Continue NC or be forward with her if she's having Buyer's Remorse?

[Collegedude]

Thanks for the insights.

 

[Uncharted]

Never say "I'm here for you if you want to talk"

Ask her out again. If she says no, it's probably over.

 

[VladPatton]

Something seems forced. She's not feeling it, and is not very enthused to hear from you it seems. There's no need to wordsmith essays to get her to talk to you through texts, just ask for a date if you wanna try one more time. Bam!, Just do it. Hey XXX, are you free XXXday or XXXday to get a drink? If she whines and bullshıts you with a lame excuse, your answer is clear, she's not interested, and it's time to move on. Silently remove her from your life, no explanations needed.

I've noticed these inexperienced girls are awkward as fück after a certain age and would prefer they start herding cats instead of getting with the program and start dating, banging, having some sexual fun. It's weird, but I've ran into these chicks too many times. So, you just let them be and find cooler, more fun chicks that aren't afraid of reaching down your pants and wrestling your trouser snake.

Good luck.

 

[Collegedude]

You're right about the forced part Vlad. I kissed her just because I felt like it. However, I'm confused as to why she would say something so vague "I'll treat you next time" and then blow me off on her offer when I said "next week."

 

[jay07]

Sounds uninterested cause you didn't make a move

but if you're good looking,, add her on snapchat and fake a mass snap to her.

 

[Collegedude]

Didn't make a move? I doubt that's the case here

 

[Skyline]

Sounds uninterested cause you didn't make a move

but if you're good looking,, add her on snapchat and fake a mass snap to her.

He's actually somewhat right. When a girl says something negative or an unclear thought right after you kiss, that's a bad sign. It's like when a girl jumps at you and kisses you after being this alpha bad ass. But then when she does that and sees you're surprised... You won't be so macho after all. She won't "feel it." This is the same scenario. You didn't use kino and I doubt there was any teasing. You had the conversation part down but that's not going to get you into her pants. Next time, Always use Kino. Even if she isn't, it can still make the difference. Kino is very strong. She most likely thinks of you as a friend for the lack of escation and anticipation. Which is probably why she's acting "different" because she's "confused."

And as for the texting, listen to Vlad. Text to set up dates.

 

[asa_don]

buyers remorse? you didnt even fvck her bro? :crackup:

I kissed her twice even though there was hardly any kino throughout the date and after the second kiss she said "that was awkward."

she didnt like your kisses bro.

me (Jul 10, 12AM): I'm having a bday dinner Friday. You should come, feel free to bring your friends. If not, I need my drink fix next week"

i wouldnt have said this, after she said "don't get too crazy", i wouldn't have replied. if she was interested she would text you to see how your birthday went. the "if not" gives her the go ahead to make the excuse.

her (Jul 10, 1PM): Haha I'll see. It's my littles birthday so I probably can't make it but have fun!"

you can see her reply isnt of any interest to come, she made an excuse right off the bat.

A week went by and I sent her a low-investment lighthearted text...

me (Jul 17, 9AM): Morning, hope you've had a great week so far
her (Jul 17, 1PM): Heyyy. Eh could have been better...
me (Jul 17, 3PM): Oh what happened?
her (Jul 17, 5PM): Just work got busier and friends have been a little bit of a drag so haha yeah
me (Jul 17, 7PM): Sorry to hear that, I'm here for you if you want to talk about it (Trying to open door to talk about more serious ****)
her (Jul 18, 9AM): It's cool haha. Nothing much to talk about with this I guess.
her (Jul 18, 9AM): But thanks though

a week on no contact is no interest from her, if she had interest she would text you. her texts with the "heyyy" shows not much interest either, you saying "i'm here for you" is an afc move bro, dont say stuff like that to chicks, you can see her answer to you, she isnt interested to tell you whats up.

At least this would give me a clearer answer so I could walk away for good since I think she might be waiting for me to lead.

you did lead, she ain't interested.

you kissed her, she said it was awkward, you invited her to your birthday dinner, she declined,

she didnt contact you, you did, she gave half assed texts, you offered to be there for her, she rebuffed your attempt, she wouldn't tell you what her problem is, she aint interested

if she was into you she would be in contact wanting to hang out, not making excuses not to, she would say what her problems are.

you're showing way too much interest for this girl when she isn't giving you half of her interest, she knows you are showing too much.

you're in college, quit being hung up over one chick with no interest, start banging ones who give you the green light, this one is giving the red light shutting you off, dont chase these girls let them come to you instead.

Sounds uninterested cause you didn't make a move

didnt make a move? wtf? he kissed her didnt he? she said it was awkward :crackup:

Kino is very strong. And as for the texting, listen to Vlad. Text to set up dates.

Kino only works when the other party is interested and reciprocates, he did text to set up a date, she declined his birthday dinner offer.

Appreciate your response Don, made it very clear for me by breaking things down. My friends (in healthy relationships) strongly encourage me to keep hitting her up but my guts tells me otherwise.

So I guess my course of action here is to nix her, continue NC and move on.

no problem man

there's nothing wrong with hitting her up, if you're not getting anything out of it, there is no point to hit her up more.

she declined your invitation to dinner, she blew you off when you showed genuine interest, how much more are you going to keep hitting her up getting nothing?

i would start meeting new girls, if she reaches out keep the convos minimal like she is doing to you, dont keep showing interest when she isnt showing any to you.

 

[Collegedude]

Appreciate your response Don, made it very clear for me by breaking things down. My friends (in healthy relationships) strongly encourage me to keep hitting her up but my guts tells me otherwise.

So I guess my course of action here is to nix her, continue NC and move on.

 

[No.Danny]

Your friends are all beta AFC's that's why they're in relationships. Don't listen to them.

 

[ArcBound]

She's not interested at the moment. She'd rather hang out with her little than you is the first flag. She also doesn't want to talk about things with you, nor should you want her to.

Several things you could have done to change the situation for next time:

1)Don't invite her to a birthday party, invite her 1 on 1 somewhere so you both know the deal. If you did invite her 1 on 1 you would have known as soon as she rejected you, that she wasn't interested in you. Now you are in a limbo wondering if she is interested in you or not because she rejected your birthday party invitation, not a date with you. Never invite her to friend **** until you actually get her attached to you 1 on 1. IMO.

2) her (Jul 8, 8AM): HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!! ^_^ I'll treat you to drinks next time!!
me (Jul 8, 8AM): Thanks hope you have a wonderful day
her (Jul 8, 9AM): you too! Don't go too crazy!

you could have had a lot more fun with this text interchange. For ex.

her (Jul 8, 8AM): HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!! ^_^ I'll treat you to drinks next time!!

me (Jul 8, 8AM): Thanks! I'm opening a tab at the bar under your name

or

me (Jul 8, 8AM): 1 Jaegermeister and 2 red bulls next time you see me

Your texting could have a little bit more personality to it. It is just "Thanks you have a nice/awesome day. Hope you are doing well/having a nice day". You don't have to think 10 minutes every text or something, but be a little unpredictable. You give the same generic response everyone gives. You have to stimulate her.

 

[Collegedude]

Yeah probably should have replied back something playful when I was actually awake.

 

[Skyline]

You're in the exact same position that the poster of the thread "Rejected Kiss" is in. He didn't properly escalate(kino) DURING the date and didn't use any anticipation/teasing. It's not a date unless you use these things. That kiss you did at the end most likely meant nothing, she wasn't "feeling it." Now the girl is thinking that you two are just friends because she doesn't feel attracted. You need to go ghost on her for about 2 weeks. Unless she contacts you sooner within that frame.

Jumping at a girl like a hungry wolf isn't going to work. You need to build more attraction first.

 

[Collegedude]

Yup, the plan is go ghost. Isn't 2 weeks a bit early though?

 

[asa_don]

You're in the exact same position that the poster of the thread "Rejected Kiss" is in. He didn't properly escalate(kino) DURING the date and didn't use any anticipation/teasing. It's not a date unless you use these things. That kiss you did at the end most likely meant nothing, she wasn't "feeling it." Now the girl is thinking that you two are just friends because she doesn't feel attracted. You need to go ghost on her for about 2 weeks. Unless she contacts you sooner within that frame.

Jumping at a girl like a hungry wolf isn't going to work. You need to build more attraction first.

kino isn't everything man

him not using kino doesn't mean a damn thing if she isn't attracted to him, attraction comes first in order for the kino to work, when she doesn't like him no kino is going to help him out any.

even if he didnt use kino she would still have attraction if she had any, that means she would enjoy his kiss without feeling awkward.

i went out on dates with chicks i met online that i wasnt attracted to, they were attracted to me, i didnt use any kino, they still wanted a kiss at the end of the date.

she wasn't feeling it because she had no attraction period, kino had nothing to do with it

he doesn't need to "go ghost for 2 weeks", his grand return to text her again isnt going to build any new attraction when it's not there.

what he should be doing is meet new girls that have interest in him, forget about this girl, afc's always chase after girls, if she texts him he can respond
with short simple texts

this isnt the only girl at school, there are plenty of more

 

[nismo-4]

OP, you have lost.

You need to go out and spin more plates. Forget about this uninterested girl. Go for another.

 

[Skyline]

kino isn't everything man

him not using kino doesn't mean a damn thing if she isn't attracted to him, attraction comes first in order for the kino to work, when she doesn't like him no kino is going to help him out any.

even if he didnt use kino she would still have attraction if she had any, that means she would enjoy his kiss without feeling awkward.

i went out on dates with chicks i met online that i wasnt attracted to, they were attracted to me, i didnt use any kino, they still wanted a kiss at the end of the date.

she wasn't feeling it because she had no attraction period, kino had nothing to do with it

he doesn't need to "go ghost for 2 weeks", his grand return to text her again isnt going to build any new attraction when it's not there.

what he should be doing is meet new girls that have interest in him, forget about this girl, afc's always chase after girls, if she texts him he can respond
with short simple texts

this isnt the only girl at school, there are plenty of more

She found him attractive, most likely physically, because she agreed to go on a date with him. Once he went on that date, it became more about game/confidence- what women label as " personality." Now the OP had only said they were talking without any teasing or kino. Unless he was and he just didn't state everything that he did. The reason why the chicks expected a kiss at the end is because you weren't interested thus showing real indifference. And why would you go on dates with girls you aren't interested in? Anyway they wanted that ego satisfaction that indifference can create. Now for the OP, that's not his style. He seems more of a straightforward talkative type. If this is the case, then he needs that teasing and banter- kino will also help a great deal. Mystery would also help as well. Kino can actually be everything even when you remain silent- so long as she finds you attractive.

The OP didn't properly game her during the date, thus it was basically a friends night out. Sure she may have been laughing a lot, which shows interest, but it best to tease and build more anticipation based off of this indicator. Using kino won't hurt you, unless you're already a "god." But the OP is not, as with 99% of the male population. When a women finds you physically attractive, it makes gaming them easier. They're more open and suspectable to seduction. The OP lacked in this area, which ultimately lead to this disinterest.

And yeah talking to multiple girls should be standard for the single fellas. And about the ghost part, two strike rule. I may be hard headed but I'm generally not satisfied if she gets distant after the first date, if the second time I'm blown off then it's done. The only exception is if it's blatantly obvious.

 

[Collegedude]

Yeah if she comes back, great! But if not, that's fine too. I'm positive I would have to go real slow with her but for now I'm busy. Great insights here btw.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

So.... I do this thing on my podcast from time to time called "GAME ANALYSIS," where I take a situation from a post and analyze it to death so that my listeners can get an idea of where they went right, where they went wrong, and what the girl's mind frame is at any given point in time during these transactions. Allow me to now do the same for your current scenario:

Context: I (21 yrs old) went on a dinner date about a month ago with this conservative, inexperienced, independent good girl (20 yrs old) I met in college after talking to her for a month (I was too busy to set up an earlier date).

You're already shooting yourself in the foot by making early judgements on her. All you know from her thus far is (a) she's in your class and (b) she's nice to talk to. You should never place a personality type on a girl, i.e. saying she's a "good girl" or "inexperienced," until you've had an actual DATE with her; it can cloud your judgement about how she actually is - you assuming she's a nice girl could result in disappointment later if she tells you some story about a time when her actions indicate she was the opposite. Keep your expectations realistic early on, and base them solely on the info given to you at hand.

She was touchy with me in class and started blowing up my phone when we were officially talking. We were really comfortable.

Great! But if this was the case, it shouldn't have taken you a month to ask her out when the signals were clearly there.

However, I can tell she was nervous on the date through her body language and she hardly touched me at all (I don't think she knew what to do).

But did she touch you at all? Even if a girl is shy or nervous, any touch from her on the date indicates interest, even if it's just a light touch on your shoulder when she's telling you a story. If she didn't touch you at all she'd be OUT, but since you said "hardly" it indicates she touched you here and there. Some girls are more conservative than others and won't try to jump their tongues down your throat on a first date, but they'll still touch you in some way as an indicator of their interest.

Long story short, good conversations and laughs and we kept prolonging the date by suggesting places to go to till I said it was getting late.

A BIG mistake, and one that a lot of younger guys make. If the date is going well, you don't prolong it - you END it. Your first dates should only be 45 to 90 minutes long - long enough time to get her excited about you, but short enough to leave her wanting more. If you're going on 2 to 4 hour dates or longer, you have a better chance of lowering their interest due to a variety of things (i.e. running out of things to say, saying the WRONG thing, boredom, etc.).

I walked her back to her door and we lingered in hug while whispering in each other's ears that we should hang out more (she started it).

Never indicate to a girl that you'll be contacting her or wanting to see more of her in the future. It's okay to let her wonder about this - she needs to feel like she could have done more to keep your attention; that way, when you hit her up a few days later for another date, she's more apt to accept it than decline. (And yes, even if she was the one saying it first, you didn't have to parrot it back to her...)

I kissed her twice even though there was hardly any kino throughout the date and after the second kiss she said "that was awkward."

You should have saved the kiss for the SECOND date. Yes, it's possible to get away with a first date kiss, but I have found most women are more open to a second date kiss, especially if you didn't try to jump their bones on the first date. Plus, by the second date they've had time to reminisce about how great they thought you were after the first date, and are in more of a mood to kiss you than upon first going out with you.

After the date, we would only have small talk if I initiated contact...

You shouldn't be having small talk with her in the first place, especially via text messaging. You should only use the phone to ask her on dates. Don't fall for this illogical logic that says you have to be talking to a girl every day on the phone in order to keep her interest, 'cause it's simply not true. Too much contact = lack of interest for a wide variety of reasons (which you can read about in the FREE eBook at my website, located in my signature).

except on my birthday where it went like this...

her (Jul 8, 8AM): HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!! ^_^ I'll treat you to drinks next time!!
me (Jul 8, 8AM): Thanks hope you have a wonderful day
her (Jul 8, 9AM): you too! Don't go too crazy!
me (Jul 10, 12AM): I'm having a bday dinner Friday. You should come, feel free to bring your friends. If not, I need my drink fix next week
her (Jul 10, 1PM): Haha I'll see. It's my littles birthday so I probably can't make it but have fun!
me (3PM): you too

Trying to invite her out with friends and/or a group thing is fine to do AFTER she's been made the girlfriend. Until then, it's a no-no. Speaking from personal experience, as well as a good majority of post here on SoSuave, bringing a girl along on group things is something that is actually NOT appealing to her in the beginning. She's still trying to figure out if she likes YOU, and is already having to put on a good show for you when she sees you each time. And it can be EXHAUSTING. So, when you invite her to be around people, now she's having to put on even MORE of a show. Worse, because you're not in a relationship yet, she has to figure out what kind of show to put on - is it the "girlfriend" show, the "just dating" show, the "have to be nice to his friends even if one of them says something rude" show... and she's not wanting to do ANY of that until she's sure you're going to be a constant presence in her life. And don't even get me started on your request for her to bring HER friends...

Aside from that, you asking her to take you out for drinks the next week was... well, weak. For one, just because she mentioned it in a prior text doesn't mean that's the activity you had to jump on. And two, when you responded to the request, it's not like you thought about a date, time, or place for you two to have these drinks at. You basically left it in HER hands, and - as you'll learn on these boards and in my podcast - it is your job as the MAN to plan these details so she won't have to. If you leave it up to a woman to plan these things, 9 times out of 10 they won't because they find these kinds of things to (a) be annoying and (b) the man's job. So, man up and start planning these details and your dating life will improve greatly!

A week went by and I sent her a low-investment lighthearted text...

me (Jul 17, 9AM): Morning, hope you've had a great week so far
her (Jul 17, 1PM): Heyyy. Eh could have been better...
me (Jul 17, 3PM): Oh what happened?
her (Jul 17, 5PM): Just work got busier and friends have been a little bit of a drag so haha yeah
me (Jul 17, 7PM): Sorry to hear that, I'm here for you if you want to talk about it (Trying to open door to talk about more serious ****)
her (Jul 18, 9AM): It's cool haha. Nothing much to talk about with this I guess.
her (Jul 18, 9AM): But thanks though

Weak. Again, there's no need for small talk. And there's definitely no need to sound all AFC by asking her if she wants to talk about some serious thing going on in her life, especially not before she's the girlfriend. Your job during the dating phase is to be the "fun" guy, not the psychologist that she'll dump all her problems on but never date.

and a week goes by with NC.

And that, my friend, is YOUR fault. It's not like she wasn't responding to your messages; she just had nothing to respond to. You didn't ask her out, and despite what others on here may have you believe, she's not trying to have small talk with you via text messaging. She wants YOU to plan a date, time, and place, and ask her out. I've had conversations with women recently (who were in their early 20s, mind you), and the general consensus I've gotten is that they're tired of all these guys wasting time sending them small talk text when they're waiting to be asked out on actual DATES.

So should I continue NC or break it and be direct with her? Ask her out, if she says no than ask if everything's cool or whats up?

The only reason she's not responding to you is 'cause you're not asking her out on an actual DATE. So hit her up, say "hey, what's going on?" then hit her with an idea for a date, tell her what day(s) it is and give her a choice of 2 times to pick her up for it. That's it - it's really that simple.

Also - on the off-chance that she says "no" or gives you some kind of excuse, there's no need to try and figure out what's wrong, or if you did something to upset her, etc. Don't get all "feelings-heavy" with her - you've only gone out with her once, so you declaring feelings of love for her is not going to suddenly convince her to have those same feelings.

At least this would give me a clearer answer so I could walk away for good since I think she might be waiting for me to lead.

The last part is true - and not lead in a sense like telling her what to do, but in a sense like she can feel you have some kind of PLAN going on, be it for dates, your life, etc. She can't get that feeling about you when you're sitting there waiting for her to offer a date suggestion or plan something.

That's all I got for now - hope this helps, and check out the podcasts!

 

[asa_don]

And why would you go on dates with girls you aren't interested in?

when its online you dont know who they actually are until you meet them, they look good from online, when you see them up close its a different story.

The OP didn't properly game her during the date, thus it was basically a friends night out. Sure she may have been laughing a lot, which shows interest, but it best to tease and build more anticipation based off of this indicator. Using kino won't hurt you, unless you're already a "god." But the OP is not, as with 99% of the male population. When a women finds you physically attractive, it makes gaming them easier. They're more open and suspectable to seduction. The OP lacked in this area, which ultimately lead to this disinterest.

kino doesn't hurt either way, i've gotten laid on first dates when i didnt use any kino, those chicks were wondering why i wasn't, then when we were making out after, that led to sex, chicks who want you wont be disinterested, they will want you more when they are already attracted.

And yeah talking to multiple girls should be standard for the single fellas. And about the ghost part, two strike rule. I may be hard headed but I'm generally not satisfied if she gets distant after the first date, if the second time I'm blown off then it's done. The only exception is if it's blatantly obvious.

if she's interested in you, she shouldn't go distant, this should be obvious.

The only reason she's not responding to you is 'cause you're not asking her out on an actual DATE. So hit her up, say "hey, what's going on?" then hit her with an idea for a date, tell her what day(s) it is and give her a choice of 2 times to pick her up for it. That's it - it's really that simple.

this is b.s., she would respond to him no matter what if she was interested, girls don't only respond when you ask them for a date :crackup:


she blew him off through text, she is not in contact with him, get another girl bro

You shouldn't be having small talk with her in the first place, especially via text messaging. You should only use the phone to ask her on dates. Don't fall for this illogical logic that says you have to be talking to a girl every day on the phone in order to keep her interest, 'cause it's simply not true. Too much contact = lack of interest for a wide variety of reasons (which you can read about in the FREE eBook at my website, located in my signature)....

lame, you need to talk to luke warm girls first to see if there is any interest, no point in wasting your time on a date with nothing to show for it.

nobody says you have to be talking everyday harry, you're making things up again.