Confused.. Need Advice

[Lauiteedy]

Hi Everyone.

Can anyone please give me some genuine advice about my current situation..

I am currently in a LTR, been together for 18months. The start of the relationship was great, but over time, it has become stale. We dont have sex at all anymore, basically I have to wait for "her to come to me". She gets angry at me for the simplest things. She has even said during an argument that she does not respect me.. I am aware that this it not good at all..

Now, I was an AFC when I started this relationship.. so I let her behave like this from the beginning (I know, thats my bad). It wasn't until about 4 months ago that I stumbled apon this forum that I started to realise its been the old AFC in me that has contributed to us being in the rutt that we are in.. I have been reading, gaining knowledge and have been trying to change my life ever since..

I am at the point that I am picking up on her Sh!t tests, her disrespecting me, and all the things that I have been putting up with.. But because of the time that I have invested in this LTR, being close with each other's friends and Family, I dont know whether to try to fix this, or to move on.. I guess I dont know how to go about it if I was to break it off..

On another note. The other reason for my confusion.. Things between a HB9 friend of mine and myself has heated up.. I know she has been lonely since breaking up out of her LTR, and I think all she wants is sex from me.. (she has put the hard word on me numerous times). So I dont know if this is playing on my mind and bluring my judgement. Which it probably is, this girl is wanting what I have been missing for the best part of 18months..


Any advice would be appreciated..

 

[Harry Wilmington]

It's always important for a guy to know the signals girls will send indicating a waning interest. These are called "red flags," and the more of them there are, the more of an indication that she's no longer feeling you. So, let's see what you've put out there for us to read, shall we?

1. "We don't have sex anymore."
2. "She gets angry at me for the simplest things."
3. "She said during an argument she doesn't respect me."
4. More frequent sh!t test

These are all indicators that her interest is no longer there. A woman who is in love with you and wants to be with you will (a) want you sexually, (b) not get so wound up about simple things, (c) show you respect, and (d) keep the sh!t test to a minimum.

You justification for staying with her - i.e. you have so much time put in - is a flimsy excuse at best. Time set in doesn't mean you deserve what you're living with. That would be like if you found out you've had cancer for 18 months, and telling the doctor who wants to operate on you "But I can't remove it, it's been a part of my life for so long now!" She's become a cancer, so get rid of her while you can and stop wasting your time with her.

Plus, if you've already got another chick on the side that you've been flirting with, it means your heart's already set on dumping this chick anyway! At this point, regardless of how she's treated you, it's not fair to her for you to be hooking up with someone else while continuing to be with her. You either want to stay and hope to work it out (which, at this point, is a long shot), or you leave her and start hooking up with the other chick with a clear conscious.

Hope this helps!

 

[Lauiteedy]

Thanks Harry!

I really needed to hear that!. I can see the writing on the walls, but I didnt want to see it, if you know what I mean..

 

[BeDJ]

This is a perfect example for new members why maintaining frame early in the relationship is absolutely necessary. Failure to do so leads to

Disrespect
Sex at her discretion
Lack of effort

Once a woman loses respect for you, you are another doormat. It's over, Lauiteedy. Before you picked up on all these signs, she was planning her exit strategy. You are in the comfort of the relationship, don't let that cloud your judgment and drag this out.

The HB9 would be a nice branch swing, but getting out of a LTR is emotionally crippling. When 2 parties are involved, it can be catastrophic. I would not advise pursuing the HB9 until you are emotionally checked out of your current LTR.

Keep us posted.

-

 

[Lauiteedy]

This is a perfect example for new members why maintaining frame early in the relationship is absolutely necessary. Failure to do so leads to

Disrespect
Sex at her discretion
Lack of effort

Once a woman loses respect for you, you are another doormat. It's over, Lauiteedy. Before you picked up on all these signs, she was planning her exit strategy. You are in the comfort of the relationship, don't let that cloud your judgment and drag this out.

The HB9 would be a nice branch swing, but getting out of a LTR is emotionally crippling. When 2 parties are involved, it can be catastrophic. I would not advise pursuing the HB9 until you are emotionally checked out of your current LTR.

Keep us posted.

-

thanks mate! I needed to hear all of this. I should listen to my gut more often..

will keep you posted.

 

[Purefilth]

Those two beat me to it.

I agree.

[sarcasm]
However I am interested on how often you text her.
Just because Harry hasn't mentioned it and thats really strange since it could be what killed the relationship.[/sarcasm]

 

[Lauiteedy]

Did the right thing.. clear conscience now..

 

[BadNews]

Did the right thing.. clear conscience now..

Does that mean you ended the relationship?
Y/N

Does that mean you fvcked your friend who has been giving you signals?
Y/N

If you selected yes to either of the above questions you have passed through barrier #1 leaving AFC central! Congrats! If you have selected yes to BOTH of the above questions, please advance through barrier #2 IMMEDIATELY!


I'm a little later to the thread here. But the guys above me are 100% correct. This relationship has been damaged beyond repair, no amount of "fixing" is going to help. Reflect on what you have learned from all of this in the coming months and ensure you don't make the same mistakes again. Once the respect/sex/attraction/(insert other relevant items here) is gone, the relationship is DONE!

Take some time to focus on yourself, and become confident and happy with who you are as a person. Obviously you have lost sight of that during the course of this relationship. I am glad to hear, however, that you realize this and are taking action to correct the problem!