Can I salvage this?

[AJC]

Think I really blew a date recently, or at least the aftermath, and was wondering if anyone had any tips about a next move I could do to try to get it back on track.

My last relationship moved really fast and I guess I thought this would be the same, and I think I moved too fast.

Met this girl at work and at the end of a four hour shift I was definately interested. She was really cute, nice to talk to and laughed at pretty much everything I said. I left work shortly after but asked a friend still there is he could get her number for me. I was pleasantly surprised when I got a text from her asking me how I was, and that my friend had given her my number. I exchanged a couple of texts with her over the next day or two and then asked if she wanted to meet for a drink. She agreed and we set the date. We continued to exchange the odd text in the run up.

Met at 7:30, left her at midnight and we didn't stop talking all night. Lots of laughs, good body language, lots in common. When to 3 different bars but only had four drinks all night, so neither of us was too drunk (honest). Walked her home, went in for a kiss, got it (nothing prolonged), she tanked me for a lovely night, I said we're going to do it again? to which she said yes. I turned to go before turning back and pulling her back in for some more kissing. Walked home and sent her a jokey text about her walking me home next time, she texted back saying sorry and thanks for a lovely night again.

And that is the last time I heard from her and its over a week ago. I did text her the next day (I know, stupid) but a very mellow, open text. She got one on Friday two just prompting her to wish me a happy birthday and again no reply. I then texted her a third time the week after this time asking to meet again but still nothing.

Now I realise I may have fluffed my lines, been a bit too keen and not been mysterious enough, and contacted her too soon. Is there some way to rescue this? Or should I just give up on it and try to learn from it?

 

[Night Owl]

Learn from your mistakes and move on.... plenty more fish in the sea, cast your rod again !!

She thinks you wimp/midget or typical boring chump, don't waste your time and effort on her.

 

[Metro3pilot]

Can I salvage this?

probably not

Learn from your mistakes and move on

:rockon:

 

[decades]

send another text.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

send another text.

LMAO!!!!!! Wasn't expecting to see that when i was scrolling through the replies...


PIMP

 

[#41]

Delete the number and move on.

I have a fairly standard rule that, after two non-contacts (usually one phone call and then a follow up text a few days later), you're done from my phone book.

 

[Andy_Dufresne]

Met at 7:30, left her at midnight and we didn't stop talking all night. Lots of laughs, good body language, lots in common.

There's where you blew it. First date I assume? You didn't cut it off after an hour, and you were too agreeable.

Learn from it, and move on.

 

[romangod]

she tanked me for a lovely night,

There's your problem. When she tanked you then you were in trouble.



Cheers!

 

[jophil28]

And that is the last time I heard from her and its over a week ago. I did text her the next day (I know, stupid) but a very mellow, open text. She got one on Friday two just prompting her to wish me a happy birthday and again no reply. I then texted her a third time the week after this time asking to meet again but still nothing.

Now I realise I may have fluffed my lines, been a bit too keen and not been mysterious enough, and contacted her too soon. Is there some way to rescue this? Or should I just give up on it and try to learn from it?

Possible explanations...

*She has a B/f in Iraq and she used you for four hours of fun and ego inflation only.

* She loves leading men on and then cutting them off like this.
.
*She is a skilled player or a flatout AW.

*Your guy "friend" has knifed you in the back because he wanted to ****her all along.

* She just had a fun time with you BUT never wanted to really see you again. Women will agree to a second date even if they have do not want one, and then just avoid you when you contact them to set it up . Kind of weak, but that is their mosr popular tactic.

*Perhaps something has gone wrong in her life and she is unavailable- unlikely but perhaps you could explore her whereabouts thru your guy friend .

Four hours of laughing and talking ? THis is a good thing with some women and bad with others. Some women will be "on fire" after four hours of fun with AJC, others will be like a kid who is feelings bloated after four hours at Baskin Robins.

"Leave 'em wanting more", is generally good advice - it is hard to stop the date in mid-fun when all is good.

 

[#41]

There's where you blew it. First date I assume? You didn't cut it off after an hour, and you were too agreeable.

While I think having an hour cut-off mark is arbitrary, I do agree somewhat with this line of thinking.

On a first date in particular, unless you think a lay is a realistic shot, always be the one who ends the date first.

 

[speed dawg]

No.

 

[Vulpine]

she tanked me for a lovely night, I said we're going to do it again? to which she said yes.

This is just a part of the suspected action that has destroyed your chances with this chick:

You asked her if it was ok to have another date.

Right there, you showed her you aren't confident. Of course she'd have another date if you had fun, no need to ask - assume the sale. And, there are a lot of errors tied in with that. Calling afterwords and texting without getting the first reply demonstrates to her neediness and desperation.

Anyway, seeing as how this is your first post, I'm not going to speculate you have much knowledge beyond AFC, nor am I going to assume you aren't a DJ. Instead, I'll just urge you to visit (or re-visit) the Don Juan Bible which is linked at the bottom of this page. Read, and understand for yourself how and why you likely screwed this up.

To other posters who have read it, it's easy to see your mistakes and they mock you. Read the bible. Go, now, no more posting until you are finished reading.

Welcome, and, you're welcome.

 

[Sinistar]

You could think of it too the extremes (sorta following Jophil's post). On one end of the spectrum you just blew it. If that's the case you can't really recover as you've made your first impression and deep down you just won't ever do it for her. So in this case what do you do - literally - delete her number and texts and move on. Forget about her. The odds of this case are about 90% from what you described.

The other extreme is that something which actually merits an excuse such as a death in family, hospital, sickness, etc. But even in this case you need to let go and let it resolve itself because just one more call or text or email would erase any gains you had made.

So in either extreme you are really letting go. Not the kind of letting go where you're hoping it works as a tactic to get her back. Just plain erase all the info and move on. She'll live. So will you.

What you should watch for if she does come back - is how she comes back. Most likely her excuse will be very lame. If you gut twinges to her excuse just tell her no thanks. Trust me - her excuse will be lame and your gut will twitch.

 

[squirrels]

Reminds me of that Destiny's Child song:

It's not hot that you be callin' me
Stressin' me, pagin' my beeper
You're just non-stop
And it's not hot
That you be leavin' me messages
Every 10 minutes and then you stop by
When I first met you, you were cool
But it was game, you had me fooled
'Cause 20 minutes after I gave you my number
You already had my mailbox full

You can't worry about women, man. If she's down with you, she's down with you. If she's NOT, it's not because you didn't call when you should've called/text when you should've texted. More calls and more texts aren't going to suddenly "remind" her you're there and get her more attracted. This is like, SoSuave 101. A high-demand male does not send any one woman texts every day of the week. He is NOT longing for her company 7x24. He has options.

I mean, we've all lost our heads over a girl and done this kind of thing. So don't sweat it. But no, there's really not much more you can do to "salvage" this. Give it like 2 weeks. Give her a call then. If you get voicemail, leave a message and then DON'T call again.

In the meantime, I'd keep exploring other options.

 

[Colossus]

I think you guys are over-analyzing this.

AJC-- I think in general you were too eager. The notable mistake you made was texting her right after the date. Women will sometimes do this, but you never should, not matter how much you want to.

What is most likely the case is that you were a little too eager and she decided to put a stop on it the female way---by simply not returing your texts. It sounds like the date went really well, but my hunch is that she picked up on your eagerness and got a funny feeling about it. No big loss; you didnt waste a lot of money and at least you had fun.

Ive been on a lot of dates like this, where things went great and we had fun, then I made the mistake of texting her right after or asking her if I would see her again. Bad move. ALWAYS err on the side of playing it cool. Nothing turns a woman off faster than being too impetuous about things.

 

[SharpGame]

AJC-- I think in general you were too eager. The notable mistake you made was texting her right after the date.

Or texting her at all for that matter.

I only text for logistical purposes, i.e. "Where you at?", or occasionally I'll reply to one of her text with a closed-ended ****y/funny statement. And I always wait at least a half hour before I get back to her - not really on purpose, I am just usually in the middle of something more important to me than chatting with a girl like I'm in junior high school. Texting for the most part is for chicks.