downfallofdisbelief
Don Juan
Ok, I've been learning from this site for years, and I've greatly improved myself in so many ways, and I'm very thankful for that. Anyways, I'm going to cut to the chase and get to my story:
I've had many relationships in the past, some good some bad. After reading from this site, I had/have no problems attracting women. 2 Years ago i got into a relationship with this girl who was 2 years younger than I. I was 18, she was 16. This relationship (in it's prime) couldn't be more perfect for me. I had dated 10-11 girls before I met her, and none compared to the connection we had.
Long story short, we "fell in love" and things went fine until her parents decided they were all moving a few states away. We eventually broke up after less than a month of her being gone, but I was broken over it.
Eventually, she meets some other guy, they were together for about a year. This only wore my confidence down, of course (i had fallen into my own trap, with no regards to what I have learned here and through experience).
Well, a few months ago, she moved back. No boyfriend. And we hadn't spoken (sort of) in a year. I thought about her every day since we last saw each other, and I had no way to control it. She got ahold of me on myspace, (even though I told her I didn't ever want to see her again a few months before). She tells me she moved to my town and wanted to see me. I told her I'd let her know. I didn't want to , but at the same time I was curious and (inevitibly) decided to see her.
She came over to my apartment the day we were moving in, and hung out for a few hours. Honestly, I didn't even budge. I was totally cool all night, and I didn't think about anything. It was very strange. The next day I quickly identified this as some sort of "shock" because all day I had a lot of trouble keeping her out of my head. I felt insane for a while, i really did.
Well, I knew I had to cut off all communication, so I avoided contact with her. Eventually, I end up with some girl from a couple apartments over. It was more of a ****buddy kind of situation, taking thats all we really did.
Well that ended after about a month. Guess who wants to hang out again? And guess who actually goes through with it? Yes, naive naive me.
She tells me that she moved in less than a block from me. She came over and hung out. Nothing bad / good happened. But then she started coming over every day. She started sleeping in my bed with me and wanting to "cuddle" blah blah blah. Eventually, this got out of control.
All this time, she was still talking with the other guy, and I knew this. I didn't know exactly how to percieve her "cuddling" demands, and her eventual hanging on me all night etc.
I left her a message on her phone, saying that I knew she was involved with someone else, and that I didn't think she should be sleeping in my bed and cuddling with me if she has some sort of commitment.
The next day she calls me, acting like I had said nothing to her, and tells me she's moving back 2 states away.
She came over that night, and I basically ignored her all night because I had no intentions to get involved in any way because I knew it was all false. Well, she caught on to this avoiding, and corners me in the hallway at about 12:00 am. I'm like "yes..?" and she says that I was avoiding her. I acted like I didn't know what she was talking about. We paused for about 5 seconds and then she starts making out with me. This went on for about 10 minutes or so. Later on that night we made out a couple times more. It was really random.
Well, she ends up in my bed again, but I get no sex. (should have got something out of that ...) she had to leave for the plane at 5:00 am, which meant I had to take her back..
I fell asleep and woke up to her kissing me on my forehead. I drove her back to her house cuz thats where her ride to the airport was going to be. She kiss me on the cheek after we hug and says "i'll see you in another 2 months"
I emailed her the next day asking what that was all about, and she just tells me "i'm in love with someone else."
Well, that was about 2 months ago, and those every day thoughts of her have never been worse. I dont understand why I let myself get into that, but at the same time I still have this "one-itis" for her. I have no problems being interested in girls, but theres always this feeling for her lingering.
I feel like she's emotionally damaged me permanently, and I have no closure on it. I hate that I even have to write this, but I feel that if I dont tell somebody I'm going to go insane. It's like a depression that can be interrupted, but always come back at the end of the night. I dont have a history of mental un-health, so I'm totally unaware of what these feelings are and how to deal with them. I just feel like i've been stripped of my manhood at times.
Don't get me wrong, I have my confident days, but It's always tearing me apart. Does ANYONE have any advice, beyond what I can find on sosuave? It's such a hard thing to get over, I'm just wondering if any more 'experienced' people have had a similar issue.
I've had many relationships in the past, some good some bad. After reading from this site, I had/have no problems attracting women. 2 Years ago i got into a relationship with this girl who was 2 years younger than I. I was 18, she was 16. This relationship (in it's prime) couldn't be more perfect for me. I had dated 10-11 girls before I met her, and none compared to the connection we had.
Long story short, we "fell in love" and things went fine until her parents decided they were all moving a few states away. We eventually broke up after less than a month of her being gone, but I was broken over it.
Eventually, she meets some other guy, they were together for about a year. This only wore my confidence down, of course (i had fallen into my own trap, with no regards to what I have learned here and through experience).
Well, a few months ago, she moved back. No boyfriend. And we hadn't spoken (sort of) in a year. I thought about her every day since we last saw each other, and I had no way to control it. She got ahold of me on myspace, (even though I told her I didn't ever want to see her again a few months before). She tells me she moved to my town and wanted to see me. I told her I'd let her know. I didn't want to , but at the same time I was curious and (inevitibly) decided to see her.
She came over to my apartment the day we were moving in, and hung out for a few hours. Honestly, I didn't even budge. I was totally cool all night, and I didn't think about anything. It was very strange. The next day I quickly identified this as some sort of "shock" because all day I had a lot of trouble keeping her out of my head. I felt insane for a while, i really did.
Well, I knew I had to cut off all communication, so I avoided contact with her. Eventually, I end up with some girl from a couple apartments over. It was more of a ****buddy kind of situation, taking thats all we really did.
Well that ended after about a month. Guess who wants to hang out again? And guess who actually goes through with it? Yes, naive naive me.
She tells me that she moved in less than a block from me. She came over and hung out. Nothing bad / good happened. But then she started coming over every day. She started sleeping in my bed with me and wanting to "cuddle" blah blah blah. Eventually, this got out of control.
All this time, she was still talking with the other guy, and I knew this. I didn't know exactly how to percieve her "cuddling" demands, and her eventual hanging on me all night etc.
I left her a message on her phone, saying that I knew she was involved with someone else, and that I didn't think she should be sleeping in my bed and cuddling with me if she has some sort of commitment.
The next day she calls me, acting like I had said nothing to her, and tells me she's moving back 2 states away.
She came over that night, and I basically ignored her all night because I had no intentions to get involved in any way because I knew it was all false. Well, she caught on to this avoiding, and corners me in the hallway at about 12:00 am. I'm like "yes..?" and she says that I was avoiding her. I acted like I didn't know what she was talking about. We paused for about 5 seconds and then she starts making out with me. This went on for about 10 minutes or so. Later on that night we made out a couple times more. It was really random.
Well, she ends up in my bed again, but I get no sex. (should have got something out of that ...) she had to leave for the plane at 5:00 am, which meant I had to take her back..
I fell asleep and woke up to her kissing me on my forehead. I drove her back to her house cuz thats where her ride to the airport was going to be. She kiss me on the cheek after we hug and says "i'll see you in another 2 months"
I emailed her the next day asking what that was all about, and she just tells me "i'm in love with someone else."
Well, that was about 2 months ago, and those every day thoughts of her have never been worse. I dont understand why I let myself get into that, but at the same time I still have this "one-itis" for her. I have no problems being interested in girls, but theres always this feeling for her lingering.
I feel like she's emotionally damaged me permanently, and I have no closure on it. I hate that I even have to write this, but I feel that if I dont tell somebody I'm going to go insane. It's like a depression that can be interrupted, but always come back at the end of the night. I dont have a history of mental un-health, so I'm totally unaware of what these feelings are and how to deal with them. I just feel like i've been stripped of my manhood at times.
Don't get me wrong, I have my confident days, but It's always tearing me apart. Does ANYONE have any advice, beyond what I can find on sosuave? It's such a hard thing to get over, I'm just wondering if any more 'experienced' people have had a similar issue.
