can platonic relationships last?

[monster squad]

I've become good friends with this girl that I've actually known for years, but only recently started hanging out with. She filed for divorce a month and a half ago on account of her husband cheating on her, so we've been going out a lot more. There was never any sexual tension between us, and I think that's why we hang out so much (she "hates" men for now, and I'm going through a self-imposed sabbatical after a nasty and lengthy run in with a group of AW's). We can be trashed, fall asleep in bed together, and nothing ever happens. But everyone thinks we're a couple now, and I think it might be getting to her, because she's been getting a little flakey all of the sudden. We'll make plans, then she'll cancel saying that she doesn't feel well. This happened twice in the last week, and it's becoming annoying, since I then have to make a few phone calls to get a hold of someone else, because I was looking forward to going out.

I'm not sure if I should start making less time for her or what. I like hanging out with her more than any of my other friends, but I hate getting a voicemail saying, "I can't go out tonight because (insert excuse).".

Your thoughts on platonic relationships?

 

[El MonoLoco]

Just move on for a while. Let her figure out her life first. She's probably got you stuck in the friends zone anyway.

 

[El' Waynos]

In a situation like this, how long should you wait before calling or messaging if they havn't?

 

[El MonoLoco]

Well if they haven't contacted you I guess just assume its over and move on....

simple

 

[monster squad]

In my case, she's the one who does most of the contacting. I usually only call to respond to voicemails or texts. When we do go out, she ends up spending most of the money, paying for my drinks, then paying for breakfast in the morning. She usually insists on it being this way.

I don't know. Maybe she is being completely honest when she cancels on me. She has been drinking a lot (drinking everynight is nothing to me, cause I'm a ****ing champ!), and not eating right. She's lost a lot of weight (and she was only like 120-125 to begin with), because she either has no appetite or gets sick after eating. Her nerves are shot, and the divorce keeps getting uglier.

I don't know why I'm getting so lame over this. I'm just so used to people treating me like ****, that I'd hate to lose a good friend like her. I keep thinking that maybe I've outgrown my usefullness, or maybe all the things people say about us "being together" are getting to her and she's trying to put some distance there.

And I don't mind being in this friend zone thing. I have no agenda. I just like hanging out with her a lot. She's really intelligent and creative, and it's just cool to spend time with someone and not feel like I'm talking to an idiot. Not that I would reject anything more serious, but she would have to initiate that.

 

[OfficeSpace]

You are stuck in the friend zone and you are telling yourself to accept it! Get outta trying to get her and next her. Find another girl.

 

[monster squad]

*sigh*

No. I was friends with her before I saw any signs of trouble in her marriage, and as I do not get on other people's paths, it was never my intention to hook up with her. As a matter of fact, we became friends because of this. She took a liking to a friend of mine, and wanted to be around him, but soon realized that he was a stuck up prick who constantly tried groping her. The fact that she had more fun with me, and the fact that I never once hit on her, made her more comfortable around me. So now we're really good friends.

Like I said, we've slept together (as in actually sleeping) drunk many times, and the idea of taking advantage of the situation never once crossed my mind.

This is where my original question comes from. Why can't people just deal with the fact that we're just friends. It's like, if the two of us are always hanging out, we must be ****ing. Right?

(maybe I should make a topic on my current views about sex, and why I declared celibacy)

I'm just afriad that everyones comments have gotten to her, and she's now doubting my intentions, and that would be a shame.

 

[syemour]

If it is actually true that she does not want to be your friend anymore becuase of what other people are saying, then be thankful it is happening now instead of later.

People are going to say many things, some good, some bad, it is up to you, or her in this case as to how she is going to react to it.

I think that she is truely sick. But in time we shall see.

 

[JonJack]

Similar as your situation may be with mine, the girl that I'm friends with would never 'covertly' avoid me. If she did want to spend some time without me, she would tell me and I would bust her on it and laugh about it. Nothing serious and nothing to be mad about.

The thing with you and this girl is that she isn't exactly being totally forthright with you on her feelings. I'm sure she's feeling something now otherwise she wouldn't have just started avoiding you. This is an issue on her part, which you have little control over. You could ask her and probe for an answer, but this will depend on how well you know her and how well she will take it from you.

I know where you're coming from because with this friend of mine, if anything would to happen, she would have to initiate it too. I doubt it would happen with me, and that's why I can go after other girls and see her go after other people and it doesn't bother me.

The thing you have to realize though is that she is her own person. If you truly know her well, you would roughly know what she's going through and know how to handle the situation. Never believe for one second that she's wronging you in any way. As friends, you should accept how they are. If you really can't stand certain things about them, then you should just drop them. You should accept whatever she does as a friend. She could very well cut contact with you for a year, but if the time comes when you two should meet again, you should be glad to see her instead of pissed that she 'vanished'.

 

[xanderbaz]

Just move on for a while. Let her figure out her life first. She's probably got you stuck in the friends zone anyway.

I'm backing this one up. Move on, plenty of fish in the sea (or so they say).

 

[DJDamage]

GET OUT NOW!

This woman is a wreck. You are going to be dealing with alot of drama and be used up like an emotional tampon. It is only natural that you will start develop feelings for her but since she sees you more like her brother its not going to go your way.

As soon as she gets over herself and the divorce she will bring men over to fvck in her place and won't even remember you.

Read the Dj Bible and work on yourself so situations like this won't be common. Don't settle for less.

DJD

 

[mrRuckus]

because she's been getting a little flakey all of the sudden. We'll make plans, then she'll cancel saying that she doesn't feel well. This happened twice in the last week, and it's becoming annoying, since I then have to make a few phone calls to get a hold of someone else, because I was looking forward to going out.

I'm not sure if I should start making less time for her or what. I like hanging out with her more than any of my other friends, but I hate getting a voicemail saying, "I can't go out tonight because (insert excuse).".

Your thoughts on platonic relationships?

Why do you want to hang out with someone that lies to you? My friends whether im fcukin em or not dont lie to me. They tell me why they dont want to or cant hang out. They respect me enough not to give me some bull**** cause they know if they do ill call them on it and least get them to say "because of a reason i dont want to say."

 

[smoke city]

monster squad. you're supposed to be her FRIEND. she's going through a difficult period in her life...so she's probably going to be a little less attentive to you -- and probably needs support from you. The "next!" or "get out now!" bs advice you'll get here doesn't apply. Would you "next" your guy friends because they wanted to hang out w/ you less for some reason?
as long as she is showing you the basic respect you deserve...you need to stop thinking about yourself and show her some love.

 

[flexion_]

If you are posting here then this clearly isn't a platonic relationship in someone's mind. Platonic relationships = frendzone = emotional tampon. What ever name you choose is up to you.

 

[smoke city]

flexion has a point. you should consider your own motivations...if you're thinking of making this into something other than a friendship, you shouldn't. and you should get the hell out.

 

[diplomatic_lies]

What would you do if she was a GUY?

Now do the same thing.

A real platonic relationship between a guy and a girl, functions in the same way as 2 guy friends. No sexual tension, no emotional hangups, just 2 people who hang out, drink, and watch reruns of Jackass while eating pizza.