confidence, the golden key (and masturbation)

[Nobeard]

Hi everyone its been a while, I am going to be really honest in this post

I get a lot of good looks from women and when I do approach them I do really good. I am also ussually well rested and at my most confident.

However, I have a problem... a lot of the time I am fatigued to the point where I am not confident. And what I have realized is the problem is entirely my fault.

Ever since I was in 7th grade I pretty much have masturbated once a day. What I've realized is that this robs me from my ability to pick up women. When I do good with girls, I'm ussally alert and able to think with my brain down there.

Ill give an example, Saturday I'm talking with this girl at a party and she is g iving me good signals. She keeps mentioning how she is hot and is leaning towards me while being a really big flirt, but I can tell that she doesn't want me to get to physical in front of her friends. I had my arm around her back and things were going good... or so I thought

See if I had been "well rested" I would have got the clue. She kept saying she was hot and playing with her hair because she wanted me to take her outside. I asked her if she wanted to dance, but she said she was happy where she was and instead gave me more alcohol and flirted more. So What did I do? I lost my confidence because I knew that I was sexually fatigued. I eventually just gave up or just let the whole thing slip and went home because I was driving and I didn't want to get anymore intoxicated.

I realize now that I'm always like this. I'm always doing the self love so much that it robs me of the one thing I need when I have an actual women.

See I want to stop and I'm going to try again. But its been so long and its a big habit. Even when I had a gf, I still did the selfserve.

So my question is, does anyone have any experience, or suggestions? I want to be able to stop for 2 weeks in the short term. I Think that will have a positive effect on the whole thing. It would be a lot easier if I didn't sleep because Its harder to resist in the morning.

 

[Darth]

It's all in the mind. It's willpower. Kind of like quitting smoking.

 

[Kenny Powers]

I'm a newbie and if there's one thing I know its masturbating lol. I find it hard to believe you are that mentally tired because you've been masturbating. Your problem seems more anxiety related. Masturbation is normal and once a day is fine, just don't over do it. If anything masturbating should make you better with girls because it releases endorphins that make you more relaxed, which I guess makes it kind of an oxymoron that your masturbating causes anxiety. My advice, though probably not as valuable as others here, is to just not worry about it. A girl hinted she was horny and you missed it, no big deal. You should be happy you're having success with girls and not worry about other ****.

 

[(JJ)]

^^ don't listen to that.

sorry kp, but its been studied and found that testosterone spikes 4 days after a man's last ejaculation. if you're doing it on the daily, you're sabotaging yourself. testosterone is the motivating factor that makes you talk to women, be sexual with women, and fvck women.

i've never bought into the idea of not masturbating until recently, because it's fun and who doesnt enjoy it?

however, over the last few months, (since i've been back on my second year of college) i've decided to try it out. i've noticed huge changes.

-after a few days, you begin to feel more manly
-more confrontational, after a week i find it hard to BREAK eye contact with anyone
-sexual jokes and vibes come much easier
-(this could be a positive or a negative) i begin to find a LOT more girls a LOT more attractive


and other things along those same lines.

my plan is as follows: jerk it once a week. i do it on thursdays. my reasoning: i've had all week at classes being my confrontational, talkative, sexual self. but i also dont want to be TOO ready when the weekend comes (ie, c*mming in 30 seconds if/when i hook up). however, doing it on thursday allows my testosterone to be on its way back up on saturday night, perfect time to go out to a party or a club and be back on my game.

this is just a guideline though, dont think i stick to it always under every circumstance... i am human and i've slipped up here and there this semester. but overall, i would definitely suggest trying to limit it, just to test how your body reacts to it.

 

[SandHawk]

I'm a newbie and if there's one thing I know its masturbating lol. I find it hard to believe you are that mentally tired because you've been masturbating. Your problem seems more anxiety related. Masturbation is normal and once a day is fine, just don't over do it. If anything masturbating should make you better with girls because it releases endorphins that make you more relaxed, which I guess makes it kind of an oxymoron that your masturbating causes anxiety. My advice, though probably not as valuable as others here, is to just not worry about it. A girl hinted she was horny and you missed it, no big deal. You should be happy you're having success with girls and not worry about other ****.

Finally a newbie with common sense that doesn't worship what others says! I applaud thy!

To the OP: I don't understand how flushing the pipes once a day causes "mental exhaustion". The only thing it can do is cause sexual fatigue, which means you've been beating your meat way too many times a day. Hell, I remember seeing some psychological experiment recently that said that people who believe that mental energy is limited, perform less well doing a complex tax after they've had to perform a task before it.

Confidence and masturbation are not related unless your self image is connected to how often you wank or have sex. F*ck, having a wank won't make you miss a hint for sex by a girl. It's just that you miss it because you suck at reading hints. Period.

 

[Energy25]

having a wank won't make you miss a hint for sex by a girl.

No, but it will make you not care about the hint because you've already taken care of it yourself. Not masturbating=more motivation with getting girls.

 

[john_trenor]

You mentioned that you did it while you had a girlfriend, I don’t think you will be able to stop now.

 

[SandHawk]

sorry kp, but its been studied and found that testosterone spikes 4 days after a man's last ejaculation. if you're doing it on the daily, you're sabotaging yourself. testosterone is the motivating factor that makes you talk to women, be sexual with women, and fvck women.

You make a claim, and therefore the burden of proof is on you. Show me a RELIABLE source that claims that testosterone levels drop after ejaculation. Hell, you know what? I can debunk this myself from pure experience: You remember the times when you got yourself a new chick you were really into and you started f*cking her? Oh yea, remember how you were suddenly f*cking her brains out 6 times a day, for a week non-stop?

You know what causes those spikes in sex drive? Oh right, testosterone. Testosterone levels are not linked to ejaculation. In fact, it sounds really unproductive to make them drop, as it means all men sudden become asexual for 4 days after blowing their load. What a load of bull. Stop making false claims and show me proof. Go find a paper copy of Psychology Today from july 2010, it apparently has an article claiming that masturbation in fact doesn't cause those drops.

 

[Energy25]

^^ don't listen to that.

sorry kp, but its been studied and found that testosterone spikes 4 days after a man's last ejaculation. if you're doing it on the daily, you're sabotaging yourself. testosterone is the motivating factor that makes you talk to women, be sexual with women, and fvck women.

i've never bought into the idea of not masturbating until recently, because it's fun and who doesnt enjoy it?

however, over the last few months, (since i've been back on my second year of college) i've decided to try it out. i've noticed huge changes.

-after a few days, you begin to feel more manly
-more confrontational, after a week i find it hard to BREAK eye contact with anyone
-sexual jokes and vibes come much easier
-(this could be a positive or a negative) i begin to find a LOT more girls a LOT more attractive


and other things along those same lines.

my plan is as follows: jerk it once a week. i do it on thursdays. my reasoning: i've had all week at classes being my confrontational, talkative, sexual self. but i also dont want to be TOO ready when the weekend comes (ie, c*mming in 30 seconds if/when i hook up). however, doing it on thursday allows my testosterone to be on its way back up on saturday night, perfect time to go out to a party or a club and be back on my game.

this is just a guideline though, dont think i stick to it always under every circumstance... i am human and i've slipped up here and there this semester. but overall, i would definitely suggest trying to limit it, just to test how your body reacts to it.

I've experienced similar results when I've abstained. It's a good thing. No doubt. I've got to get back on track this month. It makes getting girls easier. They just come to you.

 

[PapiChulo]

Thats all a load of bias.


The hornier you are, the more likely you are to seek out a mate. I am horny all the time anyway.

 

[(JJ)]

You make a claim, and therefore the burden of proof is on you. Show me a RELIABLE source that claims that testosterone levels drop after ejaculation. Hell, you know what? I can debunk this myself from pure experience: You remember the times when you got yourself a new chick you were really into and you started f*cking her? Oh yea, remember how you were suddenly f*cking her brains out 6 times a day, for a week non-stop?

You know what causes those spikes in sex drive? Oh right, testosterone. Testosterone levels are not linked to ejaculation. In fact, it sounds really unproductive to make them drop, as it means all men sudden become asexual for 4 days after blowing their load. What a load of bull. Stop making false claims and show me proof. Go find a paper copy of Psychology Today from july 2010, it apparently has an article claiming that masturbation in fact doesn't cause those drops.

fair enough.


"Researchers found that abstaining from ejaculation for six days had no impact on serum testosterone levels. On the seventh day, serum testosterone levels peaked to 145.7% of baseline, and then declined rapidly on the eighth day.7,8"

my bad on quoting the 4 day spike thing, i was going off of memory of what i had read.


http://www.bodybuilding.com/fun/south99.htm

to say that there is NO scientific basis in my claim is not true. to say that it has been proven to occur 100% of the time is also not true.

what i am offering is what i have experienced with my OWN body over the course of the last few months. take it + what i provide to back it up with whatever level of credibility you want.

but really, what does he have to lose by lowering the frequency of a bad habit?

 

[(JJ)]

here's the link to the actual study

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/12506329

 

[SandHawk]

here's the link to the actual study

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/12506329

Alright, you've provided proof for part of your claim(higher testosterone levels). But it also states that the first 6 days after your ejaculation, nothing happens to your testosterone levels, and that abstaining from masturbation has no effect, except on the 8th day. But this is also true after having sex, as the body itself doesn't make a difference between masturbation / sex. The drop in testosterone levels doesn't seem to be explained(but I haven't read through the actual study). I wonder, what does the drop entitle? Does it drop below the baseline testosterone levels? Or is the sharp decline in it's levels back to baseline? These questions are important, because if the decline is back from 147% back to 100%, the decline is still extremely sharp, yet you are back to normal. And therefore, masturbation would be a good aid in making testosterone levels go up.

However, I do believe that there is a rather large other cause for this. Because an orgasm causes an explosion of all sorts of neurotransmitters to fire in your brain. A lot of happy chemicals that provide satisfaction, feeling happy, etc. The more powerful the orgasm, the more chemicals, the more satisfaction.

And this causes two things to happen: First of all, you feel initially happy and satisfied, and as the chemicals wear off, you fall into a low. Just like when you're doing drugs, fapping a lot will cause a massive dip after a while, and lowers your self-esteem because you crave those chemicals. And secondly, it will grant you sexual satisfaction that you then not actively pursue to get fulfilled. I should see if I can find the study on this, because there was a nice article in Psychology Today on this.

Masturbation isn't harmful, bad or whatever. It's just that you don't need to over do it. Do it whenever you feel horny, but not 4 times a day. Every other day is fine too.

 

[Bryce556]

i find when i dont masturbate im better with girls and more confident. better with all kinds of girls and people in general.

 

[mustfirstregister]

cold shower helps

 

[Tighten_Up]

There is nothing unhealthy about masturbation, as long as it doesn't get out of hand (ha).

If anything, masturbation is good. It's like exercise for your penis. You can practice endurance and train yourself to last longer. If you never masturbate, as soon as you get it in a real woman you're going to blow your load way too fast

There are some techniques and tips floating around the internets that will help you make masturbation productive. Google them...or not...your choice.

 

[Duracell_Bunny]

From my own experience I've found that holding back for a couple to a few days does make a difference. If its anything to do with it I find that I get a more overall healthy appearance, less spots/pimples etc. and probably a general glow. Also feeling more alert and having a passionate buzz at work.

Overdoing it (like more than once in a single day) I may have an outbreak of spots and generally become to feel very lazy and tired. When me and a chick had a horny lazy Sunday in bed once that left a feeling of whats the word, not givin a **** about anything but in a relaxed content way.

Not doing it enough, well that happened on my last lads holiday, lol not good - just got way too horny and become agitated or aggressive too easily.

For me, too much or too little does make a difference. Although I don't think it has anything to do with true confidence. My belief is that confidence only comes from conditioning, genuine inner confidence with your abilities comes from successful experiences. Feeling horny or higher testosterone IMO has nothing to do with it, it just changes the way you feel.

 

[Vice]

I should see if I can find the study on this, because there was a nice article in Psychology Today on this.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog...-the-cowardly-lion-just-masturbating-too-much

 

[Galactus]

I read somewhere that masturbating 20 to 30 times a month reduces risk of cancer by about 40%. So that's great news for me.

Then again, 30 times or more increases risk of getting caught by relatives popping in for a surprise visit. So be careful.

 

[loveshogun]

Ever since I was in 7th grade I pretty much have masturbated once a day. What I've realized is that this robs me from my ability to pick up women. When I do good with girls, I'm ussally alert and able to think with my brain down there.

I'm gonna throw THIS out there. I masturbate at least three times as much as you do. And I started in 5th grade.

When I'm seeing a girl, I'm having sex about twice a day, so I'm only masturbating about 2 times a day.

I dry orgasm a lot, but beyond that, it doesn't rob me of much aside from 5 minutes or so each time. And the feeling of general sleepiness after.

I actually find that I do this because when I don't, I literally can't put a sentence together.

Yes, I have seen my doctor about it. Came down to an unusually high level of testosterone (which explains my "puffy nips" - thankfully they're not huge... just puffy). There weren't any satisfactory solutions, so she just said I could deal with it how I pleased, and if I'd have liked to try some drugs or therapy to bring the problem back up (no pun intended).

In my view, problem isn't so bad that it disrupts my life to the point of destructive behavior. I'm just glad I'm not missing any limbs.

But now that I'm intrigued, and I always like testing my limits, I'm gonna go on the NO FAP challenge!

Of course, this will also be a no porn challenge, because when porn is on, I have the immediate urge to fap.

Sex is still allowed. I'm not THAT crazy.

I will start keeping a journal of how I'm doing without masturbating.

After a few days, I might get really erratic and irritable. Beware, folks.