Cheating rumours

[Francisco de Asis]

Hi! I've been in a LTR for 2.5 years, we are both 25 years old, both me and my girlfriend are well educated, move in similar social circles and come from very conservative upper class families. I am her first boyfriend and she lost her virginity to me. She is a 9.

A year ago a very close friend of mine told me that the cousin of her best friend girlfriend said he had hooked up with my GF one night. I confronted her, she said he was making it up, and i dumped her. She kept texting me, calling me while crying urging me to meet with her and speak. That summer I met some girls, ****ed two of them (the ones I really liked) which, on the other hand, made me feel kind of bad (when she asked me if I had "met" other girls I lied and said no), I never really stopped speaking with my ex and eventually in October or so we got back together and we've been together ever since.

Before the cheating rumours I was tamed into Beta behaviour by her, but after I ended it the relationship has been much healthier, I dont give her the same attention as I did, which pisses her off but at the same time makes her want me even more, I am much less involved which, in return, has caused me to realize that there are many more options out there. Ultimately the "I dont really care of this works out" philosophy has made things more lively.

Right now there is a conflict within myself about leaving her and live on, or continue with the relationship. Those rumours from a year ago are the thing which bother me the most, It may be true that she did nothing, she was a virgin when we met and had not hooked up with more than 5 guys in her life, I remember her friends telling me I was never going to get her because she was the type of girl who never cared about guys, when we first hooked up she was awful at kissing which reassures those statements.

On the other hand, the rumours may just be true which means she cant be trusted (not only for cheating but also for lying).

Just wanted some comment on the story.

By the way, we are both from Spain, so she is not an american girl which, in my personal experience, are much ****ed up.

 

[Desdinova]

If she truly did lose her virginity to you, the chances of her cheating on you would be quite low. Low-mileage women will pair-bond much easier than high-mileage women.

When a woman is cheating, you'll notice changes in her behaviour. She may start acting distant, stop seeing you as much, or take up a bunch of new interests and/or hobbies. Women who are very low-mileage are going to be terrible at hiding what they're doing because fvcking around on a man isn't something they're used to doing.

A year ago a very close friend of mine told me that the cousin of her best friend girlfriend said he had hooked up with my GF one night.

Some people will get jealous or will intentionally become 5hit disturbers. If your gf isn't showing any signs of cheating, then you should dismiss the rumours.

 

[Francisco de Asis]

If she truly did lose her virginity to you, the chances of her cheating on you would be quite low. Low-mileage women will pair-bond much easier than high-mileage women.

When a woman is cheating, you'll notice changes in her behaviour. She may start acting distant, stop seeing you as much, or take up a bunch of new interests and/or hobbies. Women who are very low-mileage are going to be terrible at hiding what they're doing because fvcking around on a man isn't something they're used to doing.



Some people will get jealous or will intentionally become 5hit disturbers. If your gf isn't showing any signs of cheating, then you should dismiss the rumours.

The thing is, when it all happened I was very focused on finishing my degree so I was not that involved and I have the feeling that, even if she had started acting strange, I wouldnt have noticed. I am aware that, in the end, its a decision I have to make on my own, nevertheless, thank you very much for your insight

 

[Desdinova]

The thing is, when it all happened I was very focused on finishing my degree so I was not that involved and I have the feeling that, even if she had started acting strange, I wouldnt have noticed.

When a woman is cheating, her strange behaviour isn't very subtle. You'll notice that something's very different about her. For the two times I found out I was being cheated on, the women suddenly developed new tastes in music, a switch in their favourite radio station, their patterns of going out were different, they had some very new hobbies that they were extremely excited about, they would get all dressed up for mundane occasions, and there's probably a few other things I don't remember.

The changes are noticeable if you're familiar with what your gf does and likes. We are creatures of habit and we generally don't embrace change very easily.

Right now there is a conflict within myself about leaving her and live on, or continue with the relationship. Those rumours from a year ago are the thing which bother me the most

You're the only one who can make the decision of what you want, but IMO your gf is not likely to cheat on you without noticeably suffering an incredible amount of guilt. Women who are used to screwing lots of men or cheating on men fall into a habit of convincing themselves that it's justified. A woman who's had only one partner is going to struggle with justifying her bad behaviour.

 

[Francisco de Asis]

When a woman is cheating, her strange behaviour isn't very subtle. You'll notice that something's very different about her. For the two times I found out I was being cheated on, the women suddenly developed new tastes in music, a switch in their favourite radio station, their patterns of going out were different, they had some very new hobbies that they were extremely excited about, they would get all dressed up for mundane occasions, and there's probably a few other things I don't remember.

The changes are noticeable if you're familiar with what your gf does and likes. We are creatures of habit and we generally don't embrace change very easily.



You're the only one who can make the decision of what you want, but IMO your gf is not likely to cheat on you without noticeably suffering an incredible amount of guilt. Women who are used to screwing lots of men or cheating on men fall into a habit of convincing themselves that it's justified. A woman who's had only one partner is going to struggle with justifying her bad behaviour.

I think she did not cheat because of the values and morals in which she has been educated, but we've had some other times when I have been very disappointed in her.

There was this one time for instance in which we drove to the house in the mountains to attend a friends party, at first everything was cool but after a while she got really drunk and payed a lot of attention to another guy who was openly flirting with her in my face, at first I was polite but the guy was a complete ******* and even though I was in the conversation she was openly going through his hoops, I moved away from them and started talking and flirting with other girls while saying to myself "don't worry, you trust her", but I could not help to notice how the guy was starting to escalate, look for body contact, etc. In the end I grabbed her by the arm and took her home while having a huge discussion in the car, bringing up break-up. Maybe it was it was my fault for displaying beta behaviour at the time but its something which has deeply scarred: to be ignored by your girlfriend in order to pay attention to another guy, in your face. The next day she argued that she did not notice, and blackmailed me about the times when she had been disappointed in me.

That experience showed me a side of her which I could not even imagine existed and (this was 3 or 4 months ago) has since left me wondering if this is really the woman I want by my side.

 

[Desdinova]

she got really drunk and payed a lot of attention to another guy who was openly flirting with her in my face

It sounds like the issue was more with the other guy, but she would certainly deserve a scolding for going along with it.

You need to learn how to handle situations like that if your GF is a 9. You need to learn how to diffuse the situation confidently and without having things escalate. The good news is you're allowed to make a few mistakes in the relationship without destroying it.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

It sounds like the issue was more with the other guy, but she would certainly deserve a scolding for going along with it.

You need to learn how to handle situations like that if your GF is a 9. You need to learn how to diffuse the situation confidently and without having things escalate. The good news is you're allowed to make a few mistakes in the relationship without destroying it.

The GF has to support the diffusion effort because she can triangulate on her own man and make him look stupid.

 

[Julian]

Keep her around to fuk as long as shes not crazy and is being down for you. in the mean time just live that playboy life bro...too young to settle down with these hoes

also idk about you but guys i know typically dont lie about hooking up with a girl. if they say they did then you can assure they likely did. you even admit yourself during the time you were ignoring her for your studies.

and girls who lose their virginity to a guy DEFINITELY want to test out other c0cks...i dont buy into that pair ponding..eventually she is gonna want to stray

 

[Sho-No-Luv]

Keep her around to fuk as long as shes not crazy and is being down for you. in the mean time just live that playboy life bro...too young to settle down with these hoes

also idk about you but guys i know typically dont lie about hooking up with a girl. if they say they did then you can assure they likely did. you even admit yourself during the time you were ignoring her for your studies.

and girls who lose their virginity to a guy DEFINITELY want to test out other c0cks...i dont buy into that pair ponding..eventually she is gonna want to stray

^ Yep

 

[xstang77]

Stay vigilant man,like mentioned once you've been cheated on you get a gut feeling the next time around,one of my ex's we got together young and I was her first and she eventually cheated on me and turned into a slut with a vengeance afterwards.

 

[Francisco de Asis]

You mentioned both of you are well educated, academic achievement should be measured with success, not with grades according to a Harvard article. Be successful and go no contact and start dating other women, also many women don't see cheating as a big deal now a days.

I meant well raised (I realise now, educated is a "false friend" with the spanish term). Yes I completely agree that academic achievement should be measured with success.

 

[Francisco de Asis]

Keep her around to fuk as long as shes not crazy and is being down for you. in the mean time just live that playboy life bro...too young to settle down with these hoes

also idk about you but guys i know typically dont lie about hooking up with a girl. if they say they did then you can assure they likely did. you even admit yourself during the time you were ignoring her for your studies.

and girls who lose their virginity to a guy DEFINITELY want to test out other c0cks...i dont buy into that pair ponding..eventually she is gonna want to stray

You probably dont lie because you dont have the need. This is what I've been told happened.

My girlfriend is out clubbing with a friend, her friend sees a guy she knows and who she has sexual interest in, he is with his cousin, thy approach and they start speaking to each other, the guy later isolates the friend and the other girl is left alone with the cousin, she is uncomfortable but does not want to go look for her friend (who is with the guy she likes) and interrupt them. The cousin has no game and the conversation is dull, eventually he makes a move but she rejects him, goes look for her friend and leave. Her friend has indeed hooked up with the other guy.

Now imagine the other guy going to his cousin, telling him he has hooked up with the girl and asking if he has done the same.

 

[Francisco de Asis]

It sounds like the issue was more with the other guy, but she would certainly deserve a scolding for going along with it.

You need to learn how to handle situations like that if your GF is a 9. You need to learn how to diffuse the situation confidently and without having things escalate. The good news is you're allowed to make a few mistakes in the relationship without destroying it.

Looking back I can imagine a dozen ways of ending their conversation without displaying low value myself but at the time I failed. Its ok though, next time I'll handle it as I should.

 

[PantyWhisperer]

When a woman is cheating, her strange behaviour isn't very subtle. You'll notice that something's very different about her. For the two times I found out I was being cheated on, the women suddenly developed new tastes in music, a switch in their favourite radio station, their patterns of going out were different, they had some very new hobbies that they were extremely excited about, they would get all dressed up for mundane occasions, and there's probably a few other things I don't remember.

The changes are noticeable if you're familiar with what your gf does and likes. We are creatures of habit and we generally don't embrace change very easily.

This is a golden nugget of truth. Always. On the flip side, I always coach those who wish to sneak and cheat, both genders, to always maintain activities that take you away from your partner and keep a pattern up of having things that you do with "friends" or other stuff, because that pattern of behavior can be used as cover for cheating. But if you are someone who never goes out and drinks with the guys or does anything on your own, if suddenly you start doing those things - that is pattern disruption and calls attention to you. Many men use golf or poker nights as structural cover for occasional or regular infidelity.

 

[WhiskeyTango]

When a woman is cheating, her strange behaviour isn't very subtle. You'll notice that something's very different about her. For the two times I found out I was being cheated on, the women suddenly developed new tastes in music, a switch in their favourite radio station, their patterns of going out were different, they had some very new hobbies that they were extremely excited about, they would get all dressed up for mundane occasions, and there's probably a few other things I don't remember.

This sent a chill down my spine! This is exactly what I have experienced...new music, new patterns of going out, working out twice as much than before, diet change, the b*tch even took up golfing!

 

[Prime_Beef]

Op- you are wasting a lot of time on this. Whether she cheated, or will again, or likes to chat up other men, point is you are not comfortable. Women who want you, care about you, want you comfortable. Don't assume because she was a virgin she's more likely to be loyal. Can go either way. Point is, you're not at peace with this one. Let it go unless you love drama. You've been with her long enough to know who and what she is. Drama is for immature people.

 

[YawataNoKami]

You probably dont lie because you dont have the need. This is what I've been told happened.

My girlfriend is out clubbing with a friend, her friend sees a guy she knows and who she has sexual interest in, he is with his cousin, thy approach and they start speaking to each other, the guy later isolates the friend and the other girl is left alone with the cousin, she is uncomfortable but does not want to go look for her friend (who is with the guy she likes) and interrupt them. The cousin has no game and the conversation is dull, eventually he makes a move but she rejects him, goes look for her friend and leave. Her friend has indeed hooked up with the other guy.

Now imagine the other guy going to his cousin, telling him he has hooked up with the girl and asking if he has done the same.

girls night out= excuse for women to go cheat on their husbands/boyfriends

 

[Julian]

You probably dont lie because you dont have the need. This is what I've been told happened.

My girlfriend is out clubbing with a friend, her friend sees a guy she knows and who she has sexual interest in, he is with his cousin, thy approach and they start speaking to each other, the guy later isolates the friend and the other girl is left alone with the cousin, she is uncomfortable but does not want to go look for her friend (who is with the guy she likes) and interrupt them. The cousin has no game and the conversation is dull, eventually he makes a move but she rejects him, goes look for her friend and leave. Her friend has indeed hooked up with the other guy.

Now imagine the other guy going to his cousin, telling him he has hooked up with the girl and asking if he has done the same.

IDK man..just feel like your girl has been sketchy. i think u created a very imaginary best case scenario situation in your head

 

[grayclif]

I think she did not cheat because of the values and morals in which she has been educated, but we've had some other times when I have been very disappointed in her.

There was this one time for instance in which we drove to the house in the mountains to attend a friends party, at first everything was cool but after a while she got really drunk and payed a lot of attention to another guy who was openly flirting with her in my face, at first I was polite but the guy was a complete ******* and even though I was in the conversation she was openly going through his hoops, I moved away from them and started talking and flirting with other girls while saying to myself "don't worry, you trust her", but I could not help to notice how the guy was starting to escalate, look for body contact, etc. In the end I grabbed her by the arm and took her home while having a huge discussion in the car, bringing up break-up. Maybe it was it was my fault for displaying beta behaviour at the time but its something which has deeply scarred: to be ignored by your girlfriend in order to pay attention to another guy, in your face. The next day she argued that she did not notice, and blackmailed me about the times when she had been disappointed in me.

That experience showed me a side of her which I could not even imagine existed and (this was 3 or 4 months ago) has since left me wondering if this is really the woman I want by my side.

I would waited for them to disappear together and then I would have left. Huge sign of disrespect here.

 

[PantyWhisperer]

girls night out= excuse for women to go cheat on their husbands/boyfriends

Absolute truth half of the time. The other half of the time, they are knotted up in their girl posse on the dance floor and no PUA could penetrate their estrogen shield. A pack mentality **** block, even for the single ladies on a GNO.