Combating Neediness

[jglide123]

You can eat the same brand of pizza for life, or, you can go out and explore, take chances, and dare to try all kinds of different pizzas.

For me spinning plates has been like a cure all for oneitis. Not the same thing as neediness--even though both, IMO, are societal tools designed to make you feel incomplete, a penalty for living life outside the bounds of convention. Society hates nothing more than an insouciant man who freely expresses his thoughts and opinions and eschews widely accepted dogmas and mores.

I think you gotta have the PASSION for chasing tail. You have to be willing to color your life OUTSIDE the line of this paint-by-numbers Westernized system. The church and the state and our parents tell us that if we don't get married, we'll die alone. Institutions, parents, etc. all brainwash us into thinking that we HAVE to settle down and "find someone" to spend our entire lives with, lest we feel needy and incomplete.

It amazes me that most people actually say that they want to settle down with one person for life. I've never really imagined myself doing that, so I've never struggled with neediness. I like orchestrating my OWN reality and expectations. I am absolutely fascinated with women--all shapes, sizes, etc., and I choose to get out there and constantly surround myself with an array of women and challenges.

No family member, or preacher, or government official, etc., is going to tell me how I should think, feel, etc.

Life is an adventure to me, best lived by meeting different women and embracing challenges, and never settling. Monotony is boring to me. The very thought of clinging to one woman for the rest of my life depresses me.

Wow. Very well-stated bro! It amazes me as well how often the masses seem to refuse to think for themselves. Then again, when you sit and think about it, it's easier to have others (media, preacher, government, etc.) lay out what you should think, feel, and value versus doing the hard work and determining those things for yourself....

 

[JaegerPilot217]

how about how to combat neediness when you are single?

 

[The_411]

at the risk of sounding like a "faggot", what is wrong with having a relationship? it seems like the real faggots are the ones who are afraid have having their little hearts broken by a girl.

there are girls i would pump and dump, and there are girls i would date seriously. at some point, the so called DJ's will get tired of P and D and will want something more meaningful.

Nothing wrong with having a relationship. The problem is that lots of guys will seek out/stay in relationships out of neediness, or are afraid to leave when the relationship is not viable.

I would venture that most guys here are here because they got their heart broken and got tired of building a honest rapport with a woman only for her to get tingly as soon as a guy treated like crap and wanted to learn what they were doing wrong.

Others are here because they treat women too well or are too nice and people pleasers and got tired of not getting the girl.

 

[The_411]

how about how to combat neediness when you are single?

Simple, think about when you lose something and you get into a panic ransakc your palce and can't find the item. You finally calm down and forget about it do something else and voila the item magically turns up.

Same concept applies to being single and thinking about women. The more you focus on being single and wanting to get a girlfriend the less likely it will happen becuase you are subconsciously projecting that sentiment in your body language, language.

Now this doesn't mean don't interact with women what it means is don't chase women. Work on being social enjoying yourself and you'll find that women come to you or opportunities will present themselves.

So instead getting shot down you might be having a great time and a woman might open you.

 

[JaegerPilot217]

Simple, think about when you lose something and you get into a panic ransakc your palce and can't find the item. You finally calm down and forget about it do something else and voila the item magically turns up.

Same concept applies to being single and thinking about women. The more you focus on being single and wanting to get a girlfriend the less likely it will happen becuase you are subconsciously projecting that sentiment in your body language, language.

Now this doesn't mean don't interact with women what it means is don't chase women. Work on being social enjoying yourself and you'll find that women come to you or opportunities will present themselves.

So instead getting shot down you might be having a great time and a woman might open you.

women come to you or opportunities will present themselves, you sure about that? since men are still expected to take action and make things happen

 

[j.619]

women come to you or opportunities will present themselves, you sure about that? since men are still expected to take action and make things happen

Opportunities always present themselves. It's about the mindset. Make your own opportunity...

Are you in the library to check out a book? Or hit on the hot university slvts in the corner reading 50 Shades of Grey?

Are you grocery shopping? Or gaming on the hot mom in aisle 3?

Walking your dog? There's a HB7 with a Dachshund walking the same street as you looking lonely.

There are opportunities everywhere. Take action and don't be afraid to fail, you probably will 2 outta 3 times.

 

[The_411]

women come to you or opportunities will present themselves, you sure about that? since men are still expected to take action and make things happen

No, as a man you still have to take action but there's a difference between the guy whose focus is on chasing women and the guy who puts himself in positions where he will encounter women.

Getting women is about not being too eager, but about enjoying yourself 1st and getting with a woman second.

 

[nousername]

The answer to combating neediness:


Inject testosterone.

Haha, kidding. or not.

Seriously ever since i've been taking test shots i don't feel needy at all and women come flocking. My ex is trying to come back to me, my oneitus that i don't care about anymore. haha

 

[Pardner]

If you're getting the sex you want, you are in control, you are confident, you won't be needy. Neediness is for guys who are not in control, not getting the sex, are not confident. The girl owns needy guys. Neediness is a weakness.

 

[EbbsAndFlows]

Opportunities always present themselves. It's about the mindset. Make your own opportunity...

Are you in the library to check out a book? Or hit on the hot university slvts in the corner reading 50 Shades of Grey?

Are you grocery shopping? Or gaming on the hot mom in aisle 3?

Walking your dog? There's a HB7 with a Dachshund walking the same street as you looking lonely.

There are opportunities everywhere. Take action and don't be afraid to fail, you probably will 2 outta 3 times.

No, as a man you still have to take action but there's a difference between the guy whose focus is on chasing women and the guy who puts himself in positions where he will encounter women.

Getting women is about not being too eager, but about enjoying yourself 1st and getting with a woman second.

Yep. Being mysterious/MIA/busy/etc will do the trick from the girl's perspective. Their imagination will do the trick for you. Slide in a few "accidental" comments regarding a girl at work or a friend of a friend (in a non-douchey, non-transparent way) and you'll get her chasing.

If you're getting the sex you want, you are in control, you are confident, you won't be needy. Neediness is for guys who are not in control, not getting the sex, are not confident. The girl owns needy guys. Neediness is a weakness.

In light of my last relationship, that pained me a bit to read (due to its absolute truth). When the sex is stopping, she's on the way out. How you handle it from there determines everything, and sometimes it's still too late.

If you act needy or emotional, it's a wrap. Her vagina is Death Valley.

 

[ejswenso]

I think that you can combat that neediness by providing value. When you have been capable of contributing massive value, be that monetary or social, people naturally started to expect things from you and in those moments you realized that you have massive amounts of value and therefore don't NEED anything from anyone else.

 

[JoeMarron]

If you're getting the sex you want, you are in control, you are confident, you won't be needy. Neediness is for guys who are not in control, not getting the sex, are not confident. The girl owns needy guys. Neediness is a weakness.

And this gentlemen, is why you don't put up with LDRs...smfh. I doubt I'd have this problem as much otherwise. Oh well, I got myself into this situation. I'll handle it.

The answer to combating neediness:


Inject testosterone.

Haha, kidding. or not.

Seriously ever since i've been taking test shots i don't feel needy at all and women come flocking. My ex is trying to come back to me, my oneitus that i don't care about anymore. haha

Hah I don't doubt that. The illustrious Pook use to speak on how important testosterone is to game.

I think that you can combat that neediness by providing value. When you have been capable of contributing massive value, be that monetary or social, people naturally started to expect things from you and in those moments you realized that you have massive amounts of value and therefore don't NEED anything from anyone else.

This makes sense. If a man is giving value to everyone then they'll be the one needing him and seeking him out.

 

[Pardner]

And this gentlemen, is why you don't put up with LDRs...smfh. I doubt I'd have this problem as much otherwise. Oh well, I got myself into this situation. I'll handle it.

How far away is your LDR? Make the most of it when you see her. Do your own stuff when she isn't around.

 

[JaegerPilot217]

No, as a man you still have to take action but there's a difference between the guy whose focus is on chasing women and the guy who puts himself in positions where he will encounter women.

Getting women is about not being too eager, but about enjoying yourself 1st and getting with a woman second.

Well I do see the positive aspect, benefit of doing the approaching and asking out, initiating, etc., because literally it means us guys are going after what we want and when we want, meanwhile girls passively wait for the guy they really want, instead they have to put up with hoards of guys they are not interested in, etc., anyway I'm sure you get the point, so the best way to use the status-quo, social-norm to my advantage is just to not be outcome dependent? I don't take rejection personally as I did before, its just I want to be assertive without coming across as desperate

 

[JoeMarron]

How far away is your LDR? Make the most of it when you see her. Do your own stuff when she isn't around.

She's my wife lol. I don't like to mention it because I don't want threads derailed into a marriage debate. Anyways it's a plane trip, work related, she makes more than I do so I'm not too upset about it. It's just a lame temporary situation that I'll have to deal with. I know that focusing on myself, keeping myself busy with hobbies and self improvement will help keep my mind off her.

 

[mbas44]

Ive found meditation to be overwhelmingly helpful in this regard. Idk why or how it works like that and it takes awhile to really see the benefits, but it somehow makes there be somewhat of a healthy detachment from outcomes, also you feel more inner strength and contentedness.. Its like whatever you are seeking from a woman, is already there in some capacity inside and no woman can really fill that space as well as your own sense of happiness. Someone above was talking about how weve been brainwashed to believe marriage etc are the end all, meditation for me gets me out of this and you can clearly see what a sham it all is. Its truly hilarious if you think about it. Im not denegrating marriage or anything like that, but society has made everything seem like your own personal happiness comes from the external..It doesnt. just my 2 cents.

 

[mbas44]

The answer to combating neediness:


Inject testosterone.

Haha, kidding. or not.

Seriously ever since i've been taking test shots i don't feel needy at all and women come flocking. My ex is trying to come back to me, my oneitus that i don't care about anymore. haha

when did you start on test? I ask because I myself was on TRT for a few years. If you just started recently, my guess is you are having a huge flood of dopamine if youve been low on T for a long time. This eventually fades, although you will definitely be above the baseline you were at when you had low T as long as you keep your estrogen levels under control. Test does make a difference and having healthy levels is a necessity.

 

[JaegerPilot217]

Maybe I should get my testosterone level checked

 

[The_411]

Well I do see the positive aspect, benefit of doing the approaching and asking out, initiating, etc., because literally it means us guys are going after what we want and when we want, meanwhile girls passively wait for the guy they really want, instead they have to put up with hoards of guys they are not interested in, etc., anyway I'm sure you get the point, so the best way to use the status-quo, social-norm to my advantage is just to not be outcome dependent? I don't take rejection personally as I did before, its just I want to be assertive without coming across as desperate

Outcome dependency is the root of neediness. That being said it's hard as we're not robots. Even still why put the unnecessary pressure on yourself. It should be fun to game women and it should not feel robotic or like work. Most of us will stop playing a game when its not longer fun and/or interesting.

If it's not fun then make so that your interactions with women are fun. Now that doesn't mean act like a clown or an entertainer, what it means is be casual, create positive moments, and get a girl to laugh/smile, or even mock roughhouse with you.

If you make your intereactions fun you'll be more likely to get a positive response and you in turn will internalize the process as fun and be more likely to engage.

 

[Ruthless]

Maybe I should get my testosterone level checked

It may surprise you! I was feeling tired and down for several years. I figured it was just me getting older. I always joked about "low T" commercials with my girlfriend because my drive was so high. Went to the Dr last November because of the tiredness and he pulled blood work. My testosterone level was average...for a 85 year old man! Started t therapy and it was a great decision. My mind is clearer, my body is leaning out and firming up, and my confidence is through the roof! I only wish I had figured out the problem years ago.