Kate broke up with her boyfriend for me when she found out I was single, we met a while back and had this amazing connection, we saw each other for a while, but I had to move because of work and I came back. He would constantly call her, and show up at her work and after a month and a half, Kate's ex found out about me and how we were dating. He was leaving her nasty Voice mails and calling her. She would disappear for a while and talk with him. I finally told her to block his number and facebook, as this was getting annoying and to make a choice. So she agreed and blocked him. I asked her to date me and to be exclusive that night.
A month went by and we were having a great relationship, spending tons of time together. But she gets a text message from a number, and I can see that it is her EX BF's. I pretend that I do not know the number and ask who it is. She replies that "It's her girlfriends number from BC", and I decide to play along. After about 10 minutes she says that she has to get something form her car, and walks outside. She pretends to be looking for something in her vehicle while she is talking on the phone. This takes her about 30 minutes, and she comes back in. I ask her who she was talking to, and she replies that it was her friend from BC. I tell her I know what her EX BF's number is, and I hate being lied to. She begins to cry, and says he said he was sick with cancer (which we isn't) and went outside to talk with him so it didn't cause a fight. I said i wanted to brake up with her because she already lost my trust and she begged me to let her make it up to me.
I told myself before that if i didn't trust someone or if they lied to me, especially that early on in the relationship it was over. But i still decided to date her, letting her push my boundaries. after that I was extremely suspicious. She let me see her phone a few times, and she always had him blocked. But she would have other guys messaging her, a few of which I saw were calling her "baby" and still talking with them, she found them funny. I told her that if she wants to have guy friends, she needs to stick up for our relationship and tell them that it's inappropriate, and she agreed. When she's interacting with other guys, they all think she is hitting on them, even my friends. And when she talks to them, it was like how she interacted with me on the night i met her. It would make me extremely jealous, because she is a flirt.
We hungout almost every day, and she would stay over, we pretty much lived together. But Kate was always late, never on time for when she says she was going to be meeting up with me . She would go to her cabin with her parents, we would have plans but would randomly stay another night, and say she would be home in the morning. But i wouldn't see her until 11PM that night. She would say she was just turning onto the street by my house, than not show up for another 45 minutes. Her timelines just didn't make sense, and I would have a weird feeling in my gut. It wasn't that I was upset she was doing other things without me, it was that she never kept her word, and wouldn't be somewhere on time when she said she would.
Kate took me to her cabin for her parents big anniversary party, it was mostly people I did not know. I saw her a few times during the day, but once everyone started drinking I didn't see her at all. I found a few people around my age and made friends with them, to make things less awkward. It wasn't until 2AM when I sat down and saw her with another guy with their arms wrapped around each other, her head against his chest, rubbing his back, and staring up at each other, and at one point briefly holding hands, they didn't know I was there. I took out my phone and recorded a bit of it, as i knew she would deny most of it later. This happened for 20 minutes. I decided to go to bed an hour later, she saw me going to the room and she ran up to ask what i was doing and why I looked so upset. She downplayed everything, saying they grew up together and sees him as a brother, and it wasn't a big deal. I told her, its fine to briefly hug there's no need to be physically holding each other like that, its very disrespectful to me and our relationship, especially with a guy i didnt even know. Which she hasn't even seen in two years, and she barely does that with me. Most of her family said it was fine and not inappropriate.
I broke up with her after that, we lasted a year and a half. I told her I didn't feel secure in the relationship and didn't trust the way she interacted with other guys. If that's how she acts with guys when I'm present, how will she act with guys while im not there? I went a week without seeing her, she told me she had no friends and it was extremely hard, and that she was going to therapy because she didn't like the person she is and has extreme anxiety problems. And that she isn't good enough for me, and wants to make herself better because im the one she wants. She says she doesn't want to be a flirt and doesn't know why she likes getting so much attention from other guys.
I gave her our pets to take care for a bit of since she apparently didn't have anyone, I let her have the house key and grab the pets without me being there. After two weeks I got drunk and came home lonely and messaged her, she came over immediately and we slept together, those feelings came back. She left in the morning saying we should do it again. The next Thursday she comes over and we hangout for the night before she heads to her cabin again on Friday, its the long weekend and says she will be back to hangout and bring the pets back on Monday. We talk off and on throughout the weekend, but on Monday I don't hear from her. So at 9:00PM I decide to ask when she is going to back to drop off the pets. She doesn't respond until 10:00 saying that "she lost track of time and accidentally had to much to drink with her parent's friend Linda", she was going to have to stay another night because she couldn't drive home.
I was pretty pissed about that, about how she couldn't keep our arrangements yet again when we are trying to work through things together, and how she is lieing about losing track of time. How being so unreliable makes her untrustworthy. She brings the pets back the next day, and we hangout for the night and we talk about everything and she is very upset with herself and feels horrible again. The next day I don't hear from her until 10PM when she says that she was out having wings with her friend Dan, Ive never heard of this guy before and I get a bit upset, but she tells me they are just friends from school years ago. And that he saw she was single and wanted to talk and see if she was doing ok. We hangout that night, everything was a bit awkward and she seems really upset because I was mad, but we talk things through again. She is going to her cabin again with her parents and relatives, and we made plans to hangout on Thursday before she left again.
On Thursday I call her after work at 5:00, and she says she is cleaning and packing for the weekend. She says she has to wait for some laundry to be done to start the next load, and while she is waiting she was going to take a quick 30 minute nap. I told her to call me when she was done, as i was making supper for us. I don't hear from her, and by 9:30 I decide to call, it takes about 6 phone calls for her to answer over 10 minutes, and she says she slept through her alarm, I'm pretty pissed as I was waiting to eat and she is still being very unreliable. She says she still has to finish a few things, then she'll be over. Another 30 minutes goes by and she sends me a large message, explaining how she doesn't want to hurt me anymore, because she cant keep her own **** together. So I call her, and ask if she is done wasting my time, as I have been waiting around for her to show up all night, and how she is being disrespectful. She begins to cry and have an "anxiety" attack, I'm still trying to make food so I put her on speaker phone, and this goes on for another 30 minutes. I finally tell her to stop, and tell me if she is coming over or not, she says its not safe for her to drive while she is so upset, and it will have to be later. I tell her she is just wasting the time we could be spending together, and it seems like she is doing this on purpose.
I told her I was done playing these game, and that she has been extremely disrespectful to me. All I wanted was to spend the night together before she left to her cabin and she has wasted all that time with bull**** excuses. I asked her to make a decision of if she even wanted to hangout. She said tonight wasn't the best because of how upset she was, but some other time would be better. I told her that if she ditched tonight I was done trying with her, that she clearly doesn't want to try and show she's trustworthy or show she wants to put effort in. I told her I was going to block her number because I wasn't trying any longer and how this was hurting me, and that I need to move on. All that she replied with was that "it wasn't what she wanted, but ok".
I think I just have a problems letting go of relationships I know clearly aren't working, and I wait for things to get extremely bad before I try to let go. I wanted to end things when I found out she was lying early on in the relationship. She was very supportive and caring, and very emotional. I could tell she cared for me, but there are so many red flags. She was such a good friend and we spent almost all our time together, that's what makes **** hard.
Day two of no contact, obviously it doesn't work while im still talking to her.
A month went by and we were having a great relationship, spending tons of time together. But she gets a text message from a number, and I can see that it is her EX BF's. I pretend that I do not know the number and ask who it is. She replies that "It's her girlfriends number from BC", and I decide to play along. After about 10 minutes she says that she has to get something form her car, and walks outside. She pretends to be looking for something in her vehicle while she is talking on the phone. This takes her about 30 minutes, and she comes back in. I ask her who she was talking to, and she replies that it was her friend from BC. I tell her I know what her EX BF's number is, and I hate being lied to. She begins to cry, and says he said he was sick with cancer (which we isn't) and went outside to talk with him so it didn't cause a fight. I said i wanted to brake up with her because she already lost my trust and she begged me to let her make it up to me.
I told myself before that if i didn't trust someone or if they lied to me, especially that early on in the relationship it was over. But i still decided to date her, letting her push my boundaries. after that I was extremely suspicious. She let me see her phone a few times, and she always had him blocked. But she would have other guys messaging her, a few of which I saw were calling her "baby" and still talking with them, she found them funny. I told her that if she wants to have guy friends, she needs to stick up for our relationship and tell them that it's inappropriate, and she agreed. When she's interacting with other guys, they all think she is hitting on them, even my friends. And when she talks to them, it was like how she interacted with me on the night i met her. It would make me extremely jealous, because she is a flirt.
We hungout almost every day, and she would stay over, we pretty much lived together. But Kate was always late, never on time for when she says she was going to be meeting up with me . She would go to her cabin with her parents, we would have plans but would randomly stay another night, and say she would be home in the morning. But i wouldn't see her until 11PM that night. She would say she was just turning onto the street by my house, than not show up for another 45 minutes. Her timelines just didn't make sense, and I would have a weird feeling in my gut. It wasn't that I was upset she was doing other things without me, it was that she never kept her word, and wouldn't be somewhere on time when she said she would.
Kate took me to her cabin for her parents big anniversary party, it was mostly people I did not know. I saw her a few times during the day, but once everyone started drinking I didn't see her at all. I found a few people around my age and made friends with them, to make things less awkward. It wasn't until 2AM when I sat down and saw her with another guy with their arms wrapped around each other, her head against his chest, rubbing his back, and staring up at each other, and at one point briefly holding hands, they didn't know I was there. I took out my phone and recorded a bit of it, as i knew she would deny most of it later. This happened for 20 minutes. I decided to go to bed an hour later, she saw me going to the room and she ran up to ask what i was doing and why I looked so upset. She downplayed everything, saying they grew up together and sees him as a brother, and it wasn't a big deal. I told her, its fine to briefly hug there's no need to be physically holding each other like that, its very disrespectful to me and our relationship, especially with a guy i didnt even know. Which she hasn't even seen in two years, and she barely does that with me. Most of her family said it was fine and not inappropriate.
I broke up with her after that, we lasted a year and a half. I told her I didn't feel secure in the relationship and didn't trust the way she interacted with other guys. If that's how she acts with guys when I'm present, how will she act with guys while im not there? I went a week without seeing her, she told me she had no friends and it was extremely hard, and that she was going to therapy because she didn't like the person she is and has extreme anxiety problems. And that she isn't good enough for me, and wants to make herself better because im the one she wants. She says she doesn't want to be a flirt and doesn't know why she likes getting so much attention from other guys.
I gave her our pets to take care for a bit of since she apparently didn't have anyone, I let her have the house key and grab the pets without me being there. After two weeks I got drunk and came home lonely and messaged her, she came over immediately and we slept together, those feelings came back. She left in the morning saying we should do it again. The next Thursday she comes over and we hangout for the night before she heads to her cabin again on Friday, its the long weekend and says she will be back to hangout and bring the pets back on Monday. We talk off and on throughout the weekend, but on Monday I don't hear from her. So at 9:00PM I decide to ask when she is going to back to drop off the pets. She doesn't respond until 10:00 saying that "she lost track of time and accidentally had to much to drink with her parent's friend Linda", she was going to have to stay another night because she couldn't drive home.
I was pretty pissed about that, about how she couldn't keep our arrangements yet again when we are trying to work through things together, and how she is lieing about losing track of time. How being so unreliable makes her untrustworthy. She brings the pets back the next day, and we hangout for the night and we talk about everything and she is very upset with herself and feels horrible again. The next day I don't hear from her until 10PM when she says that she was out having wings with her friend Dan, Ive never heard of this guy before and I get a bit upset, but she tells me they are just friends from school years ago. And that he saw she was single and wanted to talk and see if she was doing ok. We hangout that night, everything was a bit awkward and she seems really upset because I was mad, but we talk things through again. She is going to her cabin again with her parents and relatives, and we made plans to hangout on Thursday before she left again.
On Thursday I call her after work at 5:00, and she says she is cleaning and packing for the weekend. She says she has to wait for some laundry to be done to start the next load, and while she is waiting she was going to take a quick 30 minute nap. I told her to call me when she was done, as i was making supper for us. I don't hear from her, and by 9:30 I decide to call, it takes about 6 phone calls for her to answer over 10 minutes, and she says she slept through her alarm, I'm pretty pissed as I was waiting to eat and she is still being very unreliable. She says she still has to finish a few things, then she'll be over. Another 30 minutes goes by and she sends me a large message, explaining how she doesn't want to hurt me anymore, because she cant keep her own **** together. So I call her, and ask if she is done wasting my time, as I have been waiting around for her to show up all night, and how she is being disrespectful. She begins to cry and have an "anxiety" attack, I'm still trying to make food so I put her on speaker phone, and this goes on for another 30 minutes. I finally tell her to stop, and tell me if she is coming over or not, she says its not safe for her to drive while she is so upset, and it will have to be later. I tell her she is just wasting the time we could be spending together, and it seems like she is doing this on purpose.
I told her I was done playing these game, and that she has been extremely disrespectful to me. All I wanted was to spend the night together before she left to her cabin and she has wasted all that time with bull**** excuses. I asked her to make a decision of if she even wanted to hangout. She said tonight wasn't the best because of how upset she was, but some other time would be better. I told her that if she ditched tonight I was done trying with her, that she clearly doesn't want to try and show she's trustworthy or show she wants to put effort in. I told her I was going to block her number because I wasn't trying any longer and how this was hurting me, and that I need to move on. All that she replied with was that "it wasn't what she wanted, but ok".
I think I just have a problems letting go of relationships I know clearly aren't working, and I wait for things to get extremely bad before I try to let go. I wanted to end things when I found out she was lying early on in the relationship. She was very supportive and caring, and very emotional. I could tell she cared for me, but there are so many red flags. She was such a good friend and we spent almost all our time together, that's what makes **** hard.
Day two of no contact, obviously it doesn't work while im still talking to her.
