Calling all REAL DJ's only. No AFC sh1t please.

[Weezy]

Fellas,

I'm tore the fvck up and about to stick a knife in my heart.

I really need the strait up truth here on what to do. This is the LAST time I will post on this subject.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Background. I'm not a DJ, only been here a month, but I've practiced "The System" for years and always lock down a relationship so that it's her chasing me, I can have as much sex as I want, they. They tell me they want a relationship first, they love me first, marriage, whatever.

Am I just being a huge AFC b1tch right now or do I have a case?

Everytime I've been dumped and chased I've gotten stra1t up punked. So I learned never ever to chase after being dumped and sometimes they come back.

My Situation:

I got dumped, 2nd time in a 3 year relationship. I dumped her first 2 times and 3rd time after I got back from her dumping me (for acting up, getting over emotional, threats etc.).

I know it's messed up, but we are two hard headed people.

When she dumps me it's because I don't give her enough attention. I own my own biz which has blown up in the last 4 years, so I work like 60 hrs a week. Plus the last couple of years I found golf and I threw myself into that in my spare time, she doesn't have really any girlfriends and I have a crew of guy friends so she feels left out alot.

Her friend always asked her when I was gonna marry her, and the EX was hinting quite a bit for the last 4 months of our relationship, up until about a month before the break I want to take care of you, you work to hard, etc etc...

Then we started fighting more, I threatened to break up with her 1x when she slapped me during a fight. And just basically pulled away even more. Well I pushed it too far. She was starved of affection, love and attention. All my confidence and challenge couldn't substitute for those basic feminine needs.

She started hanging out with guy friends more, going out more and I held strong. Then we went on a weekend vacation had had planned with my family. I f'd her like mad, was more affectionate, yah know AFC ish stuff, but she was digging it. When we got back it was like it was before she started to pull away for a couple of days. Then she started to flip out, and get all sad that I had been treating her soo good, and why had it taken 3 years etc... She broke up right before our 3 year mark, which I think was marked on her calendar as the longest she would wait for our relationship to step up to more commitment. Next thing she's ending it aftering cooking me a bomb dinner, in retrospect there had been breakup signals for a month.


SO

During the break I agreed with it and mentioned I'd thought of it too. She begged for several hugs then we went our separate ways.

Her Reasons:
She hates golf.
I always talk about my family and making money now so I can focus on my family in the future, but "she should be her family now".
She feels like she can't hang out with her friends.
I should be her life.
She can't waste anymore time in this relationship.
I've been great lately, but I treated her like **** for 3 years (whatever)


I've F'd a couple of chicks, one HB 8, and I just think of her while I'm fn them.. it's weak pathetic sh1t

Here is my question.

Does the fact that she wanted to get married have any, any, effect on my situation and possibly breaking NC to reconnect with her and tell her I'm ready to settle down? Can it work if I go back to her and say, baby, your the one, I'm ready to

OR does the fact that I neglected her to the point where she was interested in going out and hanging out with her guy friends (and very well could have been fvucking) mean that no matter what she said about marriage and wanting to take care of me mean that this breakup is the EXACT same as any other breakup and I just need to nutt up and go strait NC till I die otherwise I will just get hurt?

IS that just AFC ****? am I dreaming? Am I just trying to rationalize a way to get her back cause it's tearing my heart out?

If the marriage thing hadn't been such a focal point of her's, I wouldn't be asking this question, but I don't have any real life experience with this situation.

If I went back to her, and told her I'd marry her and she has a new BF, or is with one of her previous friends, or just strait up disses me it would b
I just see all their flaws and everything they don't do that she does.

It's been 60 days of NC

Thanks for reading.

 

[Ziniath]

I'm going to be very, very straight with you. If you're ready for that, read on, if not, don't read (you're going to read anyway aren't you... oh well, **** it).

You need to man the **** up.

Before you go interpretting that sentence above to mean a whole bunch of other ****, I want you to just read the sentence, as it is:

You need to man the **** up.

I'm not just talking about not contacting her, or being wishy-washy in the relationship, or whether or not you should marry her:

I'm talking about your whole life - all of it.

What are you running from that you throw yourself so fully in to tasks that you don't really enjoy so much.

I only say this because things in your relationship are ****. If you were 100% satisfied with your life, you would not have been so ambiguous in your relationship with your ex.

Have a look at it from her perspective: she has no ****ing idea who you are, because you are so inconsistent all the time. You make yourself unavailable to her, then when you need to feel good about yourself, you treat her like a princess and soak up the validation.

Who are you as a man?

What do you stand for?

What is your purpose in life right now?

Why aren't you able to be happy with only yourself as company?

Until you can answer these questions, and know your own peace, satisfaction, and fulfillment, you will always be dependant upon others for your own happiness and gratification. You will be incomplete, and think about compromising who you are as a man to lock a woman down so that you never have to feel like this again.


"Never underestimate your ability to change. Never overestimate your ability to change everybody esle."

I know this is tough love, but I get the impression that if you don't get it here, you won't get it anywhere, and you'll keep repeating the same mistakes and end up in a relationship you were never fully committed to in the first place: YOU are worth more than that, and so is the next woman you will be in a relationship with.

Sort your head out brother. Start to own the journey that you are on so that you have some form of control over it, rather than being a victim of circumstance that we so often become when we live our lives on auto-pilot.

I offer all of the above from a place of love, my friend. None of this is meant to be a personal criticism at all. If you are reading what I have offered in that way, then you are coming from a place where you believe you should be personally criticized.

This is not the place I come from.

I wish you the best, because the journey you're about to embark on is the most exciting: the journey where you really get to discover who you are as an incredible human being, rather than somebody who needs the validation of a woman to feel worthwhile.

Much love,
Zin

 

[sodbuster]

She has GUY friends? How about women friends? IF she has NO female friends-GTFO of that relationship. WOmen can spot trouble and not hang around it in 30 seconds[if it's not a guy] Just like we all know guys we spot as losers in 30 sec. have alot of Female companionship.but no guys hang around them. It takes the opposite sex longer to see the flaws the same sex can see immediately.
No female close friends? DROP HER NOW! There's some stuff going on your pursuit of pu$$y isnn't letting you see.

 

[trent81]

You are growing up. It's not good to treat someone you love like shivt. Eventually, they will grow out of it and leave you. Shake it off and find someone else. If the girl wants to get married, let her get married to someone who wants to get married. Don't hold her back. I was banging this girl for over two years, never even let her call me boyfriend. One day, I realized that I had to let her go, that it wasn't right. She deserved to be married to someone who loved her. I just wanted to fuvk her and do my thing. You chose your business over marriage, now live with your decisions and move on.

 

[Weezy]

Thanks for your posts fellas. I think I needed to hear some brutal truth about my sitch. I was pretty crunk when I wrote that post, but it was honestly what is going on in the struggle between my brain and heart.

I think you guys hit the nail on the head. I just need to get through this and get healed up so I can become my true self and not be dependant on a girl.

 

[AAAgent]

just keep on trucking man. it gets worse before it gets any better. You almost through the worst part. Keep yourself busy with constructive hobbies like reading, writing, gym, etc. Go out and meet new people through your social circles and work on bettering yourself during this time. Work on learning how to protect your heart in the future so sh!t like this doesn't happen again.

 

[tafakna]

IMHO, you lost a lot of respect by changing to please her. She knows who you are, how you behave, how you think...

Don't ever change who you are... People (both men and women alike) respect independent thinking.

If I were on your shoes, I'd had made clear that I was who I was, that I cared very much for her, but would not change for anyone... That is, even if you changed a bit, you should never say it...

Women get confused at the crossroads in their lifes. They start calling old boyfriends, and reevaluate their decisions. That's then you have to be yourself, show the best side of you...

Then she'll be back at some point (they always come back) knowing what YOUR terms are... and not making any demands on how you should behave...

 

[Weezy]

IMHO, you lost a lot of respect by changing to please her. She knows who you are, how you behave, how you think...

Don't ever change who you are... People (both men and women alike) respect independent thinking.

If I were on your shoes, I'd had made clear that I was who I was, that I cared very much for her, but would not change for anyone... That is, even if you changed a bit, you should never say it...

Women get confused at the crossroads in their lifes. They start calling old boyfriends, and reevaluate their decisions. That's then you have to be yourself, show the best side of you...

Then she'll be back at some point (they always come back) knowing what YOUR terms are... and not making any demands on how you should behave...

Yeah, I think the biggest problem was it was too sudden of a change.. But realistically, I needed to do something cause all the signs were there of a breakup coming. But becoming all AFC for a week didn't help.

If I had it to do over, I would have kept up being a challenge, and just given her more affection when SHE asked to hang out. Hindsight, live and learn.