Chasing vs Nexting

[mr. kennedy]

I always have this debate with my buddy. He's a chaser and does pretty well with women. I'm the opposite, I next as soon as I feel disrespected. Here are 2 recent examples where my buddy believes I nexted way too early:

Girl #1

We meet on a date. She is giving me IOIs. We make out. She calls me later that night to know if I got home safe. I cut the call short to 5 minutes and tell her we'll speak soon.

The next day I text her if she's free the following night.

Her: I don't know yet....I never plan anything in advance lol. Even for a day before lol.

I delete her off my phone. That was a lame answer, especially that we planned date #1 3 days in advance. Someone that was interested would either say yes or propose another day.

Girl #2

We chat for 5 minutes on OKCupid before I ask for her number. She gives it to me without any fight. 2 days later I text her (it was Friday):

Me: Surviving your week so far?
Her: lol..Getting there. Have my Christmas party later tonight.
Me: Have fun. Are you free tomorrow night?

No answer for 24 hours.

Me: I guess your answer was no...lol
Her (2 seconds later): Sorry for not answering, was super busy last night.

I delete her. First, I don't believe she was so busy that she couldn't answer a simple text. Second, she never answered my question. I wasn't talking about last night, I wanted to know if she was free the next night.

My buddy believes I'm too quick nexting. Says I should chase the girl, that women want to feel wanted. Am I too quick on the trigger?

 

[CuddleJunkie]

I would have try it with the first girl, not with the second.

 

[Misrah]

I think you did the right thing.

You are brad Pit. You text either of those girls, and they are going to ****ing drop everything for you. If they really can't make a date with brad pit- they will sure as hell let brad pit know when and where they can make that date.

They certainly would find time to send a 5 SECOND text to brad pit during the day if something came up.

Stay strong- when neither of those two girls text you back next week (with a strong time / place and date txt), you will know that you just saved yourself a ton of time and effort.

 

[Building_and_Loan]

I always have this debate with my buddy. He's a chaser and does pretty well with women. I'm the opposite, I next as soon as I feel disrespected. Here are 2 recent examples where my buddy believes I nexted way too early:

Girl #1

We meet on a date. She is giving me IOIs. We make out. She calls me later that night to know if I got home safe. I cut the call short to 5 minutes and tell her we'll speak soon.

The next day I text her if she's free the following night.

Her: I don't know yet....I never plan anything in advance lol. Even for a day before lol.

I delete her off my phone. That was a lame answer, especially that we planned date #1 3 days in advance. Someone that was interested would either say yes or propose another day.

Dude seriously? You asked out a girl the very next day after a first date?

She nexted you, not the other way around.

 

[Young OG]

Dude seriously? You asked out a girl the very next day after a first date?

^^^I agree with this.

I also think you nexted her to fast. I do this too. I just nexted one for something simple lol. The second girl I would have nexted.

Chasing is usually not worth it. I have never really had luck with it in the past. If they like you, they will make it easy for you. Once I swallowed the red pill and found SS, I never chased a woman again. I think it makes you look like you have no options and shows desperation.

 

[dustmuffin]

You can have say a three strikes rule. Try three times and out. Don't chase. Chasing is needy. Come up with your own system that fits you and use it. I usually believe that every word that comes out of a woman's mouth is a lie. Occasionally it might be the truth. So she might be cleaning her aquirium saturday night.

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

Your patience and timing was poor on both.

1) A bird on her Christmas party is actually busy. So fck off. Plus your SECOND text of 'I guess your answer was no' is negative and insecure. If a girl tells me she's busy, pfft, I text her the next week.

2) First bird sounds dumb as fck. Be a bit more savvy when you meet people and work out who they are.

 

[NSX-R]

Always give a second chance dude, we are only humans in the end. Who do you think you are that everything is going to be as planed, chill out

 

[logicallefty]

I wouldn't have done the "guess the answer was no" text. Would have went ghost on both, #1 for being inconsistent on "planning ahead: and #2 for not answering... I would have given each of them 1 more chance if they initiated again and seemed genuinely interested.... If not, no harm no foul nn nnn nnn neeeext...

 

[almostaristotle]

i think you had a real good chance with the first 1 and you could have kept the 2nd on hold for about a week.

this so close to my case here, you should come and leave me a reply there.

 

[Huffman]

I always have this debate with my buddy. He's a chaser and does pretty well with women. I'm the opposite, I next as soon as I feel disrespected.

I know a guys like that as well. They're suckers, they chase hard, they get girls. WTF?

To be fair it's good to experiment sometimes, so you learn something new. I was at a party, had IOI and made out with a girl who then grew cold and even started having long conversations with another guy. Me being me, I'd just be "distant and aloof" but this wasn't getting me anywhere. I butted into the convo, talked to the guy, he ejected and I took the girl outside. Happy ending. Lession learned, when disrespected, sometimes you gotta be persistent vs breaking off immediately.

Not sure if chasing would have helped in your case, just wanted to touch on the general topic.
Then again - it may be an ego problem. If you don't care, why not chase for another day? You can still next later. I dimly remember that "make the ho say no" proverb from ancient times

 

[mr. kennedy]

I was at a party, had IOI and made out with a girl who then grew cold and even started having long conversations with another guy. Me being me, I'd just be "distant and aloof" but this wasn't getting me anywhere. I butted into the convo, talked to the guy, he ejected and I took the girl outside. Happy ending. Lession learned, when disrespected, sometimes you gotta be persistent vs breaking off immediately.

People here underestimate how often this happens. I would have nexted and would have missed out on the opportunity.

 

[fastlife]

I used to be the type to next a girl for taking too long to text back or the slightest sign of 'disrespect,' but eventually you realize that you are literally filtering for Cluster B nutjobs--those are the girls who'll chase you from the drop and drop all of their nonexistent social lives and recognize 'how awesome you are' even though they don't really even know you at that point. But you're a top notch guy and your ego deserves nothing but the best, right?

The truth is that you're still needy--now you just have an illusion that you're in control because you've discovered the power of nexting. But the problem is you're projecting your lack of options onto these girls. Try having 3 or 4 girls all trying to hangout every night and a bunch of friends; you're not gonna text that girl you had a first date with the night before while you're at your Christmas party even if you do have your phone on you. I don't care if she's a 10/10; when you have things you're doing with your life she's gonna have to prove her value.

At this point, I filter for girls that have full social lives; that aren't needy; and that let me control the pace. That means that I'm usually the one pursuing, the one initiating, which is good because I don't need a girl trying to disrespect me by assuming I have the time to drop everything and text her every night or hang out with her again because we went on one date. I don't want a girl who needs me or who's waiting by the phone 24/7--**** that. Especially when you just met 'em; I appreciate girls that let me do the pursuing, who are careful with their emotional investments and let me prove my value at my own pace--they're the ones ultimately worth having.

 

[mr. kennedy]

Update

Girl #1 texting me one week after I went NC. Wanted to know how I was doing. At first I didn't know who it was as I deleted the contact info. She proposed we meet tomorrow, I declined and said I was busy. We made plans for next Wednesday. So much for never planning something in advance. Just shows the excuses women make are BS.

 

[SmooveMooves]

Dates too far in advance. You're increasing chance of flake

 

[Huffman]

Dates too far in advance. You're increasing chance of flake

Agree, but what's the alternative? I'm really busy, how to keep a girl hot if it's 1+ weeks away?

 

[SmooveMooves]

Agree, but what's the alternative? I'm really busy, how to keep a girl hot if it's 1+ weeks away?

What I usually do is tell them, I'll hit them up (whatever day they're/you're free) with plans.

But you already set the date so that's off the table.

When I'm swamped like you are or most people are around this time ---Happy Holidays everyone----- I just do real quick, what I call: "touch base" meetups with chicks.
Which goes like this: I explain that I'm busy but still really enjoy seeing the chick. I explain that I'm going to come see them even if it's for a bit. (20-30 mins) I drive where they are and play it high energy, escalating, flirting, joking pushing hard (but smoovely). I make them wanna have sex and If I have to go, I go. And If it ends up getting there well... surely I can spare and extra 35 mins right?

This is just tips for future reference though you already set the date so you just have to hope she doesn't flake. Unless you want to revert it and try the 'touch base' method which can be easily done by texting her and random day and saying:

Hey, I'm still swamped and think I might have to cancel. But I really still feel like seeing you. I have a 35 min time span open today. You down?

 

[stevo]

I wouldn't have done the "guess the answer was no" text. Would have went ghost on both, #1 for being inconsistent on "planning ahead: and #2 for not answering... I would have given each of them 1 more chance if they initiated again and seemed genuinely interested.... If not, no harm no foul nn nnn nnn neeeext...

Exactly.

Many dudes keep forgetting, she has the ability to initiate conversation too.

You did not do anything wrong, I personally delete the number from my contacts after I send the first intro text.


Good frame. Don't double text.

 

[nismo-4]

Dates too far in advance. You're increasing chance of flake

OP, take this into account. Also, being distant and aloof only works if the girl is really into you.

Also, you can't next a girl you haven't f**ked. That's just you recognizing disinterest and moving on. Which is good.

Don't chase. A lot of people confuse chasing with confident persistence. You persist with a new girl, cuz she really doesn't know you that well yet. You give 2 strikes MAX. Depending on the offense, you can use the 1 strike rule, if it's a serious offense.

You need to show you have more options, and actually have options, with the latter being more difficult. Another thing, your success with any girl depends on this:

You have control over:
1. Your game
2. Your value
3. The interaction

You have no control over:
1. Her emotional needs i.e. you want sex, she wants a boyfriend or beta orbiter
2. What phase of her life she's in
3. Her IL
4. Circumstance

It's all about the end. Are you with her at the end of the day? If you're not getting what you want, and you like her enough, keep her on the backburner Otherwise, accept that the interaction failed and try again with another girl. Oh, and if she's rude, delete her from all platforms.

Don't forget to escalate sexually. It may get you rejected, but at least not friendzoned. That's how you show you won't be an orbiter.

And her actions speak louder than words. Always keep that in mind.

That's my ruling, hope it helps.

Case closed.

 

[mr. kennedy]

I'm fully aware that dates too far in advance has a higher chance of flake, but I won't cancel plans I already have for anyone I haven't f*cked yet. She seemed into me, we talked on the phone for 10 minutes today and giggled at every silly thing I said. We made out on the first date so I think it can been clearly established that I'm not looking to be her buddy.

And for the record, I continue to keep my options open by interacting with other women.