Bullying - what would you do?

[expos]

Here is this situation. This has to do with my brother, who is a senior in high school.

My brother is on the varsity basketball team at a new school. He is attending this school because my mother and father built a new home just on the outside lines of his old high school district zone. Long story, but he can’t attend his old high school after a lengthy fight with two school districts.


My brother has had a good senior year until now, when he has become a target of bullying. What happened was that he apparently took the spot and made the team over a guy who played varsity basketball last year. The kid was overweight and slow and played post – my brother is nearly 6-4 and FAST, can dunk, and played varsity at our old school.


Because the fat kid got cut, he has been taking his anger out on my brother who is the new guy in town. He’s been sneaking into the locker room and pouring shampoo into his basketball shoes, taking piles of snow and stuffing it into his school locker. He and his friends constantly talk trash about my brother and one of them even keyed his Jeep Wrangler. These are small-town hicks and they are nuts. Half the basketball team doesn't like him because he's good and he scores a fair amount of points.

My brother is targeted because he is good looking, the ladies love him, and he is good at basketball. He’s dealing with hardcore jealous haters.

My brother has just signed a D-1 scholarship to do pole vault and the maybe some mid-distance events. He can’t punch the guy out because he’ll lose his track scholarship and get charged with assault or suspension, he can’t rat the guys out because they will deny it. He can’t ignore it, because they will persist.

If you were my brother, what would you do?

 

[expos]

I talked to my brother about all of this over the holidays. It's a strange predicament because the kid isn't doing anything physical that warrants a punch. If my brother got into a verbal confrontation with him (which he hasn't) it would let the fat kid know that he matters (which you don't want).

Back in the 90's you could get away with pounding the crap out of someone after school. These days, people will film the fight and the loser of the battle gets to press charges.

 

[LiveYourDream]

In four months he is out of there and onto college.
If he compromises or loses his scholarship, the bully wins, forever.
Indifference is not a sign of weakness. Indifference is a sign of great strength.
The best revenge is a life well lived.

 

[Muscle brain]

Welcome to the real world my Friend! Haters gonna Hate no matter what! If you cannot Beat them join them!!
The best way is to laugh about it and show no Anger, does not affect Him.. Let them waste they energy.
While he stay focus in his career. What doesn't Kill you makes you stronger..

 

[dustmuffin]

I talked to my brother about all of this over the holidays. It's a strange predicament because the kid isn't doing anything physical that warrants a punch. If my brother got into a verbal confrontation with him (which he hasn't) it would let the fat kid know that he matters (which you don't want).

Back in the 90's you could get away with pounding the crap out of someone after school. These days, people will film the fight and the loser of the battle gets to press charges.

Ignore

 

[Skyline]

Your brother needs to stand up for himself. Ignoring them is just going to make them see your bro as a b*tch.

When someone is talking sh*t you go up to them and get in their face and ask why they're talking sh*t. Usually it'll stop right there, but if they persist then he needs to act like he's ready to actually fight without actually fighting.

I used to get bullied in late middle school days and this was one of the things I did and never really had a problem ever since. It's rare they actually throw the first punch but that's the thing, you have to be willing to go that far without actually doing it yourself. So if they throw the first punch, you have to be ready to fight back.

Your brother may be popular and good at what he does but he clearly isn't standing up for himself. He's not ready to confront them or even fight them. He's not showing a backbone.

And the key-ed car part would be enough for me to either call the cops or flat out deck him in the face. If the bullying has gotten this far, he might have to actually throw hands. But just be sure your bro doesn't throw the first punch.

 

[Mot1veProgress]

Confront them with a serious, yet non incriminating stance.

Say you have all the stuff they've been doing on Camera.. and now they have 2 choices.. To literally write a letter of apology with admission to all they've done.. or Answer to authorities for damaging property (keying jeep), and to the administration for everything else.

Be stern, be serious.. and tell them "This can go 1 of 2 ways.. The easy way.. or the hard way."

"We're all adults here. if you guys want to act like children.. Trust and believe.. We are very well connected.. and if you want to wait and see what the consequences are, continue the childish acts "

Have notes in every one of their lockers or on their cars.. Make it seem serious AF.

A well written note is a powerful tool. Wars have been stopped in real life with notes. Wars between powerful civilizations. You could even have a lawyers note.. A private investigators note.. These are all **** that would freak the **** outta someone and make them realize there can be serious unexpected consequences for any stupid choice they have made.

 

[Skyline]

Confront them with serious, non incriminating, false threats..

Say you have all the stuff they've been doing on Camera.. and now they have 2 choices.. To literally write a letter of apology with admission to all they've done.. or Answer to authorities for damaging property (keying jeep), and to the administration for everything else.

Be stern, be serious.. and tell them "This can go 1 of 2 ways.. The easy way.. or the hard way."

"We're all adults here. if you guys want to act like children.. Trust and believe.. We are very well connected.. and if you want to wait and see what the consequences are, continue the childish acts "

Have notes in every one of their lockers or on their cars.. Make it seem serious AF.

A well written note is a powerful tool. Wars have been stopped in real life with notes. Wars between powerful civilizations. You could even have a lawyers note.. A private investigators note.. These are all **** that would freak the **** outta someone and make them realize there can be serious unexpected consequences for any stupid choice they have made.

I'm gonna be honest, that's the weakest thing I've ever heard to stop a bully...

I don't think you guys understand that you need to really push your boundaries to get something done, even if you end up getting hurt.

 

[Mot1veProgress]

I'm gonna be honest, that's the weakest thing I've ever heard to stop a bully...

I don't think you guys understand that you need to really push your boundaries to get something done, even if you end up getting hurt.

A bully? Not sure if you even read his post. The guy is dealing with a whole community of friends bullying him and picking on him.

Do you even know how scholarships work? IF he does anything to get himself in trouble, he's lost his scholarship.

I swear man, wise up.. My advice is probably the most solid advice he'll be given.. 1) Confront the idiots 2) Let them know you're not f-in around.. and that htere will be consequences.


Have you read your own advice? Half of what you said is how to lose a scholarship 101. That's what the bullies would love.. Considering the situation...

I'd be happy if ANYONE but you said my advice was terrible.. Considering yours is terrible.. and comes from the standpoint of someone who's been bullied themselves..who probably wished he handled things more tough back then..

In all honesty, your advice sounds like it's coming from a teenager in highschool.

 

[Muscle brain]

I really understand what you guys are saying Skyline & Mot1veProgress. When somebody cross the line you have to confront Him.
But if you have Kids you will notice that the more you care about the bad behaviour the more they do.
Sometimes the best way is to ignore and if they don´t stop.
I remember when i was younger in a similar situation i acted like this:

You go in front of all them dudes speak loud and say

"Ok i know that you all feel strong right know because you in group and that you can beat me and i will lose.
But one day i´m just going to catch one of you, only one, and you can be sure that it´s going to end badly. So keep doing what you guys are doing but mark my words, Only one of you".

 

[Skyline]

A bully? Not sure if you even read his post. The guy is dealing with a whole community of friends bullying him and picking on him.

Do you even know how scholarships work? IF he does anything to get himself in trouble, he's lost his scholarship.

I swear man, wise up.. My advice is probably the most solid advice he'll be given.. 1) Confront the idiots 2) Let them know you're not f-in around.. and that htere will be consequences.


Have you read your own advice? Half of what you said is how to lose a scholarship 101. That's what the bullies would love.. Considering the situation...

I'd be happy if ANYONE but you said my advice was terrible.. Considering yours is terrible.. and comes from the standpoint of someone who's been bullied themselves..who probably wished he handled things more tough back then..

In all honesty, your advice sounds like it's coming from a teenager in highschool.

Yeah, they're bullying and picking on him because he won't stand up for himself. Writing a letter about how "serious" he is about "getting them in trouble" is going to have him called a p*ssy b*tch and the bullying will end up getting worse.

If you don't start trouble then you're fine. If they swing first, then you are defending yourself. But like I said, it rarely ever gets to that point but seeing how he's now being picked on by a group he might have to defend himself.

I handled my bullying by confrontation, sometimes resulting in fist fights. But guess what? I never threw the first punch and knew when to hold back, I never actually got caught anyways and if I did the punishment would have been minimal.

His bro needs to make it seem like he's willing to fight without actually fighting. Actions speak louder than words, you don't even have to say much to confront someone. Sending them a letter or a huge speech will make little if any difference.

 

[BeExcellent]

My brother has just signed a D-1 scholarship to do pole vault and the maybe some mid-distance events. He can’t punch the guy out because he’ll lose his track scholarship and get charged with assault or suspension, he can’t rat the guys out because they will deny it. He can’t ignore it, because they will persist.

He CAN ignore it and he must. His future depends on his ability to be better than this situation. What have these punks got to lose? Nothing. What has your brother got to lose? A great deal. These guys are trying to tempt your brother in squandering his future. He must ignore it. You can help him by supporting him, by helping him to exercise restraint. You can help him a lot in that way.

This is an opportunity for your brother to build his character. Notes and lawyers and PIs are not going to help. Fighting is EXACTLY what the instigators want. If he fights he could lose everything. His peers will react to him based upon how he reacts. If he basically does not react at all the other boys will see this. They know the behavior is sh!tty.

This is an opportunity for your brother to lead quietly, to show his strength of resolve. Over time the other boys will begin to respect him even if they don't show it. To do something rash out of emotion is the worst outcome. How the situation got to this point doesn't matter. How your brother conducts himself matters for everything. Help him get through this with his opportunities intact. If you encourage him to fight back, and he does, and he loses his opportunities you are never going to forgive yourself.

He MUST be the bigger man in the situation. He can inform your parents and the coach and the principal at the school. From there let your parents deal with it as his advocate.

If he fights he will lose. It is not worth the risk. He must inform and ignore and go about his business.

 

[Muscle brain]

Tell Him "Be Like Water"
just kidding

 

[El Payaso]

Because of the position he's in, he shouldn't do anything rash that will cause him to lose his scholarship, get suspended/expelled or anything that might spoil his record. The best thing he can do is just report to authorities in his school. The more evidence he can report with, the better. If he's a senior, he will soon be out of there.

 

[Mot1veProgress]

Because of the position he's in, he shouldn't do anything rash that will cause him to lose his scholarship, get suspended/expelled or anything that might spoil his record. The best thing he can do is just report to authorities in his school. The more evidence he can report with, the better. If he's a senior, he will soon be out of there.

Exactly.

Yeah, they're bullying and picking on him because he won't stand up for himself. Writing a letter about how "serious" he is about "getting them in trouble" is going to have him called a p*ssy b*tch and the bullying will end up getting worse.

If you don't start trouble then you're fine. If they swing first, then you are defending yourself. But like I said, it rarely ever gets to that point but seeing how he's now being picked on by a group he might have to defend himself.

I handled my bullying by confrontation, sometimes resulting in fist fights. But guess what? I never threw the first punch and knew when to hold back, I never actually got caught anyways and if I did the punishment would have been minimal.

His bro needs to make it seem like he's willing to fight without actually fighting. Actions speak louder than words, you don't even have to say much to confront someone. Sending them a letter or a huge speech will make little if any difference.

Your advice was and still is terrible. I really don't think you took the time to even understand the situation he is in or know how universities/scholarships work. To sacrifice a scholarship just because some guys are putting shampoo in your shoes and keying your car is pathetic.

The notes I Was talking about would be serious legal notes.. ie: from a lawyer/private investigator asking questions. That's professional as **** and would scare the hell outta some redneck college kids, whether they're real or not. Best of all, no one gets hurt, and it doesn't lead to more serious issues.

You failed to understand all the variables of the situation, and for that, I'm surprised and shocked that you chose to say my advice was bad... The worst part of all is that you are seriously comparing this type of bullying in a university to middle school bullying and think that swinging your balls around and getting physically confrontational will solve anything. SMFH.

 

[Skyline]

Exactly.





Your advice was and still is terrible. I really don't think you took the time to even understand the situation he is in or know how universities/scholarships work. To sacrifice a scholarship just because some guys are putting shampoo in your shoes and keying your car is pathetic.

The notes I Was talking about would be serious legal notes.. ie: from a lawyer/private investigator asking questions. That's professional as **** and would scare the hell outta some redneck college kids, whether they're real or not. Best of all, no one gets hurt, and it doesn't lead to more serious issues.

You failed to understand all the variables of the situation, and for that, I'm surprised and shocked that you chose to say my advice was bad... The worst part of all is that you are seriously comparing this type of bullying in a university to middle school bullying and think that swinging your balls around and getting physically confrontational will solve anything. SMFH.

If he can't stand up to a bunch of punks then how is he going to stand up against blue collars who will roast you alive without ever laying a finger on you? And worse, what about standing up to the women he's going to encounter? Bullying is universal. Even in uni, high school, and middle school. All the same thing. I've seen it happen and even had it happen to me.

I never once said he should flat out fight them but he should definitely stand up for himself. You're over here analyzing his situations when you've probably never had to deal with sh*t like this before. You probably just stood there and watched it happen like everyone else. Writing a letter and threatening 3rd party's to get involved is essentially running away. It might be okay if he was cool with it, but he clearly isn't if his bro is posting here for advice on his situation.

If his bro is fine having people walk all over him with pretty zero repercussion then props to him. But if it were me or any of my friends, I/we would be standing up for each other. If it was some street thug, or an actual professional area, then that's a life or death situation and you should call the cops but it's not.

These are bullies, not street thugs. All he has to do is stand up for himself. It's like saying no to your girl or your kids.

 

[Mot1veProgress]

If he can't stand up to a bunch of punks then how is he going to stand up against blue collars who will roast you alive without ever laying a finger on you? And worse, what about standing up to the women he's going to encounter? Bullying is universal. Even in uni, high school, and middle school. All the same thing. I've seen it happen and even had it happen to me.

I never once said he should flat out fight them but he should definitely stand up for himself. You're over here analyzing his situations when you've probably never had to deal with sh*t like this before. You probably just stood there and watched it happen like everyone else. Writing a letter and threatening 3rd party's to get involved is essentially running away. It might be okay if he was cool with it, but he clearly isn't if his bro is posting here for advice on his situation.

If his bro is fine having people walk all over him with pretty zero repercussion then props to him. But if it were me or any of my friends, I/we would be standing up for each other. If it was some street thug, or an actual professional area, then that's a life or death situation and you should call the cops but it's not.

These are bullies, not street thugs. All he has to do is stand up for himself. It's like saying no to your girl or your kids.

Before you tried to say my advice was bad, maybe you should have read my post. I spoke about confronting them.. But not in the stupid silly middle school way you suggested.

 

[foreverAFC]

I think your brother and your parents should talk to the school and let them know what's going on

 

[Asmodeus]

The best way to deal with bullies... Is to be worse then them, to become their personal monster. Wait for them to show vulnerability, then you must break them. You must humiliate them fully, be it through physical force or by some other method. Kick them while they are down, and use simple shock and horror to break their will. And don't fight fair... Never fight fair... Show them you lack any notion of dignity.Show them that you love it, that you relish their misery and pain. Show them how terrible you can be. Make them fear you... When they fear you, then you gain power and control over them.

 

[Mot1veProgress]

The best way to deal with bullies... Is to be worse then them, to become their personal monster. Wait for them to show vulnerability, then you must break them. You must humiliate them fully, be it through physical force or by some other method. Kick them while they are down, and use simple shock and horror to break their will. And don't fight fair... Never fight fair... Show them you lack any notion of dignity.Show them that you love it, that you relish their misery and pain. Show them how terrible you can be. Make them fear you... When they fear you, then you gain power and control over them.

Gotta be smart at the same time man. He's singled out. He's going up against a group of friends who not only are from that town, while he's not.. But know everyone else.

Ignoring them is a better option then tryign to "break them" or destroy them in this scenario. They'll realize their attempts are in futility.. and the more they do things, they'll realize they are litterally wasting their own time.

It's senior year.. This stuff can only last so long.. He doesn't want to compromise his scholarship over this.

If he confronts them, then they, themselves will fear the consequences of his actions.. because they know they're caught. They know he knows what they've done.. From there, the balls in his court. He can go and tell the school administration, and it can jeopardize senior activities for the individuals or lead to disciplinary action. What he does, they won't know. They do know he's capable of doing something since he confronted them about it. Thus they'll probably stop.

It's all in how you let them know you know what they're up to, and that you won't tolerate it.. While not coming off as provoking, and keeping things civil.

This is Don Juan discussion.. All the middle school suggestions are uncalled for.