Contact from ex oneitis

[MacAvoy]

Well I've been home now for over a month and my Ex Oneitis contacts m e on a regular basis via MSN. When she knew I was in Hfx still, she would rarely make contact but now that she knows I'm over here, she is constantly initiating contact.

I never make contact anymore. I let her know that I was planning a trip back to Hfx in March for my bday and that we should get together one night. She agreed and joked that I just wanted sexy time. I shot back that I'm coming for 4 days and I'm only spending one day with her to let her know her rank in the scheme of things.

Another day she tried saying that she could get me back if she wanted, but I blatantly let her know that I wouldn't take her back. To stress the point, I let her know that I'd take back my previous ex over her which is true. I know that she could never give me what I want from her and would only be doing so to play a game.

Yesterday she made a comment about how she heard a joke on Nip & Tuck and it reminded her of me "feel like im trying to sell semen at a wh0re house", she kinda knows I've been around the block before we were together but never really asked for obvious reasons.

Today she asked me what I thought her best quality is and I reply her tats, this was after she said she was frustrated with me cuz I never give her a straight answer. After giving her my real reply she states that my best quality was "my lack of jealousy" "which stems from my self confidence". I was actually suprised by this because I knew she was txting another guy, snooped on her phone and also came across some MSN chat logs. I never let on about the MSN logs but I did call her out on the txts and I proved that I was right. This was after it was over and I forced her to admit she was doing it.

I've got no idea why I'm posting this, other than to get some insight on ex's and their need for validation.

 

[guru1000]

I dont see much benefit to keeping contact with an ex. You cannot be legitimate FRIENDS. All you are doing is rubbing salt into each other's wounds. With only covert communication BATTLES, I choose to close the door and move foward.

 

[Juando]

I dont see much benefit to keeping contact with an ex. You cannot be legitimate FRIENDS. All you are doing is rubbing salt into each other's wounds. With only covert communication BATTLES, I choose to close the door and move foward.

I heard that, guru.

I loved my ex, was loyal, did everything in my power to give and share and keep her satisfied.

She told me I was family, more family than her family.

When she left me abruptly, a year ago, she said it was her, not me, that her most pressing concern was how it would affect me.

CUT TO:

TWO WEEKS AGO.
Phone conversation.
Me: mostly AFC, kind, giving, expansive.
Her: disdainful, contemptuous, cold, vindictive, blaming, poisonous.

What basis does she have for being like this to me:
ABSOLUTELY NONE.

My attitude now: I will not have anything to do with her....period.

 

[dcastillus]

That's very true, great wording: COVERT BATTLES, that's exactly what it feels like, I wish it weren't true but it is, good calling guru1000

 

[jophil28]

I dont see much benefit to keeping contact with an ex. You cannot be legitimate FRIENDS. All you are doing is rubbing salt into each other's wounds. With only covert communication BATTLES, I choose to close the door and move foward.

Ahh ! The covert battles - the ones that do not appear to have any clear subjects of conflict. The ones where you snipe and deride and play " the positionalism game. " - ego collisions - power contests in which each attempts to land the knockout blow but pretends that you are not.

This is a sure sign of a relationship in decay. Time to next her.

 

[jophil28]

[
Doope

 

[Last Man Standing]

Mac, she wants something! When a woman contacts a man it means that she wants something! But it is NOT about what she wants - it is about what you want!!! Dig?

 

[joekerr31]

she isnt looking for validation, she's looking for drama. you're her drama tampon because when she feels like playing games your right there to engage with her.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Never root through the garbage once you've dragged the can to the curb. You get dirty, your neighbors see you do it and you rarely find what you thought was worth looking for.

 

[romangod]

Although it is tempting to the EGO to try and play games with an EX who contacts you, I'd suggest you stay away from her. She'll draw you into the bottomless pit of despair which is hard to get out of.

 

[NewMan]

I dealt with this for a long time before I finally woke up.

The questions is just her validating herself - she wants the best of both worlds, and you, by talking to her on Chat, taking her calls and agreeing to meet her are just bowing down to her greater power. She knows she has you at her beck and call. You still have outstanding feelings/issues with her, and thats why you are allowing this contact to continue.


Unless you are getting something from her that you want (sex....) then you should not continue to validate her (and no matter what you think or think your saying to her, you are validating her by continuing to communicate with her).


You need to cut of contact, and stop taking her calls.

You are the prize remember.

 

[MacAvoy]

I think one thing that I didn't make clear in my intial post is that we are over 1000 miles apart so getting sucked in isn't a reality. I've got no interest in having her be my g/f again. In the link in the OP about my Ex, I clearly stated that I had a visit with her that ended the relationship on my terms.

The reason I don't completely cut her out is because I see value in keeping her around in the future as a friend. She's currently in Med School and I'm her real first adult love, so I just see potential benefits of having a DR in my pocket down the road. However in the short term, its about getting a piece of tail once or twice a year when I go visit my buddies back in her province.

I agree with the covert battles. I feel like were constantly engaged in a covert battle. I think she's gotten bored and misses male company as well. In the months before I left and we were broken up we would occassionally get together but not on a regular basis. However last summer she had a couple of branches that she kept on the outside and I think they've since broken as well. So my gut tells me that she's feeling the effects of not having any branches and therefore reaching out to me.

Because of her school commitments & lifestyle, its hard for her to get new branches. However I also think she was taken by my line about not taking her back, and I think she might actually might try covertly to try just to see if she can do it.

 

[decades]

she's looking for validation, but so are you.