Craigslist Meets WallStreet…Classic

[Luthor Rex]

What a classic answer…..

THIS APPEARED ON CRAIG’S LIST

What am I doing wrong?

Okay, I’m tired of beating around the bush. I’m a beautiful (spectacularly beautiful) 25 year old girl. I’m articulate and classy.
I’m not from New York . I’m looking to get married to a guy who makes at least half a million a year. I know how that sounds, but keep in mind that a million a year is middle class in New York City, so I don’t think I’m overreaching at all.

Are there any guys who make 500K or more on this board? Any wives? Could you send me some tips? I dated a business man who makes average around 200 - 250. But that’s where I seem to hit a roadblock. 250,000 won’t get me to central park west. I know a woman in my yoga class who was married to an investment banker and lives in Tribeca, and she’s not as pretty as I am, nor is she a great genius. So what is she doing right? How do I get to her level?

Here are my questions specifically:

- Where do you single rich men hang out? Give me specifics- bars, restaurants, gyms

-What are you looking for in a mate? Be honest guys, you won’t hurt my feelings

-Is there an age range I should be targeting (I’m 25)?

- Why are some of the women living lavish lifestyles on the upper east side so plain? I’ve seen really ‘plain jane’ boring types who have nothing to offer married to incredibly wealthy guys. I’ve seen drop dead gorgeous girls in singles bars in the east village. What’s the story there?

- Jobs I should look out for? Everyone knows - lawyer, investment banker, doctor. How much do those guys really make? And where do they hang out? Where do the hedge fund guys hang out?

- How you decide marriage vs. just a girlfriend? I am looking for MARRIAGE ONLY

Please hold your insults - I’m putting myself out there in an honest way. Most beautiful women are superficial; at least I’m being up front about it. I wouldn’t be searching for these kind of guys if I wasn’t able to match them - in looks, culture, sophistication, and keeping a nice home and hearth.

it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: 432279810

THE ANSWER
Dear Pers-431649184:

I read your posting with great interest and have thought meaningfully about your dilemma. I offer the following analysis of your predicament.
Firstly, I’m not wasting your time, I qualify as a guy who fits your bill; that is I make more than $500K per year. That said here’s how I see it.

Your offer, from the prospective of a guy like me, is plain and simple a crappy business deal. Here’s why. Cutting through all the B.S., what you suggest is a simple trade: you bring your looks to the party and I bring my money. Fine, simple. But here’s the rub, your looks will fade and my money will likely continue into perpetuity…in fact, it is very likely that my income increases but it is an absolute certainty that you won’t be getting any more beautiful!

So, in economic terms you are a depreciating asset and I am an earning asset. Not only are you a depreciating asset, your depreciation accelerates! Let me explain, you’re 25 now and will likely stay pretty hot for the next 5 years, but less so each year. Then the fade begins in earnest. By 35 stick a fork in you!

So in Wall Street terms, we would call you a trading position, not a buy and hold…hence the rub…marriage. It doesn’t make good business sense to “buy you” (which is what you’re asking) so I’d rather lease. In case you think I’m being cruel, I would say the following. If my money were to go away, so would you, so when your beauty fades I need an out. It’s as simple as that. So a deal that makes sense is dating, not marriage.

Separately, I was taught early in my career about efficient markets. So, I wonder why a girl as “articulate, classy and spectacularly beautiful”
as you has been unable to find your sugar daddy. I find it hard to believe that if you are as gorgeous as you say you are that the $500K hasn’t found you, if not only for a tryout.

By the way, you could always find a way to make your own money and then we wouldn’t need to have this difficult conversation.

With all that said, I must say you’re going about it the right way.
Classic “pump and dump.”
I hope this is helpful, and if you want to enter into some sort of lease, let me know.

 

[Michele l'Arcangelo]

pwned.com

anyways its too bad no one else will read this past the 3rd line... its a good read. very funny.

 

[Kidfabulous]

Read it when you first posted. Definitely a great one for a laugh... so true too. Thanks for sharing

 

[Michele l'Arcangelo]

bump for the ADDs

 

[Ricky]

That is awesome. I wonder if a community member was the one replying because he really nailed her!

 

[Mr. Wolf]

Yea, she's a gold digger. FVCK MY CAR B!TCH.


Here is something that's interesting.

- Why are some of the women living lavish lifestyles on the upper east side so plain? I’ve seen really ‘plain jane’ boring types who have nothing to offer married to incredibly wealthy guys. I’ve seen drop dead gorgeous girls in singles bars in the east village. What’s the story there?

Separately, I was taught early in my career about efficient markets. So, I wonder why a girl as “articulate, classy and spectacularly beautiful”
as you has been unable to find your sugar daddy. I find it hard to believe that if you are as gorgeous as you say you are that the $500K hasn’t found you, if not only for a tryout.

Because she's beautiful, and it would take a real man to approach that nut. Most big wallets would settle for something less frightening.

 

[Cruise]

LMAO... god this dude is awesome.

 

[Jimbo2k]

She has responded!

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/nyc/445962092.html

To the gentleman who called me a depreciating asset

Dear Sir,

I must confess that I was somewhat taken aback upon reading your email. Indeed, it has taken some time for me to sufficiently recuperate from my surprise. Lest your confidence quickly inflate for little reason (as we know is the predisposition for Wall St. types), allow me to hasten to reassure you that the source of my surprise was neither your candor nor the accuracy of your perception. Indeed, it is your "claimed" success in light of your poor grasp of economics which has me baffled. If the standards required to meet with financial success on Wall St. have sunk so low, perhaps I should indeed "make my own money", except for the fact that the effort/reward ratio is far too high for my liking - especially when so many of your ilk have displayed a far more cogent grasp of market realities than you have.

By now you are likely scratching your ever-vanishing hairline in confusion, so allow me to elaborate, dear man. To build some credibility I will tell you a bit more about yourself. Though you did not mention the details of your occupation, it is clear that you are an investment banker and not a trader, as any good trader would understand that human courtships are based upon a semi-efficient open market, and not an investment banking cartel. However, your inability to grasp the realities of the dating market is not surprising, given that you have successfully employed the tools of collusion and market manipulation rather that true acumen in your supposed wealth generation.

If your grasp of finance were not a minority partner with your ego, you would realize that the "outflows" associated with my depreciating "assets" are quite certain, and therefore subject to a low discount rate when determining their present value. In addition, though your concept of economics evidentially failed to move past the 1950s, advancement in plastic surgery is not subject to the same limitation. Thus, with some additional capital expenditure, the overall lifetime of "outflows" generated by these assets is greatly increased. Sad that Ashton Kutcher has demonstrated understanding of the female asset class which you, in all of your financial "wisdom", have not.

You, on the other hand, are, given the uncertainty of the Wall St. job market, more of an inflation-indexed junk bond with an underwater nested call option. Though you may argue that you are more of an equity investment, my monetary minimums required from you do not change, and if you are unable to pay them, I will liquidate you without the benefit of a chapter 11, just as you would me.

Because your outflows are so much more uncertain with respect to mine, I require additional compensation in the form of a underwater nested call option on your future assets. I say underwater because, even taking into account the value of your junk bond coupon payment to me, the value of my "outflow" is in excess of the market price of your equity (which is quite low due to its riskiness associated with your poor grasp of finance and my existing claim upon your junk bond coupon).

I must thank you though for raising the question, despite the reputation cost of subjecting your weak logic to such widespread scrutiny. This took either considerable courage or ignorance on your part- and we'll give you the benefit of doubt, just this once. My current boyfriend (a trader who lives in Central Park West, of course) and I thoroughly enjoyed discussing your response and we wish you the best of luck in your unhappy pursuit of that elusive market inefficiency.

 

[ChrizZ]

She must have been high and with a dildo up her a$$ when she wrote that.

 

[Mr. Wolf]

I'm not interested in reading what she said after that. I also retract my offer for her to FVCK MY CAR.

 

[Cruise]

Wasn't this chick just looking for a husband? Who was making over $500K?

So why, all of a sudden, does she have a"trader, who lives in Central Park West, of course" boyfriend? And 2, you mean to tell me that this Central Park West living Trader (which obviously implies that the guy has some pocket change), is going to discuss some bullshiot like this with the chick? I call B.S. She's a flatout golddigger, any intelligent, ambitious, driven man is way past the need to have a conversation like this with a proven and established money grubber. Truth is, she has no boyfriend of that sort.

"Thus, with some additional capital expenditure, the overall lifetime of "outflows" generated by these assets is greatly increased. Sad that Ashton Kutcher has demonstrated understanding of the female asset class which you, in all of your financial "wisdom", have not."

What she means to say is that she can keep her youthful look as long as she has the money to do so... but... she doesn't have the money to do so... lol.

Funny, but, she still hasn't proven anything substantial, other then she knows a bit about finances... but then again, she has no money, oh well.

And WTF does "evidentially" mean???

 

[ketostix]

First off her responses is a bunch of double talk and inaccurate, but as I read it I suspected she had someone else write the reply. Then at the end she even admitted it in so many words:

My current boyfriend (a trader who lives in Central Park West, of course) and I thoroughly enjoyed discussing your response and we wish you the best of luck in your unhappy pursuit of that elusive market inefficiency

So the dumb cvnt already got some AFC "boyfriend" who thinks himself a finance whiz. The guy ha s it all wrong and backwards anyway. But if this woman believed in efficient market then why was she complaining about no one buying her at her price previously?

 

[Phyzzle]

Sheesh, do you know any big words, lady? Talk about trying too hard to sound smart. She could have said "as an investment banker, your money is about as reliable over time as my looks."

Interesting exchange, though.

 

[Ken785]

She has responded!

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/nyc/445962092.html

her speech in this one is different from the first post she had...you can tell the dumb b1tch used a thesaurus to sound as smart as the guy on wall st.

 

[djtdot]

"I will liquidate you without the benefit of a chapter 11

I thought liquidation was chapter 7 and chapter 11 provides protection from creditors.

 

[ketostix]

"I will liquidate you without the benefit of a chapter 11

I thought liquidation was chapter 7 and chapter 11 provides protection from creditors.

No I think chapter 7 provides the most protection from creditors for nocollatoral debt-basically you write them all off. She basically said it the way you did, but she was incorrect because a person I think would be better off with chapt 7 over chapt 11 in the scenario she's talking about. You would just right her off with nothing to be liquidated.

 

[LivA]

http://www.tenetsofleykis.com/

The only way to go.