Nexus Polaris
Senior Don Juan
- Joined
- Feb 10, 2007
- Messages
- 452
- Reaction score
- 13
Okay, here's the deal. Like a lot of people here, I'm sure, I was an AFC for a very long time. I was wishy washy, acted like a doormat, and made all of my life decisions based on my feelings at the time rather than logic and facts. So consequently, I constantly made a lot of bad decisions.
The upside to this was that I was very passionate. I had things in my life that I thoroughly enjoyed and looked forward to everyday and every once in awhile when I would actually date somebody (though it was rarely anyone I was that into), I would constantly pull out all the stops for them. They became the center of my universe, and it became like a romance novel type experience for them. They loved it.
But during the long periods of time in between girls, I would become horribly depressed and dwell on all my negative thoughts and emotions. I became an obnoxious, whiny little emo bìtch. I lived my entire life based around "feelings."
When a friend of mine from high school who I hadn't seen in years came back into town two years ago (a guy who was a classic carpe diem, adventurous type) and was tragically killed unexpectedly, it got me thinking about a lot of things. What were the things in my life I wasn't happy with that I had been avoiding fixing? And the biggest and most obvious thing was that I wanted to be able to pull the women I was attracted to whenever I wanted them. And then I remembered this place.
Another friend of mine had told me about this place years ago, but I was in a committed relationship at the time, so I didn't think much of it. I never really checked it out. But after all that, it finally seemed like a good idea. So I started reading and posting here, invested in some of David D.'s stuff, discovered Mystery about three months before he blew up and became a household name (and then watched the Pick Up Artist religiously afterward), and just dove head first into this whole pick up community. I dedicated all of 2007 to learning pick up.
At first, it seemed great. When I could actually overcome enough of my anxiety to do anything with all of the knowledge I was learning, it seemed to partially work. Women who previously had not given me the time of day were suddenly paying me attention and giving me phone numbers. Girls who had previously just seen me as a friend were suddenly interested in dating me.
But I noticed a recurring theme. Once I succeeded at snagging their interest, I would constantly stress myself out about what to do next or whether or not I was going to be able to maintain that interest. I still suffered from extreme one-itis with every new girl I met. They were the center of my universe. I blew golden opportunity after golden opportunity because some of these girls would also be talking to other guys, and I was constantly worried about whether or not I could compete with those other guys. I was so worried about what I was supposed to do next that I couldn't just relax and be myself or really even have any fun at all. They weren't even people to me anymore. They were puzzles or math equations to be figured out and solved. It was ridiculous.
My whole world would crumble if one of them would decide to get into a relationship with somebody else. It was pathetic. I was giving every new girl I met a remote control to my emotions.
So I decided to make a new year's resolution for 2008 to take the entire year off from sarging to work on myself. Inner game. Building a solid foundation. Whatever you want to call it. I call it getting my head straight. As it turns out, I wasn't in any place where I needed to be worrying about women anyway. That was the least of my problems. I should have listened to my friends on that one. They were right. I was a head case with a million issues that needed to be fixed before I could contribute positively to anybody else's life. I had to stop basing my self worth on other people's opinions.
So I committed myself to fixing me. Ignoring women and just working on making myself a quality human being. And most importantly, getting control over my overactive emotions. The problem is that this seems to have worked too well.
This is where I get to the point of this post.
On the upside, I now no longer give a shìt what other people think of me. My self worth comes from me. Women are no longer the primary focal point of my life.
On the downside, I am now completely apathetic about damn near everything. I focused so much on not giving a fück that I don't really give much of a fück about anything anymore. Nothing makes me happy now. None of my old hobbies and interests keep me entertained anymore. Nothing new excites me. Even sex is boring to me now. I feel really bad for the girl I've been seeing because I'm just going through the motions. I'm totally not into it. And it has nothing to do with her.
So I guess what I'm asking is did I go too far? And if so, is there a way I can find a happy medium without going back to being uber whiny emo AFC boy again? Because I'd much rather stay where I am and be cold and unfeeling than go back to where I came from. But being this calloused sucks.
The upside to this was that I was very passionate. I had things in my life that I thoroughly enjoyed and looked forward to everyday and every once in awhile when I would actually date somebody (though it was rarely anyone I was that into), I would constantly pull out all the stops for them. They became the center of my universe, and it became like a romance novel type experience for them. They loved it.
But during the long periods of time in between girls, I would become horribly depressed and dwell on all my negative thoughts and emotions. I became an obnoxious, whiny little emo bìtch. I lived my entire life based around "feelings."
When a friend of mine from high school who I hadn't seen in years came back into town two years ago (a guy who was a classic carpe diem, adventurous type) and was tragically killed unexpectedly, it got me thinking about a lot of things. What were the things in my life I wasn't happy with that I had been avoiding fixing? And the biggest and most obvious thing was that I wanted to be able to pull the women I was attracted to whenever I wanted them. And then I remembered this place.
Another friend of mine had told me about this place years ago, but I was in a committed relationship at the time, so I didn't think much of it. I never really checked it out. But after all that, it finally seemed like a good idea. So I started reading and posting here, invested in some of David D.'s stuff, discovered Mystery about three months before he blew up and became a household name (and then watched the Pick Up Artist religiously afterward), and just dove head first into this whole pick up community. I dedicated all of 2007 to learning pick up.
At first, it seemed great. When I could actually overcome enough of my anxiety to do anything with all of the knowledge I was learning, it seemed to partially work. Women who previously had not given me the time of day were suddenly paying me attention and giving me phone numbers. Girls who had previously just seen me as a friend were suddenly interested in dating me.
But I noticed a recurring theme. Once I succeeded at snagging their interest, I would constantly stress myself out about what to do next or whether or not I was going to be able to maintain that interest. I still suffered from extreme one-itis with every new girl I met. They were the center of my universe. I blew golden opportunity after golden opportunity because some of these girls would also be talking to other guys, and I was constantly worried about whether or not I could compete with those other guys. I was so worried about what I was supposed to do next that I couldn't just relax and be myself or really even have any fun at all. They weren't even people to me anymore. They were puzzles or math equations to be figured out and solved. It was ridiculous.
My whole world would crumble if one of them would decide to get into a relationship with somebody else. It was pathetic. I was giving every new girl I met a remote control to my emotions.
So I decided to make a new year's resolution for 2008 to take the entire year off from sarging to work on myself. Inner game. Building a solid foundation. Whatever you want to call it. I call it getting my head straight. As it turns out, I wasn't in any place where I needed to be worrying about women anyway. That was the least of my problems. I should have listened to my friends on that one. They were right. I was a head case with a million issues that needed to be fixed before I could contribute positively to anybody else's life. I had to stop basing my self worth on other people's opinions.
So I committed myself to fixing me. Ignoring women and just working on making myself a quality human being. And most importantly, getting control over my overactive emotions. The problem is that this seems to have worked too well.
This is where I get to the point of this post.
On the upside, I now no longer give a shìt what other people think of me. My self worth comes from me. Women are no longer the primary focal point of my life.
On the downside, I am now completely apathetic about damn near everything. I focused so much on not giving a fück that I don't really give much of a fück about anything anymore. Nothing makes me happy now. None of my old hobbies and interests keep me entertained anymore. Nothing new excites me. Even sex is boring to me now. I feel really bad for the girl I've been seeing because I'm just going through the motions. I'm totally not into it. And it has nothing to do with her.
So I guess what I'm asking is did I go too far? And if so, is there a way I can find a happy medium without going back to being uber whiny emo AFC boy again? Because I'd much rather stay where I am and be cold and unfeeling than go back to where I came from. But being this calloused sucks.
