Cant read this girl...need some advice!!

[ink_wizard]

Hello all,

So for the last 3 months ive been seeing this girl whose 12 years older than me, shes 41 and im 29. She's a single mom with 2 kids in early 20s who have moved out of home. She's very physically attractive for her age and we seem to have a lot in common and have an amazing connection. We arent officially in a relationship yet, just casually dating, I know for a fact im the only person shes seeing as she's told me she was never interested in getting back in to the dating game untill she met me. So we are seeing where things lead to as we both have been hurt in the past with rushing into relationships too quickly, so we are both content to go slow.

We havent slept together yet, she has a lot of self respect and morals and wants to wait. I respect her wishes although it kinda frustrates me at times being the h0rny bugger i am...But we have kissed, cuddled, held hands etc...We go to dinner or hang out when we can which is usually once every fortnight at this stage, was once a week before but she has taken on more hours at work recently because she needs the money. She has a busy schedule with her job and is very career minded so shes usually always working or too tired to do anything...I can understand that, but im starting to notice some red flags or some causes for concern which i dont know if im analyzing things too much or too caught up in this...

Whenever we hang out, she constantly flirts with me, and cant keep her hands off me, we always end up having a great time together, always kissing and cuddling which is usually initiated by her and she would come home and message me and tell me how much of a good time she's had and acts totally in to me and cant wait to see me again. But a few days later, she comes across as distant and doesnt talk that much and i always seem to be the one messaging her first everyday, she rarely ever messages me first. I understand she has a life outside of me and she does work long hours but in the beginning she would flirt with me more over text, message me first, engage in phone conversations with me which have led to phone sex a few times....but recently the last few weeks, we rarely ever sext or have phone sex and she rarely flirts with me via text like she used to, we just mainly talk about work and other boring sh1t....I dont understand if shes losing interest or trying not to get too attached to me??

She has planned a lunch date for us this weekend which i have accepted and i am not sure whether to bring these concerns up or just let it go? Ive also noticed im starting to get really attached to her and starting to develop feelings for her which scares the hell out of me...Im also sick of always being the one to message her first everyday.....Can you guys stick some sense in to me, and tell me how to back off and stop being a clingy needy b1tch!!! Which is what i feel im becoming...I dont know whether i am over analyzing sh1t or if she is still interested in me? I really dont want to get attached to someone whose not as in to me as i am in to her, therefore i need some help and encouragement in backing off! What do you guys think??

 

[shesabranchswinger]

I think your going to get the spin plates speech from most on here and I would agree to some extent. Unless your in a place where you want to or need to go into monk mode to work on yourself or something.

Sounds like she's looking for a friend on a leash not a relationship. Women in their 40s that have kids and do not put out by the 5th date is a red flag for me. It's not like she has not had sex before her kids are proof and you have been with her 3 months that's more then enough time to get comfortable enough with someone.

I personally would pull back a bit and stop the phone sex and always contacting her first till I got real sex if I were you. To be honest I would have been spinning plates and let her know I was if she asked. With most if not all single moms you are last in line. First comes the kids then comes her life then comes you. If you can't handle the possibility of that you might want to plan your exit strategy.

 

[Thorninmyside]

3 months and not boning is a really long time, and even though it was her idea, the lack of escalation is probably getting boring for her too. I mean, where else can a hand holding, kiss and cuddle relationship go except Boresville?

 

[shesabranchswinger]

Yeah the only way I could justify that is some sort of religious views. Or she's a virgin either of which I try to steer clear of those. But your average American 41 year old female in a big city that has not put out by then it's either you have not escalated or she's not interested. Keep in mind 40s is when a lot of women get wet when the wind blows.

 

[ink_wizard]

She has told me she was in a physically abusive relationship before me and doesnt want to rush in to anything....Whenever i try and steer the conversation towards sex she will cut it off by saying shes not ready to go there with me yet and if i get frustrated it will turn into a huge argument about me being "impatient and not respectful". Its only been like this for the last month really. Before that we would sext/talk dirty not like everyday but way more then what we are now...And she would always ask when she could see me next...Now none of that..Yet whenever we are together we are always making out, holding hands and she's enjoying herself. Also if i tell her im spinning plates, i know she wont like it and i dont want to lose her.

I really do like her and as i said i am developing feelings for her which is scaring me but i feel like things have dropped off this past month....Shes always busy with her own life or working/too tired and doesnt talk about much apart from her life and work...But she initiated our lunch date this weekend so i dont get it if she were losing interest?....

 

[lizardking82]

Lunch date? Dude, escalation is the main and most basic process which lets you understand how well you're really doing with a woman and how interested she really is in you. When she's doubtful about your escalations, she's doubtful about your value. When she rejects them, she's just stringing you around so stop letting her do that.

The fact she was sexually assaulted before is not your responsability. I say stop dating this damaged girl, let her solve her problems on her own.

 

[dustmuffin]

You are her gay bf she likes to cuddle with. Don't talk about sex you just do it. I was on a second date last week and She said I wasn't getting any sex. It took an hour of trying but I finally got her pants off and did the deed. You need to be more aggressive. Plus stop texting her so much. If I were you i would move on if I didn't get sex soon. You are just setting yourself up for heartbreak. She seems to be wearing the pants in the relationship. Less talk and more action.

 

[shesabranchswinger]

Sounds like you have a captain save a hoe mentally or a save all the animals mindset and that's not a bad thing for humanity or a knock on you it's just an internet observation. That is not a position I would ever put myself in personally. Since I know the sad fact is no one can save a woman from herself she has to save herself. And as nice as it would be to have all the dogs at the pound released or world peace that will never happen. Until 3 men can simultaneously stare into each other's eyes at the same time, something's are just impossible.

If you choose to stay with this woman she may never get back to 100 percent and that's fine but that's her lifes journey are you sure you want to make it yours. The longer you stay is the more damage you will end up doing for both of you guys if you leave down the road.

If you do choose to stay it sounds like you need to back off and relax go back to acting like you were acting 2 months ago and expect to not get sex for another 3 months or so if at all. If your cool with that then stick around with her.

 

[sazc]

3 months? No sex? W.T.F.!

So you to are hanging out, you are taking her on dates, paying for $hit, and 90 days later she STLL isn't comfortable enough to sleep with you? And then, when you try to express how you feel, how you see the situation, she waves your feelings of, negates you, and gives you some total BS line about being IMPATIENT?! NOT RESPECTFUL!?

As a 41 year old female, she is lucky to have you. She is the one not being respectful. She's playing you, either overly, or she's to messed up in the head to achieve intimacy. You to go NC and move on. What you have described is ridiculous. 90 days later and she still can't figure it out? She needs therapy.

 

[sazc]

You're 29 man! You should be having LOTS of sex with someone you have been dating for three months.

Don't pick females with problems!

 

[bigneil]

OP, you are desperate if you are going for a woman that old with kids. At 29 you can date women of ANY legal age with NO SHAME! Date 18 year old women, and hit the gym!

Sounds like you have a captain save a hoe mentally

You're upgrading her to ho? She's too old to be a ho.

This is degeneration. OP is crawling into an old, decrepit egg shell instead of having farm fresh poached eggs on rye.

 

[lizardking82]

And that's an old, decrepit egg shell with standards, seemingly more standards than the OP @bigneil

 

[bigneil]

And that's an old, decrepit egg shell with standards, seemingly more standards than the OP @bigneil

How so? My girl is 21, loves her daddy, is super smart, is an artist, is a singer, has no kids, came from a great family, went to a private school, quit stripping to do modeling, turned down a job in Las Vegas, and has no diseases. She's my dream ho.

 

[Glassguy]

You lost me at she is older, has kids and isnt giving it up.

Not sure why you are still talking to her.

 

[RangerMIke]

Sorry. I stopped reading after your first sentence. Why are you pursuing women that are hitting the wall, when you are 29? If the answer is that you don't think you can do better, then you need to work on yourself. I date women in their early 40s, but I'm FIFTY. Have more respect for yourself.... raise your bar, trust me you can do better than this.

 

[wifehunter]

 

[kronreiff]

OP, drop the closed legged jalopy and get with it. You're 29 with endless potential! What are you doing with an old broad with 2 kids that won't spread em? Hit the gym, spin some plates and start living!

 

[darksprezzatura]

Did you say you are clinging to a post - wall single mom with two kids who's not putting out.
Did someone say mommy issues?

Stop wasting your time and approach other women. Escalate to gauge interest.

Don't talk about sex, that's one mistake I made and learnt. Go gorilla Nike and just do it.

This woman can't be anything but a plate or a PnD.

 

[CMNILS87]

Omg dude. You're practically begging for sex and she knows it. You're totally in her frame and she knows she's in control. The only way to win is to walk away and go no contact. It's for the best. If this was a true relationship, she'd be begging for sex everyday and want your cuddling.

 

[Billtx49]

Walk away. It sends her a clear message that you are Not some puppy dog she can keep around for her amusement only.