Cluster A Man and Cluster B woman

[Charlie]

I was reading the post about "Age is just a number" and noticed the post by jophil28.

Well after doing some research I noticed that Cluster A people are more likely to be men and Cluster B are more likely to be women. I also think I know someone like this, he's not a close a friend (he used to be) so I won't be getting involved.

I'm just curious in your experience what do you think would be the outcome of this?

The girl seems obsessed with the guy but likewise as he is socially isolated (mostly by choice) so she also gets her attention need filled. There's also an age gap he's 29 and she's 21.

 

[mtnkng]

I think thats a pretty big generalization.

Within Cluster B
Narcissists (3-1) and AntiSocial (2-1 ratio) PDs tend to be male.
BPDs tend to be female (3-1 ratio).
(10 % of the population has a PD).

This may be attributed merely by the people who are actually dx'ed (diagnosed).


There has been discussion and articles that BPDs can and do attract other PDs (and certainly codependents).

The other thing to keep in mind, while, for example, a person may be dx'ed with BPD, they will more than likely exhibit behaviors from one or more of the other traits in one or more of the other PDs as listed in the DSM IV.


These disorders are also under consideration for being moved from Axis II to Axis I (which, no one here without these disorders cares about - its an insurance thing).

Its a tough call as to what will happen. For any given DX to be made, the person must exhibit 5 or more of the criteria listed for the disorder in the DSM IV. I think that comes out to 296 varieties of a BPD....it really depends on which behaviors each of the PDs exhibit and how they would perhaps interact. You can probably make some generalizations as in what happens when two cars collide at high speed - nothing good.

 

[KontrollerX]

http://www.merck.com/mmhe/sec07/ch105/ch105a.html

There's a good article on the different clusters of personality disorders for whoever is interested.

I'm not entirely sure the OP was making a seperate distinction between Cluster A and Cluster B Personality Disorders with his post so I have given the link to show their distinction from eachother.

BTW, Charlie I read your other posts. You are dealing with a passive aggressive histrionic most likely. (Most of them are extroverts) You'll never be free of your frustration with the girl and relationship problems for long. You can't change her nor can you fix her. Only a trained professional can do that and only if she wants help to change genuinely not because anyone has pressured her. You should next her but you won't so I'm just giving you the truth about what you have to look forward to and once again it will be nonstop periods of frustration and emotional ego repairing with a few good moments in between and if the girl meets anyone else that triggers her perfect man fantasy you will be forgotten and discarded without a second thought. Your past together doesn't mean a thing to a Cluster B.

 

[jophil28]

There has been discussion and articles that BPDs can and do attract other PDs (and certainly codependents).

Yes, co- morbidity is the norm with PDs. There is no "pure" PD.
This makes a diagnosis more difficult for professionals and VERY confusing for lay people who are in a relationship with the PD.

However, surviving a realtionship with a PD (specifically a Cluster B woman ) is a life changing experience - much like losing a limb in battle or surviving a malignant tumor.
You are never quite the person that you were prior to meeting her and entering an LTR.
Your belief system about women is shaken and dislodged at it's core . You have just fallen for Satan's daughter. Nothing is true anymore. Perhaps it is the most profound wake-up call that a man can experience.

 

[eDave]

No kidding jophil28. No kidding. I was in one for nearly 3 years. I just finally said f==k it one month ago.

I wish I had never met her. I like who I was before way better than who I am now.

It's not only trusting anyone again or continuing to look for and see the red flags, it's the output I did to keep her happy. A normal woman would see this as needy, pathetic and smothering (and I agree) and RUN LIKE HELL. Yet it is what I was hypnotized into doing... And on top of that, I began exhibiting the same traits as her. Going forward I will look for red flags. When looking you always find, or make up in your mind. Just like a cluster B. Always looking for the signs of abandonment. Those signs are always there in their mind. You can always see what you want to see.

I am afraid to meet another woman right now.

 

[jophil28]

I am afraid to meet another woman right now.

Remember that only ONE woman harmed you, not the whole female race.
As a rough guide approx one in 50 women that you date in future will be as badly disordered as your recent Cluster B women.
However that does not mean that the other 49 are all fine contenders either. Many woman who do not meet the criteria for a positive diagnosis still will run you ragged in ways that resemble the rollercoaster ride and the ultimate crash that Cluster Bs create.
Even some disturbed women who have only a few Cluster B traits, and could be perhaps be described as subclinical, are still potentially capable of turning an otherwise healthy LTR into a trainwreck.

The way to avoid another ClusterB disaster is to have a non-negotiable deal with yourself to place RESPECT ahead of sex and be willing to walk away at the first display of significant disrespect. YOu will never have to wait long for this to emerge, so in theory at least, you will get your warning sign very early before you are attached and invested.

All Cluster B types will abuse you in some wayand they will do it repeatedly after they test you to determine your limits and boundaries. Every one of them knows all about diseased relationships - how to create one and how to survive in one.
Even though they present themselves as the essence of feminine sweetness and light, they do NOT know anything about healthy relationships and are incapable of being in one or creating one.
Being in a relationship with a female PD will drag you and your emotions DOWN into a morass of anxiety and confusion and swirling pain alternating with moments of emotional relief - exactly like the treadmill of abusive drinking where more more alcohol relieves the pain of the hangover from the previous binge.

ONE giveaway sign of an addiction to an abusive woman is that feeling of RELIEF (not just pleasure ) when you see her again or sleep with her again after she has disrespected you or lied or cheated or harmed you in some way .

Once again, our only defense is to have that deal with ourselves to bail EARLY before we are bonded.