Buy plane ticket to meet girl for 2nd time?
- Thread starter Rocko90
- Start date
R
Rubato
Guest
Let me tell you from personal experience dude, you are treading on super thin ice!
One of the driving forces that brought me to this web site was the crashing and burning of a long distance relationship I had with a girl from San Diego.... and I live in Ohio!!!!!!
I met the girl on eHarmony. I was trying to find "the one", someone to marry and settle down with. There were many problems with the dynamic beyond the obvious, so let me give you the lessons I learned and maybe they can help you:
- The only interaction I had with this girl was a weekly Skype date we had, letter writing, phone calls, and texts. And while that sounds like a lot of communication, when I finally met her, I realized I had no idea who in the world she was.
- Towards the end of our relationship I found out her dad was rich, like mega mega mega rich. This girl is the most loaded person I have ever met, much less dated. As a result, she had this terrible princess mentality attention ***** thing going on. In hindsight, there were signs that came up I should have noticed when we were communicating, but it would have been MUCH easier to see if I were interacting with her in person.
- If you like this girl enough to consider spending $400 to go see her (and it's not really $400.... checked bags and who knows what else... rental car, hotel, food, dates, activities, ect... it will be expensive!), you like this girl an awful lot and know next to nothing about her. Consider your degree of emotional investment and how appropriate it is given the current context of your relationship. Forget about how much she likes you and don't even try and justify your level of investment and feelings based on her. Base it on something objective, since you really couldn't even know how sound this girl is anyways (unless you're a clairvoyant... and if you are, I've got some questions for you
Her dad bought me a plane ticket with the table scraps of money he had laying around and really, from the beginning the date was a disaster. We both had no idea who we were. Granted, we had been communicating for 5 months before we actually met so we were both a bit more invested than you might be, but given my experience I would sincerely warn you to be very cautious about this. You say you even have that feeling in your gut warning you about this... listen to Pook!!! Trust the gut!
I'm not saying this girl is trash... how could I? Neither of us know her well enough to say! But what you're essentially saying by pursuing a relationship with her is that you can't do any better wherever it is you're from. There's either something so ridiculously special about this girl (pedestal anyone?) that you just HAVE to have her... OR.... she's the best you can get (desperation anyone?) and so you'd better jump on it now!
Why else would you be considering dropping all that money on a plane ticket when you've already spent so much on other things?
The idea is very enticing. You're probably a dreamer. Maybe a jaded dreamer since you made that comment about not trusting women, but nonetheless, I think I understand your position here. I'm a dreamer too, and can be jaded sometimes. But bro, here me here, life is not a Disney movie! It's not a fairy tale, it's not some Nicholas Sparks romance novel where this guy ends up meeting the most amazing girl ever through a series of extraordinary circumstances. That stuff basically almost never happens.
Do you play the lottery? If not, you probably don't because you realize the odds are so out of your favor that despite the potential gains you could get from playing, it's still not in your best interest. The same principle applies here.
When I got back home, I didn't hear anything from April for 2 days. I got an email on the 3rd day saying she broke up with me.
You've said enough yourself to indicate you know the sensible thing to do here. I wouldn't buy the ticket. But it sounds like you really want to, and therefore, probably will. Just know this.
Given what I said before about how life isn't like a Disney movie... that much is true. The guys on this forum give women a really bad rap because quite frankly, a lot of them deserve it. If it wasn't for this pervasive "princess mentality" flaky, untrustworthy, disloyal, attention wh#re mindset so many women are possessed with, we wouldn't have a problem. But women don't know how to be women anymore and men don't know how to be the men to teach them differently.
Guys get very upset about this because when you think about it rationally, it's a really bad positive feedback loop that individually we have little agency to affect. However, one thing a lot of these guys forget is that you can't throw the baby out with the bathwater. There are still some good quality women left, and really, if they didn't believe that on some level, I'm sure why they're here unless their either overly narcissistic (some are) and have become power wh$res in the same vein as women have become attention wh$res, or they are simply looking for personal masturbators.
Don't do that. Like I said, you're probably a dreamer. Let this one go and focus all of that positive energy you have on finding one of those high quality women in your area.
What are you really looking for when you get serious and honest about it?
Is going to see this girl going to help facilitate your goals in anyways, realistically?
And will it do so any better than staying home and learning how to attract women here? If you can't attract women at home, how in the world do you expect to keep things going with this girl? You've given your assessment of women all ready. There's probably nothing any different in this one, except for whatever reason, you really like her.
And that sucks... when you let go of your emotions and they slap you on the butt.
One of the driving forces that brought me to this web site was the crashing and burning of a long distance relationship I had with a girl from San Diego.... and I live in Ohio!!!!!!
I met the girl on eHarmony. I was trying to find "the one", someone to marry and settle down with. There were many problems with the dynamic beyond the obvious, so let me give you the lessons I learned and maybe they can help you:
- The only interaction I had with this girl was a weekly Skype date we had, letter writing, phone calls, and texts. And while that sounds like a lot of communication, when I finally met her, I realized I had no idea who in the world she was.
- Towards the end of our relationship I found out her dad was rich, like mega mega mega rich. This girl is the most loaded person I have ever met, much less dated. As a result, she had this terrible princess mentality attention ***** thing going on. In hindsight, there were signs that came up I should have noticed when we were communicating, but it would have been MUCH easier to see if I were interacting with her in person.
- If you like this girl enough to consider spending $400 to go see her (and it's not really $400.... checked bags and who knows what else... rental car, hotel, food, dates, activities, ect... it will be expensive!), you like this girl an awful lot and know next to nothing about her. Consider your degree of emotional investment and how appropriate it is given the current context of your relationship. Forget about how much she likes you and don't even try and justify your level of investment and feelings based on her. Base it on something objective, since you really couldn't even know how sound this girl is anyways (unless you're a clairvoyant... and if you are, I've got some questions for you
Her dad bought me a plane ticket with the table scraps of money he had laying around and really, from the beginning the date was a disaster. We both had no idea who we were. Granted, we had been communicating for 5 months before we actually met so we were both a bit more invested than you might be, but given my experience I would sincerely warn you to be very cautious about this. You say you even have that feeling in your gut warning you about this... listen to Pook!!! Trust the gut!
I'm not saying this girl is trash... how could I? Neither of us know her well enough to say! But what you're essentially saying by pursuing a relationship with her is that you can't do any better wherever it is you're from. There's either something so ridiculously special about this girl (pedestal anyone?) that you just HAVE to have her... OR.... she's the best you can get (desperation anyone?) and so you'd better jump on it now!
Why else would you be considering dropping all that money on a plane ticket when you've already spent so much on other things?
The idea is very enticing. You're probably a dreamer. Maybe a jaded dreamer since you made that comment about not trusting women, but nonetheless, I think I understand your position here. I'm a dreamer too, and can be jaded sometimes. But bro, here me here, life is not a Disney movie! It's not a fairy tale, it's not some Nicholas Sparks romance novel where this guy ends up meeting the most amazing girl ever through a series of extraordinary circumstances. That stuff basically almost never happens.
Do you play the lottery? If not, you probably don't because you realize the odds are so out of your favor that despite the potential gains you could get from playing, it's still not in your best interest. The same principle applies here.
When I got back home, I didn't hear anything from April for 2 days. I got an email on the 3rd day saying she broke up with me.
You've said enough yourself to indicate you know the sensible thing to do here. I wouldn't buy the ticket. But it sounds like you really want to, and therefore, probably will. Just know this.
Given what I said before about how life isn't like a Disney movie... that much is true. The guys on this forum give women a really bad rap because quite frankly, a lot of them deserve it. If it wasn't for this pervasive "princess mentality" flaky, untrustworthy, disloyal, attention wh#re mindset so many women are possessed with, we wouldn't have a problem. But women don't know how to be women anymore and men don't know how to be the men to teach them differently.
Guys get very upset about this because when you think about it rationally, it's a really bad positive feedback loop that individually we have little agency to affect. However, one thing a lot of these guys forget is that you can't throw the baby out with the bathwater. There are still some good quality women left, and really, if they didn't believe that on some level, I'm sure why they're here unless their either overly narcissistic (some are) and have become power wh$res in the same vein as women have become attention wh$res, or they are simply looking for personal masturbators.
Don't do that. Like I said, you're probably a dreamer. Let this one go and focus all of that positive energy you have on finding one of those high quality women in your area.
What are you really looking for when you get serious and honest about it?
Is going to see this girl going to help facilitate your goals in anyways, realistically?
And will it do so any better than staying home and learning how to attract women here? If you can't attract women at home, how in the world do you expect to keep things going with this girl? You've given your assessment of women all ready. There's probably nothing any different in this one, except for whatever reason, you really like her.
And that sucks... when you let go of your emotions and they slap you on the butt.
backseatjuan
Banned
Rejection feels better than regret.....I REALLY understood that yesterday when my friend and onitis drove away and turned off their cell phones. Yes hurts, but not as much if I had spend another week or more chasing something I can't have.
Spend the cash to go see your parents, if you have car drive there, road is beautiful. It's doubtful that the spark is gonna be there when you meet her next time. But if it will, that could be the love of your life. Just go see your parents.
Spend the cash to go see your parents, if you have car drive there, road is beautiful. It's doubtful that the spark is gonna be there when you meet her next time. But if it will, that could be the love of your life. Just go see your parents.
the_stig
Senior Don Juan
I was in a similar situation this summer. Went to Ohio to visit family and decided to check out the local girls on pof. Had a few offers and met one that I really hit it off with, we kept in contact via Facebook, and she was adamant I come back and visit. It was tempting until I found out she had a few guys on the line, was head over heels for a guy in another state, and bounced from man to man.
It's been said before but bears repeating: Don't get invested or involved with anyone from pof unless you're okay with being played, or one of the vast many in her dating queue. I had a chubby 42 year old single mom tell me yesterday "well you may not like my profile but the other 800 guys who messaged me do". Another with a headline of "You better treat your Woman great, or another guy will". F that.
Of course, if you can find a LTR worthy keeper on there, more power to you.
It's been said before but bears repeating: Don't get invested or involved with anyone from pof unless you're okay with being played, or one of the vast many in her dating queue. I had a chubby 42 year old single mom tell me yesterday "well you may not like my profile but the other 800 guys who messaged me do". Another with a headline of "You better treat your Woman great, or another guy will". F that.
Of course, if you can find a LTR worthy keeper on there, more power to you.
