Date With Cool Chick Who Has BF

[SeventyTwo]

Hey, everyone. I've been here before, way back when, but always a great place to come back to.

Anyway, I recently met a girl at a coffee shop and we had a pretty solid first exchange, traded numbers and it was then, and only then where she said "I have a boyfriend".

After that, I noticed she was initiating the texts and even initiated us running into eachother again.

(Note: I'm not a huge texter, but she was engaged and responsive when we were).

She's super cute, cool, smart --- so I end up going out with her for a couple drinks the other night, setting that up was super simple and easy.

It's actually been easier than any of the other girls I've met recently, to be honest.

Great vibe, fun, decent amount of flirting, some physical touch (probably not as much as I should have) and considered going for a kiss mid-date, but didn't.

Of course, I went for it at the end and it she turned away, I kissed her on the cheek.

Next day I didn't do anything and she initiated some texts, we went back and forth a little.

Anyway, I'm wondering how to play this. Morally, I feel fine about this, I'm a realist when it comes to dating and know that all my prior girlfriends were attractive enough where they kept their options open (how open, I'll never know) and I don't know her situation.

She hasn't mentioned him since the initial meeting, although I am pretty confident she was texting with him at the end of our night -- she hadn't touched her phone most of the night.

How do I play this?

 

[sunnykhatri736]

U should go for kiss during the date so that if she rejects ur kiss during date u can go for kiss again at the end of the date.

 

[Lozboss]

You should avoid her like the plague. She's a scumbag quality woman.

What's the point in wasting time with her? She's not gf material.

As for your morals- sharpen up dude. If you think infidelity is ok then this isn't what this community is about and you need to really look at your morals.

 

[Speculator E]

Post your text exchanges. Honestly it doesnt sound like she is interested. The kiss is a huge red flag. She is just using you for attention likely.

 

[Speculator E]

You should avoid her like the plague. She's a scumbag quality woman.

What's the point in wasting time with her? She's not gf material.

As for your morals- sharpen up dude. If you think infidelity is ok then this isn't what this community is about and you need to really look at your morals.

what you think girls are moral. Get real. I just had a girl tell me sbe diesn't mind marrying a rich guy so she can divorce him later and take half his money.

 

[Lozboss]

what you think girls are moral. Get real. I just had a girl tell me sbe diesn't mind marrying a rich guy so she can divorce him later and take half his money.

Don't be a jaded MGTOW dude.

I never said girls were Moral. I'm say WE, AS DJs, hold ourselves to a higher standard than scumbag quality women and beta males who pander to them.

 

[EyeBRollin]

She has a boyfriend. Your best play is to do nothing.

Guys, come on. She is unavailable. If she likes you, she will contact you. She's already proven to be the woman that will step out on her boyfriend and initiate with some other dude. When she does, hang out with her and escalate. If not, go back to N/C and messing with hoes that are single.

 

[RangerMIke]

She is thinking of branch jumping... She is losing interest in her BF and is testing the waters. If she had high interest in you, she would not have mentioned her BF in your first meeting, it would have come out later. My guess is that she likes you and she is letting you know up front that if ANYTHING happens between you and her, it will be your fault, since she told you.

She likes the attention she is getting from you. Depending on how long she has been in her relationship, her current BF is probably getting a little too complacent. You are filling that void.

I am amused by comments that she isn't "GF material", the harsh truth is that NO WOMAN is good GF or marriage material, they are only loyal when they continue to get from you what they want. This is the nature of women, it's not an indictment, I think it's a virtue. What is GOOD about hanging around and suffering when you aren't getting what you want? Stop expecting women to act like men, it is MEN that have been taught that self sacrifice and loyalty are important, not women. Women are taught that "it's a woman's prerogative to change her mind",

Okay... now what I would do is tell her up front that I'm only really interested in her romantically, and that it's no fun spending time with her knowing nothing is going to happen. Then tell her to get in touch if she ever finds herself available. Then walk away and focus on women that will not be so difficult. If she ever reaches out, I would assume that she is interested and try to make a date.

 

[SeventyTwo]

Thank you for everyone's input and a reminder that the morals of the situation for me are irrelevant. I am comfortable in what we've done, and obviously so is she (even if she's just testing the waters). I think what she is doing is quite common to be honest and I am sure it's been done to me -- everybody has a line of what they consider proper or not.

At this point, for me, I'm looking to level up my experience in dating after taking time away to focus 100% on building my business. My goal is to go on 50 dates during the next 10-12 months and doing things that force me out of my comfort zone are part of that.

Anyway, in terms of text exchanges, they are quite flirty, she talks about her being spontaneous, a rebel, we joke around with eachother, overall with a playful vibe.

Her eye contact during our date was quite revealing, I'll say that much.

Going forward, I'm gonna leave the ball in her court even though we did mention hanging out again.

 

[SeventyTwo]

She is thinking of branch jumping... She is losing interest in her BF and is testing the waters. If she had high interest in you, she would not have mentioned her BF in your first meeting, it would have come out later. My guess is that she likes you and she is letting you know up front that if ANYTHING happens between you and her, it will be your fault, since she told you.

She likes the attention she is getting from you. Depending on how long she has been in her relationship, her current BF is probably getting a little too complacent. You are filling that void.

I am amused by comments that she isn't "GF material", the harsh truth is that NO WOMAN is good GF or marriage material, they are only loyal when they continue to get from you what they want. This is the nature of women, it's not an indictment, I think it's a virtue. What is GOOD about hanging around and suffering when you aren't getting what you want? Stop expecting women to act like men, it is MEN that have been taught that self sacrifice and loyalty are important, not women. Women are taught that "it's a woman's prerogative to change her mind",

Okay... now what I would do is tell her up front that I'm only really interested in her romantically, and that it's no fun spending time with her knowing nothing is going to happen. Then tell her to get in touch if she ever finds herself available. They walk away and focus on women that will not be so difficult. If she ever reaches out, I would assume that see is interested and try to make a date.

Appreciate the response, RangerMike.

She did mention the boyfriend when I got her number, but we had only had a 10 minute conversation off a cold approach -- she then enthusiastically texted me an hour later.

Since we've spent (some) more time together, that hasn't come up at all, so I'm curious if her interest may have increased and she decided to not mention it, or whatever as we've spoken about our lives quite a bit.

I'll do that for sure. I don't want to waste my time either, I have others I'm working on but I did have a blast with her and maybe the timing just isn't right.

 

[SeventyTwo]

She has a boyfriend. Your best play is to do nothing.

Guys, come on. She is unavailable. If she likes you, she will contact you. She's already proven to be the woman that will step out on her boyfriend and initiate with some other dude. When she does, hang out with her and escalate. If not, go back to N/C and messing with hoes that are single.

Thanks, will do -- but she is consistently the one that initiates conversation.

For example, the day after the date I didn't contact her and she did --- asking me what I thought about the prior night, etc.

I keep stopping conversations by not responding and do notice she re-starts them on the regular (again, I'm not a huge texter).

 

[RangerMIke]

Since we've spent (some) more time together, that hasn't come up at all, so I'm curious if her interest may have increased and she decided to not mention it, or whatever as we've spoken about our lives quite a bit.

I'll do that for sure. I don't want to waste my time either, I have others I'm working on but I did have a blast with her and maybe the timing just isn't right.

She mentioned him once, up front, then not again usually means she is considering you as a potential replacement. If she kept mentioning him, then you would be just a gay male GF. But to be frank, there really is no cut and dry answer, everyone is different. The worst thing you can do at this point if to start chasing her.

She knows you like her, all women know intuitively the level of interest a man has in her, they are Jedi Knights of relationships. You really don't need to pursue her, but you need to let her know the reason you are not taking action is because she' in someone else's castle. Make yourself scarce and go after other women, then you will know where you stand.

 

[SeventyTwo]

She mentioned him once, up front, then not again usually means she is considering you as a potential replacement. If she kept mentioning him, then you would be just a gay male GF. But to be frank, there really is no cut and dry answer, everyone is different. The worst thing you can do at this point if to start chasing her.

She knows you like her, all women know intuitively the level of interest a man has in her, they are Jedi Knights of relationships. You really don't need to pursue her, but you need to let her know the reason you are not taking action is because she' in someone else's castle. Make yourself scarce and go after other women, then you will know where you stand.

Great advice, man. Thank you, it's what I felt anyway -- makes perfect sense and will do.

One last thing, when you say "you need to let her know the reason you are not taking action" -- do this covertly or overtly?

Just wondering.

 

[RangerMIke]

Thanks, will do -- but she is consistently the one that initiates conversation.

For example, the day after the date I didn't contact her and she did --- asking me what I thought about the prior night, etc.

I keep stopping conversations by not responding and do notice she re-starts them on the regular (again, I'm not a huge texter).

This is why it is important that you let her know that you are interested in fvcking her.. and that when she reaches out, THAT is what you are going to try and make happen. Once you tell her what you want and why you are backing off, THEN she still reaches out to you, she is sending you a message that she is open to your advances.

If she reaches out, try to make a date... and make sure it's a DATE where the logistics of sex can happen. Something at night, and something where you can be alone. If she won't do this, then be nice tell her it was great talking to her, and for her to let you know when she is free... then get off the phone or stop texting. DO NOT sit around and wait for her, go after other women, otherwise you will be tempted to contact her... at this point the ball is in her court.

 

[deltabeta]

Just because you can doesn't always mean you should. Its your call mate.

 

[Lozboss]

Op is clearly low value too.

Shame that this board is slowly attracting more members like this.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

what you think girls are moral. Get real. I just had a girl tell me sbe diesn't mind marrying a rich guy so she can divorce him later and take half his money.

I learned about that when I worked on the West coast. Women KNEW ahead of time that they would divorce the guy before they even married him to get into his money.