Confession: I'm an obsessive, insecure, control freak and need some help.

[Jariel]

Everyone who has read my threads lately has surely reached the same conclusion, that I have a pretty fvcked up personality.

It's about time I admitted to it.

I've been trying to steer around the fact, but I am an obsessive perfectionist and totally insecure about myself. If I get attention from women one day, my confidence soars, but if the attention is lacking the day after, I start feeling insecure. When I'm dumped or rejected, I run thousands of possible reasons through my mind, which ends up making me paranoid and I start to see imaginary flaws in myself.

I'm also obsessed with perfection. Once I learn of my flaws I try to get rid of them or hide them. Sometimes I even avoid strong and unflattering lighting. Most of my time is actually spent thinking about and trying to improve myself.

I am narcissistic and spend a long time looking in the mirror analysing my reflection. Not only that, but I analyse my thought processes and try to explain who I am and everything I do. Even worse, I try to understand everything other people do and then control them and situations around me.

I've tried letting go and not giving a sh1t, but it's not something I can do without knowing how. I would have sought councelling a long time ago, but I really cannot afford it, so this is where I call on you guys for advice. Thanks.

 

[squirrels]

This is what I was afraid of when in all those other threads you were talking about how people didn't like you because you were "too perfect" and everyone else was saying "they're not good enough for you."

The truth is you're trying too hard to seek approval. You're progressing and improving through life not for the sake of living a full, happy, exciting life, but in an attempt to appear "perfect" to other people.

We're all searching for identity. We're all told by outside people from day one to be something. So we're constantly trying to show them that we met their demands.

The truth is that they're only players in your story. To focus your energy on appearing great in their eyes makes them greater than you by default, because you submit to their judgement. In your attempt to make everyone think you are at the TOP, you have placed everyone else ABOVE you by being more concerned with THEIR thoughts than yours.

You will NEVER own their thoughts. You can't see inside their heads. You have no power there (except what they give you). Their minds are different stories with diferent plots and different characters. You will never be more than a supporting character as long as you live life through the way OTHERS think.

Instead, take control of YOUR story. Here, you ARE the main character and EVERYTHING occurs as you see it with your OWN eyes and your OWN thoughts and your OWN feelings.

Only in THIS state can you really understand yourself...can you see yourself from INSIDE, with a FULL understanding of your virtues, vices, and capabilities to build, expand, and destroy all of them.

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=71033
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=71073
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=71660

Make your life yours. Grow and improve and enrich yourself for the sake of leading a full, good life for YOURSELF, not to impress others. They can't validate you. They can't see inside you. They can't tell you who you are. They have NO RIGHT! So don't give them the power.

The more you enrich your own life for your OWN sake, the more people will be drawn to you.

 

[Blue Phoenix]

Originally posted by Jariel
Everyone who has read my threads lately has surely reached the same conclusion, that I have a pretty fvcked up personality.

It's about time I admitted to it.

I've been trying to steer around the fact, but I am an obsessive perfectionist and totally insecure about myself. If I get attention from women one day, my confidence soars, but if the attention is lacking the day after, I start feeling insecure. When I'm dumped or rejected, I run thousands of possible reasons through my mind, which ends up making me paranoid and I start to see imaginary flaws in myself.

I'm also obsessed with perfection. Once I learn of my flaws I try to get rid of them or hide them. Sometimes I even avoid strong and unflattering lighting. Most of my time is actually spent thinking about and trying to improve myself.

I am narcissistic and spend a long time looking in the mirror analysing my reflection. Not only that, but I analyse my thought processes and try to explain who I am and everything I do. Even worse, I try to understand everything other people do and then control them and situations around me.

I've tried letting go and not giving a sh1t, but it's not something I can do without knowing how. I would have sought councelling a long time ago, but I really cannot afford it, so this is where I call on you guys for advice. Thanks.

Your confession doesn't impress me at all because of this post I saw from you:

Originally posted by Jariel

Paranoid: High
Schizotypal: High
Histrionic: Very High
Narcissistic: High
Avoidant: High
Dependent: Very High
Obsessive-Compulsive: High

Even though this test can be misleading, It says a lot about who you are!

You have to read about those traits you score high in order to help you to solve your problems.

 

[Sexus]

Jariel. The best advice is to get off the board and pursue your own self inspired goals. You wont find a solution to your ills here.

Attain them and return a better man.

 

[gruby]

Enrol yourself in a film class. You will meet lots of pathethic people who never made it and are bitter. You will learn no to give shi-t because if you do then you listen to criticism of those pathetic nobodies who are crytisizing not to help but to boost their shattered ego. You just have to not give a shi-t buceasue in all honesty why should you?

 

[SageOFAllenAge]

Originally posted by Jariel

I've tried letting go and not giving a sh1t, but it's not something I can do without knowing how. I would have sought councelling a long time ago, but I really cannot afford it, so this is where I call on you guys for advice. Thanks.

How can you be perfect when you spelt counselling wrong!, heh

You need to take a vacation man, probably to some far off place where you can get your head straight & stop obsessing, A place away from people, A cold mountain perhaps ..

 

[ScrewIt]

I would suggest taking a pill/herb that decreases brain activity. I have a friend who suffers from social anxiety that takes these pills and it's helped him. at best you should see a therapist and he'll write you a prescription.

If anything, it would help with your obsessive compulsive thoughts.

The secret to the not give a sh1t attitude is simply not thinking/caring what others are thinking about you.

 

[I-am-someone]

A pill/herb? You're not talking about marijauna are you?

I used to have the same stuff going through my head... it faded away a while ago though. I do still have a brain that is far too active which is getting me almost constant headaches (argh! when are they going to stop?!).

Jariel, you have realized that this is your flaw. You have realized that this flaw is greater than all the other flaws you have killed over time. Now, like you have done before, start by intending to change your mindset. It's not that difficult. I've done it, so can you. This is a thread that has helped me quite a bit and started me on my way to giving less about what other people thought of me a while ago.

I don't know about you, but I can't think of a more comfortable state than being in a state where I know I really don't give a damn what other people think of me. The more comfortable you feel, the more comfortable people will feel around you.

 

[StringShredder]

Re: Re: Confession: I'm an obsessive, insecure, control freak and need some help.

Originally posted by Blue Phoenix
Even though this test can be misleading, It says a lot about who you are!

You have to read about those traits you score high in order to help you to solve your problems.

The result could simply be confirming that he's very self-critical. The self-test is just another situation in which he can look for flaws in himself - in this case, various signs of personality disorder - and answer the questions in such a way that magnifies the actual problems.

 

[ScrewIt]

The Narcissist: This woman believes on some level that the world is focused on her. A common misperception is that a narcissistic person is merely vain and self-centered. This is not always so, and in many cases the narcissist carries a lot of self-hate. The narcissist is extremely paranoid about the image she presents to others, and fosters a preoccupation with herself. She is defined by how other people see her.

- She's extremely concerned with what other people think of her
- Preoccupied with external validation and approval – requires excessive admiration
- Very internally focused
- Cannot see other people’s points of view
- Has boundary issues
- Has a highly underdeveloped sense of humor, especially unable to laugh at herself
- Lack of empathy for others
- Insecure and envious
- Has a sense of entitlement

From the dating black book.

read this thread .Here, you should be able to find info here that is rather enlightening...and should be helpful

And to confess, i too had a similar problem to yours Jariel, feel free ask me any questions regarding it.

 

[padrote]

Originally posted by Jariel
Everyone who has read my threads lately has surely reached the same conclusion, that I have a pretty fvcked up personality.

It's about time I admitted to it.

I've been trying to steer around the fact, but I am an obsessive perfectionist and totally insecure about myself. If I get attention from women one day, my confidence soars, but if the attention is lacking the day after, I start feeling insecure. When I'm dumped or rejected, I run thousands of possible reasons through my mind, which ends up making me paranoid and I start to see imaginary flaws in myself.

I'm also obsessed with perfection. Once I learn of my flaws I try to get rid of them or hide them. Sometimes I even avoid strong and unflattering lighting. Most of my time is actually spent thinking about and trying to improve myself.

I am narcissistic and spend a long time looking in the mirror analysing my reflection. Not only that, but I analyse my thought processes and try to explain who I am and everything I do. Even worse, I try to understand everything other people do and then control them and situations around me.

I've tried letting go and not giving a sh1t, but it's not something I can do without knowing how. I would have sought councelling a long time ago, but I really cannot afford it, so this is where I call on you guys for advice. Thanks.

Damn dude, I could've written the same thing. I keep seeing flaws in myself that other people probably don't give two sh1ts about. I don't like myself and don't expect others to like me.

One day at a time.

 

[Freeman]

Originally posted by Jariel
Everyone who has read my threads lately has surely reached the same conclusion, that I have a pretty fvcked up personality.

It's about time I admitted to it.

I've been trying to steer around the fact, but I am an obsessive perfectionist and totally insecure about myself. If I get attention from women one day, my confidence soars, but if the attention is lacking the day after, I start feeling insecure. When I'm dumped or rejected, I run thousands of possible reasons through my mind, which ends up making me paranoid and I start to see imaginary flaws in myself.

I'm also obsessed with perfection. Once I learn of my flaws I try to get rid of them or hide them. Sometimes I even avoid strong and unflattering lighting. Most of my time is actually spent thinking about and trying to improve myself.

I am narcissistic and spend a long time looking in the mirror analysing my reflection. Not only that, but I analyse my thought processes and try to explain who I am and everything I do. Even worse, I try to understand everything other people do and then control them and situations around me.

I've tried letting go and not giving a sh1t, but it's not something I can do without knowing how. I would have sought councelling a long time ago, but I really cannot afford it, so this is where I call on you guys for advice. Thanks.

Well you made the first step-which is admitting that you have a problem-Now you must seek some professional help.

 

[Tha Realnezz]

You need to leave these boards for awhile and you SERIOUSLY need to stop hanging around b!tches and those lame buddies of yours.

I think the people around and you trynnna live up the DJ philosphy got you whacked out.

Get some rest,watch some movies or whatever,stay in for a few days then head out and make some new friends,hang out with new people.

Forget about yourself for awhile.

 

[SamePendo]

I suppose I'm like you.

But I've realized that people see my greatness when I am ...careless. You know, like with women, but with everyone.

I see what you see as virtues. Ways to be better than everyone else. You lost balance.. you weren't egoisticaly smart. Because if you were you'd know that getting too egoistical would get you in this current state of insecurity.

 

[Jariel]

Well guys, thanks once again for the useful input. I think I may need to take a break from this board I think it is contributing to the mess I'm in. One person says you attract women by doing one thing, another says the opposite, another says in between, and it's getting out of control.

At one time I felt I was gifted with the ability to create rapport and could enjoy conversations with anyone, yet I am starting to see that a large percentage of my interaction with people these days is pure manipulation. I talk to women and I'm looking for ways to attract them, trying to read their signs or trying to portray myself a certain way instead of focusing on the conversation and just being myself.

It's pretty clear why I am popular, yet a failure with women...because with women, I become manipulative and analytical, and I'm constantly aware of my "game". It's not natural or relaxed behaviour.

I have to say that the player, DJ, PUA, seducer or whatever mentalities are not working for me and I think it's time I forget about "the game" altogether, get all the strategies, personas and rules out of my system and, as I've been advised here, take a break from thinking about myself and do some things I enjoy for the hell of it.

As Tyler Durden said in Fight Club: "Stop trying to control everything and just let go. Let go!"

That's what I need to do.

 

[WeakMenNeverRise]

I know you've heard a lot of advice and yes opinions are like azz holes, everybody has one. From reading your post, it seems to me that you are very conceited and arrogant. And the times where you don't get as much attention as you may like challenges your arrogance and narcissism. My advice to you would be to put your arrogance to the test. Try and holler at the baddest chicks you can find and see what happens. I guarantee you that after a while you will learn that being "perfect" is an impossibility and that the pursuit of it is futile. If you notice, the greatest players are those who are not so focused on the opinions of others. A true player can go out and get rejected 10 times and holler at the 11th chick and end up sleeping with her. Bottom line man, I think just letting go is gonna be a lot harder said than done, I think you need to give yourself some tough love and actually experience not being in control and getting rejected.

 

[IndianaJoneS]

Hey Jariel. I think I Have a starting point for you. a little excercise you could do and see how you feel.

Go to a crowded place with many people walking hectic around. Good would be a shopping street. Walk with the speed of the crowd (Most people will have very likely the same speed). Then slow down. Do it extremely. And take care of how you feel doing that. Then look at the people. Some will look at you, probably wondering why you walk so slow. Some will have to toe you, others will outrun you.

And then say to yourself : "I walk slow because I want to. I absolutely don´t care about this 'situation'. I refuse to walk in the common speed, because I want to. And I ****ing don´t care what the people think about that".

And then try to find other things in life where you tend to do things, because "you want other people to think something about you", and start to behave differently, in a way that expresses what you think or want to express.

I had a time where I behaved similar to you. I did things that were intended to let people think certain thoughts about myself. I´m stopping this, every day. It takes some courage sometimes. But it´s worth it.

Good luck !

let me hear, if it could help you.

Indiana

 

[IndianaJoneS]

I forgot ! I absolutely recommend "the 6 pillars of self esteem" from Nathaniel Branden to you ! It could solve most of your problems. It contains excercises you can use every day. This book was recommended to me by this forum, too.

 

[squirrels]

Originally posted by Jariel

As Tyler Durden said in Fight Club: "Stop trying to control everything and just let go. Let go!"

Pretty much.