Commanding vocubulary - words with confidence.

[Luke Skywalker]

I'm making this off-shoot thread from my bootcamp dealing with building confidence using vocubulary - or the belief that having certain 'words' will help with tone, confidence, or what not given it's authoritative content.

For example, if number closing, instead of saying in a timid way, "can I have your number", it would be easier and more confident if you walked a way and said "Oh, BTW, I almost forgot [contact-close]"

Espi, put an example of starting some statement with "You know..." as a bit of a cue in.

The Game books says, when introducing a topic to girls in convo, to appear more natural always start it with "my friends were having a discussion about this, and I wonder what you think", or "I watched a TV show on this last night, etc..." and introduce topic.

Sort of some buffer concept, but I cant put my finger on it.

**********

So, how to convey confidence with vocubulary -- let's face it, we can be very confident when we have a structured frame.

I know I can confidently approach any hb and ask her if she's finished with a machien - because that 'content of speech' has enough confidence in it to carry through.

Anyway, maybe I"m not getting through with what I'm trying to say -- but I'm sort of brainstorming ways of making it easier to approach women with some voculbary aids. I know the 'by the way' aid sounds like a good cue on, can anyone think of any others?

 

[Luke Skywalker]

Other words:

- Excuse me.
- Watch out.

 

[Floridaboy23]

Another way of getting a girl's attention is to actually have a wide vocabulary....because it allows you to express yourself in a way women find interesting because they're not used to. I'm not saying to overdo it but in the minimal success I've attained, I think a lot of it had to do with voice tonality and a way with words and the air of mastery that you have over what you say. It's not good to seem like a total bookworm prude (unless she's that way and appreciates that style) but if you seem to "speak your own language" and talk a certain way I think that alone fascinates them.

 

[Equity]

It's more about how you speak than what you say.

Speak deep from the chest (projection) and with confidence. Don't pepper your speech with fillers ("you know", "like", "ummm", etc), you'll lose interest and they are indicators of being unconfident. Stand up straight. Look deep into her eyes and command her attention. Don't underestimate the power of tonality. Make the way you say things interesting and surprising; paint a vivid picture.

You'd be surprised at how many chumps are immediately exlcuded by a girl because the their speech is boring and predictable - she immediately associates them with every other loser that she has passed on.

If all else fails, join a public speaking class or Toastmasters - you'll learn how to engage an audience quickly.

 

[Luke Skywalker]

I understand this concept very clearly about voice projection and tone.

I'm trying to reconcile, how it's easy for me to get a hb's attention by accosting her, while if I'm just trying to get her attention without a 'purpose' the confidence doesn't seem to be there.

When I accoust a girl - what am I going to say to get her attention, probably go up to her and say something like excuse me and follow up, but the voice and manner in which it is says goes with like no approach anxiety.

If you are saying 'hi' to a girl and she ignores you on your weak tone, but if you say, "Hey, watch out for the UFO beam over there!!! " or "Excuse me - I saw you check me out - what the heck are you doing !?! " "Fire! Fire! I'm on fire for you baby I need water" Then you'll get her attention as the tone is right. "Excuse me, I need to get your opinion on something, only take a second of your time - follow with an opener or something else"

I guess the real question is, does it matter exactly what you say, even if it's retarded like that lines above, since those lines will automatically give out the right tone as the word constructs are conductive of that.

 

[ValleyDJing]

Another way of getting a girl's attention is to actually have a wide vocabulary....because it allows you to express yourself in a way women find interesting because they're not used to. I'm not saying to overdo it but in the minimal success I've attained, I think a lot of it had to do with voice tonality and a way with words and the air of mastery that you have over what you say. It's not good to seem like a total bookworm prude (unless she's that way and appreciates that style) but if you seem to "speak your own language" and talk a certain way I think that alone fascinates them.

this is very true. and well put. Also, it prevents you from looking like a dumbass.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Use imperative sentences. Tell, don't ask.


http://www.scientificpsychic.com/grammar/enggram8.html

Imperative sentences are used in commands. Imperative sentences consist of predicates that only contain verbs in infinitive form; verb phrases are not allowed. Imperative sentences are generally terminated with an exclamation mark instead of a period.

Examples:
Spend the money!
Go to your room!
Look in the drawer of the dresser.

 

[Luke Skywalker]

Bible_Belt - great answer, that's in line at what I was looking for - imperative sentences would often make great openers on cold/street approaches because you are 'forcing attention' as opposed to saying a 'weak' hi. Also, it helps with confidence because those sentence structures automatically have 'confidence' in them.

So, it's more 'confident' to say 'write your number down here' than it is to say 'can I have your phone number please?'

Or it's more 'confident' to say 'Excuse me, ....' than it is to say 'Hi,...' since the first example is imperative.

Other imperative statements:

Let's go for xyz rather than, would you like to go to xyz with me -- when asking for a date or asking someone out.
(obviously they will come with an excuse if they cant make it so dont worry about it)

On approaches: brainstorming a few.

Excuse me, I cant help but notice xyz -- (smile)

Look at me.

Smile.

Talk with me.

Come here.

Sit on my lap.

Look out - it's -- [name] saying 'hi' to you.

Hug. Kiss.

Wait! Let me talk with you.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Women are submissive at heart. They like to be told what to do.

 

[Vulpine]

I've found that having a large vocabulary can potentially put people off or intimidate them. I need to adjust the way I speak according to who I am speaking to. If I'm in a group of homies, I speak "one click" above ghetto just for the sheer sport of using the slang. If I'm with educated people, my speech is relaxed: one click below educated. If I'm with snobby, fancy-pants types, then I attempt to exclude colloquialisms and jargon from my speech, and I only use idioms for dramatic effect or humor.

Call it "effective communication". If you start dropping $5.00 words on bubble-heads, you had better hope they find nerds attractive. On the other hand, if you use the appropriate vernacular they will have an easier time relating and your vocabulary will help you to build rapport.

I guess it's a hustle of sorts. I just want to get them back to my place so I can trounce their azzes at Scrabble and laugh at the mystified looks on their faces. Scrabble beat-downs are the first priority, the sexin' comes afterwards.
:rockon:

Women need to feel emotions, so, I make them feel stupid. My score the for the last game I played was 427 (she scored a 238).

When I was younger, I heard a program on public radio called "Word Jazz". The speakers spoke with a catchy cadence about humorous topics. There were some rhymes, but the talking was more about the pace and effect and not the tone. It was a very cool program, to say the least.

Something about that show really clicked when I heard another program later. The second program featured an author of a book about the language of the Smokey Mountain people (I think it was billed as a "hillbilly dictionary"). The author went on to explain that, given the lack of art in the hills, the people looked to other means of creative expression. Music was an obvious outlet, the other outlet was through "colorful speaking". With the void of entertainment, people started to add entertainment to their everyday speech. Sure, you heard the "lazy" terms such as "pert near" (pretty near) or "nary" (nearly), but you probably haven't heard many of the "happy as pigs in sh!t" expressions. The author's book was full of idioms that were so unique that they had to be defined: you wouldn't be able to tell the meaning from the context.

Since hearing those programs and some of the examples, I started speaking differently. When having conversations, I would intentially twist meanings, use graphic analogy, and add potentially confusing expressions as a way to keep attention, add entertainment, and invite participation (asking quesitons, clarifying, etc.). Now when I'm out with friends, they often stop at the beggining of a story and ask me to tell the stories for them. "You tell it better."

As other posters have mentioned, you have to be able to speak functionally before you can speak eloquently. People have to hear and understand what you say. Speak fully, clearly, and enunciate your words.

At first, you'll feel like a dork because you sound "choppy". It is just this "choppiness" that you are looking to achieve. Like punctuation in a sentence, these "stops and starts" help promote clarity and reduce misunderstanding. The choppiness will start to smooth out after some practice.

The other part of starting to enunciate is you will speak slower. I used to think that slower-speaking people sounded ignorant until I realized that it's not the speed, but the lack of enunciation that made them sound like dullards. Take for example people from the south. On top of speaking slowly, they talk like they have a cotton boll in their mouth.
(For you dimwits that think cotton grows in "balls" inside a plastic bag and that was a type-o: cotton is a small "bush" that has pods that burst open when ripe and then picked. These pods are called "bolls".)

Remember what Charlie Brown's teacher sounded like? "Blowl-blar-waah-waarl-wuahh-yall" She sounded southern!

You know how Kenny from South Park sounds?

E-NUN-CI-ATE.

With practice, the enunciation will become natural and the speed will increase - congratulations! You don't sound like a dumbazz! Chicks dig guys that aren't dumbazzes!