Can you ever let your guard down, if your going for LTR?

[mackdaddy27]

Let me ask you a quck question,
If your pursuing a girl for the long tmer
Is there ever a time when you can let your guard down
I mean, say you’ve talked for a week or two , can you start to
Start giving her time, not being so busy, calling her, lose the challenge/frame , or will that appear
Needy ? Do you get some lenancy?

 

[ARrocket]

I think you just have to read each girl separately....and how high her IL is I suppose.

I'm in the same situation myself.

 

[sosilky]

check out number 5 in this thread http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=139830

 

[DavenJuan]

let me make something very very clear....

YOU CAN NEVER PUT YOUR GUARD DOWN.... EVER!

the cost of being in a LTR is that your primary goal is to NOT become complacent. when you start to get comfortable is when complacency starts to peak its ugly head

why do you think marriages that end in divorce after 5 plus years is because they became boring, complacent, typical.

and by no means do i say this meaning this is to keep her satisfied. this should be for your OWN self gratification.

but also remember this as well...

when you are doing these different things in the beginning. they should not be a "game" or "tactics" .. these things should actually be "accurate" scenerios.

you SHOULD be busy from time to time
you SHOULD be a chase (especially since you are the great catch)
you SHOULD be doing other things instead of running to call her everyday

these things should be a makeup of your overall personallity and therefore not be able to change in the long run.

 

[randalll]

I think you just have to read each girl separately....and how high her IL is I suppose.

I'm in the same situation myself.

me too, and i agree, each girl's different. this one seems to like afc guys, hmm

 

[Mavrick]

You have to make sure that you have a line of respect that must not be crossed. You also must have the willingness to walk away at any moment. It keeps you from being weak and meek. You want to show that you are ok being alone. You cannot be in a happy relationship until you're happy being alone. That means that you are happy with yourself, and not seeking others for that happiness which means that you are ok with walking away if it ever comes to it.

Don't get into an LTR to fill some sort of void. Let her add to your happiness, and it will last for a long time. A woman who becomes your source of happiness will soon leave you, but she will first walk all over you and abuse you.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Strange thing to consider a LTR with someone if you're already gaurded with them.

 

[MacAvoy]

DavenJuan hit the nail on the head, no need for further clarification beyond that.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

DavenJuan hit the nail on the head, no need for further clarification beyond that.

Although I agree with what DavenJuan said, it not about being guarded. Like he said, its about not becoming complacent. Being guarded is protecting yourself because you're expecting the worse, mostly defensive. Being non-complacent or in a more offensive or active role allows you to steer things in the manner you prefer. No need to worry about guarding anything if you're in charge of the situation.

 

[MacAvoy]

I agree with you Fransisco. However given the mindset of the original question, I think its best to keep it simple and merely say keep doing the things that are going to build attraction and that is by being busy, not being available 100%.

His questioning is typical AFC stuff, well if I'm going to enter a LTR with this women, can I throw out the DJ principles since I'm going to settle down with her type of thing. If you read his post closely, you'll see that. I didn't really want to point that out though, however you forced it out of me lol.

 

[DavenJuan]

Although I agree with what DavenJuan said, it not about being guarded. Like he said, its about not becoming complacent. Being guarded is protecting yourself because you're expecting the worse, mostly defensive. Being non-complacent or in a more offensive or active role allows you to steer things in the manner you prefer. No need to worry about guarding anything if you're in charge of the situation.

...AGREED

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

I agree with you Fransisco. However given the mindset of the original question, I think its best to keep it simple and merely say keep doing the things that are going to build attraction and that is by being busy, not being available 100%.

His questioning is typical AFC stuff, well if I'm going to enter a LTR with this women, can I throw out the DJ principles since I'm going to settle down with her type of thing. If you read his post closely, you'll see that. I didn't really want to point that out though, however you forced it out of me lol.

But is DJism about being guarded? Being guarded wouldn't really help a LTR. Sticking to what DavenJuan said (basically staying a DJ) helps more than it hurts, at least if it's authentic DJism and not a bunch or routines or "we just had sex last night, is it alright to talk to her this week?" type questions.

 

[MacAvoy]

Again I agree with what your saying but the OP isn't in an LTR yet. However I think we are arguing about semantics or maybe I'm not reading enough into the title of the thread. Whereas I'm looking at the content of the thread and I think your too focussed on the title and missing the content.

 

[DavenJuan]

Francisco- i think the term "guarded" is def. the wrong term to be using here. being a dj (MAN) Is to simply be yourself. be comfortable in your own skin (sexiually, intimately, socially) and not give a d*mn on what ANYONE else thinks about it.

so being "guarded" IMO is the complete opposite of what i was trying to get across. so i agree with your assessment.

MAC...

i think you are right on point. its not so much the words he is using but more importantly the content.

and i think fransisco sees that too. basically should i stop "trying" and become more available?"

NO.

the biggest issue that i saw with the OP is turn off/on his availability/Charm/etc.

these things should be embeded in you. not just some tricks you use.

of course that doesnt happen over night, but that should be the purpose.

 

[mackdaddy27]

Francisco- i think the term "guarded" is def. the wrong term to be using here. being a dj (MAN) Is to simply be yourself. be comfortable in your own skin (sexiually, intimately, socially) and not give a d*mn on what ANYONE else thinks about it.

so being "guarded" IMO is the complete opposite of what i was trying to get across. so i agree with your assessment.

MAC...

i think you are right on point. its not so much the words he is using but more importantly the content.

and i think fransisco sees that too. basically should i stop "trying" and become more available?"

NO.

the biggest issue that i saw with the OP is turn off/on his availability/Charm/etc.

these things should be embeded in you. not just some tricks you use.

of course that doesnt happen over night, but that should be the purpose.

thanks that what I was asking. I guess... even when shes attracted, you still have to keep up the frame even though you know each other otherwise its incongruent or a dlv.

 

[Latinoman]

Let me ask you a quck question,
If your pursuing a girl for the long tmer
Is there ever a time when you can let your guard down
I mean, say you’ve talked for a week or two , can you start to
Start giving her time, not being so busy, calling her, lose the challenge/frame , or will that appear
Needy ? Do you get some lenancy?

You adjust with time...but you NEVER lose the "positive masculinity" aspect of your life. Even if you are married to her for 20+ years. That's why "faking" things might work in the very short term...but at the end you get caught.

 

[DonGorgon]

Let me ask you a quck question,
If your pursuing a girl for the long tmer
Is there ever a time when you can let your guard down
I mean, say you’ve talked for a week or two , can you start to
Start giving her time, not being so busy, calling her, lose the challenge/frame , or will that appear
Needy ? Do you get some lenancy?

You must never pursue her for an LTR!!! You must go in initially for a casual interaction and a good F... Let her choose to pursue you for the LTR, and even when if she does that, dont give in to easy... make her work for it so she will value it more...... cause if you go in with the LTR mindset she will label you as lonely and needy, even if she is a good girl...

Yeh its hard to play this game when you meet the perfect woman but you have to do it and always keep at least 2 other F options open at all times... women love it when you have other PU$$Y..

 

[mackdaddy27]

You adjust with time...but you NEVER lose the "positive masculinity" aspect of your life. Even if you are married to her for 20+ years. That's why "faking" things might work in the very short term...but at the end you get caught.

this reminds me of a quote : ' an alpha gets the job the done now then and forever' not on select days.

 

[BeyondCharm]

You adjust with time...but you NEVER lose the "positive masculinity" aspect of your life. Even if you are married to her for 20+ years. That's why "faking" things might work in the very short term...but at the end you get caught.

I agree with Latinoman here, your identity and knowing of yourself becomes clearer over time. You grow into being a man as you better yourself. Being real and direct is acceptable and welcomed by women as long as you do it from the "male" perspective. You can be bold while exposing vulnerability as long as you have it planned all the way through. Do not be so guarded that you appear too perfect, show her some minor signs of openness, defects and harmless vices.