tigerstyle
Don Juan
- Joined
- Sep 30, 2007
- Messages
- 31
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NOTE: You can skip ahead to the part labeled "THE PRESENT" if you are short on time or don't feel like reading the back story -- though some of you I know will find it interesting.
BACK STORY:
My sophomore year of high school I was as AFC as you can get -- nerdy, hung out with the nerdy guys playing video games, etc, etc. I was completely crushing on this freshman girl (we'll call her "Cutie") that some friends of mine knew. I had her on a polished marble pedestal, with gold trim.
I would participate in the theater shows with a buddy of mine, and lo and behold, this girl started to do the shows too. I was excited and nervous all at the same time (true AFC style). I remember one night VIVIDLY, at one of the rehearsals. The three of us were sitting backstage (her, my buddy and I), and one of her friends came up and asked her something about her computer. Being the geeky guy, I tried to capitalize on that and asked her what was up (it was some problem with her monitor). Now that I think about it I was doing okay, up until the point where I literally APOLOGIZED for sucking (I can't remember the context). I remember my buddy pulling me to the side and saying something along the lines of "Man, you really just f*cked that up. Self-deprecation style."
Then junior year rolled along, and I started kick boxing and lifting weights. I made some insane progress, and even started to develop some alpha traits. Things were improving, but I was still crushing on this girl. With the advent of my new "skills" and "look," though, she started to pick up on it, and we sorta had a fling. Not much of one but one none the less. Eventually I lost interest, and went after this other girl. That's when BAM suddenly she was really into me, but unfortunately for her, I was interested elsewhere. This "roller coaster" of interest between us happened two or three more times by the end of senior year.
Now we go to college together (un-related, unplanned), and I have been DEEP in LJBF territory ever since high school. I came to terms with that a long time ago though and I truly consider her a good friend (though at the same time, I wouldn't be opposed to hooking up with her).
THE PRESENT:
For a good few months now I've been getting tired of the AFC lifestyle. Granted, I'm much better off than I ever was in high school, but I still need tons of improvement. These past two weeks I have finally been taking control of my life, actively trying to accomplish some things (see: bettering my life with women), and consequently, I've been doing my best to absorb all the info I can, and am gradually starting to apply it. I do my best every day to get into that DJ mindset.
As I mentioned above, I am deep in LJBF territory with "Cutie," and we do "friendly" things together every once in a while, and I'm also the tampon that she bleeds all over when her boyfriend is not around. Yesterday, something happened in her life: Her boyfriend, who is a specialist in the armed services, is going to be gone on training overseas for a solid month, with no contact allowed. (Just as a side note, when this has happened in the past, she has called me up to "cuddle" with me to remind her of him... and like the f*cking b*tch that I've been willing to be, I would oblige).
She called me last night, and I picked up on her sadness, ran the gambit of "hope you feel better" etc, and called it a night. Well today I am out chillin, when she calls me up asking me where I am. I said "I'm on my way home, why" and she tells me shes at my house, and kinda starts to cry. I say, "what are you doing at my house," in a calm but questioning way, and she hints at the fact that she needs me to come home, as she's sniffling. I was getting another call so I told her I'd call her back.
Maybe it's all this training I've been absorbing and trying to apply (finally!), but the first thought that came to mind came naturally and it was "Don't you dare f*cking give into that **** this time. Don't you do it!" So I called her back, and said "I'm actually pretty busy right now" and she cut me off, saying "don't worry about it then." I said "get some rest, I'll talk to you later."
At first I really felt like a douche, considering we ARE good friends (whether or not that is good or not, or how it should be). But then I realized, man, I need to start living my life for ME, not everyone else, especially not those that I play therapist for. And to be honest, I'm certainly interested in backing my way out of this LJBF relationship, maybe pursuing it the other way around (she's been mentioning how she can't do this long distance thing with the military thing, always complaining about it) via ganji tactics, or whatever. BUT THAT IS NOT my main goal with trying to do that. The main goal is just to get over these friendships that I've settled for, and start living as a man, for myself.
I'm curious to your thoughts on how I handled this.
BACK STORY:
My sophomore year of high school I was as AFC as you can get -- nerdy, hung out with the nerdy guys playing video games, etc, etc. I was completely crushing on this freshman girl (we'll call her "Cutie") that some friends of mine knew. I had her on a polished marble pedestal, with gold trim.
I would participate in the theater shows with a buddy of mine, and lo and behold, this girl started to do the shows too. I was excited and nervous all at the same time (true AFC style). I remember one night VIVIDLY, at one of the rehearsals. The three of us were sitting backstage (her, my buddy and I), and one of her friends came up and asked her something about her computer. Being the geeky guy, I tried to capitalize on that and asked her what was up (it was some problem with her monitor). Now that I think about it I was doing okay, up until the point where I literally APOLOGIZED for sucking (I can't remember the context). I remember my buddy pulling me to the side and saying something along the lines of "Man, you really just f*cked that up. Self-deprecation style."
Then junior year rolled along, and I started kick boxing and lifting weights. I made some insane progress, and even started to develop some alpha traits. Things were improving, but I was still crushing on this girl. With the advent of my new "skills" and "look," though, she started to pick up on it, and we sorta had a fling. Not much of one but one none the less. Eventually I lost interest, and went after this other girl. That's when BAM suddenly she was really into me, but unfortunately for her, I was interested elsewhere. This "roller coaster" of interest between us happened two or three more times by the end of senior year.
Now we go to college together (un-related, unplanned), and I have been DEEP in LJBF territory ever since high school. I came to terms with that a long time ago though and I truly consider her a good friend (though at the same time, I wouldn't be opposed to hooking up with her).
THE PRESENT:
For a good few months now I've been getting tired of the AFC lifestyle. Granted, I'm much better off than I ever was in high school, but I still need tons of improvement. These past two weeks I have finally been taking control of my life, actively trying to accomplish some things (see: bettering my life with women), and consequently, I've been doing my best to absorb all the info I can, and am gradually starting to apply it. I do my best every day to get into that DJ mindset.
As I mentioned above, I am deep in LJBF territory with "Cutie," and we do "friendly" things together every once in a while, and I'm also the tampon that she bleeds all over when her boyfriend is not around. Yesterday, something happened in her life: Her boyfriend, who is a specialist in the armed services, is going to be gone on training overseas for a solid month, with no contact allowed. (Just as a side note, when this has happened in the past, she has called me up to "cuddle" with me to remind her of him... and like the f*cking b*tch that I've been willing to be, I would oblige).
She called me last night, and I picked up on her sadness, ran the gambit of "hope you feel better" etc, and called it a night. Well today I am out chillin, when she calls me up asking me where I am. I said "I'm on my way home, why" and she tells me shes at my house, and kinda starts to cry. I say, "what are you doing at my house," in a calm but questioning way, and she hints at the fact that she needs me to come home, as she's sniffling. I was getting another call so I told her I'd call her back.
Maybe it's all this training I've been absorbing and trying to apply (finally!), but the first thought that came to mind came naturally and it was "Don't you dare f*cking give into that **** this time. Don't you do it!" So I called her back, and said "I'm actually pretty busy right now" and she cut me off, saying "don't worry about it then." I said "get some rest, I'll talk to you later."
At first I really felt like a douche, considering we ARE good friends (whether or not that is good or not, or how it should be). But then I realized, man, I need to start living my life for ME, not everyone else, especially not those that I play therapist for. And to be honest, I'm certainly interested in backing my way out of this LJBF relationship, maybe pursuing it the other way around (she's been mentioning how she can't do this long distance thing with the military thing, always complaining about it) via ganji tactics, or whatever. BUT THAT IS NOT my main goal with trying to do that. The main goal is just to get over these friendships that I've settled for, and start living as a man, for myself.
I'm curious to your thoughts on how I handled this.