fall in love with me then, and seemed to prove it until recently).

She divorced him on her own without my ever asking her to. I had never dated a married girl. She used to tell me how it killed her to go home to him.

Has anyone ever been dating a girl who initiated a divorce while you were dating her, and how did it impact the relationship in the short and long term?

In my case she hasn't been the same at all. It's a major step back. I've done everything I can but as my other threads showed, it hasn't been easy.

My feeling is she has to rebound with someone else (she is only 21, getting married at 19).

 

[BetterCallSaul]

No i have not been in such a situation, but I will say that after reading this new information, sounds like your ex certainly had LOTS of options available to her, including you. Would you agree?

 

[RichardTheFrog]

Ok, ready for this?

Nearly the whole time we dated, my girlfriend has been married.

Until three weeks ago. Right at the exact peak of our romance, right when we planned a cross country trip she was "so, so, SO excited about", right when the sex was so mind blowing I thought maybe we experienced the moment of conception or something, right when she met my parents, right when she introduced her dad, right when her photos rated 99, she asked "Neil, can I count on you no matter what?" and I said yes.

Then she vanished for 10 days. I held my ground. Then she texted and said she had filed for divorce and was moving out, to live with high school friends. I gave her space. I haven't seen her since. A record 41 days. Mainly because she keeps putting terms and conditions on our dates (maybe all the lawyers are getting to her).

This guy was basically a non-factor the whole time. He turned out to be bisexual, spent all day flexing, had lost interest in her, had never made her come, and I didn't find out about him until after we had mind-blowing sex (she had her first orgasm and claimed to fall in love with me then, and seemed to prove it until recently).

She divorced him on her own without my ever asking her to. I had never dated a married girl. She used to tell me how it killed her to go home to him.

Has anyone ever been dating a girl who initiated a divorce while you were dating her, and how did it impact the relationship in the short and long term?

In my case she hasn't been the same at all. It's a major step back. I've done everything I can but as my other threads showed, it hasn't been easy.

My feeling is she has to rebound with someone else (she is only 21, getting married at 19).

So you're the old, creepy photographer who gets played and taken advantage of by girls much younger than you that aren't really that hot in the first place, and then you come on here claiming that you know everything and getting in arguments with everyone on the forum if they disagree with you.

And you hire personal trainers to add inches to your arms so that these girls won't leave you, and you feel that if you don't give them 10 orgasms/visit (which is excessive), then they will leave as well when they're just using you in the first place.

But I can see how you would think that girl was hot since you're 46, but I saw about 25 hotter girls just yesterday.

 

[sazc]

I can only speak from my own personal experience.

I started dating before I was divorced. I entered into an 8 month monogamous relationship that started 2 months before I got divorced. My soon-to-be-ex knew I was dating and knew I was in a relationship with one man.

6 months after the divorce, prior to use breaking up, I realized how incredibly vulnerable i had been that whole time. I realized that my vulnerability had me accepting this person even tho he didn't meet the standards of the man I actually deserved. I got into a relationship with him because I was vulnerable and needy of attention from a man and affection from a man, the kind that was absent in my marriage for a very long time, even tho I communicated my needs to my soon to be ex.

After enough time of dating the new man I realized my needs were not being met emotionally and that I was suffering in a relationship with this man only because I didnt want to be a failure again.

Interestingly enough, he was the reason I found this forum. Many months into out relationship, he and I would be texting, having a conversation, and, all of a sudden, he would stop texting. Hours later he would re enter the conversation as if he didn't just leave me hanging. He attempted to keep me hooked by playing different push/pull games with me, and I got tired of it and realized he didn't care about how I really felt.

I called it off. He was surprised because he really thought he had me hooked. He had played all his moves from "The art of seduction" and thought I was his for the picking, that I wouldn't go anywhere, ever.

He hasn't dated since (from what I hear) Idk if he just cant find a female to stick around, or if he's just stopped trying.

 

[Von]

Ok, ready for this?

Nearly the whole time we dated, my girlfriend has been married.

Until three weeks ago. Right at the exact peak of our romance, right when we planned a cross country trip she was "so, so, SO excited about", right when the sex was so mind blowing I thought maybe we experienced the moment of conception or something, right when she met my parents, right when she introduced her dad, right when her photos rated 99, she asked "Neil, can I count on you no matter what?" and I said yes.

Then she vanished for 10 days. I held my ground. Then she texted and said she had filed for divorce and was moving out, to live with high school friends. I gave her space. I haven't seen her since. A record 41 days. Mainly because she keeps putting terms and conditions on our dates (maybe all the lawyers are getting to her).

This guy was basically a non-factor the whole time. He turned out to be bisexual, spent all day flexing, had lost interest in her, had never made her come, and I didn't find out about him until after we had mind-blowing sex (she had her first orgasm and claimed to fall in love with me then, and seemed to prove it until recently).

She divorced him on her own without my ever asking her to. I had never dated a married girl. She used to tell me how it killed her to go home to him.

Has anyone ever been dating a girl who initiated a divorce while you were dating her, and how did it impact the relationship in the short and long term?

In my case she hasn't been the same at all. It's a major step back. I've done everything I can but as my other threads showed, it hasn't been easy.

My feeling is she has to rebound with someone else (she is only 21, getting married at 19).

Alright so you were the rebound.

End of the story

 

[nismo-4]

Second place is first loser. You need to stay in first place.

There's someone else you'll come in first with.

I ditch any woman who's hung up on her ex.

 

[bigneil]

I saw about 25 hotter girls just yesterday.

Show us some photos, liar.

Go back to porn.

 

[RichardTheFrog]

Show us some photos, liar.

Go back to porn.

It was at Hooters and Winghouse. But seriously all you have to do is go down town any day of the week to find girls hotter than that.

 

[bigneil]

It was at Hooters and Winghouse. But seriously all you have to do is go down town any day of the week to find girls hotter than that.

A confession of your bad taste in women and food is not an argument.

You need to show photos that rate 99 on Photofeeler, like I did. Looks are based on consensus, not whether RichardTheFrog masturbated.

3 members here provided photos that rated 100 in Attractiveness, you were not one of them.

 

[RichardTheFrog]

A confession of your bad taste in women and food is not an argument.

You need to show photos that rate 99 on Photofeeler, like I did. Looks are based on consensus, not whether RichardTheFrog masturbated.

3 members here provided photos that rated 100 in Attractiveness, you were not one of them.

I could care less what you, or anyone else on the Internet, cares about what I find attractive or not.

And that girl you were talking to was obviously trashy as hell to be showing her underwear at public places.

I am not interested in getting into an argument with you. I don't care what you have to say.

 

[zekko]

He turned out to be bisexual, spent all day flexing

I don't know why, but this part made me laugh.

 

[SteR]

A confession of your bad taste in women and food is not an argument.

You need to show photos that rate 99 on Photofeeler, like I did. Looks are based on consensus, not whether RichardTheFrog masturbated.

3 members here provided photos that rated 100 in Attractiveness, you were not one of them.

I still fail to understand why you care so much about what other people think? Why are you seeking everyone's approval all the time?

 

[BeExcellent]

Divorce is so stressful. It's a drag. My ex and I had the most amicable divorce ever, but it's still emotionally exhausting & frankly you feel like a failure because, well let's be honest, the marriage failed.

I cannot begin to imagine what trying to date someone through that process would be like. I would imagine even more emotionally draining as you try to balance and consider the emotional needs of yourself and your lover in the context of lawyers and legal maneuvering.

In fact the emotional toll is really what caused my guy I had been seeing to fade. He really liked me, was beginning to care deeply but as things developed between us his ex wife suddenly tried to get him legally declared unfit as a father. He suddenly found himself hauled back into court, fighting for his parental rights which was costing money he didn't really have versus her family's virtually unlimited financial resources...the last time I saw him he had lost weight, he wasn't sleeping well, his lawyer called twice because an important hearing was the next week, it was brutal, he was stressed even for his unflappable self. I cannot begin to imagine the turmoil & pain...but he needs to focus on getting that settled regarding his teenagers, and then he's got to take time to recover himself & get back up in his life.

For her to be going through all this so young in addition to all the family drama with her dad? It's too much. In the end it will make her very strong, but it could ruin her as well. Only time will tell. Much as you care for her it's best for you to let her go & sort her life out. If she comes back a stronger person at some point, then re-evaluate if you are so inclined at that time. But right now? She's incapable of stability.

 

[amazingswayze]

I wouldn't wanna be somebody else's rebound. That's just me.

 

[lizardking82]

For mature men, 20-something year old women should be toys of enjoyment to play with, and not much else.

The way things have come down, I think this is worth listening from young guys, too. Not only mature men.

 

[bigneil]

I still fail to understand why you care so much about what other people think? Why are you seeking everyone's approval all the time?

It's not that I care what they think, it's that I can mathematically prove them wrong with statistics.

Saying she's not that hot is like saying Tom Brady isn't that good.

 

[bigneil]

As usual Coach Corey Wayne nails it.

 

[bigneil]

Here's another great one on this subject.

 

[bigneil]

UPDATE - I finally saw her again 2 months after posting this and we talked about things.

Long story short, we picked up exactly where we left off. If anything the attraction is stronger now. She told me this had nothing to do with me and I believe her.

So to answer my own question about what happens to a woman's feelings for you when she doesn't see you for a while, they simple become idle. As long as you don't destroy her attraction by acting needy or begging her to come back, she will appreciate the space you give her. Easier said than done. She said I was the only one who actually gave her space, and she always knew we'd get together again.

It was only through walking away and giving her infinite space and waiting for her to reach out (which happened after 7 weeks, right when I had 2 new girls lined up) that I got her back. The process made me much stronger and she took notice.

Now I have to wonder if I want to keep pursuing this, but at least it's my choice.

 

[Fruitbat]

I can only speak from my own personal experience.

I started dating before I was divorced. I entered into an 8 month monogamous relationship that started 2 months before I got divorced. My soon-to-be-ex knew I was dating and knew I was in a relationship with one man.

6 months after the divorce, prior to use breaking up, I realized how incredibly vulnerable i had been that whole time. I realized that my vulnerability had me accepting this person even tho he didn't meet the standards of the man I actually deserved. I got into a relationship with him because I was vulnerable and needy of attention from a man and affection from a man, the kind that was absent in my marriage for a very long time, even tho I communicated my needs to my soon to be ex.

After enough time of dating the new man I realized my needs were not being met emotionally and that I was suffering in a relationship with this man only because I didnt want to be a failure again.

Interestingly enough, he was the reason I found this forum. Many months into out relationship, he and I would be texting, having a conversation, and, all of a sudden, he would stop texting. Hours later he would re enter the conversation as if he didn't just leave me hanging. He attempted to keep me hooked by playing different push/pull games with me, and I got tired of it and realized he didn't care about how I really felt.

I called it off. He was surprised because he really thought he had me hooked. He had played all his moves from "The art of seduction" and thought I was his for the picking, that I wouldn't go anywhere, ever.

He hasn't dated since (from what I hear) Idk if he just cant find a female to stick around, or if he's just stopped trying.

My current GF is with me mainly because I didn't play these games.

She asked me several times why the other guys she dated wouldn't text her, gave her scraps of time. She comes from a blue pill culture/country.

She decided to go with me partly because I showed genuine interest in a relationship with her. I have also seen her old plates and none are what I would consider threatening. Boy did they employ game though. I sat on her phone texting one the other day I explained to her what was going on, the game is to get her to chase. She was like "the fvck I am doing that"

So many guys get this thing wrong in my opinion. It;s not about pretending you're busy. I have tried hard with current GF to have a well rounded life, seeing friends, working, doing stuff. I tell her what I am doing all the time. I'm not playing emo games of not texting etc.

Men lead. With this girl, this means I actually initiate with her most times. She always says yes to everything I suggest, and seems, shock horror, to treat me well when I involve her in my life and stuff.

Perhaps if just screwing is the goal, making a challenge etc is a good thing, but I am in the game for a devoted partner and I don't think seduction game works for well adjusted women over the age of 22ish. They are not stupid.