Cold Approaching as an INVESTMENT

[Jeffst1980]

This is now the way I look at cold approaching, and it has improved my life tenfold.

Those of you who are counting on a cold approach in a club to find your next LTR: Don't hold your breath. Girls don't WANT to meet the love of their life in a bar, and that is why there is such a high margin of error in pickups. At any point in time, their logical reasoning can kick in and convince them that this is not an ideal way to meet someone. As DJ's, we, too, should strive to be selective and not eager to go home with the first attractive girl that shows us interest.

However, I think cold approaching has value far beyond getting laid--it can be an investment in your future.

I'm no master at cold approaches. In fact, I hate doing them. However, as a result of cold approaches, I have gotten:

-Invites to a lot of really cool parties
-Job opportunities
-Free concert and sporting event tickets
-A place to crash when I locked my keys inside my car
-Entry to a cast party for a major network television show
-Hookups (of course)

Even when I have a girlfriend, I force myself to go out and make cold approaches. I don't go in with the purpose of laying chicks, and I don't call it "cold approaching." I call it "making friends."

Humans are social creatures, and more social you are, the more successful you will be. Instead of going out with the sole intention of gaming girls, and then facing crushing disappointment if it doesn't happen, go out to expand the pool of people you can hang with.

This is how to get the girls that DO NOT want to be picked up at a bar. I've seen it happen where a girl blew me out initially, but after I got in with her friends and went to a party with them, she made a move on ME. That is what the notion of "preselection" is all about--high quality women need you to pass through a few filters before they will allow themselves to express interest.

To do this, all you need to do is apply the same tactics you normally would in a pickup WITHOUT isolating the target or making a statement of intent. Translation: Just do the easy stuff! Find a group that looks like it's having fun. Show your value to the group by being fun without looking for approval, and every so often qualify the GROUP ("Wow, you guys are fun to hang with...I'm gonna bring you to some cool parties sometime). Build comfort just as you normally would. To close, usually I'll tell them about a party I'm having and get their contact info. If things went well, usually they'll volunteer info about a social event THEY'RE going to, or another bar later in the same night.

By not directly choosing a target, the method usually works to prevent c0ckblocking. There is NO subcommunication of neediness, because meeting new people is what you do. 90% of any pickup is NOT CREEPING THE GIRL OUT!!

I'll usually follow up to touch base with at least 2 of the girls in the next couple of days...again, without explicitly selecting a target or showing clear sexual interest. I've NEVER had a GROUP of girls flake, because in a non-sexual social situation, manners apply!

On the Day 2 (usually a party or night of clubbing), I'll bring some wings and sit back and pick up the vibes from the girls (by this point, if one or more of them has expressed interest in me to the group, IT WILL SHOW! If it's one I'm attracted to, GAME ON! Her friends are NOT going to c0ckblock her at this stage, because you've gone from "creep at bar" to "cool guy she likes."

If there's no chemistry, I will simply adopt them all as friends! You CAN have female friends, and if you're a cool guy, they'll bring you around to meet other girls...again, "preselection" works wonders! Even if one of them has an un-reciprocated crush on you, it's early enough in your interactions that you haven't led her on and she'll be fine with being your friend.

A positive attitude is a MUST HAVE. I won't be a d!ck to ANYONE, including their guy friends. By doing so, you are completely unassailable.

THIS mindset is one of investment: I will go out and do this with multiple groups, and watch my social circle effortlessly expand. In time, it inevitably reaps great rewards. Since I do MUCH better picking up girls at parties rather than bars (most people would agree on this, I think), I can now avoid the bar scene and just go to parties--sometimes 3-4 in a week. This is now my reality!

This is also the true value of social networking sites--yes, they can lead to hookups, but in a very oblique manner.

 

[mcpwn]

yep

 

[Cry For Love]

YES! It has great potential. Unfortunately, for most guys, its just too scary. They just never get the balls to crawl out of their skins and actually improve themselves, so afraid are they of failure. And after a cold approach, going to a party of strangers? Scaaaary.

 

[schttrj]

i will just tell you what worked for me:

i want to have unlimited success with the girls and i think meeting them is the most important step, if you don't, you don't have a chance. AA will come, and you will chicken out many times, but whatever chance you take, that has a solid chance of working out. So, keeping at it because I know that is what is needed, is what helped me to get rid of the limiting belief!

 

[Jeffst1980]

I think when you quit placing so much emphasis on the outcome of the interaction, approach anxiety goes away. You should not attempt cold approach pickups until you are comfortable initiating harmless conversation.

A dude might have approach anxiety before trying to game the HB at the bar.
However, if the same HB was bagging his groceries at Shop-Rite, he'd (hopefully) have no approach anxiety in requesting that she use paper instead of plastic. It's a context thing.

It's a lot easier to make a new acquaintance than to bring a chick home. Most girls are NOT rude to someone that isn't being overtly creepy, even if deep down she kinda knows why you approached her. The ones that are rude have issues with themselves, not you (they're also usually unattractive).

A lot of AFC's will make friends with very hot women and think that they have game. More likely, it's just that girls love making friends with guys that they will never sleep with. However, said AFC already has a leg up on the wannabe PUA that refuses to be friends with girls and sees sex to be the ultimate goal. At the end of the day, the AFC has major social proof and is able to convey preselection just by being seen with those hot girls...whereas the wannabe PUA is only conveying creepiness...