Ok, first off, I just want to say something about last night (thursday), I'd posted last week about 2 chicks I might have seen last night who possibly had high IL, needless to say I didn't see either of them (dont think they were out) but I was having a good night till the bouncer decided to chuck me out for no reason.. (except maybe that I was absoloutely bollocksed) so that was a bit annoying..
Anyway, tonight.. (conclusions at the end)
Met up with a friend of mine and his new girlfriend at a bar in town, was pleasantly surprised to see that she had a number of female friends with her (all attractive), but less happy when it became clear they were all there with their boyfriends (I've not met a single girl thru friends for months now..). Anyway.. night carried on and we ended up going to a club, the club had a semi big name DJ playing (Jon Carter) now.. for the past few years I've been a student and most club nights I've been out to have been fairly generic nothing special nights (ie. reasonably populist/cheesy music) and most people there because they want somewhere to carry on drinking/try to pull. So its been fairly unusual that I'd go to a night like tonight, where the main attraction was the music and the DJ playing.
So.. spend the first hour or so just chatting with my mate and his gf, then he decided he was really tired so he went home.. I decided to stay... none of the girls (bar his girlfriend) seemed that friendly or interested in chatting to me so I struck up a conversation with one of the boyfriends for a while, later I ran into one of my mates ex gfs and ended up on the wrong end of a grilling from her about him and why they split up. Now by the time I've stopped talking to her its got a bit later and I feel like dancing a bit (I'm quite into dance music so its all cool) also the girlfriend and most of her friends also decide to leave, so I'm left with none of the original group still out. So I decide to hit the dancefloor, on my own. Before I start I'm a bit wary but I realise there are plenty of people on their own out there off their heads on pills so I'm not going to look out of place dancing alone..
So I dance for the rest of the evening, the music is pretty good and I get really into it and have a good night. But I fail miserably on the approaching women front..
Firstly the ratio of guys to girls appears to be somewhere between 60/40 and 70/30... secondly most of the girls I see seem to be with a guy, (of course he could not be a bf but its enough to put me off).. anyway, the whole night I don't get any EC (not longer than normal anyway) and I make zero approaches.. Towards the end (15 minutes left) I realise what a failure on the women front tonight has been and vow to apply the 3 second rule with the next 'suitable' female I see, except I don't see any 'suitable' women. They all seem to be with other men or happy with their friends, I spot one girl dancing by herself.. but decide shes too ugly (and so into the music shes not going to be interested in me), then I see a pretty girl on her own by the bar.. I'm about to wander over on the pretence that I want a glass of water, and then start talking to her, but berfore I go I spot another guy attempt to chat her up.. she talks cordially but hes clearly not getting anywhere and leaves.. this sets me back a few moments (I dont want to approach immediately after shes just spoken to some other guy) and before the end I spot another 2 guys go over and get the same treatment, this is enough to put me off. Most of the night too I was fairly sober, I'd been drinking so I was tipsy, but not much (was very expensive) so I was nowhere near drunk..
So anyway, my conclusions.. Firstly, going to a night in a club where the music being played is a big feature is different to going to any other generic night.. Most people are there not because they want somewhere to carry on drinking/try and pull someone, they are there because they are into the sort of music that is being played and want to enjoy it.. People say that night clubs are not good places to pull because most of the girls aren't looking for it, I think this applies even more when theres a specialist musical attraction on. Most of the girls (and some of the guys) seemed to be mostly into the music and enjoying themselves, they weren't looking around eyeing people up.
Next, while I've got much better recently at starting conversations/approaching when either the girl has shown some interest with ec or I've actually got something relevant to say.. or through force of circumstance (e.g. we're stood next to each other at the bar), I'm still hopeless at cold approaches as it were, even on the dancefloor, the only time I really consider approaching a girl will be if shes sat on her own and looks bored. As it is, on the dancefloor if I don't see interest I don't do anything. Part of this tonight was that I saw plenty of guys making cold approaches to girls on the dancefloor (either trying to dance/grind with them, or just trying to start a conversation) and none of them got anywhere, the girls weren't interested. Ok, I should have been saying "I'm a DJ I've got something those guys haven't" but my AFC brain took over, saying "look, the girls aren't interested in guys now, you're having a good night, why ruin it by getting rejected?" I was also concious most of the night about my lack of social proof most of the time, seeing as most of the girls were in goups, I didn't like feeling like the lone guy with no mates desperately trying to get their attention.
I think part of my problem is maybe I'm thinking too hard about it all. But I know I really need to work on my approaches.. I'm fine if I see some interest or if I'm just stood next to the girl, but If I actually have to go over to her (i.e. it shows that I've made a deliberate effort to get closer to her and to talk to her without any interest on her part) then I just can't do it.. anyone got any ideas on how to improve on this?
Anyway, my main point was about the 'proper' music club nights.. while you may enjoy the atmosphere and music more, it seems harder to get the attention from the women...
Anyway, tonight.. (conclusions at the end)
Met up with a friend of mine and his new girlfriend at a bar in town, was pleasantly surprised to see that she had a number of female friends with her (all attractive), but less happy when it became clear they were all there with their boyfriends (I've not met a single girl thru friends for months now..). Anyway.. night carried on and we ended up going to a club, the club had a semi big name DJ playing (Jon Carter) now.. for the past few years I've been a student and most club nights I've been out to have been fairly generic nothing special nights (ie. reasonably populist/cheesy music) and most people there because they want somewhere to carry on drinking/try to pull. So its been fairly unusual that I'd go to a night like tonight, where the main attraction was the music and the DJ playing.
So.. spend the first hour or so just chatting with my mate and his gf, then he decided he was really tired so he went home.. I decided to stay... none of the girls (bar his girlfriend) seemed that friendly or interested in chatting to me so I struck up a conversation with one of the boyfriends for a while, later I ran into one of my mates ex gfs and ended up on the wrong end of a grilling from her about him and why they split up. Now by the time I've stopped talking to her its got a bit later and I feel like dancing a bit (I'm quite into dance music so its all cool) also the girlfriend and most of her friends also decide to leave, so I'm left with none of the original group still out. So I decide to hit the dancefloor, on my own. Before I start I'm a bit wary but I realise there are plenty of people on their own out there off their heads on pills so I'm not going to look out of place dancing alone..
So I dance for the rest of the evening, the music is pretty good and I get really into it and have a good night. But I fail miserably on the approaching women front..
Firstly the ratio of guys to girls appears to be somewhere between 60/40 and 70/30... secondly most of the girls I see seem to be with a guy, (of course he could not be a bf but its enough to put me off).. anyway, the whole night I don't get any EC (not longer than normal anyway) and I make zero approaches.. Towards the end (15 minutes left) I realise what a failure on the women front tonight has been and vow to apply the 3 second rule with the next 'suitable' female I see, except I don't see any 'suitable' women. They all seem to be with other men or happy with their friends, I spot one girl dancing by herself.. but decide shes too ugly (and so into the music shes not going to be interested in me), then I see a pretty girl on her own by the bar.. I'm about to wander over on the pretence that I want a glass of water, and then start talking to her, but berfore I go I spot another guy attempt to chat her up.. she talks cordially but hes clearly not getting anywhere and leaves.. this sets me back a few moments (I dont want to approach immediately after shes just spoken to some other guy) and before the end I spot another 2 guys go over and get the same treatment, this is enough to put me off. Most of the night too I was fairly sober, I'd been drinking so I was tipsy, but not much (was very expensive) so I was nowhere near drunk..
So anyway, my conclusions.. Firstly, going to a night in a club where the music being played is a big feature is different to going to any other generic night.. Most people are there not because they want somewhere to carry on drinking/try and pull someone, they are there because they are into the sort of music that is being played and want to enjoy it.. People say that night clubs are not good places to pull because most of the girls aren't looking for it, I think this applies even more when theres a specialist musical attraction on. Most of the girls (and some of the guys) seemed to be mostly into the music and enjoying themselves, they weren't looking around eyeing people up.
Next, while I've got much better recently at starting conversations/approaching when either the girl has shown some interest with ec or I've actually got something relevant to say.. or through force of circumstance (e.g. we're stood next to each other at the bar), I'm still hopeless at cold approaches as it were, even on the dancefloor, the only time I really consider approaching a girl will be if shes sat on her own and looks bored. As it is, on the dancefloor if I don't see interest I don't do anything. Part of this tonight was that I saw plenty of guys making cold approaches to girls on the dancefloor (either trying to dance/grind with them, or just trying to start a conversation) and none of them got anywhere, the girls weren't interested. Ok, I should have been saying "I'm a DJ I've got something those guys haven't" but my AFC brain took over, saying "look, the girls aren't interested in guys now, you're having a good night, why ruin it by getting rejected?" I was also concious most of the night about my lack of social proof most of the time, seeing as most of the girls were in goups, I didn't like feeling like the lone guy with no mates desperately trying to get their attention.
I think part of my problem is maybe I'm thinking too hard about it all. But I know I really need to work on my approaches.. I'm fine if I see some interest or if I'm just stood next to the girl, but If I actually have to go over to her (i.e. it shows that I've made a deliberate effort to get closer to her and to talk to her without any interest on her part) then I just can't do it.. anyone got any ideas on how to improve on this?
Anyway, my main point was about the 'proper' music club nights.. while you may enjoy the atmosphere and music more, it seems harder to get the attention from the women...
These girls aren't THAT scary now c'mon!