Cheating wife [merged threads]

[Jackreacher20144]

Married 1 year and wife cheated with this dude for over a year. This dude also married . She's basically been lying to me for over year, going on fake business trips and excuses to see him. His wife found out and told me. She also told me she didn't love me anymore but loved him. She even moved out for a month to live with him but came back to me because she thought he couldn't give her what she wanted. I wanted her back because I don't think I can live without her. She told me it was his fault and he seduced her but I always had a feeling she liked him, I also know the guy. But now she says she's sorry and wants to make it work with me. I told her I would divorce her if she left to be with him but I didn't have guts to do it since I love her so much. I don't think I can live without her. She's been back with for few months but I'm always looking over my shoulder. People told me to ditch her and says it won't last but I forgive her.
I'm scared she may cheat again maybe with same dude. She also blames me for not given her attention enugh after getting married that's why she cheated. She told me this her first time. I think she was just infatuated with him .


Things are kinda back to normal now but now I have her back there are still things I can't get over. So people told me things will never be the same but I disagree .
I love her so much. What shall I do?

 

[Odisseo]

Ahh man I'm so sorry. You will probably get more insightful advice from people with more experience than me in this thread, but let me tell you it will all be along the lines of "don't let her use you anymore" and "don't be so AFC". Which is hard to swallow, but it's what you have to do. Leave her ASAP.

How invested are you in this weeding? It's not too late to walk away now rather than catching her again five years down the road and maybe with a kid or two to take care of.

You have to think of the most financially convenient way to handle this, which is to depart from her as soon as possible rather than later, with a mortgage to pay for and debt.

Unfortunately she has a ton of power over you for taking her back and telling her you can't love without her. You need to be strong and build a new life. Once a cheater, always a cheater, especially with all the power she has over you and the fact that basically she didn't suffer any consequences for her behavior.

Good luck

 

[Scormus]

You know deep down she will cheat again.

If you get off on it go for it lol otherwise get out!

 

[SecondHalf]

This was a horrible story to wake up to but I feel compelled to respond.
Buddy, this will get better, but not forever, not a chance of forever.

Once upon a time, women had a larger deterant against cheating....
The white picket fence might be lost. They might feel unsafe. However ... now, woman will survive, in fact - they will get richer with each marital iteration.

It's not their fault, it's the fault of men. If I put my garbage out a day early, the racoons will spread it all over the lawn. The house pets won't because we would or have beat them for it. 'nuff said!

Jack, let me tell you a little story for you to reflect upon ...

I met my HB9 wife when I was younger and ripe for the plucking. She was 10 years younger than me and I felt king of the world whenever we were out together. She got pregnant 4 months after we hooked up and a little over a year from meeting her ... pop!

When my son was two years old, I caught her cheating. Her lure was not the c0ck, but rather the dependance on a man to get where she wanted career wise (Eastern-european thing ... sorry for the generalization, but every Canadian boy should understand the calculating monster he will potentially get if he ends up with one). It tore my $!#$!@#$!@#$ heart out. Did the lawyer thing (scum sucking vampires - sorry brad, you I've repped, you're maybe different ). I could have kicked her to the curb, gained full custody and she'd have had to pay me child support (hadn't been three years yet ... Canada is high tax, but ... the justice system here is fair!). She got on her one knee, said "hon-yose" (some czech pet name for me), we can fix this, we can work this out... I caved ... I've made mistakes, I've cheated before, I've ... learned enough to understand the consequences for these things ... even if it is nothing more than the memory ... you're stuck with it forever. However ... never assume everyone (especially women) will learn such a seemingly logical lesson... sermon over.
10 years pass. My son has a mother(ish) for that time. She cheats again (while trying to nail down a tenure track position). Did she want to end it (yep). Did she want to retry with me (yep). Did she find a way to make it my fault (yep - women are never wrong!). This time however, I had a teenaged son, not a baby. Boot!

Important part follows...
I kicked her to the curb because I had learned that this would not be the last time. Once a cheat, likely always a cheat. They will always have one foot in another man's bed (whatever their motivation). If you prevent it, you will live a life of anguish and control (you would be the controller). It's a crappy life of anger and despair! Not a good option.

Another important part follows...
When I left her, I went through a huge depression. Mostly because (as one of sosuave's more "colourful" contributors on this site would say) ... I was a beta-fagot. But more specifically, I never thought I could be with another woman that was 10 years younger, and HB9, a professor, a, a, a, ... you get the picture? I thought it was all downhill from that point on.

Nothing could have been farther from the truth!
I've met/banged/owned women that gave me much more than my EE wife ever did. Sex was off the charts better with ... almost all of them (a beautiful woman can ... but if she doesn't need to ... you will get a starfish!).

what shall I do?

Move on my friend! Do it smart, do it with class, but do it!
Your troubles will be behind you when that woman is behind you. Don't be like me and countless other forgiving, stupid men and wait for years to have your prostate ripped out from inside you! You, like me, might have to sign away a half million+ bucks (where the first time, I'd have gotten off with no dept).

Find an honorable woman. Don't think that there is one ethnic better than the rest. Eventually, they all are aware of their options. Or ... learn the trade that is taught at sosuave and have some fun, a lot of fun!

In short, if you keep this women, you will pay. You will lose half+ of your retirement. She will cheat again and guess what ... it will again be your fault!

BTW, there are better sites than this one to help you through the breakup (enotalone, or ojar), but there are no other sites better to help you become a man prepared for 2014 than sosuave.

I usually don't make such an effort when posting, but your story moved me a little! Do consider my writings, I've lived much in my 51 years.

SH.

 

[:-)]

My e-girlfriend's father's wife cheated on him. Multiple partners as well. He took her back. Athough thirty years later they still live together, the tension between them is still tangible.

Common wisdom will tell you that this marriage is dead, dead dead and probably was so before it even started, the red flags are there waving wildly for all to see but ultimately it's your decision whether you choose to take heed of them or not.

You already survived when she lived with her other man for a month so you know that you can live without her.

 

[Desdinova]

Moved to Married Man...

 

[Albatross953]

Been there, done that. Listen to second half. You could go to marriagebuilders but I'm pretty sure with one year and no kids even they would tell you to run.

 

[Epimanes]

I agree with albatross

Although I am in favor of saving marriage I do not see any hope with this one. If you posted your story on the marriage builders.com forum your likely going to be told what people here are telling you. Get out.

There is no logical reason to contonue. No kids.. Barely been together. Etc.

However .. If you WANT to save your marriage the path to recovery is VERY narrow. Trust should never be blind. ALWAYS verified until your bored of verifying. Neither spouse should be upset about snooping and welcome it if there is nothing to hide.

You wife would need to agree to the following in order for you and her to fully recover. I doubt she will.. Which means she's just gone underground with her affair. Another thing to consider.. With all this it takes also aprox 2 years to recover from an affair IF your following a plan of recovery. If not.. Your headed for affair 2 and 3 etc.

Checklist for How Affairs Should End

_____The unfaithful spouse should reveal information about the affair to the betrayed spouse.

_____The unfaithful spouse should make a commitment to the betrayed spouse to never see or talk to the lover OP again.

_____The unfaithful spouse should write a letter to the lover OP ending the relationship and send it with the approval of the betrayed spouse.

_____The unfaithful spouse should take extraordinary precautions to guarantee total separation from the lover OP:

_____Block potential communication with the lover OP (change e-mail address and home and cell phone numbers, and close all social networking accounts; have voice messages and mail monitored by the betrayed spouse).

_____Account for time (betrayed spouse and wayward spouse give each other a twenty-four-hour daily schedule with locations and telephone numbers).

_____Account for money (betrayed spouse and wayward spouse give each other a complete account of all money spent).

_____Spend leisure time together.

_____Change jobs and relocate if necessary.

_____Avoid overnight separation.

_____Allow technical accountability.

_____ Expose affair to family members, clergy, and/or friends.

 

[CJ 101]

Married 1 year and wife cheated with this dude for over a year. This dude also married . She's basically been lying to me for over year, going on fake business trips and excuses to see him. His wife found out and told me. She also told me she didn't love me anymore but loved him. She even moved out for a month to live with him but came back to me because she thought he couldn't give her what she wanted. I wanted her back because I don't think I can live without her. She told me it was his fault and he seduced her but I always had a feeling she liked him, I also know the guy. But now she says she's sorry and wants to make it work with me. I told her I would divorce her if she left to be with him but I didn't have guts to do it since I love her so much. I don't think I can live without her. She's been back with for few months but I'm always looking over my shoulder. People told me to ditch her and says it won't last but I forgive her.
I'm scared she may cheat again maybe with same dude. She also blames me for not given her attention enugh after getting married that's why she cheated. She told me this her first time. I think she was just infatuated with him .

I
Things are kinda back to normal now but now I have her back there are still things I can't get over. So people told me things will never be the same but I disagree .
I love her so much. What shall I do?

If she cheated once on you, she will do it again, only this time she'll be sure to cover her tracks and be smarter about it. Leave her, just divorce her, trying to save this marriage isn't worth it.

 

[Epimanes]

^---That not true.. If the conditions that allowed the affair to occure are eliminated then it wouldn't happen again. Meet eachothers emotional needs well enough that your happy with eachother coupled with extraordinary precautions and it could be turned around. I have read countless threads on marriagebuilders that have recovered following their program there. Its not easy but it can be done if it makes logical sense to do so. But like I said this marriage makes no logical sense. Its young.. And your already experieicng this problem so early. Cut your losses and be glad you didn't have kids with this woman.

Epi

 

[speed dawg]

If there's no kids, get the f*ck out of there. Lawyer up, but play it cool. Try and get some evidence of her cheating, if you don't have it already. Keep her happy, keep your friends close and enemies closer, you know?

From your post, it sounds like you have A LOT of work to do before any advice on here will help you. You need a complete overhaul, pal.

 

[Colossus]

End it.

This woman betrayed you in the worst possible way----you agreed to be her HUSBAND and she fvcked another dude for over a year!!! And then blamed it on you?! "Not getting enough attention"...what a crock of BS. This woman has no honor and no class whatsoever. Your feelings are roiling about and you THINK you love her, but she repeatedly dissed you as a man in the worst possible way. Serve her papers and cut your losses. You will not regret it I promise you. Listen to Second Half.

 

[LiveFreeX]

I love her so much. What shall I do?

First and foremost, wait until you are alone in the house then go into your bathroom, look in the mirror and scream "YOU ARE AN IDIOT AND A LOSER if you stay with this stupid cheating,ho!" and "I will go abroad and meet a nice girl who will take care of me" for as long as it takes to convince yourself.

Stay with her at least 6 more months and 'work things out'. Make her feel comfortable and tell her you'll always be there for her. Tell her it makes you sad that she cheats but if she really loves this guy then you'll still stand by her if she needs to do it with him.

Secretly be slowing selling things off around your house. Open a bank account with the Bank of China or HSBC. Store all the money you make from your possessions in said bank account. One day sell off the entire house and cars and then take a flight over here on a tourist visa. BTW stop fvckin her and request a divorce AFTER you leave the country and have changed all your money into RMB and diseminated it into 5 or 6 different bank accounts in different banks. Pull everything out of America because you are about to get raped.

If you don't get out now, the next thread will be titled: Cheating wife impregnanted by other man!

 

[Jackreacher20144]

Thanks. I don't think I'm in an emotional state now to be without her.
She told me before she still loves him and wanted to marry him and have his kids. This hurt me like hell. Also she still refuses to give back the gifts he bought her and is still using them, jewelry , purse etc.
I don't know what to do. My parents and in laws put a lot of pressure on her to be back with me but somehow I think her heart is not with me but I can't live without her. I'm trying to give her maximum attention now but I'm scared when I don't she will leave . How can I ensure I have a happy marriage again. I really can't leave her.

Btw I'm thinking of having kids with her to lock her in.

 

[Jackreacher20144]

This was a horrible story to wake up to but I feel compelled to respond.
Buddy, this will get better, but not forever, not a chance of forever.

Once upon a time, women had a larger deterant against cheating....
The white picket fence might be lost. They might feel unsafe. However ... now, woman will survive, in fact - they will get richer with each marital iteration.

It's not their fault, it's the fault of men. If I put my garbage out a day early, the racoons will spread it all over the lawn. The house pets won't because we would or have beat them for it. 'nuff said!

Jack, let me tell you a little story for you to reflect upon ...

I met my HB9 wife when I was younger and ripe for the plucking. She was 10 years younger than me and I felt king of the world whenever we were out together. She got pregnant 4 months after we hooked up and a little over a year from meeting her ... pop!

When my son was two years old, I caught her cheating. Her lure was not the c0ck, but rather the dependance on a man to get where she wanted career wise (Eastern-european thing ... sorry for the generalization, but every Canadian boy should understand the calculating monster he will potentially get if he ends up with one). It tore my $!#$!@#$!@#$ heart out. Did the lawyer thing (scum sucking vampires - sorry brad, you I've repped, you're maybe different ). I could have kicked her to the curb, gained full custody and she'd have had to pay me child support (hadn't been three years yet ... Canada is high tax, but ... the justice system here is fair!). She got on her one knee, said "hon-yose" (some czech pet name for me), we can fix this, we can work this out... I caved ... I've made mistakes, I've cheated before, I've ... learned enough to understand the consequences for these things ... even if it is nothing more than the memory ... you're stuck with it forever. However ... never assume everyone (especially women) will learn such a seemingly logical lesson... sermon over.
10 years pass. My son has a mother(ish) for that time. She cheats again (while trying to nail down a tenure track position). Did she want to end it (yep). Did she want to retry with me (yep). Did she find a way to make it my fault (yep - women are never wrong!). This time however, I had a teenaged son, not a baby. Boot!

Important part follows...
I kicked her to the curb because I had learned that this would not be the last time. Once a cheat, likely always a cheat. They will always have one foot in another man's bed (whatever their motivation). If you prevent it, you will live a life of anguish and control (you would be the controller). It's a crappy life of anger and despair! Not a good option.

Another important part follows...
When I left her, I went through a huge depression. Mostly because (as one of sosuave's more "colourful" contributors on this site would say) ... I was a beta-fagot. But more specifically, I never thought I could be with another woman that was 10 years younger, and HB9, a professor, a, a, a, ... you get the picture? I thought it was all downhill from that point on.

Nothing could have been farther from the truth!
I've met/banged/owned women that gave me much more than my EE wife ever did. Sex was off the charts better with ... almost all of them (a beautiful woman can ... but if she doesn't need to ... you will get a starfish!).


Move on my friend! Do it smart, do it with class, but do it!
Your troubles will be behind you when that woman is behind you. Don't be like me and countless other forgiving, stupid men and wait for years to have your prostate ripped out from inside you! You, like me, might have to sign away a half million+ bucks (where the first time, I'd have gotten off with no dept).

Find an honorable woman. Don't think that there is one ethnic better than the rest. Eventually, they all are aware of their options. Or ... learn the trade that is taught at sosuave and have some fun, a lot of fun!

In short, if you keep this women, you will pay. You will lose half+ of your retirement. She will cheat again and guess what ... it will again be your fault!

BTW, there are better sites than this one to help you through the breakup (enotalone, or ojar), but there are no other sites better to help you become a man prepared for 2014 than sosuave.

I usually don't make such an effort when posting, but your story moved me a little! Do consider my writings, I've lived much in my 51 years.

SH.

Thanks SH

I'm too weak to live without her now . Please help me try and get out

 

[LiveFreeX]

Thank you for posting, this is very entertaining btw.

I love reading other's stupidity to my wife.

The two of us are just blown away by the number of retards walking around.

 

[CrimsonPanther]

^^ THIS

OP: why do you even bother writing here and asking for advice? you are a moron. don't take it as an insult, take it as tough love, wise up, evolve and FORGET THAT WOMAN. it is the only way. ofc if you live in the US, save your belongings first.

but no point in telling you these, because you are a needy clingy insecure human being with zero level of testosterone and all that was said here means nothing to you anyway.

you are a spineless slave to her, and on a way to be an abused cuckold. maybe even a secret masochist. no self respecting man would ever forgive this kind of open cheating peppered with shameless humiliation.

i have a feeling that the only thing this post is gonna achieve is to hurt your non existent ego instead of snapping out of it and doing the right thing, but worth a last try anyway.

 

[Jackreacher20144]

I'm sorry for sounding weak. I know the right thing is to get rid of her or at least give a few months before taking her back. In fact I asked her back. I'm just lost at the moment that's why I'm asking for objective advice.
I live in US. I just want to know if this relationship can be salvaged.

 

[SecondHalf]

I'm sorry for sounding weak. I know the right thing is to get rid of her or at least give a few months before taking her back. In fact I asked her back. I'm just lost at the moment that's why I'm asking for objective advice.
I live in US. I just want to know if this relationship can be salvaged.

Jack!

I'm not sure if you're a moron, nor would I call you one.
But man ... you sure let yourself go!
You're completely dependent on this woman for your sense of self.
And right now, you're in complete shock and crisis.

Let me tell you something ...
Portraying the hurt / whimpering "man" that you are from this betrayal will never never never get this woman back. With every whine, manipulation, begging, doormat activity you're doing, you are grossing her out more and more. You've done just about everything wrong you could have ... for her and your self respect.

Sure it hurts, but you must never let the b1tch3s know it. Ever. It just gives them more power, justifies their actions and strengthens their resolve to dump your wimpy butt.

Given that you would like to potentially take her back, are you going to blow the remote chance of that occurrence by feeling sorry for yourself and crying about? Don't get me wrong, I don't think she is worth the effort, but if you strove to worry about your own a55 and not hers, you would be more attractive to her ... a man. What you'll find though is that you'll be much more attractive to many women and you might find you will soon not want the scum s1ut back.

You need to join enotalone or some other such site to get the "nurturing" (eww) that you seem to want. There won't be a sympathetic ear on this site if you're going to remain a door mat for her to wipe the dogsh1t off of her boots on your nose.

You need to go no contact and figure out what needs improving in your life ... cause Mr. Perfect you obviously are not.

Best get constructive friend or your life is one of misery and frankly ... a waste!

Many know what you're going through. We also know what you need to do. You're disregarding advice here and ... failing.

YOU'RE NOT GOING TO GET WHAT YOU WANT.
THIS IS NOT GOING TO GO AWAY ... EVER.
YOUR "EMOTIONAL STABILITY" WILL ONLY FURTHER DEGRADE.
YOU ARE WASTING TIME.

This thread ... I'm out.

Good luck,

SH

 

[Jackreacher20144]

SH

I've taken her back already and she is living with me again. Things are sort of back to normal again and I don't think she is talking to the guy but I just wanna know if this is honeymoon phase and after if she will cheat again . I dunno if this relationship will last.