Dating a chick with a kid?

[dirtymexican]

My fellow DJs...

I met this really cool, cute chick.. We went out and hit off really well... I felt we connected on many levels.... In some ways i feel she is a great girl.. The only major problem is she has a kid about 3 years old... BF knocked her up and ran...

Would you all persue a relationship with a chick with a kid...? I'm a DJ, but i will feel preaty cheap to use her for a friend to F*ck..!

What is your take on this...? The reason i'm giving so much thought is because she is one of the nices girls i've dated yet..

 

[Vincent]

How old are you?

 

[Yeto]

Somebody told me, dating a single mother BIG RED FLAG...

 

[girl]

I think it just depends on if you want just a "date" or a serious relationship with her.

 

[-HPNOTIQ-]

Let her know up front. You maybe surprised that she may not even want a relationship due to her past, and may welcome the FB status with no strings attached.

If FB is what you want, lemme for warn you....

DONT GET ATTACHED TO THE KID.

Don't offer to pick him up from day care, don't offer to baby sit while she works, don't offer to be a dad if you aren't ready to actually be one to the kid. Its not fair to you, its not fair to the mom...and ITS NOT FAIR TO A 3 YEAR OLD.

Let the girl know this up front too. Make sure she's a responsible mom because nothing sucks worse than a woman trying to make you take responsibility for HER actions.

 

[Desdinova]

Single mothers can be a nice breath of fresh air for a DJ since their maturity is often much higher than most other women. The reason for their maturity is they've been forced to grow up quickly to take care of a child. They've learned to survive on their own, and to provide for a "family".

However, I wouldn't suggest having a SM for a LTR if you don't have any children yourself. A ready made family requires you to accept, not one, but TWO people in a relationship. You then have to deal with the usual female personality traits, and also deal with the child who will ALWAYS come first in the mother's life. The child is more important than any man she'll ever date.

DONT GET ATTACHED TO THE KID.

Excellent advice!

 

[squirrels]

Bang her for as long as she'll let you.

Do NOT get into a serious relationship with her. If you get hooked up with a woman with a kid from a past fling, you will ALWAYS be at a disadvantage. Any time she gets angry at you, it will always be "MY child", never "OUR child", and it'll be the two of them against you. And the kid grows up with that mindset as well, playing that "YOU'RE not my father" card. Lots of times, single abandoned mothers develop that "my kid and me against the world" mindset and neither her nor the child is likely to EVER accept you as a father in that family.

Besides, do you want that stress? Do you want the problem of raising someone else's kid?

If I were you, I would refuse to even MEET the kid. When she meets you for a date or whatever, tell her to drop him off at her mother's or put him to bed or something. Let her know from the start that you're not going to become a provider for someone else's progeny and that you don't want anything to do with the child.

I know it sounds cold, and I know there ARE exceptions where women with kids find men who can actually adopt them as one of their own. But it's rare. I would stay detached.

 

[Giovanni Casanova]

Originally posted by -HPNOTIQ-
don't offer to be a dad if you aren't ready to actually be one to the kid. Its not fair to you, its not fair to the mom...and ITS NOT FAIR TO A 3 YEAR OLD.

Word.

 

[dirtymexican]

Actually the mind set that i had was to stay detached from all her family all together... She lives with her parents... I know it is going to be hard to do.... I dont want the drama..

BTW... im 27 she is 23.. I just thought she was very cool chick when we hung out. The kid thing is the only thing that is keeping me from pursuing her further... Other than that, she seems perfect... She actually seems so cool that i would be afraid to hurt her with my DJ mindset. I know she digs me. The other bad thing is that i work with her in the same building...

There are just too many red flags on this... I just keep thinking about her attitude... Really mature, and out going and sh!t.. Girls like this is a rare find...

 

[Vincent]

Ok well hopefully the people in MM will be able to give you some better advice on this.

 

[NewMan]

I'm currently banging a single mother of a 3 yr old.

My advice.

* Do not meet the kid.

* Be honest and upfront from the get go. Tell her you don't want a relationship.

* Wear a rubber all the time. She got preggy and had the kid once - chances are she could do it again

* Don't get soppy with her. Don't promise anything. Do not tell her you love her. Do not get emotional in any way.

* Be real with your self. Don't fall for her and then want to save her.

* Everytime your together it should end in fvcking. Treat her like an FB. nothing romantic.



Finally - be very real and honest with her.

 

[Desdinova]

I just keep thinking about her attitude... Really mature, and out going and sh!t.. Girls like this is a rare find...

Single mothers aren't a rare find. If you date more than one, you'll find that most are quite mature. Again, it's because they've been forced to grow up. It's unfortunate that it takes women a long time to mature from a stupid bimbo to an intelligent lady.

Again, have some fun with her if you wish, but I suggest not getting too attached. SMs make great fvck buddies.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Single Mommies are a trap. Break it off. 23 years old with a 3 year old kid - meaning she's been saddled child rearing responsibilities since she was 19. Big red flag.

People are intimately aware of their conditions and none more so than the single mother. All single mothers have an establishing operation of finding a suitable male to assist them in parental investment. This operates to a greater or lesser degree depending on the woman's financial stability, but it is always in effect. In the same way that fat women have an establishing operation to find and hold a male, so too does the single mother only her E.O. is driven not only by herself, but an intrinsic foreknowledge that the well-being of her child is also benefitted by her doing so.

Some guys here will tell you to hit it for a while and look for something new, I heartily disagree. Break it off now and don't ever consider even the potential of an emotional attachment or, God forbid, she 'accidentally' becomes pregnant by you in order to force you into her support. By entertaining this mother, you are reinforcing her mistaken understanding that she is justified for her decisions. She is not and statistics bear this out.

 

[penkitten]

i am a single mom and this is what i have to say....

if you just want a few dates or something, you need to be upfront with her.

if you want a long term committment, you need to realise that there is alot at stake when kids are involved.

if you want a short term thing, move on.

 

[Yeto]

I think I can really give my opinion in this one because I just finished a relationship with a SM.

At the beginning I was a natural perfect DJ, never went out with the two little girls, good sex, condoms all the time, not I love yous, and I told her up front that I did not want commitments, like a perfect DJ.

But then, I started to get in love with her or with her t&a, anyways, she found sb else, and dumped me, and it hurted me so bad, now I think that I was a lucky m.f. because she did that, but lesson, I wont do it again because I know I develop feelings.

 

[dietzcoi]

Listen to Rollo, people!

Dietzcoi

 

[NewMan]

I agree with Rollo...

Being currently involved with a single mum - I'd recomend you stay away.

Do you want to be lumped with looking after someone else's kid?

Also - if she got pregenant and had the kid once - chances are she'd do it again.

It's nothing but drama.

 

[princelydeeds]

Originally posted by Rollo Tomassi
Single Mommies are a trap. Break it off. 23 years old with a 3 year old kid - meaning she's been saddled child rearing responsibilities since she was 19. Big red flag.

People are intimately aware of their conditions and none more so than the single mother. All single mothers have an establishing operation of finding a suitable male to assist them in parental investment. This operates to a greater or lesser degree depending on the woman's financial stability, but it is always in effect. In the same way that fat women have an establishing operation to find and hold a male, so too does the single mother only her E.O. is driven not only by herself, but an intrinsic foreknowledge that the well-being of her child is also benefitted by her doing so.

Some guys here will tell you to hit it for a while and look for something new, I heartily disagree. Break it off now and don't ever consider even the potential of an emotional attachment or, God forbid, she 'accidentally' becomes pregnant by you in order to force you into her support. By entertaining this mother, you are reinforcing her mistaken understanding that she is justified for her decisions. She is not and statistics bear this out.

Whoa great post Rollo!!!!! you went botto,m of the Ocean Deep on that one!!! Great post.

I won't lie I'd tag it for a while, but I would never fall in love.

 

[Maverick001]

She actually seems so cool that i would be afraid to hurt her with my DJ mindset.

dirtymexican,

What exactly are you talking about here because isn't it your DJ mindset that snagged this chick in the first place?

Being a DJ is not going to hurt her. Every woman that's worthy should be with a DJ.

Now, for your particular situation, play it out the way you want. If all goes well, don't meet the kid until at least 6 months into seeing her.

If she insists that you meet the kid before half a year...NEXT her. Integrating a father figure into a young child's life is a serious matter and if you two are LTR material then there's no rush.

I'm coming from the other side of the fence being a single father and I tell the women right up front that I have a son (he lives with his mother) but they won't meet him until I'm sure that this connection I have with them is really going to go somewhere. For that, I'd say at least 6 months of exclusive dating, if not more.

If she's up for being a FB, go for it if that's what you want. Otherwise heed the advice of -HPNOTIQ-, NewMan and Rollo Tomassi. Their advice is solid.

Just my 2 cents.

Cheers,
Mav

 

[cave dweller]

Red flags.........

Rollo is right on here........

Some thoughts for you:

How much child support does the daddy pay......My guess--fvcking zero!

Her mission is to 'hook' a father for her kid and he support the both of them.

Another one---She works with you?---Wrong answer..'Don't put your meat where you get your bread'.

So,---I would just be her friend and if she wanted to be your FB, I would 'hit that thing' once in awhile.

SM are major pain in the a$$.

my 2 cents

cave dweller