Control over Me!

[Hyper2010]

Hi guys,
Just a quick situation for you to consider. My GF of 6 months asked Me tonight to go away with her next week for a few days, with her and some friends... Now I work in sales and I am unable to get the time off. She has since gone skitz on Me and has told me she is 'reviewwing the entire situation' because I refused to bow to her pressure to skip work...

I know she is an important part of My life, but so is My job and I have comittments with it i need to keep.

What would you guys do in this situation??

Would you skip work for her sake before she does something else, ie leave Me or bite the bullet and avoid losing your job...?

PS - I havent had any communication with her since the 'reviewing' remark as I feel any apologies etc from Myself would come accross as weakness.

PSS - I know for a fact that she would NOT skip work if the situation were reversed

 

[Iceberg]

It's not like you're skipping her invitation just to go to a happy hour. You're staying home to work. If she can't understand that, then she's immature and selfish.

If she would do the same if the roles were reversed, then that means she places relationships ahead of real world requirements (like working)....which women are known to do. But you're not a woman, so you have to live in a world where responsibility trumps emotion.

If she can't accept that, then she can go date high schoolers. They have all the free time in the world.

 

[loveshogun]

Very simple

Would you skip work for her sake before she does something else, ie leave Me or bite the bullet and avoid losing your job...?

She doesn't pay your bills or keep you fed. YOU do. So if you've already tried to get the time off and were denied, you did what you could.

For the future: I don't care if Adriana Lima is asking you, never let a woman, or anyone for that matter, get in the way of the business of being alive, because they're not responsible for your life - you are.

I'm surprised you've made it 6 months without seeing this behavior come up.

PSS - I know for a fact that she would NOT skip work if the situation were reversed

PSSS
If you know this, why are you even considering?

That's a rough situation man. Stand your ground (the ground that will keep you fed and happy). If she leaves, she leaves.

 

[terran2k]

keep your job, you have nothing to apologize for. if you go, who knows what else she'll threaten to "review the situation for".
stand your ground on this one, and I mean firmly. She'll try to break you with whatever woman tactic she can come up with.

 

[jophil28]

There are several ways to deal with this - most of them will make the situation worse.
I can tell you this -trying to 'reason' with a selfish woman is like trying to negotiate with a crocodile. Forget that.

Her "reviewing the situation" remark is fact a veiled threat. It is a classic example of how women attempt to bully men into compliance. She is holding your future together in her hands and she is squeezing it hoping that you will cave in.
You need to call this, but do it skillfully to maintain your frame.

WHat she is doing is not some ditzy "test" that you need to
"pass" , it is an ultimatum that you need to destroy and in so doing take some of her ego down at the same time.

She is also hoping that you may call her and change your mind, so firstly you do the opposite. Maintain radio silence.
Secondly, her massive belief in her value to you needs to be dismantled.
So when she calls you to assess whether you have softened you harden up even more.

Use this tactic -
It works like this-

She," So are you willing to do what I want?"
You( do not react and answer that directly), " Have a great break/holiday. We will talk when you get back," And shut up.

She will amp it up and start whining or b1tching. Once again do not REACT.
Let her rant and when she takes a breath say," I have to be somewhere else now so we will talk later."
And hang up.

By now most of the power that she tried to grab has been returned to you.

End of round 1.

 

[Hyper2010]

?

She rung me earlier and now she is blaming me for ruining her and her kids holiday. She also said she dosent know what she wants anymore. Not really sure what that means...

 

[pipe007]

Listen here:
she is playing a guild card on you, trying to make you feel insecure about your AFC ass on her...

because you decided to man up but she knows you are a lil kid inside... and she is using that power...

and she has kids???? not a kid but kids??????
if you already attempted to explain to her that you could not get a day off and if you skip the day you would have the risk of looking bad in front of your boss or possibly be terminated from work..... and she didnt get this.

and then she plays this GUILT card on you
guess what dummie, you FIRE her first!

what would you boss tell you if you went up to him trowing tantrums and guilt trips on him about how he just messed up your vacations with your low class girl and someone elses left overs??? (kids)??? because he didnt give you a day off?

he would fire you for being a irresponsible kid.

her: I dont know what I want anymore (I dont think I wanna be with YOU anymore)

you: Great, because at this point I dont know what I want either, so enjoy your trip and get your wants together. gotta go and hang up.

if you can't do this.... my friend, you are hopeless in this situation
go back to the basics, because you need a whole structure change in your thinking... get some work done on yourself, im not even kidding

 

[loveshogun]

You've gotta think real hard

I think Jophil has the right method if what you want to do is manage her anger... but in my opinion, this is equivalent to putting out fires on a sinking ship - you gotta get off the boat, brotha.

She rung me earlier and now she is blaming me for ruining her and her kids holiday. She also said she dosent know what she wants anymore. Not really sure what that means...

I mean, really... why would you want to be with someone who treats you like this?

If you're not acting sh*tty otherwise, and you're being fun, responsible and caring in the relationship, this girl is just crazy.

Remember: Things are only complicated when we start making excuses for other people's inexcusable behaviors.

 

[zekko]

why would you want to be with someone who treats you like this?

That's the question you should be asking yourself.
She should be congratulating you for putting your job and responsibilities above a short holiday that will quickly come and go. You're doing the right thing. You're the one who should be reassessing things.

By the way, I used to find the six month period kind of a make or break time. By six months, you can get to know someone well enough to at least make an initial choice as to whether or not there's a future there. I had a lot of relationships last six months.

 

[Lucifero]

What a dumb ass question.

 

[Kailex]

I would not bend to her will.

This is 2010.
You can get many other girlfriends, but look at today's economy - Can you get many other jobs?

The decision is SO EASY and laid out for you.

Job > Girlfriend

And if she were an adult, she'd realize that and stop giving you crap about it. If you have to choose between your job and a 6 month relationship... a job needs to win everytime. I don't care if you flip burgers at McDonalds. There's something to say about a lack of accountability to yourself rather than to your girlfriend. You asked for the time off, you didn't get it. END OF STORY.

If she says that she needs to review the situation, you tell her that you will be doing the same.


And btw, KIDS??? Please tell me she's not a single mom with multiple kids that you are dating seriously???

 

[5string]

This one is easy and simple

1)YOU come first
2)She comes second

You ruined her and the kids weekend! Trying to put the guilt trip on you huh? Like jophil said, don't react to her BS or veiled threats. Classic immaturity to do this to you. With all respect, sounds like you have a little princess on your hands that if she does not get her way, runs for the box of Kleenex to mop up the tears of self pity which are sure to follow.

 

[vatoloco]

Oh my friend, you just don't learn. I'm afraid you will always be a chump.

You might as well cut off your balls and hand them over to her on a silver platter.

Put them in a nice, little package tied with a pink ribbon for added effect.

 

[Atom Smasher]

I would say, "I've reviewed this entire situation and I hope you guys have a great trip. I'll be here as I've stated."

Then absolute silence.

Either she will hang up in anger (which will be your ticket to freedom from this monster) or she will scream and carry on. A simple, calm, "We can talk when you become more rational" then "click" should do the trick

 

[Hyper2010]

question

Erm, yes in answer to your question she is a single mum, who has been divorced...

 

[Iceberg]

Erm, yes in answer to your question she is a single mum, who has been divorced...

Then she's a grown woman and she should be mature enough to understand your need to earn a living.

You're dating a loser. She should be appreciative of the fact that you were even willing to date her

 

[penkitten]

screw her.
really.

first of all, a grown-ass woman should know that you must work to pay your bills. it's called being responsible. if she would skip work, and risk being fired, then she is not responsible for herself. if she isn't responsible for herself, then how can she be a responsible friend? she can't. therefore, her opinions on what you do, can not hold water and should not matter.

secondly, you have dated her for 6 months. if she gave a damn about you really, she would not dare ask you to skip work and put your job on the line (along with your responsibilities and your future) for a spur of the moment trip with her buddies.

thirdly, who gives a crap that her buddies are going? not you!

fourthly, are they going to expect you to foot part of this bill if you did skip off work and show up? hmmm makes me wonder if that is why you were invited.

i wouldn't want to date someone like that.

 

[Hyper2010]

yes

Yes I think that is why she is angry also. i do sem to pay for a lot of household things when Im round, sweets for her daughter, food, petrol etc...Yet she never seems to run out of funds for new clothes, shoes, wine etc

 

[penkitten]

Yes I think that is why she is angry also. i do sem to pay for a lot of household things when Im round, sweets for her daughter, food, petrol etc...Yet she never seems to run out of funds for new clothes, shoes, wine etc

oh hyper2010... i think i have just discovered why you were asked to ditch work and come along with them and why is it so vital and important to her that you must follow through and go... she wants you to pay for her exciting big adventure and she doesn't really care if you have a job to go back to when the trip is over. i don't think she expects to date you long enough for your job or your future or your bills being paid to ever matter to her... and she is just taking you for what she can.
i'm so glad you told her you weren't going.

 

[terran2k]

man, I hope you listen to these guys, they're telling you the truth. Your mind will probably try to find loop holes, some reason to go along with her and things will be great, but in the end they'll be worse. Worse for you. You may not see it now, but you will eventually.