Brushed off by main plate? Should I go NC?

[Scormus]

So my main plate (who lives 3.5 hours away, I met her in the old city, I had to move to my new city for work reasons) visited me the other weekend. I showed her around my city, and that night we banged twice and banged again in the morning.

We talked about our next meeting being the 3 days over Christmas as she has those days off work (but not any other days). Neither of us have family in the UK so this isn't "too soon".

So I look at options for where to take her on a brief break, and text her a couple of options.

She says she will have a look and get back to me.

We speak for about 20 minutes last Friday night and again she says she will come back to me on the break plans.

Then last Sunday she comes back with: Scormus, don't book anything yet, I need to know what happens with my court case (she is in a divorce and custody battle in her home country a few hours away by plane), she has the hearing on the Thursday. She had mentioned the hearing to me on the weekend but I hadn't thought it was a factor in getting together over Christmas.

I give her a call later that evening, no response, I drop a line saying I am going to bed if she is working late (she works in a casino and sometimes finishes after 10 PM).

I text her early Monday evening asking if 10:30 is a good time to call. She comes back with, "What's happened Scormus, I'm v. busy, after work I need to work on my court case".

I respond with, "OK".

I am NC till the Thursday morning, and drop her a brief line, "Best of luck today, plate #1".

No response and it is Friday night now.

I am thinking I should go NC and let Christmas and New Year come and go if she doesn't respond.

Would that be too callous though? Maybe I'm supposed to ask how the court case went and follow up on the Christmas plans we had discussed verbally?

What's your read of the situation guys? She had mentioned two dates before that the custody case could end with her losing contact with her son permanently. But is that an excuse for the brushoff and NC from her?

One (minor?) thing I noticed: before and after the stayover, most of her texts had "x", "xx", or "big X", but since she texted not to book anything, her last 6 texts have had no "x".

I think I could be blowing things out of proportion in my head. But I could have also appeared to be AFC when I tried to book the break - I wanted to book early to keep the cost down - but maybe it came off as needy?

Also it seems really quick and sudden if she's found better than me so soon after the stayover?

Yes I am spinning other plates guys - the bad news though is the other plates are 6s and this girl is an 8.

 

[Bokanovsky]

Don't waste your time trying to "read into" the situation. Her court case could be just an excuse. Or maybe she really is stressed out because of it and in no mood to hang out with you. It doesn't matter. You are already contacting her way too much, considering that she never seems to initiate contact herself. If she wants to spend time with you, she will be in touch. Until then, assume she's not interested and spin more plates.

 

[Scormus]

She has initiated contact in the past, and yes I was in contact way too much but that was because I didn't want to get gouged on the break.

Yes I see how it could have looked AFC. :-(

 

[Tictac]

Wait.

How hard isn't that?

 

[CHICAGO27]

Analysis

Red flags highlighted below

So my main plate (who lives 3.5 hours away, I met her in the old city, I had to move to my new city for work reasons) visited me the other weekend. I showed her around my city, and that night we banged twice and banged again in the morning.

We talked about our next meeting being the 3 days over Christmas as she has those days off work (but not any other days). Neither of us have family in the UK so this isn't "too soon".

So I look at options for where to take her on a brief break, and text her a couple of options.

She says she will have a look and get back to me.

We speak for about 20 minutes last Friday night and again she says she will come back to me on the break plans.

Then last Sunday she comes back with: Scormus, don't book anything yet, I need to know what happens with my court case (she is in a divorce and custody battle in her home country a few hours away by plane), she has the hearing on the Thursday. She had mentioned the hearing to me on the weekend but I hadn't thought it was a factor in getting together over Christmas.

I give her a call later that evening, no response, I drop a line saying I am going to bed if she is working late (she works in a casino and sometimes finishes after 10 PM).

I text her early Monday evening asking if 10:30 is a good time to call. She comes back with, "What's happened Scormus, I'm v. busy, after work I need to work on my court case".

I respond with, "OK".

I am NC till the Thursday morning, and drop her a brief line, "Best of luck today, plate #1".

No response and it is Friday night now.

I am thinking I should go NC and let Christmas and New Year come and go if she doesn't respond.

Would that be too callous though? Maybe I'm supposed to ask how the court case went and follow up on the Christmas plans we had discussed verbally?

What's your read of the situation guys? She had mentioned two dates before that the custody case could end with her losing contact with her son permanently. But is that an excuse for the brushoff and NC from her?

One (minor?) thing I noticed: before and after the stayover, most of her texts had "x", "xx", or "big X", but since she texted not to book anything, her last 6 texts have had no "x".

I think I could be blowing things out of proportion in my head. But I could have also appeared to be AFC when I tried to book the break - I wanted to book early to keep the cost down - but maybe it came off as needy?

Also it seems really quick and sudden if she's found better than me so soon after the stayover?

Yes I am spinning other plates guys - the bad news though is the other plates are 6s and this girl is an 8.

3.5 hours away Don't date chicks who you want a relationship with who live far away

will have a look and get back to me low interest

she will come back to me on the break plans still low interest

divorce don't date divorced women

I give her a call later that evening, no response, still low interest

works in a casino attention whoring job

v. busy Not interested

son permanently. Why date someone with kids?

Analysis: Why waste your time? She has plenty of warning flags. Another man's trash RARELY is another man's gold. Value yourself and move on. Sorry dude!

 

[Scormus]

Trust me if I could get action from 22 year old 9's with no kids I would date them.

A 28 year old 8 with a son beats the 30 yr old 6's with no kids I can pull more easily.

I can only date what I can pull. Not every man can get action from 25 yr old 8+ Looks and no kids

Looks wise she is simply way better than other girls I can find as plates.

She spent 7 hours of her life on the travel alone (round trip) and the sex was great - how can that be low interest?

Re: getting back to me she just wanted time to sort the logistics of the break from her end but she was down for it.

 

[CHICAGO27]

Trust me if I could get action from 22 year old 9's with no kids I would date them.

A 28 year old 8 with a son beats the 30 yr old 6's with no kids I can pull more easily.

I can only date what I can pull. Not every man can get action from 25 yr old 8+ Looks and no kids

Looks wise she is simply way better than other girls I can find as plates.

She spent 7 hours of her life on the travel alone (round trip) and the sex was great - how can that be low interest?

Re: getting back to me she just wanted time to sort the logistics of the break but she was down for it.

The mindset of scarcity is what plagues us. You CAN do better! There is ALWAYS another chick. Give yourself some credit for bagging her. Obviously you were good enough for that. Why wouldn't you be good enough for another? Go get yourself a new target!

Women are not like us. One day they are sucking our **** the next day they have moved on. (re: 7 hour trip) That was something that took me years to figure out. You cannot think like man and translate over into woman. They're two different languages. Women change their interest as fast as the wind changes from north to south.

Good luck though! Just trying to save you some aggravation!

 

[Peaks&Valleys]

Don't waste your time trying to "read into" the situation. Her court case could be just an excuse. Or maybe she really is stressed out because of it and in no mood to hang out with you. It doesn't matter. You are already contacting her way too much, considering that she never seems to initiate contact herself. If she wants to spend time with you, she will be in touch. Until then, assume she's not interested and spin more plates.

I feel ya OP^^^This

Also, CHICAGO27, what's wrong with having plates that live a few hours away? You're setting yourself up for failure if all your plates live within a 5 mile radius.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Scormus,
I can remember with a shudder,though I try hard to forget,my own encounters with the long arm of the Family Law Courts...Dreadful business...Just make allowances,offer a shoulder to cry on and give her a fair go...One thing is for sure,if you go No Contact she will not be amused and see you as being heartless and very much a fair weather friend...just back off if you cant be helpful!

 

[Scormus]

Scara - I can't be of any help to her on this front.

Is it heartless when all she has to do is drop me a line.

If I am NC it is only in response to her own NC.

I wanted to call her to be the shoulder to cry on but that's what led to the brush off.

 

[CHICAGO27]

I feel ya OP^^^This

Also, CHICAGO27, what's wrong with having plates that live a few hours away? You're setting yourself up for failure if all your plates live within a 5 mile radius.

Investment. It costs money and resources to travel. If you live in a rural area then it makes sense but otherwise its easier and more cost effective to keep you options close.

I base this on several mid & long distance relationships I have experienced.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

I am NC till the Thursday morning, and drop her a brief line, "Best of luck today, plate #1".

No response and it is Friday night now.

-----

Yes I am spinning other plates guys - the bad news though is the other plates are 6s and this girl is an 8.

Don't try any games, it's the holidays, emotions are all over the place, the courts are shoving those emotions into high gear.

Just keep her on the back burner, but don't hold your breath. Just let the situation play out.

Don't chase her, but don't run away.

 

[nismo-4]

Go ghost. I'm betting your princess is in another castle, and you have her on a pedestal. Hang with another girl and don't hold your breath for this one. If she wants you, she'll contact you.

Case closed.

 

[Albatross953]

Dead on Mauser. Tried to rep you for that..

 

[Scormus]

So I dropped her a line 4 days before Christmas saying I was heading back to my home country for Xmas and New Year. This finally got a response within an hour.

"Hi Scormus, I stayed a few more days in Platesylvania. Sorry, just having a hard time right now. Have a good Xmas and New Years." She signed it off x x x which in the context of our communication she uses to show we are good.

I was NC from then until yesterday - I sent her a pic of us together on our last date with no text.

She responds 24 hours later with, "Hi Scormus. How have you been? Thanks for the picture." She signs if off x x.

How do I get her hamster running from here? I am leaning toward not responding for 2-3 days then firing back something suggesting I could have lost interest.

My idea: punish the brush off not with anger but make it look like it lowered my interest level.

 

[Warrior74]

So my main plate (who lives 3.5 hours away, I met her in the old city, I had to move to my new city for work reasons) visited me the other weekend. I showed her around my city, and that night we banged twice and banged again in the morning.

We talked about our next meeting being the 3 days over Christmas as she has those days off work (but not any other days). Neither of us have family in the UK so this isn't "too soon".

So I look at options for where to take her on a brief break, and text her a couple of options.

She says she will have a look and get back to me.

We speak for about 20 minutes last Friday night and again she says she will come back to me on the break plans.

Then last Sunday she comes back with: Scormus, don't book anything yet, I need to know what happens with my court case (she is in a divorce and custody battle in her home country a few hours away by plane), she has the hearing on the Thursday. She had mentioned the hearing to me on the weekend but I hadn't thought it was a factor in getting together over Christmas.

I give her a call later that evening, no response, I drop a line saying I am going to bed if she is working late (she works in a casino and sometimes finishes after 10 PM).

I text her early Monday evening asking if 10:30 is a good time to call. She comes back with, "What's happened Scormus, I'm v. busy, after work I need to work on my court case".

I respond with, "OK".

I am NC till the Thursday morning, and drop her a brief line, "Best of luck today, plate #1".

No response and it is Friday night now.

I am thinking I should go NC and let Christmas and New Year come and go if she doesn't respond.

Would that be too callous though? Maybe I'm supposed to ask how the court case went and follow up on the Christmas plans we had discussed verbally?

What's your read of the situation guys? She had mentioned two dates before that the custody case could end with her losing contact with her son permanently. But is that an excuse for the brushoff and NC from her?

One (minor?) thing I noticed: before and after the stayover, most of her texts had "x", "xx", or "big X", but since she texted not to book anything, her last 6 texts have had no "x".

I think I could be blowing things out of proportion in my head. But I could have also appeared to be AFC when I tried to book the break - I wanted to book early to keep the cost down - but maybe it came off as needy?

Also it seems really quick and sudden if she's found better than me so soon after the stayover?

Yes I am spinning other plates guys - the bad news though is the other plates are 6s and this girl is an 8.

Yup you came off as Needy and Butthurt. If you have more than one plate you should moved on to them until she got back to you. You are really eager about this whole chirstmas thing. This doesn't feel casual or cool. This feels like a needy boyfriend demanding time.

Be cool. Play it cool. Cooler than a fan. Be the man. Move on to the next plates until she hits you up or never. You are invested in this one bro, we can all see it. It ain't a plate by the way you are acting. And that's the problem.

Guys here get "plates" and then start playing boyfriend and girlfriend. Plates are for FVCKING. Not spending holidays with. That is not part of the game.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Scormus,
If you are spinning plates,after about six months you will maybe select one for the role of a Quasi LTR and principal Plate...For you to go no contact at this time is capricious even spiteful...The poor Bvitch has quite enough on her plate without you adding to her stress...Say...Honey I feel for you and am always here to lend a comforting hand should you need it...then let sleeping Dogs lie!

 

[SecondHalf]

OP, you've had a lot of good advice here, especially Scar's.

You introduced her as a ... plate ... right?
However, your reaction has shown that you'll a little more involved in that.

Never close a door on a plate. Always, until next time! In six months she may zoom back in for a spell. Frequency is not important, only that they come back.

It's what I understand to be the way of the DJ.

Be supportive, back off, if you have the opportunity to shag her again (much higher if you react with class and a touch of compassion - even if her excuse is BS), then great. If not, leave her remembering you in a positive light.

Again, she's a plate ... right?


SH

 

[Greasy Pig]

I think a lot of guys (me especially) immediately jump to the conclusion that when a chick is acting weird that's it's somehow his fault.
The truth is, a woman can get down in the dumps for any number if reasons and is just angry at the world, not him.
I've had chicks get all distant and weird just because a female work colleague looked at her funny.
It had nothing to with me and these girls were soon all over me again once they'd calmed down.
So this chick going through a stressful divorce is not going to be in the mood for entertaining some dude.
As the others said, just back off, maintain sporadic, light and funny contact and see if she comes to her senses once the stress is gone.
Don't pressure her and don't chase.
If she's truly into you, she'll come back. If not, there's not much to do except graciously exit and leave her to her troubles.

 

[Scormus]

OK so we exchanged texts a week ago. Then nothing again from her.

She just came back this evening with a text.

I am thinking I should wait indefinitely (weeks if it comes to that) until she sends a second text before responding.

Not in a malicious way but to create anxiety and strong emotions in her and ultimately raise her interest level.

Is that the right play now?