Changing personalities / transforming

[Arts]

Hi guys. I need some advice. I'm currently in the process of trying to change from an AFC to a real man.
I'm finding it difficult to get past the mental habits of an AFC. When you are out there in the real world, without the safety of a computer monitor, how did you break free of your AFC thoughts and actions?

I'll give you some examples of what I do daily:
1. Automatically take a step back whenever a girl even so much comes near me.

2. Constantly fearing rejection, embarasment, etc...

3. Stressing out about how "wimpy" my Asian voice sounds. (which allbeit isn't true; it's just in my head.)

4. Most significant: fidgeting. Whenever I feel like people are poking towards or are around me, my body language always switches to anxious. Seriously it can be seen from a mole away.

5. Freaking apologizing for stupid things! like one time I dropped a girl's book while handing it to her and she said "nice..." which I reacted by nervioisly apologizing twice

so I think my problems are just basically being too hard with myself, being uncomfortable around people, anxiety, and inexperience.

What can I do to fix that in public?

What are some techniques you used to transform yourself?

 

[killahpl]

While this may sound somewhat radical and/or silly, I'm gonna write it anyway, because it has helped me more or less eliminate the problems you described in the first three points:

Just watch a movie with a guy who's acting super confident; don't watch it like just another flick, but really try to get into the guy's head, think what it has to be like to have an attitude like that, I mean really analyze how people respond to him.

The thing that did it for me? If you watch wrestling, I recommend checking out some vids of the wrestler Shawn Michaels in the group Degeneration X, only has it be from around the time of '97-98.

Study this guy, think what it must be like to be him, although I don't really recommend that you copy this guy's exact behaviour, the attitude behind it is gold.

Whenever I get that weird feeling like something's pushing down on my chest, I pretend I'm that guy (on the inside) and POOF! Anxiety gone.

With regard to your voice, you can practice this; try talking in a really manly voice (that Michaels guy is another good example); again, don't talk like that in public, but after a while of your practising at home, your voice will naturally adopt a more manly tone.

With regard to apologizing, just freakin' stop! Don't do it, force yourself if you have to, it's a skill to learn not to do something you've been doing for a long time, but after a while, it becomes natural.

Hope that helps.

 

[PRMoon]

You're experiencing common problems. You just have some anxiety issues which should be easy to cut out. We'll have you fixed up in a jiffy.

First of all stop talking to yourself. This is a horrible habit. Unless the voice in your head sounds of a deep baritone voice that says "you da maaannn" and "awwwweee yeeeahhhh" then the voice in your head has to go. It makes you nervous and you lose your battles before you even fire a single shot. From now on every time you find yourself talking to yourself you must instantly think of a song in your head. Any song any time it happens. Do this all the time and the voice in your head will go away. You have to keep at it though because it will not be easy.

Secondly don't over think stuff anymore. I'll be honest when i say you aren't special enough where people actually listen to what you're saying anyway. So putting stress and emphasis on thinking about what you're saying to people is a big waste of time. Just say whatever's on your mind..you know within reason. Don't start spouting off racial slurs or callin the girls softball team d*kes or anything like that because that will get you killed. You have funny things to say all the time you just think about it and either rule it out as stupid or worry about non existent consequences. Either way you're taking yourself out of the game.

Lastly (for now) start to smile more and talk to as many people as you can. Girls guys it doesn't matter just a smile and a "hey how's it goin" to a few people will open all kinds of doors for you as long as you start to actively talk to people. Now i'm not gonna lie some people are gonna be a little weirded out and that's fine because there are some people who are just as anti social as you are. Don't sweat it because fortunately their opinion counts for as much as yours does. On the other hand some people actually like being spoken too and a quick smile and a hello will go a long way for them in their day. You might even make a friend or two and get a date!

Anyway start with that and post some field reports back here about your success and we'll go from there.