Command Respect Vs. Demmand Respect

[Latinoman]

I have noticed that some people have not understood what I mean with the aforementioned terminologies.

Let me clarify that this is not just related to relationships with a woman. This is in fact, related to any kind of relationship such as a colleague, a friend, your children, family, another bus passenger, etc. Please keep that in mind when reading this.

Command Respect

You will notice that I use the term “I command respect”. I have never said, “I went to her and commanded from her to respect me.” I have never said, “I was commanding them to respect me.”

When I use the phrase “command respect”, I’m referring to his personality or his aura commanding that respect. I’m not referring to the person asking for the respect. In another words, what I’m trying to say is that my masculinity commands (without me asking for) the respect of others. I have to do nothing, other than be myself, for others to respect me.

Quotes from a typical man that commands respect:

“People see me in a nightclub, and without knowing me, they show lot of respect for me.” “I went to a meeting, and due to my reputation as a psychologist, people treated me with utter respect.”


Demand Respect

Now, the phrase “demand respect” is more direct. It could be done with passive tone such as “I find what you are doing disrespectful”. Or can be done with a more direct tone aggressive tone: “Show me some respect!” “You better respect me.” For those of you that have teenager children, I’m sure that you have used the direct tone of demanding respect at least once in your life.

However, once reach the aggressive tone, then you have to make a decision in the event the other person fails to respect you. Depending of the situation you can either get the person out of your life (girlfriend) or you can bring fear (kids, another man, etc.). And fear does not necessary means bodily harm, it could be firing somebody or punishment.

It is essential to never confuse respect with fear.


Summary

“Command” in my context of respect refers to respect that comes without being asked. And comes based on how you carry yourself or your reputation.

“Demand” in my context of respect refers to respect that comes from literally asking another person to respect you. It can be done with a passive tone (indirectly asking) or it can be done with an active or more aggressive tone (directly asking).

 

[wayword]

Commanding respect is alpha. That's like an HB10 whom you can't help but find gorgeous. She doesn't have to ask for it - cuz she obviously deserves it.

Demanding respect is AFC, and doesn't really work. Does an HB10 have to tell you to find her gorgeous? No, only an HB5 might...

So, we all should strive for the former, here.

 

[Latinoman]

Good point guys.

In the "demanding respect"...always keep in mind that in today society that is full of AFCs (therefore, people might NOT find certain things disrespectful)...sometimes we have to tell people what we find disrespectful. We either tell them directly or indirectly. We can even tell them while talking about something that happened to somebody else.

It is about communication. Something we cannot overlook in a relationship. After all, they cannot read our minds.

Wayword said something very important..."Commanding Respect" is Alpha. And that should always be our ultimate goal (going on hand with self-respect).

Blusher also said something important...sometimes there are idiots or ignorant (including women that truly don't know or are used to treat men a certain way) out there that we can either choose to ignore (stranger that is an idiot) or simply correct/teach/lead (woman that does not know better).

EDIT: I personally avoid fights as much as possible. I do it because I see it is not worthy and the person is going to be out of my Axis anyway. In fact, I have too much SELF-RESPECT (see how everything ties to Respect?) as to engage in a stupid fight with an idiot. Of course, unless that person gives no more reason but to fight back...and then Fear is what they will feel.

 

[Latinoman]

It's preferable to command rather than demand respect. There's an inherent and insecure part about demanding anything. Of course, you CAN demand respect, but it's not long lasting and/or productive.

Commanding respect begins with the basics and evolves from there. Titles, money, status, etc. are fleeting. I've learned eye contact and a smile work wonders with women, the workplace, etc., and once communication is formed between two people, a mutual sense of respect is formed.

The second level of commanding respect is based on performance. It doesn't matter so much what we perform; what does matter is how we perform. Most of know that women LOVE passionate men, but passion also commands respect.

Excellent points.

 

[Sinistar]

Hey Latinoman,

Thanks for clarifying your meaning/interpretation of Command Respect and Demand Respect. Oh, and thanks for pulling this out of that other thread

I guess I see 'Command Respect' as being in a similar category to 'Command Presence'. I recall RT recounting his 'experiment' with this quite awhile back.

This brings to mind a quick example. Someone who is a leader or has a clear position of authority implicitly 'Commands the Respect' of those around him who chose to recognize their postion and accept/enter their frame.

Now consider this in the context of friends, family and women. Be the man that dedicates to a career that yields tangible rewards. Be the guy with the nice home earned by his own hand. Be the guy with challenging hobbies and interests. Be the guy that never lets down his family or friends. Be the guy that recongizes a sh!t situation and makes a decision rather than get mired in pointless problem solving. Be the guy that makes mistakes and realizes they are the key to success. Be the guy that minimizes (or ideally erradicates) the negative in his life. Then, I think the following:

Quotes from a typical man that commands respect:
“People see me in a nightclub, and without knowing me, they show lot of respect for me.” “I went to a meeting, and due to my reputation as a psychologist, people treated me with utter respect.”

might instead read like:

Quotes from those around a typical man that commands respect:
“People see him in a nightclub, and without knowing him they show lot of respect to him.” “I went to a meeting, and due to his reputation as a psychologist, people treated him with utter respect.”

Notice then my point, the man who commands respect has no need to do so with words of any sort (IMHO any words => overt => unconfident => insecure). He is confident. His family, friends, coworkers and women will in-turn show the level of respect they out wardly 'sense'.

Regarding 'Demanding Respect'. I generally agree with the other posters w/r to their interpretations of your definition of demanding respect. In a nutshell, if I were on the receiving end of something like:

“Show me some respect!” “You better respect me.”

Well let's just say it wouldn't yield the result you're probably hoping for (w/r to me anyways). Put another way, it would probably be received as a statement of no confidence or perhaps in the same strokes as an ultimatum. Keep in mind, this my singular opinion and how I would receive and respond to it. Actual mileage may vary!

 

[Latinoman]

Hey Latinoman,

Thanks for clarifying your meaning/interpretation of Command Respect and Demand Respect. Oh, and thanks for pulling this out of that other thread

I guess I see 'Command Respect' as being in a similar category to 'Command Presence'. I recall RT recounting his 'experiment' with this quite awhile back.

This brings to mind a quick example. Someone who is a leader or has a clear position of authority implicitly 'Commands the Respect' of those around him who chose to recognize their postion and accept/enter their frame.

Now consider this in the context of friends, family and women. Be the man that dedicates to a career that yields tangible rewards. Be the guy with the nice home earned by his own hand. Be the guy with challenging hobbies and interests. Be the guy that never lets down his family or friends. Be the guy that recongizes a sh!t situation and makes a decision rather than get mired in pointless problem solving. Be the guy that makes mistakes and realizes they are the key to success. Be the guy that minimizes (or ideally erradicates) the negative in his life. Then, I think the following:
might instead read like:
Notice then my point, the man who commands respect has no need to do so with words of any sort (IMHO any words => overt => unconfident => insecure). He is confident. His family, friends, coworkers and women will in-turn show the level of respect they out wardly 'sense'.

EXCELLENT POINTS! I agree with you 100%.

Regarding 'Demanding Respect'. I generally agree with the other posters w/r to their interpretations of your definition of demanding respect. In a nutshell, if I were on the receiving end of something like: Well let's just say it wouldn't yield the result you're probably hoping for (w/r to me anyways). Put another way, it would probably be received as a statement of no confidence or perhaps in the same strokes as an ultimatum. Keep in mind, this my singular opinion and how I would receive and respond to it. Actual mileage may vary!

Remember, I was not referring solely to relationship with women and peers.
The more agressive/active command could be giving toward your children. You know, when your teenager son/daughter disrespects you? You give them an "ultimatum" (acceptable in this circunstances as you are the person with the power) or a "warning". Then bring fear if it doesn't work. Thankfully, I don't have to deal with that.

The more passive approach is more of clarifying or making the person aware of what you find disrespectful. In a way you are INDIRECTLY and PASSIVELY "demanding" their respect. An example would be, "Son, interrupting me while I talk to you is disrespectful". See? You are indirectly "demanding" respect.

Two types of "Demmanding Respect": Passively and Actively/Aggressively.

I agree 100% that the active/agressive approach is the LAST SOLUTION and in a relationship is practically the kiss of death (if it goes as far as AGRESSIVELY telling somebody to respect you).

 

[Latinoman]

When your demanding respect it indirectly comes off as if people try to walk all over you ALL the time, and continue to do so repeatidly whereas then you resort to correcting them by demanding their respect. Which in my opinion doesn't come off right because it shows that you lack something in terms of Commanding respect where people see some weakness or inability in that particular person whether it be concious or subconcious where they sense that they can do as they wish. I guess it really comes down to your presence as mentioned where you have to learn to heighten it by presenting yourself accordingly

Devan,

Let's assume you are with this wonderful woman. Let's assume she is from a different culture in which certain things that are done YOU might find disrespectful. Especially here in the U.S. Let's assume that because she grew in that environment, she might not find that disrespectful. In another words, she does not know any better. Or maybe she is not from another culture, and she is simply an "attention seeker" (most women are) and find somethings to be "innocent".

Let's say she does or allows something to happen.

You see here, she is ignorant and as a man YOU must LEAD her. And do in such a fashion that does not sound agressively demmanding. Think about this; this is a society of AFCs. Television (which is predominantely watched by women) is full of AFC men. So, some things might actually look innocent to her. In fact, you might be the very first MASCULINE figure in her life. If we teach people how to be DJ in this Forum, we should certainly "show" our woman how a DJ "should" be treated (we should never demmand them to do something, we simply educate them...if they don't do it, then we dump them. Plain and simple).

So, you use a more "passive" (or indirect approach). I call it "demmanding", because in reallity you are doing it from YOUR perspective. But from her perspective, she views it more as INFORMATION.

You don't allow her (or anyone) to repeatedly disrespect you. If the person does the same thing 2 or 3 times...after knowing well that you find that disrespectful, then you can rest assure that the best you can do is dump that person.

But if the person is ignorant, then you can indirectly "demand the respect" from that person by telling her, "Listen, baby, personally I would NEVER tell you what to do. But I want you to know that the fact that your best friend is telling you he wants to sleep with you KNOWING that you are with me is disrespectful toward me. He is disrespecting me."

Here is the subtle message..."He is disrepecting me." "He is your friend". "If YOU respect ME, then you will do what needs to be done to correct the situation".

Did you see my drift?

You are "demanding" the respect. She does not view it as a "demand" but more as an "information" given to her. She will decide what to do. You will then make a decision based on what she does.

If she doesn't follow through, due to the clarity of the message, then you can be more clear. If after clarity, she continues, then dump her.

Agressing Demmands is better left for your children. Which is why I included the "agressive demand" of respect in this thread.

 

[mrRuckus]

That's like an HB10 whom you can't help but find gorgeous. She doesn't have to ask for it - cuz she obviously deserves it.
.

I've tended to be intimidated not by the fact that she's a 10 but the fact that she has an entourage and usually full of herself. And i absolutely abhore when someone thinks they're better than I... so as of yet i'm not even at the point of going for a 10. I tend to only go for around 8s.

 

[mrRuckus]

You see here, she is ignorant and as a man YOU must LEAD her. And do in such a fashion that does not sound agressively demmanding. Think about this; this is a society of AFCs. Television (which is predominantely watched by women) is full of AFC men. So, some things might actually look innocent to her. In fact, you might be the very first MASCULINE figure in her life. If we teach people how to be DJ in this Forum, we should certainly "show" our woman how a DJ "should" be treated (we should never demmand them to do something, we simply educate them...if they don't do it, then we dump them. Plain and simple).

This is very wise.

I too have had the difficulty of viewing something as disrespectful and the woman acting like what that's not disrespect at all. And at times I haven't been sure how to combat that other than "oh well it's really only disrespectful if she thinks it's disrespectful so even though i don't like it i can hardly be offended if offense is not intended."

It's hard not to come off as "trying to control her" mostly because women are defensive about that since in the past they've had guys who were possessive and controlling out of jealousy and all that rather than a more DJ guy who just wants her acting respectful of both herself and you.

I think women have difficulty comprehending that their actions even if not directly aimed at you still reflect on you since they're your gf/wife.

 

[Freddy1]

I have noticed that some people have not understood what I mean with the aforementioned terminologies.

Let me clarify that this is not just related to relationships with a woman. This is in fact, related to any kind of relationship such as a colleague, a friend, your children, family, another bus passenger, etc. Please keep that in mind when reading this.

Command Respect

You will notice that I use the term “I command respect”. I have never said, “I went to her and commanded from her to respect me.” I have never said, “I was commanding them to respect me.”

When I use the phrase “command respect”, I’m referring to his personality or his aura commanding that respect. I’m not referring to the person asking for the respect. In another words, what I’m trying to say is that my masculinity commands (without me asking for) the respect of others. I have to do nothing, other than be myself, for others to respect me.

Quotes from a typical man that commands respect:

“People see me in a nightclub, and without knowing me, they show lot of respect for me.” “I went to a meeting, and due to my reputation as a psychologist, people treated me with utter respect.”


Demand Respect

Now, the phrase “demand respect” is more direct. It could be done with passive tone such as “I find what you are doing disrespectful”. Or can be done with a more direct tone aggressive tone: “Show me some respect!” “You better respect me.” For those of you that have teenager children, I’m sure that you have used the direct tone of demanding respect at least once in your life.

However, once reach the aggressive tone, then you have to make a decision in the event the other person fails to respect you. Depending of the situation you can either get the person out of your life (girlfriend) or you can bring fear (kids, another man, etc.). And fear does not necessary means bodily harm, it could be firing somebody or punishment.

It is essential to never confuse respect with fear.


Summary

“Command” in my context of respect refers to respect that comes without being asked. And comes based on how you carry yourself or your reputation.

“Demand” in my context of respect refers to respect that comes from literally asking another person to respect you. It can be done with a passive tone (indirectly asking) or it can be done with an active or more aggressive tone (directly asking).

Another great post!

 

[insanity]

i seem to be a wolf in sheeps clothing. i must have stealth Command Presence . today i was in the grocery store with my woman waiting at the check out line. and when i was putting my stuff on the belt for the woman to scan the prices. this moron behind me grabbed one of those dividers and started putting his groceries on. that wasn't the problem. he kept hitting my arm with his arm like his was trying to press me foward. i stood my ground. finally i took off my glasses and said hey man how about alittle proxemity and i shot him the look. he backed away without apologizing.

i think people who wear glasses are percieved as nerdy or weak. when the glasses come off though. they know i mean business.

 

[resilient]

i think people who wear glasses are percieved as nerdy or weak. when the glasses come off though. they know i mean business.

Get Lasik! I just did last weekend and it's amazing what I can see now. But ya... when I wore glasses in the night life I generally got ignored and looked beta to others.

...And great post Latinoman!

 

[DarkLight]

Great Thread.

Its quite an excellent clarification that Respect/Command is directly associated w. presence.
Presence is earned! Specifically through the courage to live in the "present." Where the factor of courage comes in to play, is that in living in the moment, one's "self" (ego) cannot exist. So to the degree that one has the courage to die as a limited conglomerate (self), one assumes the the power of the unlimited nature of life itself. Living in reality like so... yields the command of source,god, the unlimited.

The true path of MAN, the true path of a DJ... to transcend the limited human identity, into the absolute.
Realizing everything and nothing, and commanding all that lies in between.
Truth.

Respect!
My fellow DJ's

 

[Latinoman]

This is very wise.



It's hard not to come off as "trying to control her" mostly because women are defensive about that since in the past they've had guys who were possessive and controlling out of jealousy and all that rather than a more DJ guy who just wants her acting respectful of both herself and you.

I think women have difficulty comprehending that their actions even if not directly aimed at you still reflect on you since they're your gf/wife.

They either have difficulty comprehending it (the same way they have difficulty understanding that there is not such thing, with a few exceptions, of “men good friends” or "exboyfriends great friends") or they understand it but try to use ******** (woman language) to MANIPULATE us into believing they don't understanded, or they simply don't care.

We can thanks that to television (Sex and the City), lack of masculinity (phenomenon that started since the feminine movement), and of course the feminine movement (which would be great if it focused on EQUALITY – but we know it focused more on biatching and whining).