Compromise in LTR.

[Rainman4707]

Couples compromise Rainman. If one person in a LTR wants to do something that the other dose'nt, then the one who dose'nt want to do it should compromise & do it for the others sake now & then & visa versa.

I've heard my Gf say the above a few times to me over the course of our LTR. I understand it, but don't like it. I will try & compromise a little, but as far as i'm concerned, i'm not going to do something I don't want to do & I wouldn't expect my GF to do something with me that she didn't want to do. She dose'nt understand this though.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Examples?

 

[sazc]

By the same token, if one person in an LTR would be miserable performing an activity, why force them?

 

[Atom Smasher]

I'm waiting for Rainman's examples, but in the meantime I will say that in a well-balanced relationship, small compromises are acceptable for the happiness and well-being of the other, but a person should NEVER be coerced into doing something or going somewhere that they really don't like.

Having said that, a woman who is genuinely interested in you will be all about just being with you and will gladly attend some event or accompany you to a place where she would normally have no interest.

Here's an example of some great game by your humble-to-a-fault author of this post:
My girlfriend is dying to go to Harbor Freight with me. I've told her how I love the smell of the toxic Chinese rubber products in that store, and how I will someday find some perfume for her to wear that smells like rubber. Since she's interested in me and my penchant for building and inventing, a trip to Harbor Freight would help her to connect with my core, which she loves.

She has nothing to do with tools and has no interest in them except for the fact that they represent a connection to me. Use that information in your own life according to your own interests.

 

[Roober]

small compromises are made in LTRs. It is when it becomes a habit and spirals out of control is when it is no good.

 

[sazc]

I agree with @Roober and here is what I know on the topic.

Back when I was trying to save my marriage, a therapist suggested my ex and I fill out a questionnaire to determine what shared interests we have. Shared interests and activities promote bonding and closeness in a relationship. Far too often couples focus turns to the children, work, or projects, and the relationship doesn't get tended too.

The questionnaire had a TON of activities on it, and we were individually to rate each activity in terms of interest level, from 1 to 5, very interested to not interested. After we were each done, we were then to come together and find the activities we rated as high interest, the one we had in common, and we were to make a date to perform these activities together as a way to (re) bond. The idea being we should do things together that we BOTH got enjoyment from, and that would bring life/joy to the relationship. The other idea being that the partner would get to see the other persons 'important' activities, and could either choose to participate willingly, or be understanding as to how high value these were to their partner and, therefore, be amenable to allowing the partner to pursue them.

This is another reason why it is very important to find a partner that absolutely has shared interests. A pvssy should not be enough to qualify a female for an LTR because there are many other very important hurdles you will have to face in life together, and they wont rear their ugly heads until significant time (3,4 years) has been invested in the relationship.

 

[Alvafe]

Men put common interest just under looks in the heirarchy of needs along with loyalty already, the problem.is it's probably rank ordered 5-6 in the heirarchy for women.

For me it is damn near #1 but if you allow yourself to be blinded by this connection it's no better than being blinded by looks alone really.

Half those interests she picked up from her exes anyway...Didn't do them a lot of good.

I wouldn't say that, because if both are wanting to know each other they will more tehn likely lie about it,

example, one like basketball other don't, the one who like invite the otehr to go, and ask if he/she like it, more then likely he/she will say yes tehy do, when in truth they never saw a damn game in they whole life, do that with any thing, some will go just to see if they will like, or "survive" the night to know the other, or know they territory and see how he is

 

[Rainman4707]

Examples - she wanted me to go to her brothers the other day to see his daughter & she was wanting me to go to out on a double date a couple weeks ago. I didn't want to do those things.

Actually I am willing to do some things that I don't want to do. Her view is that I don't do enough

Well that was the weekend just gone. Since then she has finished with me. She will be waiting for me to call her. I wont.

As usual, thanks for the input =)