Courage=Freedom (long)

[backbreaker]

Today I want to harp a little on success. What it takes to be successful and why a lot of people AREN’T successful.

The answer is very simple, and it has been beat to death time and time again, however no one seems to believe or want to hear it. People STILL come here looking for quick fixes to not just women, but to life in general.


The answer is, as A-Unit stated so eloquently in the past in one of his previous posts, is that you don’t want it bad enough:

That's what alot of us 'older bucks' say the real secret is. Generally speaking, though, that isn't glamorous, marketable, or attractive. What works, usually isn't that exciting, because true work and success take dedication.

I can cite 100's of examples where consistency to a goal or plan yielded the desired, but only with consistency did it work.

Failing at your weakest point will not get you there.
Giving in on a diet when you're 'hungry' doesn't cut it.
Quitting when there's a girl you desire is weak.
Ignoring education because it's hard is weak and lackluster.

If things were so easy, everybody would do them and they wouldn't be great.

If you could climb Mt Everest as easy as walking your street, would anyone make a big-to-do about it when camps go up?

I doubt it.

And people only get recognition for a feat when they finish it. Rarely do people buy into you when you're just starting out, but that's ok. It's purely psychological. They have only seen you one way, so it's difficult for their vision to process you as something else. Forge ahead and prove to yourself you can.

- A-Unit

The reason I included that in this post, is because a) I couldn’t have said THAT any better and b) That sets the foundation to exactly what I want to get to.

A little background about me first.

As most of you know, I am a 22 year old African American male who started his own company about 5 years ago, give or take when you want to say it officially “started”, which I sold.. at least my share a year ago Next Monday.

After taking about 2 months off to recoup, give my LTR the time I wasn’t able to give her while I was running my company and to just basically relax, I decided I was going to do what I always wanted to do, which is become a professional handicapper, which I have also successfully done.

Now, because of this, I get a lot of questions on how I did this or how I did that. Which I don’t mind whatsoever. I am always ready to help someone if I can, that’s just my personality type.

When I go to Bars our over a friends house in general, and women make their interest known to me, guys either assume it’s because I have a little money, or because I am “lucky” or they just plain hate. Even today, I went to subway, as I do everyday, to get my post workout meal (hint hint) and the cashier made it known, in so many words, that she was interested In me.

Guys ask me “how do you do it”, or say “man you got to show me your game”.

It’s not that I don’t want to help them, it’s that what I want to say, can’t necessarly be put into words.

YOU HAVE TO WANT THIS ****!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


It’s really that simple.

No, it really IS THAT SIMPLE


I remember in High School, we used to have to run 5 in 1’s (5 times down the court in back in 1 minute) for entire practices and whenever we got tired, the coach would just get in our face and ask us how bad to we want to succeed.. Because this is the price you have to pay to be good.

Let me show you what it takes to succeed and I hope everyone that reads this that is looking to learn something is able to pick up at least something from what I am saying, because as of now I am just a tour guide, showing you what the path to success is going to be like.

Lol, thinking back to like our first month in our business when we first started, we were designing the website, staying up all night doing “hard work”. We had it “all laid out” and in 6 months we were going to be rich . I remember I asked my business partner “why doesn’t everyone own their own business”.

Even though I ended up making more money than I ever thought I would make, the path wasn’t Hard. It was more like Climb Mount Everest soaking wet, high on weed hard.

You see me now, and all appears fine and good. What you don’t see is no sex or social life WHATSOEVER from 18-21.None. Zilch. I hadn’t bought clothes for myself, at least non business clothes, from the time I was 17 until a little after my 21st birthday.

You didn’t me balloon from 140 to about 190 in 2 and a half years of working 18 hours a day, eating anything I can afford and not sleeping or exercising, with all of it being fat of course.

Being broke, day after day after day, when it’s soo tempting to just “get a job until things pick up” to at least buy something other than hot pockets and ramen noodles to eat.

One day my business partner and I actually got into a fight because I went to Arby’s and got a combo meal. That’s broke.

Your parents telling you to “do what’s right” and get a job (Basically be like them). My mom kicking me out the house for not going to college, at the time when I was this broke nevertheless. I made my grandmother (my mom’s mom) let me stay there, as she had 2 extra bedrooms, and in all honestly all was fine until her BF came home one day when I was in the shower, knocked down the door and chased me around the house with a butcher knife because he thought I didn’t want to let him in.

Then my Grandmother, my own grandmother, even with me being her only grandson, kicked ME out the house, leaving me no place to go. I actually slept in my car for a couple of days until we got our own apartment together (my business partner and I) because he was having family issues as well. WE had no idea how we were going to pay for it, but we knew we didn’t’ have a choice BUT to make it work.

So you are in an apartment, not a bad apartment actually, but it has no furniture, at least for me, because my mom didn’t’ give me my **** when she kicked me out. A year and a half I slept on the floor in my room because I didn’t want to spend the companies money on a bed.

Get up in the morning, usually 5:30-6:00. Work. Usually until about 12 at night. If I was lucky, and we had the money, which was not all the time, I could “treat” myself to some chicken Alfreado and a good episode of law and order. This was the highlight of my nights for 3 years… I guess that’s why I am so fond of the show now.

Every once in a while I got a Saturday off. But it didn’t matter because my only two friends were Sigma’s now, and they had sigma **** to do on weekends I mean we were still cool, but we had different things going on in our lives, I can’t fault them for that.. so I usually worked on Saturdays. My mom and I wouldn’t talk. She didn’t even invite me over for dinner on Thanksgiving. When I was 20 I spent thanksgiving alone at home working, eating a pizza.

Christmas wasn’t much better in all honestly. I just randomly decided to show up at my mom’s house.. I didn’t even know they were having Christmas there, I just wanted to see my 5 year old little sister. No one seemed happy to see me. My mom and grand mom called me fat. No presents, even though I nicked and dimmed and got all of them something.

I actually went home in tears, thinking why can’t I get my on mom to freaking like me? I mean, you only have one mom and I have never been in trouble, all I do was following my dreams and my mom outcasts me from the family.

My dad’s side of the family was a hell of a lot better, but at the same time, my dad was just married and he spent a lot of time with his wives family instead of his mom and his brothers/sisters. Plus I have two older cousins, one who just graduated from Law School at the University of Arkansas and one that just got done playing basketball for 5 years at the university of Arkansas. Whenever I was around them, there wasn’t a lot of pressure on me, asking where I was, or why I am so damn fat or whatnot.

Let’s see… oh there’s more. The girl, the girl of my dreams. Met her when I was 17. I won’t get into what happened, but basically I got LJBF’ed for a guy with more money than me (which I just now found out the reason ironically). We stopped talking for 2 years, but considering that was the last contact I had with any girl, that hunted me for a while.

And notice I haven’t even started talking about the company itself? Try managing a budget, dealing with banks, building PC’s and talking to customers in the wee hours of the night for 2 years and see how it effects you.

Spending day after freaking day, trying to find that one “thing” to put you over the edge. Trying to somewhat fix your credit so when the time comes, you can have something to get something with

Having to clean up after your business partner, who is one of the most unsanitary people I have ever met, and I come from a household where we don’t even leave dishes in the dish washer, we wash them right after we use them.. Culture shock to say the least.

Having a car that has 250k miles on it and you are too broke to get it fixed, so you learn how to fix it yourself.


continued

 

[backbreaker]

I can go on and on for a lot of the night, but I won’t, because I am sure you are getting my point.

I have been though some **** to say the least. It wasn’t fun when I was going though it.. it’s not even fun looking back on it. Feeling lonely, feeling fat, depression, all tempting you to “find a way out”.

Now that I think about it, I only really had one thing in my favor, and that’s the WILL TO SUCCEED.

Failure honestly, wasn’t’ an option. It was never discussed. There were no contingency plans. None.

We were going to make it. It might take 1 month, 1 year or 1 decade, but I’ll be damned if we weren’t going to figure this thing out.

It became so redundant that at times I had to remind myself why I was slaving myself for. What exactly am I pushing myself this hard for?

All I had was the courage to do things differently. Instead of taking the “easy path”, of college, which I was more than smart enough to go to, I just choose not to, I did what I felt in my heart was the best thing for me to do. I knew if I didn’t do it, I would always look back on my life and say “I should have” and I refuse to do that.

I would rather starve for free than be a fat slave. In other words, I would rather die knowing I am doing things my way than live in mediocrity being miserable.

And as bad as I make it sound, don’t get me wrong… I loved what I did. I loved the thrill of not knowing what was coming the next day. I loved the thrill of not knowing how rent was going to get paid. I liked knowing that however successful we were depended on me.

Back to courage to succeed.

I could have quit, and in all honestly, no one would have said a word. After all, starting a company is hard. Starting a computer company for 2 African Americans in their early 20’s with no startup money is a death wish.

How does this apply to you?

I am not telling you to all go out and start your own companies.. Not in the least bit.

But if you want to be successful with women, work, all relationships, money, whatever the case may be, you have courage. You have WANT IT TO THE POINT THAT YOU DON’T WANT TO LIVE ANOTHER DAY IN THE SITUTATION YOU ARE IN. Because when all else fails, it’s easy to go back to what you are used to and where your comfort level is.

With women… I am not a bad looking guy. I used to model as a kid and I am blessed to have good genetics (one of the only things good my mom every did for me). Even with that said, when I was overweight I wasn’t getting many if any looks from anyone. Not so much because I was overweight, because now that I look back on it, I was big but not HUGE, but because I had no self confidence in my looks. I wasn’t “putting my best foot

Forward”. I know me enough to know that the way my personality is, money would not make me ultra successful with women, because I care too much about the way I look.

So I hit the gym. Every freaking day. Got up in the morning and ran sprints. Ate **** I didn’t want to eat, and learned to LOVE the **** because every time I ate a nasty ass cup of cottage cheese I knew I was getting closer to my goals (mmmm mmmmmmmmm b!tch!).

Learning about fashion. Remember, I was out of the game for 3 years, plus I was “grown”. My tastes had changed.

Waking up on a Tuesday, sore as ****, knowing you have 4 more days of working out to go, and trying to convince yourself you can “take a day off”.. but like I said, failure isn’t an option. I willed my way though every Deadlift, Bench Press, Row, Squat and any other workout I did.

All the time I see my friends, who aren’t bad looking mind you, pulling women left and right. Women I would kill to sleep with at this point in my life. Remember.. I am a young, and by the time I actually start working out, successful , business owner. I have a lot of **** to offer anyone, yet no one bothers to see it.

Friends joking with you calling you fat. Your mom calling you fat. Your EX calling you FAT. Your Grand mom calling you FAT.

I could have very easily said you know what, I am going to be overweight.. my mom is not big, but she isn’t small either (about 150) and my aunt is every bit of 175 and my grand mom isn’t too far behind.. just accept the fact that I got my mom’s side of the family when it comes to body shape and learn to “accept me for who I am”

Lol, try talking to a person, let alone a random person in a bookstore after not talking to a woman in 3 years and see what happens… The worst pickup in pickup history.

But you gotta start somewhere.





And in time, I could actually start to see in the end of the rainbow.

I remember the day like it was yesterday. I got up in the morning, took jersey outside (our pet rat terrier) and checked our sales, to look at some changes I had made in our marketing to see if they had any effect.. to notice our sales, in the last 6 hours, at night mind you, had tripped what we made the entire last week.

Our average weekly sale of computers at the time was 7. We sold 35 in one day.

The next day, we got out first business order, a company ordered 20 PC’s. On and On.. We got so caught up we forgot we had to actually build the PC’s. We actually got so swarmed we had to “cut off marketing” for a couple of days just to build some PC’s, because at the time, we were just 2 people.

Now, this presented a problem within itself. There was no way in hell we could build the PC’s in that amount of time ourselves and do our other work.

So we basically had 2 and a half weeks to get an office, get employees, get their paperwork done correctly, get taxes done (which was my fault for lagging and not doing them earlier) and get a merchant that would allow us to process more orders, in a 2 week time period.

However, you think with all that **** we had been though we was going to let something like this slow us down?

All this time, we had been planning for our opportunity to get in the door. We told anyone that would listen, which wasn’t many lol, that all we needed is to get our foot in the door so to speak, and the rest would take care of itself.

We had a list of potential employees already ready. Potential list of merchants? Done.

Potential list of buildings we can move into? Not a problem

I went and got a CPA with this small infusion of cash we had so I wouldn’t have to deal with this.

Took a Saturday morning and got furniture for our new building. Made our new employees build their own work pc’s. Trained them in about 2-3 days.

Things were looking up. And in all honestly, as far as business, the hard part, or at least the hardest part, was over. WE had went over so many plans and outlines and sinerios that making sales wasn’t a problem.


I finally got a newer car. I slimmed down from 190 to about 172, 11% BF. After 2 years, ironically, right when my business started to take off, my old oneitis sent me a mail out of the blue, wanting to “talk to me”.

My mom randomly popped over my house one day soon after that, wondering “why I don’t come around anymore”. She starts calling me wanting to “spend time with her son”

On my birthday, June 17th, I get my own apartment. With furniture!!!!!! I was more stoked about the bed than the damn apartment! My dad.. who I never really had any issues with in all honesty, started kicking it with me more often.

Girls started actually looking at me.. Cute ones! I remember like it was yesterday the first cute girl in forever to pay me any attention.. not fine.. I mean CUTE.. I still had a ways to go. She was engaged, and she worked at Bath and Body works (I made a post on it here 2 years ago if you want to look it up). She took my hand and she smiled and held contact that half a second longer than she was supposed to, and I smiled back and she blushed… if it weren’t for her ****blocking friend, who ran over there and reminded her in front of the store she was engaged, I might have gotten somewhere with her.

I went shopping, got a new wardrobe. I mean an entirely new wardrobe. My next month of Saturdays consisted of nothing but shopping. I am actually on payroll now, and can afford to buy ****! Yeah! And someone had the never to critize me about spending too much money.. I wanted to say *****, if you knew 1/100th of the **** I have been though to earn this money, you would shut the **** up.

My two only friends, who to this day are my only real two friends, I took both of them shopping and bought them some clothes. Lol, when I started making money, one of them said “were rich” and he was right.. what’s mine is there’s. One of them right now can come over here, take one of my cars (they have keys to all my cars) and I could care less. They are the only ones who WANTED to see me when I had nothing to offer. They are the ones who dragged me to go bowling every once in a while, just to make me get out the house.

While shopping for a new wallet, you know, to match everything else I bought, there was this cute, actually fine as hell to be more accurate, spunky woman working in dillards selling wallets. The wallet was ugly as hell, but she was so damn funny and so spunky she convinced me to buy it.

To this day, her and I will argue over this, but she worked in the same department as the cologne, and I had the cologne woman hold some cologne for me until I got done shopping. So she just comes up to me and starts a conversation. Event though I am looking at her and I am thinking she is fine as hell.. she is too easy to talk to. She’s fun.
At the same time we ask each other how old the other was. She was 25 at the time, It was the day after my 21st birthday. She told me I was too young, I said “for what?”.. obviously you like me, so give me your number so we can get together sometime. She smiles and agrees.

Over time, though all of the women I ended up banging, ended up being my LTR, my first REAL one ever (i.e not in High school) and we tossed around the idea of marriage.

 

[backbreaker]

But at the end of the day, we just weren’t compatible, at least to me, long term. I love her to death to this day. We talk all the time… funny thing about it though, I miss her in the sense that she lives in VA now and I am still in Arkansas, but I don’t miss her in a sexual way. Because we ended on good terms.. great terms actually, If she got her act together I could see us ending up being together, but I doubt it, because she is going to want to settle down and that isn’t happening for a while with me.

Over time she saw I was successful and she admitted that she liked the fact that I had ambition, but she could care less how much money I had. AS much money as I had, and by the time we were getting serious, I had more than enough, she would take ME out and BUY ME DINNER. Quite often actually.

By now, my old oneitis is literarily foaming at the mouth to get with me. She smells money. Her BF’s parents had money, but her BF was too much of a deadbeat to ever do anything with himself. I had proven myself.

By this time, we went out, my two friends and I, I don’t think I ever didn’t come home without a phone number. Women were lining up to date me. It was so bad, that Amber (my ex I was referring to) had a cousin that came in town that she didn’t want me to see because she thought she might try to **** me or visa versa (and she did the right thing too, because she was hot)



WHERE I AM NOW

About July of LAST year I bought a house, that got broken into on Christmas, so right now I stay in an extended stay hotel. Although I do at times miss the rush of business, I am not in a hurry to get back into it, as it makes you age.

I originally planned to get another house by March, but I’m honestly not in a hurry. I kinda like where I stay believe it or not. Nevertheless, I am still debating on moving to SoCal or getting a house down here. The house I actually dreamed of being able to buy down here, is actually for sale, and I can actually afford to buy it out right. Move to SoCal or fulfill a dream? Possibly both? Time will tell, but I have to decide something soon. The way things are going, I might buy the house and rent a condo down there in May.

I have three cars. One of which is too expensive for me to keep at this hotel so I keep it in my dad’s garage.

I try to read a lot of books, I don’t watch much TV except for Sopranos and Law and Order.

I workout 6 days a week. I went from being FAT and everyone thinking I am naturally “thick” to being cut. I am not ripped yet, mainly because I wanted to loose fat before I added anything to my foundation, but by the end of the year…

My made my dad’s mom retire last year. I pay all her bills, food, hospital bills, etc. That feels better than anything I have ever bought in all honestly, because she worked her ass off rasing the entire family, and she can look back and be extremely proud she has 3 very very successful grandchildren, witch another cousin (my dad’s oldest brothers only son) that is going to be playing High level D1 basketball here in 2 years.


I keep about 3 women on a normal basis in my life. Not because I thrive on having that much attention, moreso because I am not in a hurry to settle down, and now that I see what’s actually out there in the field, I know what I want, and no woman I know offers the full plate. All are older than me. One 27, one 32 and one 23. I don’t date women my age. Not because I can’t, but because I don’t have anything in common with most people my age.




There were times when the thought of being able to get my old oneitis (lol, I was actually surprised this word wasn’t in the dictionary) motivated me. I know for a fact if I really wanted her, either as a sport **** or as a LTR, she’s mine for the taking, when and how I want it.


My two best friends, although I love them to death, don’t spend as much time with me anymore. We just have different interests. They are rappers and I don’t listen to rap anymore. They wear baggy clothes and you will never catch me without slacks.. ONCE IN A BLUE MOON I might wear some Diesel Blue jeans to a club or a bar. One works a normal 8-5, the other lives with him and does nothing all day, sleeps until 1pm usually. I am up at 7 on the dot except Sundays, even on days I don’t race.

Back to that. I am making more money then ever handicapping horse races. So much so, that I only really do it from Friday-Sunday. The rest of the week I am looking into other interests, or working on possible picks for those days, or because I just plain love what I do now, at the track, having a drink, talking to friends about how they lost “the big one’ and just enjoying the track atmosphere.

I enjoy everything about horse racing. I enjoy the ride To the track which is 45 minutes. I enjoy the ride BACK Home.

But make no mistake; I work my ass off still. People have no idea how much work I put into a 1 minute race. Not even close. I am working now as I am typing this on races for Sunday, when I could very easily be at a club or at a girls house… Or Both 



CONCLUSION

Okay, I’m done. I told that long story for a reason. It’s easy for me to sit here and say you don’t want it. It’s another thing for me to actually show you how bad I wanted it.
And it’s also another thing for me to say I live a good life. I wouldn’t trade my life for the world. But it wasn’t always like this. Hell no. The only reason I can say I love my life now, is because I had the courage to do something different with my life.


Because of my business knowledge and especially my horse racing knowledge, I never have to work again.. at least in the sense of having to go and get a 9 to 5 job. And if I wanted to be a lazy ass and put all my money in a CD and live off the interest, it wouldn’t be a hell of a lifestyle, but I could. But every 3 months, I write down new goals for me to reach. You are either moving forward or backwards in life, never staying still.

 

[newbie81]

great story, you earn what you have now.

 

[Bloke]

Your someone to admire, honestly.

I'm personally embarrassed that I don't do the hard yeards that I KNOW are necessary for success (put it this way, I am too shy to even ring an employment agency to see if my apprenticeship is available).

 

[Bourne]

Very inspirational.

If you are willing to share more of your knowledge and insight, please do.

 

[djbr]

Dude, that was inspirational.

I am passing something like you descibed, the hard times part. Thanks for the inspiration, I needed that.

 

[bbestar]

Interesting How you were born a month after me and now you are successful. and Im in a 9-5 job.

I been through somethings similar to your situations except the complete opposite. Instead of my parents hating me or kicking me out. My dad put me in my place in the world, and worked me to death. Even when i was 7 years old, I worked long hours and even to 11 pm in the city, just restructuring the resturant again. Up until 97, 7 whole years, In the summer and every single Day I wasn't at school, I was working whole days at the resturant, waking up at 6am , cleaning, washing, fetching with no pay.

My dad got me started on tennis when I was 13, and wanted me to be good. Hours among hours of non-stop practice, almost 4 hours of practicing in the sun, then some days practicing 2 more hours later that evening. When I didn't do well in practice, I was yelled at and put down many times, disowning me, and painfully hitting me. When tournaments came by, Ive lost many matches where hours of yelling and beating ensued. I have to be honest, I cried alot. But the way it works with my dad is in the next day, the yellings and beating are forgotten and forgiven without a word, cause it is all my fault that it all happend to me. Even to this day my father has never appologised to me, and I never will expect it to happen.

When highschool came by, the yellings and beatings were not often anymore cause I actually became good. Was the top 3 in players in the whole highschool and consistently won matches, and got to the districts and states. Then I started on Cross country running, and lost tons of weight, and ran one of my fastest races, finished 3.1 miles in 19:15 minutes. My social life was basically non existent because of sports, school, and whatever time was left went to my parents.

After highschool, I didn't take enough of the required classes to go to a university and ended up goin to a community college and hopefully transfer to a university after 2 years. My tennis days were basically over except for exercise and fun.

Even with all the years of pain and suffering in tennis, my dreams were to exceed in the sport and maybe become a professional, but during my first year in community college, I failed 2 calculus test and basically I could never transfer to the university, after that lost heart and motivation to pursue my dreams in tennis. This was back in late 2002.

Today, I still don't have the same motivation I had before failing those two tests. Im in nursing school and working for t-mobile in sales commission. All my pay checks go directly to my dad. My social life is still nonexistent except for thursday night 50 cent wings with my former coworkers.

Many days I had low self esteem cause of my lack of a social life, but now that I wrote what had happend over the years, I have greater appreciation of my past. I want to look forward now, so that those many years of suffering and pain I went through are not in vain.

 

[backbreaker]

Interesting How you were born a month after me and now you are successful. and Im in a 9-5 job.

I been through somethings similar to your situations except the complete opposite. Instead of my parents hating me or kicking me out. My dad put me in my place in the world, and worked me to death. Even when i was 7 years old, I worked long hours and even to 11 pm in the city, just restructuring the resturant again. Up until 97, 7 whole years, In the summer and every single Day I wasn't at school, I was working whole days at the resturant, waking up at 6am , cleaning, washing, fetching with no pay.

My dad got me started on tennis when I was 13, and wanted me to be good. Hours among hours of non-stop practice, almost 4 hours of practicing in the sun, then some days practicing 2 more hours later that evening. When I didn't do well in practice, I was yelled at and put down many times, disowning me, and painfully hitting me. When tournaments came by, Ive lost many matches where hours of yelling and beating ensued. I have to be honest, I cried alot. But the way it works with my dad is in the next day, the yellings and beating are forgotten and forgiven without a word, cause it is all my fault that it all happend to me. Even to this day my father has never appologised to me, and I never will expect it to happen.

When highschool came by, the yellings and beatings were not often anymore cause I actually became good. Was the top 3 in players in the whole highschool and consistently won matches, and got to the districts and states. Then I started on Cross country running, and lost tons of weight, and ran one of my fastest races, finished 3.1 miles in 19:15 minutes. My social life was basically non existent because of sports, school, and whatever time was left went to my parents.

After highschool, I didn't take enough of the required classes to go to a university and ended up goin to a community college and hopefully transfer to a university after 2 years. My tennis days were basically over except for exercise and fun.

Even with all the years of pain and suffering in tennis, my dreams were to exceed in the sport and maybe become a professional, but during my first year in community college, I failed 2 calculus test and basically I could never transfer to the university, after that lost heart and motivation to pursue my dreams in tennis. This was back in late 2002.

Today, I still don't have the same motivation I had before failing those two tests. Im in nursing school and working for t-mobile in sales commission. All my pay checks go directly to my dad. My social life is still nonexistent except for thursday night 50 cent wings with my former coworkers.

Many days I had low self esteem cause of my lack of a social life, but now that I wrote what had happend over the years, I have greater appreciation of my past. I want to look forward now, so that those many years of suffering and pain I went through are not in vain.

I didn't really get into my dad to much.. but my dad and I are more like friends, moreso than Dad and son. Him and my mom got a divorce when I was 7, but even then he kept me at night every weeknight until like 7:30 until I was 12 so my mom could finish school. He only lived maybe 4 miles away from me and when I got older, like car age, I would always go and spend the weekend over his house, because I knew he wasn't going to be home and my best friend and I used to have all types of girls over.. and even when he was there he really didn't give a damn, as long as we weren't too loud and I wrapped up

This is how cool my dad and I are to this day. As I sayed, I am staying an in extended stay hotel right now. I got a call from my dad last Thursday. He had this "freak" and needed to use my room (he's married), I just laughed and told him to go ahead, and I went somewhere else for the night.

I can only name the times I would be at the track on a weekend day, and run into my dad.. how is the person responsible for me being hooked on horse racing.

But, a strong line in the sand was drawn when it came to earning my keep. I never got allowence (after I was 10), no money for books, school, field trips. My dad said that I had to earn my way the same way he had to earn his way. I honeslty think that the my mom not doing anything for me was more of my dad, as they are still great friends.. and i mean how could she argue with rasing a child in the same footsteps of the man she feel in love with?

Both my parents are pretty successful considering what they came from. my mom grew up in a house with a tree literarly growing in the middle of it. Despite being a single mom, with me, she graduated college on the deans list with 3 degrees in all, and makes well over 100k a year, twice as much as her new husband, who is the most pathetic AFC I have ever laid eyes on.

The only thing my dad would do for me, becuase we are the exact same size, he is a little bigger since I lost the weight, as he got bigger, he would give me his slacks and blazers that he couldn't fit anymore.

As far as basketball.. my dad is a legend around here. Very very good. He fell in the same trap that alot of young guys fall into.. women. Him chasing ass costed him a guaranteed scholorship.

What that ment for me, is that since at the time I was his only son, I was basically forced to play basketball at a very very early age. Like 3. My dad coached all my teams until I got to Jr High. And I was pretty good. I wasn't as athletic as my dad was, but I was a smarter basketball player and I played better defense, as my dad was 5'11 and could jump out the freakin gym.. he's 45 and can still dunk with ease.

If I was 6'8 instead of 5'9 (like my older cousin who is actually closer to 6'10), I probably would have kept playing.. but I didn't really like playing sports that much. I felt I had a higher calling.. I didn't want to be known as a "sports person" if that made any sense.

I was the starting point guard for my high school the first day I stepped on campus. First day of practice I was running with the first team. Started every game execpt one, averaged about 12 a game.

The next year, in practice I tore my ACL.. whcih was probably in hindsight a blessing... because I found something else that I loved more than basketball.. computers. I didn't even try out my senior year.. my coach was pissed, I told him to shove it.

At that point I realized that there was a life beyond high school basketball, and event hough I was probably good enough to play, college basketball. I wanted to get prepared for that life, so instead of haning with friends and partying every day, I took night classes at a vocational school, while still taking 5 AP corses in high school to get my A +, MCSE + and CIW certifications, which I used to get a job at best buy making about 15 an hour while still in high school.

As far as my dad hitting me.. nahh.. he would just take me to the park to play against older guys and let me get banged around, to the point of physical pain until I could take it.. even as young as like 13. My dad always knew I was pretty smart. he knew he didn't have to hit me to get his point across.


AS for you BBstar, you know who you remind me of? And I am not joking or poking fun, i am dead serious.. my old oneitis. Not calling you a woman, but her past and yours sound sooo freakin simliar it's unreal.

Needless to say, for a girl to be my oneitis for 5 years, she is hot as ****. But, once you get past the hot factor, you notice she has issues. She has real bad daddy issues. She is 3 months younger than I am and lives with both her parents.. she hasn't said a word to her dad in about 4 months... and they live under the same roof.

One day I gave her the confidence to go start a converstaion with her dad, you know.. her being their only child and all, and he rolled her eyes at her and went in another room! Some guys just don't know how to be parents.

I mean, the girl is freakin beautiful. Her mom calls her ugly to the point of her calling me balling on the phone at times. She told me her dad hasn't given her a compliment since she was like 10. She plays this "i'm hot and you want me" routine but i see right though it and she knows it.. I guess that's why we get along so well now.

anyway, they treat her like she is 11. Her parents are overprotective, yell at her, won't give her a car, even though they make good money. Won't give her a Cell phone. She works for her mom for FREE, and I mean, work to the opitn where she can't even get another job.. hard work. Then her mom won't give her any going out money.

She can't drive her parents car. She usually is a "good girl".. I can call her now, 10 oclock on a friday and I will bet money she is at home watching TV in the bed.

I tell her, babe, you gotta be some type of independant. You gotta fend for yourself. You are 22 and you have no social life, no outlet to the world. She is goingt ob e buck wild once she ever gets out from under that roof, simply because it's all been pinned up, and i know she LIkES to have fun, she just can't. At times I wish I could help her out, because she is trapped in a space where she can't get out from under her parents, and if she tries, they will kick her out and she has no place to go.. BUT that's not my problem.. I have my own issues to deal with.

 

[bbestar]

Well, the way it works goes both ways with my parents. I have to say that I had a great and fun child hood growing up, in exception with all the hitting, yelling. My parents took real good care of me, bought me alot of clothes, gave me videogames, nintendo, sega, snes, playstation/2, let me rent games every week. Today, it works out pretty well, my parents pay for my insurance, gas, clothes, internet, and food. Even though I don't have much of a social life, Its not so bad at all. My uncle back in phily lived still lives with his parents and he's 48 years old.

Once I finish nursing school, im basically set for life. After I watched the movie, "Lord of War". I was like," hmmm I like to travel and sell", but oh well.
When im 40-50 years old, I'll probably go into Christian Service in the name of the Lord Christ Jesus.

 

[i am me]

good for u man, thats inspirational

 

[NHY]

Well, wow, man, just wow.

That is actually quite an inspirational story, seriously, it is. It motivating me to actually put more effort in to my chosen feild at college: Graphic Design and other things.

Lets just say I didn't really had the same drive for my leaving Cert ( Irish senior Cycle exam ) as I did for for my Jr Cert ( Irish Jr Cycle exam and I'll freely admit the drive for it was because of a case of oneitis ) , while the results I got were still good and my total points I could safely say were above average for my year, I know I could have done better but I was too lazy.

What seems to motivate me in a sense in alcoholism in the family, everytime that crap happens, I look foward to the day where I finally have my college degree and am out earning money and making something of myself... unlike my brother, who gave up on getting the apprentiship he wanted because no one was avaiable or taking people on and still living at home at 22 and leaves a mess around the place!

In fact, my whole hometown in general fells like a dead end for me, which why I want to leave it so badly. I might have being raised here but I know I don't belong here! Underage drinking and drugs are a huge problem here! I'm definately NOT going to be raising MY family here!

On a note connected to the idea presented here. I have no part time job at the moment, namely due to me being lazy and partly due the fact my previous employers treated me like S*** and gave me a bad view on such employers but I know that of this because I'm basically broke, I can't really as much fun as I want to. A girl asked if wanted to go to a club in another town ( another thing about my hometown, we have NO nightclub! ) but I couldn't go because I was broke, she even offered to give some money ( ! ) but she said she needed it as well so.... I left and here am I am, typing this post when I could have beoing out there!

UGH! What I'm trying to say is, THAT incident tonight has given me the motivation to actually get off my ass and go get a part - time job so that doesn't happen again! After all, especailly where I'm from, its kinda hard to undetake outter game part the DJ journey properly without the proper resources!

 

[backbreaker]

The problem with kids, and in my case.. it's not that I was dumb when I was in High School, it's because most kids have no guidence, no direction until they are OUT of High school, rendering everything they did in high school useless.

I remember one day In 11th Grade, I had Trig.. actually I am great in math, alway has been, but that's not the point. I knew I wasn't going to be a math major IF i went to college, and at the time I was still debating.

So I am in class reading a book on History.. not for any class or anything, just becuase I enjoy history.



So the teacher, without telling me, is sick and tired of me reading books on history in her class, and calls my basketball coach, the PRINICAPAL, my mom and my dad, and all try to suprise me with shock value.

Oh yeah, forgot to mention that I skipped her class very very often, often running into her later in the afternoon and not even caring, didn't bother to even pick up the homework assignments because it only counted for 10% of the grade and at times went to sleep in her class.


So she asks what I am doing in class and to explain why I have no regard for her class.

So I say "what's my grade in here?"

And she says "B-"

So I said why do you care, I am passing?

She says "because you need to learn and you can do better and you are disrespcting my class"

So I say "well, I feel disrespected for being made to take a class that has absolutly no effect on what I am giong to be doing for the rest of my life..."

I went on to say that if you count all the hours in her class, usually 6 a week, plus the homework, you are looking at alot of precious time I could be used towards doing something else that actually matters to my life. I like history, therefore I will do what i need to make sure I graduate (pass this class) and do what I can to spend as much time on my other interests.. and if she had a problem with it she can transfer me to another class.

By now the prinicpal, who I was cool with to some extent, was chuckling his ass off.

What I am getting at is, it's just as much society's fault that we are programmed to be lazy as it is ours.. however, as I stated, life isn't fair whatsoever. Everyone on this earth has built in excuses to why they can't do this or why they can't do that.

And what truely amazes me is more times than not, most people deep down KNOW what they are doing isn't getting them any closer to their goals, yet they still do it!

As much as I hated being so damn sore after working out, I knew I wasn't going to get FATTER by working out everyday

I have an uncle on my dad's side.. SMART. Extremely smart. Besides me, hands down the smartest person on my dad's side of the family, and probably is smarter than me.. wouldn't doubt it.

However, he has sicke cell really bad, and can't do any real work. He has used it as an excuse his entire life an still lives with my grandmom.

I know this is a forum about women, but life is so much more than that, and that's what I am trying to get across to everyone here. In fact, alot of times I have periods in my life when I perfer to be alone because women, and the process of mataining them, takes me away from my true passions in life.. and because I have true passions in life besides women, I will never be in shortage of them... that's how easy it is to get women... This entire site, which I am sure is terabytes in size now, can be summed up to that one sentence.

The stronger you feel about those passions, the stronger you chase them, the more sucessful you will be, even if you don't succeed in reaching them.

The more you educate yourself, the more you will learn how uneducated the mass population is about anything other than what's going to be on TV later that night.

Although I have more than enough money, and I am happy in general in my life, you probably wouldn't know it or believed it if you saw me.. I mean, I was always a good dresser, but I don't get "joy" out of blowing money.. I get joy out of waking up and going to sleep knowing that I am did and I am going to do the best I can that day in my life to be the best person I am... I'm actually a pretty feugal person, with the occusional splurge here and there on things that really catch my eye... I still clip copons for gods sake.. no reason to spend more money than you have to on anything.

if you get anything out of this post, let it be that everyone has everything they need to be sucessful, it's just the matter of how bad do you want to be sucessful. Some people are afraid of success. Some people think they want it, but don't want to endure the trials and tribulations that come with success.

 

[backbreaker]

The problem with kids, and in my case.. it's not that I was dumb when I was in High School, it's because most kids have no guidence, no direction until they are OUT of High school, rendering everything they did in high school useless.

I remember one day In 11th Grade, I had Trig.. actually I am great in math, alway has been, but that's not the point. I knew I wasn't going to be a math major IF i went to college, and at the time I was still debating.

So I am in class reading a book on History.. not for any class or anything, just becuase I enjoy history.



So the teacher, without telling me, is sick and tired of me reading books on history in her class, and calls my basketball coach, the PRINICAPAL, my mom and my dad, and all try to suprise me with shock value.

Oh yeah, forgot to mention that I skipped her class very very often, often running into her later in the afternoon and not even caring, didn't bother to even pick up the homework assignments because it only counted for 10% of the grade and at times went to sleep in her class.


So she asks what I am doing in class and to explain why I have no regard for her class.

So I say "what's my grade in here?"

And she says "B-"

So I said why do you care, I am passing?

She says "because you need to learn and you can do better and you are disrespcting my class"

So I say "well, I feel disrespected for being made to take a class that has absolutly no effect on what I am giong to be doing for the rest of my life..."

I went on to say that if you count all the hours in her class, usually 6 a week, plus the homework, you are looking at alot of precious time I could be used towards doing something else that actually matters to my life. I like history, therefore I will do what i need to make sure I graduate (pass this class) and do what I can to spend as much time on my other interests.. and if she had a problem with it she can transfer me to another class.

By now the prinicpal, who I was cool with to some extent, was chuckling his ass off.

What I am getting at is, it's just as much society's fault that we are programmed to be lazy as it is ours.. however, as I stated, life isn't fair whatsoever. Everyone on this earth has built in excuses to why they can't do this or why they can't do that.

And what truely amazes me is more times than not, most people deep down KNOW what they are doing isn't getting them any closer to their goals, yet they still do it!

As much as I hated being so damn sore after working out, I knew I wasn't going to get FATTER by working out everyday

I have an uncle on my dad's side.. SMART. Extremely smart. Besides me, hands down the smartest person on my dad's side of the family, and probably is smarter than me.. wouldn't doubt it.

However, he has sicke cell really bad, and can't do any real work. He has used it as an excuse his entire life an still lives with my grandmom.

I know this is a forum about women, but life is so much more than that, and that's what I am trying to get across to everyone here. In fact, alot of times I have periods in my life when I perfer to be alone because women, and the process of mataining them, takes me away from my true passions in life.. and because I have true passions in life besides women, I will never be in shortage of them... that's how easy it is to get women... This entire site, which I am sure is terabytes in size now, can be summed up to that one sentence.

The stronger you feel about those passions, the stronger you chase them, the more sucessful you will be, even if you don't succeed in reaching them.

The more you educate yourself, the more you will learn how uneducated the mass population is about anything other than what's going to be on TV later that night.

Although I have more than enough money, and I am happy in general in my life, you probably wouldn't know it or believed it if you saw me.. I mean, I was always a good dresser, but I don't get "joy" out of blowing money.. I get joy out of waking up and going to sleep knowing that I am did and I am going to do the best I can that day in my life to be the best person I am... I'm actually a pretty feugal person, with the occusional splurge here and there on things that really catch my eye... I still clip copons for gods sake.. no reason to spend more money than you have to on anything.

if you get anything out of this post, let it be that everyone has everything they need to be sucessful, it's just the matter of how bad do you want to be sucessful. Some people are afraid of success. Some people think they want it, but don't want to endure the trials and tribulations that come with success.

 

[Microphone Fiend]

damn. backbreaker you are quickly becoming one of my favorite posters. I guess you gotta hustle hard to get what you want...I have tried to BS my way through life on and off. I need to push myself and feel passionate about it. I guess I was one of those people who assumed that you had it great since you were born in terms of women based on your recent stories but I see the commitment and determination behind it.

 

[backbreaker]

let me say, there is nothing in life, NOTHING that I haven't done once I really put my mind to it.

It might have taken longer, alot longer than I expected but there is a saying. "it's not over until I win" And that's how you get ahead

that's what really caught me up with my old oneitis.. it was a "test" in my eyes, to do what I had to do to get her.. not so much HER, but the fact that she was somewhat within my grasp and I couldn't get ahold of her.

Once I realized that and fixed the problem, he need to "have" her disappeared overnight.

Write down your goals for the next week, the next month and the next year. Ask yourself "what is it going to take to achieve all of these goals"

The way I used to work at my company, is we used to write down everything that we could possibly do.. not just within a time frame.. everything that needed to be done period. Some weeks we could think of more than others, but because we worked like this and we strove to do our best at all times, we were always ahead and always prepared.

We didn't pace ourselfs. It wasn't uncommon for me to work all day and night MOndays and sometimes tuesdays.. but by friday I was usually out the door before noon for the weekend, feeling great because I know I have done everythnig I could have possibly done to help my business succeed, AND I AM GETTING OFF ON A NOON ON A FRIDAY TO DO WHATEVER THE HELL I WANT FOR THE REST OF THE WEEKEND.

 

[shiningshadow]

I love this topic, very inspirational.

 

[itishe]

I've never read a greater post. It's that good and inspirational.

Really makes me want to pursue my dream of being a professional musician and or defense contractor coughMERCENARYcough.

 

[backbreaker]

lol.. what type of music do you play?

I wouldn't mind doing something like the navy seals, actually considered it... I just refuse to fight for the american army, but that's a different story for a different day.

hey, whatever you want to do, you can achieve it, you really can.


While I am here, something I was going to make another post about is something I wrote about a while ago, but I can't harp on it enough.

I call it the End Game.

EVERYTHING YOU MUST DO, EVERY THOUGHT YOU TAKE, EVERY MOVE YOU MAKE (i'll be missing you lol) NEEDS TO BE WITH THE END RESULT IN MIND.

If you want to be say, a musician, everything you do now, must be with that in mind. Do you sit in front of the TV and watch sportscenter or do you get on your instrument of choice and practice?

With women, every woman I meet, every woman I know now, I can bet money I know how our relationship is going to end.

Not only that, I am able to succeed with women long term becuase everything I do is with the long term in mind, not short term.

A woman might piss me off.. hey it happens to the best of us, but I won't loose my cool, even though I might want to snap her neck, becuase the END RESULT Is what is in my mind, not what small victory you might get out of going off on her.

Even when I get rejected, and I do from time to time for various reasons, I make sure I leave the lasting impression I want to leave, because I am pretty sure we will run into each other again on different terms in a different situtation, and the only thing she will remember is how you acted in the face of defeat.. like a ***** or like a confident man?

Right now. I don't HAVE to go back to the horse track until Friday (well I don't have to do anything but you get my point) but I am working now instead of sleeping, ****ing, eating, any other thing I could be doing, because I know how successful I want to be when I go back to the track. I know I want to be able to go out later this week and not be forced to sit at home or go to the track, or even worse, go to the track unprepared and loose a crap load of money (which I know better than to do now, but still)

When I was big, everything I did was with the intentions of me loosing 20 pounds.

One smart thing I did with my old oneitis, is I knew when she had a BF I had little to no chance with her... Every word I spoke to her, every move I made, every action I let her see, was to prepare her for the day she was single. I never p ushed up on her.. time takes it course.. I knew my time would come one day. Now, in that time, I got over her, but still.. it worked

My LTFB, a girl I met when she was married and ****ed her brains out until she got a divorce (she says it wasn't me, and I honestly believe her) let in the heat of the night.. now granted, we just ****ed, or as she likes to say "it's just sex right?" but still.. just up and disappear?

Anyway, I kept my cool, even when I would run into her being hounded by guys in clubs. I spoke, no harshess.. treated her like an old friend. I never even asked her WHY she did what she did.. she's older than me, she's grown. I am sure she had her reasons.

Sure enough, 6 months ago I ran into her on different terms, I had finally lost weight (I was pretty in shape when we were ****ing, but right after she left I balloned, got lazy), I treated her the same as always... and we have been LDLTFB (long distance, long term **** buddies) since. I might call her one time a month. I went a couple of months without calling her. I can call her right now, assuming she isn't getting ****ed by her BF, it's on. If not today, tomorrow.

Because everything I did with her in mind, was to maintain that LTFB relationship. I didn't get rattled when she flaked.. that's what sluts do.. they ****. don't take it personal.. i mean, that's part of why you like her isn't it?


Anyway, everything you do should be with the end or the goal in mind.


:rockon:

 

[itishe]

I'm into any type of music except: country, rap (probably wouldn't need a session musician for that seeing most of the beats are sampled), death metal (can't stand the uncomprehensible screaming), and finally emo.

My favorite being: rock, jazz, and metal.

I'd love to start a band, but hardly anyone in my town plays an instrument. If they do they're usually into emo.