Dammit. I had a meltdown on a date last night

[stormwriter]

Geezuz.
Three months of DJ training down the toilet in two hours.

I went on a first "dinner" date with a girl, even though i met her a couple days before. She was the one i talked on the phone for over TWO HOURS the other night. She seems to really be into me.
I had some mild trepidation concerning her, so i thought this dinner date would give me more clues as to how i felt about her. (she's a couple years older, face kind of looks worn out)

Well, she arrives, and dammit, she looks great! KILLER body, and i just liked what i saw. She was open and honest about everything, and would share her feelings.

I made it through dinner just fine, then we went to another place, and i was getting this funny vibe. She had a "closed" body language going, and she was kind of leaning back from me. Then, she would look at me and laugh for no reason. It was really starting to make me self conscious. I even went to the bathroom to check myself! Does my breath stink?? I was tired too, so i was really quiet.
Well, i started opening my mouth, saying things like, "i'm just mad at myself cause i'm being boring."
Then, we went to another club, and i was getting VERY angry at myself. I was almost sabotaging the date, cause i'm thinking, "this chick likes to have a good time, and you are sitting here boring her to death." and i'm also thinking, "Cam, you like this girl more than you expected, and now you are ruining it by being so boring. You HAD a great connection with this chick, now it's being squandered."

So, i'm thinking all this stuff, THEN i start telling her what i'm thinking! (the stuff above) I told her i really liked her, but she probably is used to guys jumping through hoops making her laugh and have a good time, and here i am just being boring.

i couldn't snap out of it. I was about two seconds away from saying, "forget this. Obviously i'm not the guy for you, so lets just end this...."

At one point she said, "Confidence is sexy. What if you had a women interested in you, and she started saying things like, "oh, i like you, but i dont think i'm good enough for you...?"

So, i'm awaiting the fallout to see if i've blown it or not. It's not a huge deal if i did, other than being too hard on myself.

It all started when i got that little butterfly feeling that i was with someone i was starting to really like.

 

[coin]

No permanent harm done. Learning experience, right?

And who knows, she may be willing to try again.

 

[Frosty]

Storm, I got to admit, it sound like you went through an aspiring DJ nightmare.

At one point she said, "Confidence is sexy. What if you had a women interested in you, and she started saying things like, "oh, i like you, but i dont think i'm good enough for you...?"

Could she have been describing your actions? I don't know.

It seems as if you are now in a position where you are damned if you do and damned if you don't.

If you call her back too soon, you will probably look desperate.

If you don't call her back, she will probably think that you felt that you were not good enough for her afterall.

At least if you decide not to call back, you can move on and see what she does. If she doesn't call you back ever, you will know that you blew it. If she calls you back, you will know that she still digs you.

This is a good one. Keep me updated. I mean it!

 

[Bud Wiser]

Originally posted by stormwriter
She was the one i talked on the phone for over TWO HOURS the other night. She seems to really be into me.

She had a "closed" body language going, and she was kind of leaning back from me. Then, she would look at me and laugh for no reason.

So, i'm thinking all this stuff, THEN i start telling her what i'm thinking!

At one point she said, "Confidence is sexy. What if you had a women interested in you, and she started saying things like, "oh, i like you, but i dont think i'm good enough for you...?"

Okay, from your post, I quoted out what I think are the spots where things got dicey for you.

First, you talked to her on the phone for two freaking hours? That's way too long; save that stuff for the date. Keep the phone calls under a half hour and end the conversation -- and dates -- first. Be funny and fun and then get out of there.

Second -- be really careful about reading body language. I've had many instances where a woman has demonstrated "closed" body language when she was really into me, big time. It happened just last night, in fact. You were being way too conscious of her reactions to you, instead of just forging ahead and not giving a damn.

Third -- lay off that self-revelation stuff early in a relationship. Keep it fun and you'll keep her around.

Fourth -- it sounds like that "confidence is sexy...I'm not good enough for you" comment of hers is either a test, an oblique blow-off or both. Not good.

From what I'm hearing, your prospects with this woman are dim at best. But don't be too hard on yourself about it. We've all been there. Chalk it up to experience, learn from it and get back out there!

 

[hitop]

Well, she arrives, and dammit, she looks great!

Arrives where? Your house or did you meet her at the restaraunt? Because if she only agreed to meet you at the restaraunt for your date, that spells trouble before you even got out of the starting gate.

Then, she would look at me and laugh for no reason.

Can't always pin this one down. But this is usually an accurate indicator of low IL.

 

[spanky]

Then, she would look at me and laugh for no reason.

Can't always pin this one down. But this is usually a accurate indicator of low IL

I agree. This can't be good.

Second -- be really careful about reading body language. I've had many instances where a woman has demonstrated "closed" body language when she was really into me, big time. It happened just last night, in fact. You were being way too conscious of her reactions to you, instead of just forging ahead and not giving a damn.

What he said.


We all get a bit freaked out on dates at one time or another. Too bad yours had to be with a hot broad that you liked but I am sure you haev more lined up.