Date Timing in the First Few Dates: Does It Matter?

[SW15]

In another thread about an unrelated topic to what I am posting, there was this point-counterpoint.

First dates are weeknight dates, not weekend dates.

Naw, first dates can be weekend dates, this isn't 1960

Is there a difference in when you time your early stage dates to happen? I think it's worth a discussion.

In the 1970s-1990s, when the Baby Boomers and the first half of Gen X were most of the dating pool, the Friday/Saturday night 1st or 2nd date was a big thing. I didn't experience this time because I turned 16 in 1999. Tech assisted dating was not a thing for most of this period. There was some tech assisted dating in the 1990s, but it was very much a niche thing. I say this because both men and women are able to have more dates if they use tech assisted means than solely based on what they can accomplish without the use of the internet/apps. In the 2000s-2010s, a man devoted to swipe apps or sending tons of messages on legacy internet platforms like Match, OkCupid, or PlentyofFish could set more first dates in 2 weeks than he would with approaching randomly in 3 months.

When online dating started to become big in the 2000s, there was a movement towards more weeknight first dates at bars. I remember reading advice articles online in the 2000-2006 time range supporting the idea of only setting early stage (pre-sex) dates for these times.

Over the years, I have mainly had 1st dates on weeknights (Sunday-Thursday nights). Occasionally, I might throw in a weekend activity date as a 1st or 2nd date on a Saturday or Sunday afternoon, ending before prime social hours if not resulting in a bang.

There were a couple instances after I turned 30 (38 now) where I got a first date via tech assisted means with an early 30s woman and it occurred on a Friday night. I didn't initially propose Friday night, but it got counteroffered to me and accepted. Early 30s women are more willing to have Fri/Sat night first dates than women 18-28.

 

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

The difference is what she is going to tell her friends, because they need to put on this show for their friends, what the poster above was referencing is how it looks when your a woman who is putting in coffee dates on the weekend, it just makes you seem low value and without a social life. If she has nobody to take advantage of on the weekend, she is going to hang out with her friends because the alternative is them all talking about her which they are doing anyways but women never seem to catch onto this. This is why the woman constantly needs to stunt or embellish because she knows on the back of her mind her friends are talking about her regardless so she needs to try her hardest to have those words be positive, it's a disgusting ego driven narrative that includes men but has nothing to do with men

It seems like a strange topic because it has absolutely nothing to do with the man of woman involved, this is how deep the insecurities run, your dating her social circle, not her.

 

[2Rocky]

I think the Late '90's motto was "Weekenz for da'boys" or at least "Saturday's are for the boys" for the married/committed guys.

I'd say 1st/2nd dates that are usually short in duration don't deserve to break up a bigger block of time where presumably a well connected, active guy would be going out of town (ski, lake, hike, camp, hunt, etc.) It's not a bad habit to get in to so you do make the best use of your free time.

 

[SW15]

The difference is what she is going to tell her friends, because they need to put on this show for their friends, what the poster above was referencing is how it looks when your a woman who is putting in coffee dates on the weekend, it just makes you seem low value and without a social life.

I don't do coffee dates. Impossible to escalate those.

Those two 30 something women who did Friday night first dates with me likely had all married and/or friends in multi-year LTRs and didn't have any female friends to see on weekends.

In the days of website dating, I used to disappear from early evening Friday to early evening Sunday. That was recommended back them to make it look like you had a life. Once swipe apps came about, everyone was swiping and texting at all hours so that norm sort of disappeared.

 

[Willie Naylor]

In another thread about an unrelated topic to what I am posting, there was this point-counterpoint.





Is there a difference in when you time your early stage dates to happen? I think it's worth a discussion.

In the 1970s-1990s, when the Baby Boomers and the first half of Gen X were most of the dating pool, the Friday/Saturday night 1st or 2nd date was a big thing. I didn't experience this time because I turned 16 in 1999. Tech assisted dating was not a thing for most of this period. There was some tech assisted dating in the 1990s, but it was very much a niche thing. I say this because both men and women are able to have more dates if they use tech assisted means than solely based on what they can accomplish without the use of the internet/apps. In the 2000s-2010s, a man devoted to swipe apps or sending tons of messages on legacy internet platforms like Match, OkCupid, or PlentyofFish could set more first dates in 2 weeks than he would with approaching randomly in 3 months.

When online dating started to become big in the 2000s, there was a movement towards more weeknight first dates at bars. I remember reading advice articles online in the 2000-2006 time range supporting the idea of only setting early stage (pre-sex) dates for these times.

Over the years, I have mainly had 1st dates on weeknights (Sunday-Thursday nights). Occasionally, I might throw in a weekend activity date as a 1st or 2nd date on a Saturday or Sunday afternoon, ending before prime social hours if not resulting in a bang.

There were a couple instances after I turned 30 (38 now) where I got a first date via tech assisted means with an early 30s woman and it occurred on a Friday night. I didn't initially propose Friday night, but it got counteroffered to me and accepted. Early 30s women are more willing to have Fri/Sat night first dates than women 18-28.

No need to delve into history to answer a simple question. Have a first date whatever night of the week you want.

 

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

I don't do coffee dates. Impossible to escalate those.

Those two 30 something women who did Friday night first dates with me likely had all married and/or friends in multi-year LTRs and didn't have any female friends to see on weekends.

In the days of website dating, I used to disappear from early evening Friday to early evening Sunday. That was recommended back them to make it look like you had a life. Once swipe apps came about, everyone was swiping and texting at all hours so that norm sort of disappeared.

Yeah, this is the age of illusions being dispelled when it comes to men, if your priority is making things look a certain way, it's just not going to end well... Things have to be the way they look and if they are not the way they look, your considered a player by women... You can sleep with all manner of women and be viewed more of a man, but lying will always be associated with the lesser man, I'd sooner cop to having a weak purpose than to lie about having a strong one.

So all things told, I think the day the date is scheduled is important because it dictates where you rank in terms of how her social circle is going to view you, that being, your association with her is going to put her in a better light, I'd be weary if the weekend hang out comes up early, could be an indication of very high interest or her feeling weary and trying to settle, in either case she's looking for more than a hook up without trying to communicate that, you should be pulling back and qualifying her if she's looking for an early weekend, because a high value man has better options, walking away from ready puss is usually an investment for more later on in my books.

Or you could just enjoy the weekend date but at the same time, week day date after week day date isn't a good look for you either, I wouldn't be making myself available for coffee dates for longer than 15 minutes.

 

[LucianoM]

All my first dates have been on weekend nights because those are the funnest. Why would you take a girl to a bar or club on a freaking tuesday when she has to work the next day?

Oh i know why because..
"Hurr durr you have to show value by not wasting a weekend night on a girl"

GD i hate "redpill" advice.

 

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

I think the Late '90's motto was "Weekenz for da'boys" or at least "Saturday's are for the boys" for the married/committed guys.

I'd say 1st/2nd dates that are usually short in duration don't deserve to break up a bigger block of time where presumably a well connected, active guy would be going out of town (ski, lake, hike, camp, hunt, etc.) It's not a bad habit to get in to so you do make the best use of your free time.

All my first dates have been on weekend nights because those are the funnest. Why would you take a girl to a bar or club on a freaking tuesday when she has to work the next day?

Oh i know why because..
"Hurr durr you have to show value by not wasting a weekend night on a girl"

GD i hate "redpill" advice.

These 2 posts seem pretty similar, just saying

 

[SW15]

All my first dates have been on weekend nights because those are the funnest. Why would you take a girl to a bar or club on a freaking tuesday when she has to work the next day?

There is something more liberating about having a 1st or 2nd date and not having to go to work the next day early in the morning.

One thing about post college dating I've always found difficult is having to compete with work the next morning.

In college, if there's a first date on a Wednesday night and my first class is on Thursday morning is 8 or 9 AM, it's not a big deal if I miss my Thursday morning class. The absolute worst thing that can happen is that I fail a class and end up having to re-take it. The same goes for her. That makes the environment much lighter and more fun when 2 college students are on a weeknight first date.

If I somehow mess up at work by not showing up or not being alert at work the day after a late night date due to lack of sleep and/or alcohol, I could get fired and have severe economic consequences. Interviewing for a new job is always a pain. The stakes are much higher. If you have a Wednesday night first date with 2 people working jobs that require being present and alert by 8-9 AM the next morning, that puts an artificial strain on how much fun you might be able to have. It's far more common for 2 working people to have the weeknight first date, especially in the era of websites/swipe apps creating many more dates (most of which are garbage).

The other solution to this is to get a job that doesn't involve needing to be alert until 12 PM. That creates a different set of challenges than the challenges of the typical 8:30 AM-5:30 PM type worker.

I like daytime weekend dates and Fri/Sat night dates best so as to not have the artificial boundary of the next morning.

Oh i know why because..
"Hurr durr you have to show value by not wasting a weekend night on a girl"

Some women might not agree to a Fri/Sat night 1st or 2nd date, especially a first date. I think most women under 30 would be less likely to give up a Friday/Saturday to a man from a swipe app/cold approach. 30 something childless women have mostly married friends and friends in LTRs so they're more open to the Fri/Sat night first date in my experience. If you're setting up the date from either social circle or in-person approach, it's easier to ask for and receive that prime time slot because she can already gauge the in-person chemistry better. This is especially true if the in-person interaction prior to asking out on a date resulted in a longer conversation (7-15 minutes).