nolongerawussy
New Member
- Joined
- Apr 23, 2015
- Messages
- 6
- Reaction score
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I've been dating this girl for 6 years.
When it began, I wasn't that attracted to her.
So I spoke to her however I wanted to, whenever I wanted to.
It was DJ on auto-pilot...because I really did not care if she liked me or not. Subconsciously, it didn't matter to me.. so my AFC attitude hadn't kicked in.
As you can guess, this made her ****ing crazy and wild about me. I had her without even trying.
We proceeded to date because we were both curious.
I started to like her a lot. I mean AAAAAAAAALLLLOT.
When we became officially bf/gf, AFC kicked in!
I became a wuss; submissive, conservative, all the works. SUPER NICE GUY.
Always asking her what she wanted to do and eat instead of planning because I cared about her wants/feelings too much because I liked her so much.
We broke up after 4 years over it
She'd tell me that I am not aggressive enough, not dominant enough, that she feels she is the man in the relationship and that she has to initiate things.
This was before I understood or knew about ANY of this DJ, alpha-male, AFC stuff.
So I was utterly confused. I didn't understand.
She hooked up with a guy she said was aggressive, etc, but they didn't have sex (supposedly).
About 5 months later, we got back together. We repaired the relationship (sorta). I took her advice on aggressiveness/dominance and started expressing my sexual desires for her and talked very dirty through text.
Needless to say this drove her WILD. We had sex the first date we got back together. She'd tell me "no more beating around the bush, etc, you satisfy me so good sexually etc"
ALRIGHT. So 2 years later, I morphed back into the wussy ****face before our breakup. I had stopped the dirty talking. I became submissive, conservative, ETC. THE NICE GUY. While being a nice guy made me her longest relationship partner, because she liked the respect, the how are you's the sensitivity (it was different to her), she also wanted a very dominant partner.
Guess what ? You're right. We broke up. And she told me these same reasons. That I was "closed off", conservative. "It's cool that we're similar (conservative personality, wussy, nice guy, AFC), but it's not. I want someone who takes charge. Please don't take it the wrong way, I'm not bashing you, it's just your personality. I know you can't help it. You're very sweet ,eTC ETC)
I found this forum 2 days ago and I've absorbed a few threads and it really has opened my eyes. I've been doing everything wrong.
We broke up 4 months ago. The first time we broke up we went into NO CONTACT for the whole duration. We started talking again at the end and just hooked up.
This time however, I gave her the power. I asked her if she'd wanted to still talk to me and of course she said yes. So we've been talking ever since. It's painful. It hurts. It's confusing. I express to her my feelings about her like every other day. I love you, I miss you. All the stupid **** I should have never said. (I GOT TO THIS DAMN FORUM TOOO ****ING LATE!)
I'd tell her my sexual desires of her, but she's not receptive to it.
So when I read this forum these past 2 days, I got really, really aggressive and got very sexual. I let go of my inner nice guy/AFC.
She gave me a " : O " face after I had texted her
I asked her whats that mean?
She said "shock"
me: As in a **** yes you'd love that type of shock?
her: idk..
and more idk's...
I said "is it because of where we're at?"
And she replied "yes" and gave me a sadface.
I kinda crossed the line prior to this a few weeks ago and told her that she ****ed up a totally working/happy relationship by dumping me. We were intimate, we spent holidays together and were happy not very long before the breakup. Obviously , this had been bothering her. She said it's just what felt right for her to do.
Guys. I'm so lost right now.
We're in our mid 20's . As she gets older ,will she lean toward the nice guy? Do I revert back to the nice guy? I know I need to find a balance in between , but HOW?!? How do I snap back into that mindset when I first met her and didn't give a care in the world what she thought of me?
Well, I had some personal probs with her as well..Here are some:
- We saw each other about 1-2x a month because of her work and school schedule, so sex wasn't really there. This occurred throughout the whole time of the relationship.
- When we held hands in public, when a guy would walk our way she'd get very nervous/insecure or something and let go. She's mentioned since the start that she isn't into PDA. But I don't know if that's relevent. She also gets nervous when another guy is present, when she's with me. Wtf is that all about? She's always been pretty insecure about herself, high anxiety type of person, but what do those actions mean...
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE help . I need so much of it.
When it began, I wasn't that attracted to her.
So I spoke to her however I wanted to, whenever I wanted to.
It was DJ on auto-pilot...because I really did not care if she liked me or not. Subconsciously, it didn't matter to me.. so my AFC attitude hadn't kicked in.
As you can guess, this made her ****ing crazy and wild about me. I had her without even trying.
We proceeded to date because we were both curious.
I started to like her a lot. I mean AAAAAAAAALLLLOT.
When we became officially bf/gf, AFC kicked in!
I became a wuss; submissive, conservative, all the works. SUPER NICE GUY.
Always asking her what she wanted to do and eat instead of planning because I cared about her wants/feelings too much because I liked her so much.
We broke up after 4 years over it
She'd tell me that I am not aggressive enough, not dominant enough, that she feels she is the man in the relationship and that she has to initiate things.
This was before I understood or knew about ANY of this DJ, alpha-male, AFC stuff.
So I was utterly confused. I didn't understand.
She hooked up with a guy she said was aggressive, etc, but they didn't have sex (supposedly).
About 5 months later, we got back together. We repaired the relationship (sorta). I took her advice on aggressiveness/dominance and started expressing my sexual desires for her and talked very dirty through text.
Needless to say this drove her WILD. We had sex the first date we got back together. She'd tell me "no more beating around the bush, etc, you satisfy me so good sexually etc"
ALRIGHT. So 2 years later, I morphed back into the wussy ****face before our breakup. I had stopped the dirty talking. I became submissive, conservative, ETC. THE NICE GUY. While being a nice guy made me her longest relationship partner, because she liked the respect, the how are you's the sensitivity (it was different to her), she also wanted a very dominant partner.
Guess what ? You're right. We broke up. And she told me these same reasons. That I was "closed off", conservative. "It's cool that we're similar (conservative personality, wussy, nice guy, AFC), but it's not. I want someone who takes charge. Please don't take it the wrong way, I'm not bashing you, it's just your personality. I know you can't help it. You're very sweet ,eTC ETC)
I found this forum 2 days ago and I've absorbed a few threads and it really has opened my eyes. I've been doing everything wrong.
We broke up 4 months ago. The first time we broke up we went into NO CONTACT for the whole duration. We started talking again at the end and just hooked up.
This time however, I gave her the power. I asked her if she'd wanted to still talk to me and of course she said yes. So we've been talking ever since. It's painful. It hurts. It's confusing. I express to her my feelings about her like every other day. I love you, I miss you. All the stupid **** I should have never said. (I GOT TO THIS DAMN FORUM TOOO ****ING LATE!)
I'd tell her my sexual desires of her, but she's not receptive to it.
So when I read this forum these past 2 days, I got really, really aggressive and got very sexual. I let go of my inner nice guy/AFC.
She gave me a " : O " face after I had texted her
I asked her whats that mean?
She said "shock"
me: As in a **** yes you'd love that type of shock?
her: idk..
and more idk's...
I said "is it because of where we're at?"
And she replied "yes" and gave me a sadface.
I kinda crossed the line prior to this a few weeks ago and told her that she ****ed up a totally working/happy relationship by dumping me. We were intimate, we spent holidays together and were happy not very long before the breakup. Obviously , this had been bothering her. She said it's just what felt right for her to do.
Guys. I'm so lost right now.
We're in our mid 20's . As she gets older ,will she lean toward the nice guy? Do I revert back to the nice guy? I know I need to find a balance in between , but HOW?!? How do I snap back into that mindset when I first met her and didn't give a care in the world what she thought of me?
Well, I had some personal probs with her as well..Here are some:
- We saw each other about 1-2x a month because of her work and school schedule, so sex wasn't really there. This occurred throughout the whole time of the relationship.
- When we held hands in public, when a guy would walk our way she'd get very nervous/insecure or something and let go. She's mentioned since the start that she isn't into PDA. But I don't know if that's relevent. She also gets nervous when another guy is present, when she's with me. Wtf is that all about? She's always been pretty insecure about herself, high anxiety type of person, but what do those actions mean...
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE help . I need so much of it.
