Chik flying to pick up kid from ex

[Colinski282]

Im talking to a girl that takes care of her ex's kid. Its not hers but she feels a motherly way about the kid because the mother was never there. Anyways she is flying across state to pick the kid up so she can take care of him for a month or so. That part doesnt bother me because she really does take care of the kid from time to time. What bothers me is that shes going to be gone for 3 or 4 days there.....that stricks me as QUITE odd.

I passively probed her by asking if she had any family there (i was pretty much asking if she was staying with him or her family while she was there). She has no family there. She asked if it was bothered me what she was doing. For the sake of not showing weakness or jealousy i simply said No.

Any opinions on the matter?

 

[biker_gixxer]

I would stay away from her and that situation, to many Red Flags bro. There is much more going on then what she has told you so far.

she feels a motherly way about the kid because the mother was never there.

I don't buy it. That's the excuse she's trying to lay on you AND herself. She still has feelings for this ex and is probably using the kid as a way to get close to him.

Just my 2 cents.

 

[Colinski282]

Originally posted by biker_gixxer
I would stay away from her and that situation, to many Red Flags bro. There is much more going on then what she has told you so far.

she feels a motherly way about the kid because the mother was never there.

I don't buy it. That's the excuse she's trying to lay on you AND herself. She still has feelings for this ex and is probably using the kid as a way to get close to him.

Just my 2 cents.

I totally dig what you say. How would one call her out on this. Would one call her out on this. Just saying the obvious truth that you have stated for me would cause her to go into defense mode and be get her irate. Help me on my next move. (Dont say next her)

 

[biker_gixxer]

Originally posted by Colinski282
I totally dig what you say. How would one call her out on this. Would one call her out on this. Just saying the obvious truth that you have stated for me would cause her to go into defense mode and be get her irate. Help me on my next move. (Dont say next her)

First off, if she gets defensive and/or irritated, rest assured that everything I just mentioned holds water (is true). People tend to react that way when they have been 'called out' or 'busted'.

Personally, I would give her space, become distant. If she asks what is wrong, say something like 'i know there is more going on then what you've told me. Your body might be here, but your mind is with him. I'm just giving you space so you can figure out what you want'.

You are letting her know that you are 'up to speed' with what is going on, but you are not going to sweat her.

Nice...

 

[stalluproar]

This is a delicate situation unlike other curveballs.

I think the best way to deal with it is to steal her frame on what she would do if she didn't like something you did, but don't sound like a wussy.

As far as the jealosy question, I would say you are a big girl, I think you are able to make your own decisions. I can't stop you from doing your own things, but I find it very odd you would do something like this. This isn't something I expected out of you.

Leave it at that and let things materialize from there.

 

[Colinski282]

Very good points you fellas have made. I like the idea of saying " can't stop you from doing your own things, but I find it very odd you would do something like this. This isn't something I expected out of you." However that only deals with the guy and not the kid. How would i defend myself when she pulls kid card? Maybe ask why she is staying for 3 Days then?

 

[stalluproar]

Originally posted by Colinski282
Very good points you fellas have made. I like the idea of saying " can't stop you from doing your own things, but I find it very odd you would do something like this. This isn't something I expected out of you." However that only deals with the guy and not the kid. How would i defend myself when she pulls kid card? Maybe ask why she is staying for 3 Days then?

The whole entire circumstance is odd, kid and all. If she thinks you are talking about the guy, reiterate how you find the whole situation odd.

 

[NewMan]

why would you even bother?

if this is something she's doing now, then it only points negatively on her - and on you for putting up with it.

Come on, really - what a load of cr#p this is.

If I were you I'd next her and fast.

 

[biker_gixxer]

How would i defend myself when she pulls kid card?

Don't ever feel like you have to defend yourself bro, you are already in the wrong 'mind set' thinking that way.

The kid is an excuse, nothing more. Let her know that you are well aware of it.