Coffee date idea turned her off

[Chewy Bagel]

Hey bros, I know that asking a girl out for coffee is more or less a way to guage interest level, which is very important to me.

However, I turned a girl off by asking her to get coffee with me.

It was the only time I could get out of the house, and it was only meant to get together and chat.

She was a girl who I chatted with at the gym every day for 2 months. HB8, 21 yrs old, tight tight body, hottest girl in the gym, every guy stops working out when they see her. She doesn't drink coffee (or alcohol).

I asked her out, she said yes, gave me her number, then she thought about it for a sec and said she had to run errands - call me this weekend. I never talked to her again.

She asked my buddy about it a few months after I asked her out. She said, "your friend asked me out to coffee. I hate coffee. Does he really like coffee or something?"

The girl still is asking about me!! This isn't the first time she's asked about me to my buddy.

I really really think that I would have had a shot at tappin' that ass, had I asked her to do something fun - like a fun, trendy restaurant. I think younger girls need excitement.

My bad. I ****ed it up. I see her looking at me in the gym still, but I think that she thinks that I'm mad at her, so she doesn't walk up and talk with me.

You'll notice that I'm not saying that I want her back or any **** like that. I said, Next.

Oh well, just an observation on my part - don't ask young girls out to coffee, unless you know they really really like coffee.....lol

 

[Knicknack]

this has been covered before... i've never asked a girl out for coffee. it's the lamest thing anyone could do. if i did ask a girl for coffee she better jump at the opportunity to hang out with me. if she didn't i'd get rid of her # so fast...

 

[NINJA PIMP]

Dont listen to these amateurs!

NEXTing a high interest chick like this is for guys who are afraid to learn from their mistakes.

What you should have done when she bytched about the coffee, was told her that she could have tea instead! Too late now but here is what you do.,,

When you see her again, walk right up to her and start teasing her.

"Hey! You know I am heading to the coffee shop later on. You should join me. (dont give her a chance to respond) Yeah I was thinking afterwards we could go on a hard drinking binge and if there is still time we could "tie up" together and do some smack"

(keep escalating until she laughs)

"Is this too crazy for you....Oh you are such a good girl! Okay Okay, we can lay off the smack and booze and instead of coffee you can sip some tea...but wait..TEA might be too hardcore for you, perhaps we should just grab a bite/flick/whatever instead"

Just be playful. Things are only awkward if you make them that way.

 

[86]

I'd like to touch more on the other main aspect here, the 8 year age gap between you and her. I've been in a few situations with girls (no, they are not women yet in my book ) who were 5, 6, 7+ years younger than me, and depending on the person's maturity level, it can go both ways.

With this type of girl, who seems to get a lot of attention at the gym, you'd probably have to come up with something more in tune w/ what a 21-yr-old wants to do, like partying... But she doesn't drink coffee or alchohol -- ?? Is she religious or something? I dated a nut-job who claimed she was alergic to booze (and practically everything else on Earth) and damn, she could've used a c0cktail or 2 to loosen her @ss up.

anyhoo, just because you asked her out ONCE for coffee she's telling your buddy that you have some wicked, perverted fetish for it? the mere fact that she is still asking your buddy about you is a good sign, this girls seems like a bit of an attention wh0re --but you did the right thing by guaging her IL and stopped all communications when she flaked. good job.

 

[Gangster Of Love]

If she's interested she will offer an alternative on the spot. Hot girls like that have the rejection process down to a science. They know how to protect that "fragile ego" of us men, by getting out of situations without having to reject us directly.

Never talk to yourself negatively by saying you messed up and that she would have gone out with you if you had asked her to something else. Age has nothing to do with it either. 29 & 21, yeah that's 8 years, but if she's attracted to you, its because older guys tend to have the qualities that younger men her age still haven't developed: maturity, financially/emotionally stability, goals, etc.

This is probably a girl who is used to men accomodating her and throwing themselves at her, in seek of approval. Look at the reality of the situation and know that if there is above average interest, she will go along, or even offer a counter offer.

So yes, I would listen to Ninja Pimp's advie and turn it around by busting her balls about it; that will let her know that you are not seeking approval, yet have a sense of humor about the whole situation. If she's still attracted, that might be your best bet.

 

[Chewy Bagel]

Knicknack - I've never asked a girl out to coffee before her. It was the ONLY time I had to meet with her (long story) and the only thing I could think of. There is a cool coffee shop here in Scottsdale where ALOT of high schoolers/people hang out. I just thought that it would be a nice place to talk.

NINJA PIMP - I know you're probably right about the whole busting her balls thing, but that's so not me. I just don't play like that. I also agree with you that I'm making it uncomfortable by not talking with her - but at the same time, I want a girl who is self confident. I already showed her my cards and I think she needs to meet me halfway by reaching out to me. I like high interest girls.

86 - I thought it was very immature of her as well to suggest that I'm the weird one for asking her to *GASP* coffee. Like I've got some nerve asking her out to somewhere soooo boring or someplace that she can't 100% enjoy. Aren't girls always asking, "I dunno, what do you want to do?"

Gangster Of Love - I've seen Steve Miller in concert 2x. Anyway, her counter-offer was "call me this weekend". Well, I called Saturday and Sunday, but she didn't answer her cell phone. To me, if a girl doesn't answer her cell, then she's not interested. I mean, who doesn't answer their cell if they gave someone who they're interested in their cell #? She also stopped going to the gym for a week...she never missed a day in the entire 2 months that we chatted. It seemed like she was avoiding me.

Thanks for the input guys. It is what it is. Again, this isn't some weird one-itis thing, it's just a learning experience.

CB

 

[NINJA PIMP]

Chewbacca

Let me ask you a question.

Do you ever bust on your friends playfully? You know, a little playful ribbing amongst your mates? Of course you do...everybody does. Its a natural social thang that dissolves tension with laughs.

I maybe reaching too deep here, but I think you are giving girls "special" treatment by avoiding this sort of interaction with them. When you say its not your "style" it sounds like a big fat cop-out to me. What are you so afraid of? Its just a girl!

By busting on her like this, you are not insulting her, you are merely being friendly and playful, letting her know that you dont take yourself or the situation so seriously. You dont have to do exactly what I said, but if you take things lightly instead of personally (nexting her for no good reason) you will have more success...

You gotta look at the big picture my man. Even if you dont score with this chick, at least try to go out with her on friendly terms. Get to know her as a person. One thing I notice about hotties is that they tend to have equally sexy friends, so having a few LJBFs like this is a good idea.

If she questions your intentions you can even tell her the truth..

"Well, you seem like a nice girl and I figured I would give you a chance to get to know me. And if it doesnt work out, well, we can always be pals and you can just hook me up with some of your hot friends"

I have used that line with great success..feel free to steal it!

btw - Just cos she doesnt answer her phone dont mean jack shiat. Often times the chick just doesn recognize the number and lets it go straight to voicemail. You are reading into things too much and assuming the negative. Just because she doesnt sweat you hard doesnt mean she lacks confidence. You are the Man, it is your job to pursue and initiate everything! Once she is hooked, THATs when you lean back and let her chase.

So in short. Lighten up and just have fun with your interactions. I can already picture you tensing up whenever she is around, trying not to look at her and making the situation even worse.

RELAXXXXXXXX!!!!

other than this, I think you have a great attitude and willingness to learn. Keep it up!

 

[drixsa]

dude the one rule i almost never break is that on the first official date, always go for an action date

 

[Slickster]

I haven't read all the responses but......

The simple fact of the matter is she didn't lose interest because you asked her out for "coffee"

She was never really that interested in the first place!

Think about it. If you are interested in someone and they ask you out for coffee, and you don't drink coffee, then you go and drink something else.

If she was really interested you could pretty much ask her to do anything and she'd go along.

Don't blame the question "Do you want to go out for coffee?"

Blame yourself for not increasing her IL before asking her out.

Peace

 

[drixsa]

Originally posted by Slickster
I haven't read all the responses but......

The simple fact of the matter is she didn't lose interest because you asked her out for "coffee"

She was never really that interested in the first place!

Think about it. If you are interested in someone and they ask you out for coffee, and you don't drink coffee, then you go and drink something else.

If she was really interested you could pretty much ask her to do anything and she'd go along.

Don't blame the question "Do you want to go out for coffee?"

Blame yourself for not increasing her IL before asking her out.

Peace

thats some pretty tight advise but she wanted him to call her on the weekend

so she could avoid coffee, no offense but the girl is a bit off

you nexted to quickly

 

[Chewy Bagel]

Originally posted by Slickster
Don't blame the question "Do you want to go out for coffee?"

Blame yourself for not increasing her IL before asking her out.

LOL. I'm trying to save my ego here, man. I prefer to think of it as the coffee idea that killed it

The fact that she's still asking about me and saying things to my friend that "Eric doesn't talk to me anymore" and "Where's your friend, Eric today", and esentially bytching to my buddy about why I asked her out to coffee when she hates coffee (over 4 months AFTER I asked her out), tells me that she still is curious about me.

Seriously though - I got passed this months ago.

 

[drixsa]

why are u gettin "passed" this?

you are letting an opportunity slip away

and from the way you descibed her, it makes you a bit of an idiot to pass it up

 

[Slickster]

The fact that you nexted her is precisely the reason why she's still asking about you.

I like this quote "Why did he ask me out for coffee? I hate coffee." - And how are you supposed to know that?

She sounds like an idiot to me. Maybe good for a lay but she sounds like she has a pain in the arse personality.

 

[Player_Supreme]

1. she is only an hb8 and she is the best thing in that gym..then go to another gym.

2. you only asked her out to coffee and this ho is so stuck on herself and into the fitness thing that she would look down on you for suggesting coffee?? Can you say NEXT!!! She is one of those workout freaks who are holistic about it. Her sex drive is probably very low cause she spends too much time or too much energy trying to keep her tight slim body that way.

3. don't waste your time. Tell her why your not going to waste your time...then watch her jump through hoops.

4. Atleast you had the courage to ask her funky butt out! You didn't f*ck up...Look at the majority of readers who don't even have the courage to do that!!!! Look at the posts on this main page!!!!

5. If you like a girl who will freak out cause she is 1 pound heavier than yesterday and she can't have sex cause of it and she feels too fat today the go ahead and knock ya self out...just don't whine about it later on with one of those kind of posts that we read on here everyday!

 

[One on One]

You can get freaking hot chocolate at just about any coffee shop so that couldn't have been the reason or maybe she was too dumb to know that. IL couldn't have been very high, though.

I disagree with what the other guy said about making the first date an action date. I'd rather get a chance to learn about a girl and her personality through conversation on the first date and I think you'll get more high quality girls doing it that way. Action dates as first dates aren't bad at all, but I'd prefer something like a coffee date.

 

[MVPlaya]

For a simple get together I like lunch at non-American places. Like go to a crepe restaurant or something like that. Odds are they'll think its fun and its generally a better setting (*much less predictable than coffee*).

However, if that chick turned you down because of coffee she's a moron. Either:
1.) She is so turned off by coffee she no longer likes you
2.) Did not get that you were asking her out and couldn't say, "I don't like coffee, how about x y z."

 

[Pecker]

Here's the truth, okay.

A girl who is interested in you can join you for "coffee" and drink tea or something at a Starbucks.

She truly WAS busy and couldn't go out with you that weekend.

Then she mentioned it to her friend because she did want to go out with you. But women are subtle. They won't say "What happened?! He asked me out then didn't call me!!" Instead she mentioned you in the context of her not liking coffee. But it was a way to mention you.

Call her.