confused a bit :)

[goblin123]

ok here is the situation,
I know this girl from work, we know each other for about a year now, I grew fond of her from the start, but quickly found out that shes living with her BF for quite some time, don't know the guy, but seemed like a nice relationship and according to her words the first time someone asked her about it she said it is a done deal ( next step is engagement ), so I backed off, shes a nice girl and really wanted her for a friend.
Unfortunately our shifts where completely opposite so our socializing was minimal. I did call her few times when few of us from "my" shift where going out, once or twice she went with us, but usually scenario goes like this, I invite her, shes excited and said that she will gladly come with us, but on the day we are supposed to go out, she usually has some excuse not to join us. We talked several times over IM and I am pretty sure she likes me, but since I know shes got BF I didn't really want to complicate things .... until recently ...
Anyhow had few problems with other girl I liked, stepped straight into friendly zone, searched the net for some help, found this forums, read several books, learned to kino etc ... so I was like ok, why not have some fun with this girl and try some kino, nothing special, just hold her hand for a moment longer after shake, shoulder tap, deliberate and quite obvious shoulder bump etc. now the thing is that she started to kino me back as well ... not letting my hand after the shake, hi/bye within 5min and extending hand for another handshake etc ....
Now I know she is not unfaithful type and that she will not cheat her BF, no do I want her to, I also thought several times that she might just be bailing out on our parties cause shes afraid what might happen between us ( might also be my imagination ).
How do you guys think I should play this, my plan is to keep it friendly, continue with minimal kino just for fun and see how it goes, definitely not gonna push things or ask direct questions, remember that it all just might be in my head

P.S. I know I'm flirty person and I flirt with any girl that is open for conversation and she responded to it quite nicely with some conversations lasting for few hours ( over IM while she was working, not too demanding work )

 

[fatdog]

Now I know she is not unfaithful type and that she will not cheat her BF, no do I want her to, I also thought several times that she might just be bailing out on our parties cause shes afraid what might happen between us ( might also be my imagination ).
How do you guys think I should play this, my plan is to keep it friendly, continue with minimal kino just for fun and see how it goes, definitely not gonna push things or ask direct questions, remember that it all just might be in my head

I'm confused too. You don't want her to cheat, but you're asking how to "play this"? Play what? You either want her to cheat, or you don't. There is nothing to play here if you don't want her to cheat.

You have to be more up front about what you want in your posts. If you just want practice, then do whatever you would normally do and see what happens. You have nothing to lose because there is nothing to gain, based solely on your post.

 

[goblin123]

ye, I kinda figured I don't even know what I want when I posted

 

[Pimp-sicle]

ye, I kinda figured I don't even know what I want when I posted

If you don't know what you want, then you can't have a successful plan of attack. Figure that out first, then let us know.

To me it sounds like you like her and want to date her....

And don't think that a girl is not the "cheating type." Flat out most women, if properly seduced will cheat on their bf. The few that don't are the ones that are truly happy with their current relationship and are quality women.

If this girl won't go out with you (in a group) in your free hours, then she doesn't have enough interest to get to know you better.




PIMP

 

[goblin123]

ok quick update, and quite some clarification of the whole situation

gave it another shot and called her to come out with us ( yesterday ) for a movie and some fun after, she was thrilled to join, we had to make some rearrangements, because shes working different shift and all, but she came. Movie was fun, than we went on to pub and clubbing, anyhow in some chat we had on our way between places it turns out that she and her BF broke out, it turns out that relationship wasn't as good as I thought and that they had different goals in life and where retrying their relationship for several times now.

Not to go into details of the stuff she behaved more than just friendly, had few hours for just the two of us, didn't make any big moves, but made whole bunch of small ones and all where well accepted

Anyhow, called her to join us again, found out that she likes jazz so, since I'm the one usually organizing our hangouts, will focus on going to some nice jazz club

p.s. almost the situation I could only have dreamed about

 

[Joe Stud]

now dont overdo it. relax, play it cool... let her come more to you. you need to set the tone. also flirt a bit with the other HB's in the group.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

ok quick update, and quite some clarification of the whole situation

gave it another shot and called her to come out with us ( yesterday ) for a movie and some fun after, she was thrilled to join, we had to make some rearrangements, because shes working different shift and all, but she came. Movie was fun, than we went on to pub and clubbing, anyhow in some chat we had on our way between places it turns out that she and her BF broke out, it turns out that relationship wasn't as good as I thought and that they had different goals in life and where retrying their relationship for several times now.

Not to go into details of the stuff she behaved more than just friendly, had few hours for just the two of us, didn't make any big moves, but made whole bunch of small ones and all where well accepted

Anyhow, called her to join us again, found out that she likes jazz so, since I'm the one usually organizing our hangouts, will focus on going to some nice jazz club

p.s. almost the situation I could only have dreamed about

Why are hiding what happened under lock and key? You made several "smal moves," what does that mean exactly? Did you kiss her? Did you feel her up? What happened?

Secondly as Goblin pointed out, don't completely cater everything to her.... she likes jazz "must find jazz concert!" Ummmm nope! Women are attracted to men who lead and are confident, if you start doing things to please her, you will become her puppy dog and she will friend zone you faster than you could imagine.




PIMP

 

[goblin123]

I'm not hiding, no we didn't make up, I didn't feel her up, as I said, small moves, few hugs, going through her hair and such, good bye kiss at the end etc, don't want to rush into this.
For second part, good in bad thing, this time we went to some club with karaoke, music kinda sucked, I didn't like it, neither did she, so we separated to vip section and had some quality time for chatter, thus finding some place with music most of us would enjoy would be preferable and no, I don't plan on completely cater her, made that mistake last time, not gonna happen again

p.s. she listens to quite array of music, jazz is only one of those but I kinda like the atmosphere it can create

 

[backbreaker]

being a jazznut myself, you will look like an asshat if you are looking for a jazz concert lol, wtf is a jazz concert. go find you a nice hole in the wall jazz bar, the dirtier the better. and you have different types of jazz, i for instance like bossa nova more than anything else, she might like smooth jazz, most women when they say jazz do, that's what they like.
what city are you in?

 

[goblin123]

not looking for a concert ofc
I'm from Belgrade, Serbia, so not gonna have much of a choice, proly have only 2-3 jazz clubs around.

 

[goblin123]

Here is a small update, 2 weeks ago called her on Sunday to tell her that we aren't hanging out on Monday ( as a group ) and used that as an excuse to ask her to a movies ( daily show, bit older movie so they aren't giving at evenings anymore "how to train your dragon" is the movie, recommend it to all ) anyhow heres how convo went.

ME: hey, just calling to tell you that we aren't going out on Monday, everyone is low on $ so we just gonna skip it ( she already said that she proly wont be going and we said that cash might be a problem, so didn't mind saying that )
HER: ye ok, not a problem
ME: but, you are coming with me to the movies on Thursday.
HER: oh, when?
ME: around 3.
HER: hm... is that regular time you guys go?
ME: no, I am taking you to see a movie
HER: (silence ~5sec)
ME: I'm taking you to watch a cartoon
HER: uhm ... but I don't think I can make it, I have to go to (hometown) to bring some things
ME: oh.
HER: some other time for sure, need to finish this.
ME: oki.

Anyhow, I'm pretty sure she really did have to go, so was ok with that, will try again.

Last week, we went out on Monday ( we works different shifts, so weekend of majority of our group is Monday / Tuesday night shift and hers is Thursday / Friday afternoon shift, so her declining this is kinda expected ) so I called her to hang out, she declined, said she might call if she finished early, but she didn't. On Tuesday I call her:

ME: hey, too bad you didn't come yesterday was cool
HER: ye I know, ( name ) told me
ME: ah well, next time, so anyhow, are we going to the movies on Thursday?
HER: uh, I still didn't finish these things, but see you tomorrow ( at work ) and we will talk.

Tomorrow I didn't rush to work, I usual come ~30min early, came on time this time, she got off a bit earlier, so I waited for about an hour, to avoid her being in bus and not to show neediness ( oh shes gone, I need to call her right away ) and gave her a call:

ME: hey, you got off early
HER: yea
ME: how about tomorrow?
HER: sorry, not gonna make it, have so much to finish.
ME: awww ( think fast, she does seem to have loads of things to finish, might just be a bit flexible and give it 3rd shot ) than how about Friday ?
HER: hm... don't have anything planed for Friday.
ME: movie is around 2
HER: hm... I will drop you a txt tomorrow to tell you if I can.
ME: oki.

so today I'm waiting for a txt from her, thb, not expecting much, if she doesn't txt, or declines, I will have to next her, even tho I don't really want to , even if she does accept, will take this with load of reserve, I do think she likes me, might just be that shes not ready after her breakup .... will remain close but not gonna push it too much

 

[Kailex]

How many times has she rejected you by now?
I count a total of about FOUR times?

Hell, you got rejected twice in the last phone call/texting.

You said Tuesday. She said "NO".
You then went the needy/desperate route and surprise... she said "NO" again.

Oh wait, she said she'd let you know? Guess what. That's a NO, but she just couldn't bring herself to reject you twice in a row so she said "she'd let you know".

At this point, honestly, give it up. All the signs point towards NO interest.
How many more rejections do you need to get the point?

I've yet to see a counter-offer from her, and that last exchanged was terrible... YOU counter-offered after SHE rejected your offer. You can't do that? It reeks of desperation and she probably rolled her eyes when you went from Tuesday to Friday.

I think you should go meet new women that it'd take LESS effort to even ASK OUT. This one is past its expiration date in your refrigerator.

 

[boomerick]

If your having a hard time seeing what Kailex is saying flip your last post around....

If a chick that you weren't really interested in called you, and you told her you weren't availible....

And then she kept asking about different days .....

Wouldn't that seem weak???....

Like she was obsesed with you and had no life???....

This chick went cold on you....it happens...

Forget her and move on to the next one .....

Take a lesson away from this and don't behave the same way next time....

Over and Out.

 

[goblin123]

geez, no need to get all aggressive on me don't really know where you counted four rejections, I asked her once 2 weeks ago, and 2x this week (including change of days),so that would be 3rd in a making ( I'm not counting group hangouts as I'm not the only one that is calling her ), and as I posted I do not expect much from this anymore